Monthly Archives: August 2011

College Infographic: When C-Students Suddenly Became A-Students

Are you really an “A” student or just a beneficiary of a watered-down grading system that over the decades has inflated grades more than most porn stars have inflated their boobs? This infographic suggests that we all might be. A better question is: should you even care? I sure wouldn’t. Good grades are good grades. And in this economy, you need them to get a job right out of school (unless you’re a hot chick with rocket tits or a beneficiary of nepotism). In fact, the graphic below states that 58% of employers don’t like to hire someone with a GPA under 3.0, so it would seem that these inflated grades are a good thing. However, it does make the job market more competitive and actual intellectuals could be losing jobs to true morons who only look good on paper. You know, the Ryan Leafs and Kwame Browns of the real world.

From C's to A's

Created by: Masters Degree

Bonus:Nerdy? Weak?

What’s your worst Forever Alone moment?

Collected by AskReddit

I’ll start…A few months ago, i started interning at a company. on one day, i went to my office and sat down in my cubicle, but noticed that nobody in my department was there. i waited for about 2 hours, and still nobody showed up. then the lights went out. I called my boss and he said they moved to a new building, and forgot to tell me. Forever Alone.

I once planned to have a LAN party and invited a bunch of people to come. On the night of the LAN party people were supposed to start showing up around 9 pm, but when 9 pm came nobody showed up. Then 10, then 11, then midnight… Only two people even bothered to call me and cancel as a courtesy. The worst part was that I had spent nearly $80 on soda and pizza. I had hawian, pepperoni, cheese all ordered from the best pizza place in town.I didn’t cry or anything, but its hard to describe the feeling. It was just so apparent at that point in time that I was utterly alone. Nobody cared about me, or the effort I had put into organizing the party. Hardly anybody even cared to call. It was soul crushing.I ate only pizza for the next 3 days. the end.

Eating food from 7-11 all by myself on Thanksgiving.I did this once, I flew to Massachusetts to see an my gf at the time and propose on thanksgiving. Proposed, got shot down and she broke up with me. I spent that thanksgiving eating a sandwich and soda I bought from the gas station across the street from the Best Western stayed at.Wow. Bro-hug.That’s a long dinner.

I was sitting in my third grade classroom one day when the school’s principal came in and called out all the girls in the class. It was weird, to be sure.So, we’re all lined up in the hall and the principal starts talking about how rude it was to invite every girl in the class but one to a birthday party. Becky was so upset she wasn’t invited to the birthday party that she was refusing to come out of her room.Funny thing, though. I wasn’t invited to the party, either. In fact, up until I was standing in that line being reprimanded, I didn’t even know there’d been a party.Wow your principal handled things like an idiot.Yeah, angry parents often panic principals into doing stupid things.Now imagine you’re one of the other girls. You got invited to a big party. Since you’re only a third grader, it’s a party totally set up and organized by parents.Now you find out that either the host girl or the parents forgot a couple kids in a class of probably 15-20 girls (going by average class size). How the hell is this your, the partygoer’s, fault?That principal should have called the parents or just talked to the one girl. And Becky shouldn’t have been such a little whiner.

I was putting together a new computer and I figured I could save some money by not buying speakers, because I could just use headphones and it’s not like I was ever going to have anyone else in my room.I used that computer for two years.I was right.I have three xbox controllers just in case I have company. I have only used 1 so far.wow, that one struck too close to home….now I’m depressed. Thanks Emily.My girlfriends name is Emily. We recently went on a break. Now I’m depressed too. Thanks prodigy.Edit: Wow. Prodijy. My bad.Reminds me of the time I bought the Magicka 4-pack during the steam summer sale in the hope of finding 3 other people to play it with me. Still have the unused codes….anyone want free Magicka?I’d like to play with you. Add me: http://steamcommunity.com/id/ProtoidI already have magicka

I feel the worst whenever I ask someone out for a date and they never show up. Happens way too often to me. I just don’t understand why they didn’t just say no in the first place. I feel so stupid sitting at a cafe or restaurant by myself waiting for someone who would never show up. Classic case of Forever Alone.Some people have no manners.. Fuck them.

I think my worst FA moment was my 9th birthday party.My parents took me to a local playplace, and I had invited everyone in my grade, hoping that people would come to play laser tag and whatnot.In the end, only one kid showed up, and even then, he left to go play with some other kids he saw there that he knew. Not even my best friend showed up. We left after about 25 minutes.I went home, and my dad told me to get over it, and that it was just a birthday party.Needless to say I cried myself to sleep that night.It’s hard to think of anything more painful than throwing a party and no one showing up. My parents did that once. Ouch.I don’t ever organise events for fear of this happening.

One time I was home alone jerking off to some porn. Around the end of the film, the girl looks toward the camera and smiles. I smiled back.Sorry, but this made me laugh.

Sweet, my cell phone’s battery lasts for 4-5 days without a recharge!!! Oh wait… that’s because I never get any calls…

One time in high school I was on a school trip with the marching band. One morning when I had some free time I was wondering around the hotel and I couldn’t find any of my friends. On the last door I tried, my friend Brad cracked open the door, obviously dressed in only boxers. He said they were playing strip poker with some girls, and he would see if I could join.Brad called back into the room, “Hey, is it okay if Jeff joins us?”The next thing you heard was a resounding chorus of female voices: “NO!”Brad turned back to me, said, “Sorry man,” and closed the door.This one brought back a bad memory.I went to a sleep over in fifth grade to watch Wrestlemania. There was a couple girls that stayed over too that lived in the area. The girls made me sit out as they played spin the bottle. It was awful. Forgot about that until now. lolIn fifth grade I got excluded from spin the bottle at summer camp. I just sat and watched as everyone played because I had nowhere else to go. I’m a girl, and both the girls and guys agreed that I shouldn’t play. That was so self-esteem destroying. Sorry to hear you had to go through that as well.:'(

Had to cancel a dental appointment to get a molar extracted because they said I’d need someone to drive me there, stay for the procedure, and drive me home. Now looking for an oral surgeon within walking/stumbling distance.ITT: strange uses for a female escort.

This is such a depressing thread.Comforting if in the same boat.

I moved to a new city and didn’t know anyone. Feeling especially forever alone, I manned up and got over my crippling social anxiety just long enough to ask someone out for Valentine’s day. I suggested an expensive, romantic restaurant*. She enthusiastically agreed. I sat alone at the table, watching all of the happy couples around me for over an hour before letting myself accept the fact that I had been stood up.”Hey, what’s a good place to go for Valentine’s Day?” “[restaurant]” “Cool, go with me.” “Okay!”What is wrong with people that they would do this to someone?! Who raises animals like this?! I know it sucked at the time, but be glad you didn’t get stuck with that stuck-up bitch!Number 1 rule to asking someone out: ALWAYS pick them upLet me tell you about a little thing I call the D.E.N.N.I.S. system …

Had a lazy eye and shit-loads of acne when I was 10. Got the nickname “retarded Mexican” because of my prepubescent mustache. Went out of my way to be nice to everyone. Always sat alone at lunch. Didn’t know why everyone hated me. Severely depressed. Cried constantly. Alone for 6 years, then I got better.

When I was a kid I had no friends and I had this idea that if I brought a football to school then I could play with some friends.During lunch, I went to my bag and found that the football had been stolen out of it. Some kids were playing with it and I watched them play and I was too shy to say anything and they looked kinda mean. Then a teacher walked by and I wanted to tell them that they took my football but I thought what’s the point, I wasn’t using it anyway. Then I just hid in some bushes and cried.

Getting all excited about a whole bunch of views on my flickr account until I realised I’d been viewing my own photos earlier with my work VPN on.

This post makes me sad 🙁 Isn’t there a way we could match forever alone people with friends in their cities?foreveralone.com — matching loneliness with emptiness.That didn’t make me feel better at all.That should be a thing. Let’s make that a thing.

I occasionally go to Five Guys for a burger after work. Their main dining area is packed with big tables that fit 4-6 people. If you go when they’re busy, you look like a jerk sitting at a huge table by yourself while groups of people have to wait for a seat. They offer small 2-people tables…only they shoved them in a creepy dimly lit hallway between the soda fountain and the bathrooms. It’s really narrow too. When I go I end up sitting there by myself, sadly watching all the couples and happy groups laughing and eating in the bright, open dining area. Occasionally someone will walk by and give me a look like I’m a leper or something.Imagine my luck when I went to my local Five Guys and there was a 2 person table but with one chair because the other end was butted against the stack of potato sacks.Then it looked like I was sharing my meal with sacks of potatoes. Forever alone with potatoes.Oh hi, how are you holding up? Because I’m a potato.”Wow, they might as well hang up a sign: Forever Alone Tables.

No one calls me. I have to call them. They seem to enjoy themselves when we’re hanging out. It’s always been like this, and I don’t get it. I’m good at arguing against myself feeling this way within myself and I am able to rationalize quite well, but it is only temporary and soon I feel empty again. Part of me wants to just give it up, but I know I’d just more lonely and miserable.

My group of friends was like that. My last group of friends. I was always doing the calling. So, one day, I decided, fuck this. Got a new phone number and did not transfer their numbers. (They could still call the house). Recently one of them, ONE, actually tried a few times to get in contact with me. Email and calls. Called back.Then I went on a mission to find people that do stuff I like to do. So far I have fewer friends than before but I receive infinitely more phone calls. My nights and days aren’t jam packed with super friend activities but they are a lot more fun now. I feel appreciated.You lose at Forever Alone but you win at life.

Wake up every morning at 0600, make my self breakfast, go to work… The only human interaction is at work. No one at work invites me to their dinners, parties, after work drinks. Get back home and its nothing but books , and places like here.Once a week go out and have dinner by myself, once a month get on a plane and go to a different country all by myself, sit in some strange hotel room and watch CNN+drink

Lived by myself in a 1 bedroom apartment. When other people in my department at work would go on vacation I’d sit in an empty office building by myself with no one to pretend to talk to for weeks on end. I’ve gone entire months without saying more than 3 words to a living being that wasn’t a passing ‘hey’ in the hall.One time for a few weeks while I was very sick with the flu and exhausted / hopped up on PM style meds. I fell asleep in the restroom hanging on to the side of the bathtub and stayed there for around 18 hours drifting in and out of consciousness. I got no calls, no visits which was the norm but was particularly depressing. I actually felt like I forgot how to form words with my mouth.During those days I lived in WoW.

I was in a low period of my life. I got into college and disliked the majority of my classes, I lived in a dorm with a bunch of people I disliked and who disliked me in return. I had no friends nearby. I began playing a game of how long I could go without saying a word to anybody.My record was 4 days, the streak was snapped with a call from mother.A number of times I’ve unintentionally gone without speaking for a while. Then someone comes along and makes conversation and all that comes out of my mouth is one of those weird inhumane noises your voice can randomly make.”Hello!””Eeeohh..”LOL, I know that feeling. And in your mind your trying to replay what you just said to see if it could be understood.

I went to a reddit meetup, even made some potato salad and a cheesecake, but when I got to the park no one else showed.

The 8th grade spring dance (Yes, I’m reaching back a while, but I got my shit together a few years after that) was like a mini-prom. Everyone actually got dressed up, we decorated the gym, etc. There was a tradition that right before the final song was played that everyone there would strip the decorations down for souvenirs. That particular year there was a giant cardboard castle so everyone went fucking nuts going for towers and other pieces of it. I hadn’t gone with a date, which hadn’t really been an issue before that moment. All of my friends had grabbed their decorations and everyone handed them to me when the final song started. Shania Twain’s “You’re Still The One” started up, and I was standing in the middle of the dance floor with arms full of cardboard castle as all of my friends danced with their dates around me. I just dumped it all on the floor and ran into the bathroom, crying.

It’s been years since my granmother stopped asking me if I’ve found that special someone. Even she thinks I have no hope.No, she probably is a decent grandma and doesn’t want to put too much pressure on you.

Three years ago, three days before Christmas, I called my dad to ask about family plans for Christmas. He infomed me that he, along with my ENTIRE family, was on a cruise ship off the coast of Florida. Everyone but me was invited. I spent Christmas alone at a Chinese buffet. I was the only one in there not working. I got food poisoning and spent the next 48 hours puking and shitting(simultaneously at some moments). The whole time they were on the cruise, my dad was posting photos of the entire vaction on facebook. Forever Alone.

I choked on a piece of popcorn once while having a movie party by myself on a Saturday night. I was seconds away from passing out when I finally dislodged it. After i caught my breath, I sat on the floor and cried for having narrowly escaped a death that could have been prevented with something as small as some human company. I had never felt so alone in my life. And then I realized that even if I had been able to call a friend to come and help me, I didn’t have anyone to call. I cried myself to sleep right there on the floor in my living room. When I woke up, the movie was still paused, and the room, torn apart by my choking struggle, was littered with popcorn. So I cleaned up the mess by myself, turned off the TV and went to bed alone. This was just a few weeks ago.

When I was 16 my mom and I were eating at the food court in the mall. A piece of chicken I swallowed had a string of fat attached to it. The fat was snagged on one of my braces brackets on a molar and the chicken got stuck in my throat. I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t even grunt or cough. I tried using the international symbol for choking (cross wrists at throat) and my mom asked “Are you even paying attention to me!?” Other people in the food court were getting out of their seat to come help me while she remained clueless. I love my mom but man did she drop the ball.I ended up knocking it out by punching myself below the sternum. It flew across the table. To which my mom replied, “ooohhh”
Conclusion: Even the presence of another human can be futile in the fight against ever encroaching death

Another choking story, but mine’s similar to BaconJuice’s:

A few years ago I was at home and choking on a potato chip that got lodged sideways in my throat. Very soon I knew the thing wasn’t going to dislodge quickly. I stood up and looked in the mirror and my face was turning a red/purple. I ran into my parents room (they were sleeping), flicked on the lights, and did the international sign for choking (and was audibly gasping for air). My father rolled over and yelled, “Get the fuck out of here!” I ran into my bathroom, saw myself, and thought, oh fuck, this is it, I’m going to die. From a chip. Then I saw the corner of the bathroom counter that sticks out. I managed to dislodge the chip by thrusting myself against it.Everyone thought it was hilarious the next day.Hilarious? Even worse family.Same thing happened to me except I was at home, choked on a piece of pineapple, and both my mom and my sister were around. My mom said she didn’t know what was going on and asked why couldn’t I just tell her what was happening. Sorry, mom. I was too busy trying to breathe. My sister, on the other hand, said she knew that I was choking but was just “too busy” to help me.Your family sucks.Particularly your sister. Holy fuck that’s cold.For what it’s worth I’m glad you dislodged it even if you had to do it yourself :)You need a Life Alert system.ALL. SENIOR. CITIZENS. SHOULD. HAVE. LIFE ALERT!ALL. LONELY. REDDITORS. SHOULD. HAVE. LIFE. ALERT.Self-Administering the Heimlich Maneuver Ms. Lemon is that you?

Mixed vodka, whisky and Ambien in an attempt to never wake up again. Woke up about 30+ hours later covered in puke and piss. To this day no one knows.What did you think when you woke up?I actually thought I was dead at first. I could hear things around me, but was unable to move anything. Then as I slowly came back to functioning, think slowly waking up after a hard night of drinking, it really hit me how pathetic I was. I reached out to an aunt for help and came to find out severe depression runs in my family. I’d love to say its been peaches and creme since, but its a battle. Whenever something bad happens I always look back to that day and think, “If only it had worked, I wouldn’t have to go through this. ” However trying again is not an option. Since then I have seen suicides ruin families, and no matter how shitty I get, I could never do that to my family.Hang in there, man. Are you talking to a professional regularly? I hope things get easier for you.This is what Rock Bottom looks like.The two great things about rock bottom are 1) there’s no where to go but up, and 2) once you’ve seen it, it’s a lot harder to get too caught up in bullshit.The shitty thing about rock bottom is the ride down.And the rocks and shit.Jesus fuck. I hope you are in a better head space now.On they way back. My life is as perfect as it can be. I just put way too much emphasis on the need for a romantic relationship.

This reminds me of something I once read in The Atlantic. The author had been shopping at a garage sale while in college and he found a stack of dinner plates with the top one showing visible signs of wear, and the rest brand new.He thought it was the saddest thing he’d ever seen, and made a mental note that when he moved into his own place and bought new dishes, he would remember to rotate through them so that he wouldn’t leave behind such depressing evidence of his bachelorhood.Then he couldn’t decide which was more depressing, the plates or the strategy he’d just devised.

I moved about 8 months ago and bought an Ikea bed frame. It’s still in its box at the base of my mattress on the floor because it takes ‘two to assemble’. I see it everyday when I wake up and think that I’m forever alone.Where are you from? I’ll pretend to help assemble it, but instead make that one mistake that can’t be corrected without taking it back to the store.I have a chair like that. You’re allowed to sit it in so long as I hate you.Actually, a lot of IKEA’s stuff that they claim needs two to assemble can be put together by only one person. Did you look at the instructions?I’m not sure constructing it by myself will make me feel better about the fact that I had to construct it by myself.But then you’d have the satisfaction of not having to have someone else in your life in order to get things accomplished.Just imagine, it could be your first step on living your own life instead of being convinced that you need someone else to be happy.And someday when your newfound independence has translated into confidence which has translated into attractiveness, you’ll bring random bitches or bros home to bump uglies, and you’ll be able to say “See this bed? Fucking see it? I did this shit by myself.”, and they’ll scream with lust and tear their clothes asunder, and many a loin will be pleased.Wait, TWO forever alone stories? Your life makes me sad.My real Forever Alone moment is right now realizing the fact that I could fill this thread.OK, that’s it.I’ve gotta do something. I can’t help everyone in this thread, but I can help you. I’ve read a few of your comments in here, and I feel like I should do something.I run a used bookshop. Do you like books? I’ll send you an awesome care package. It’s not a new best friend, but books make pretty good substitutes.If you like the package, you can spend a rainy Sunday morning making one for me. Fill it with animal crackers or silly ads from the crappy magazine in the bathroom or that old sweatshirt you have with holes in the armpits… doesn’t matter. Sending someone something is like my favorite thing in the world… and getting something back is my second favorite.I don’t plan on fixing your problem, only you can do that… but maybe this will help for a bit.You’re incredible. You should know that.

I’ve never been to a party. I have no friends. I spend every holiday and birthday alone.It’s not a lack of trying. I try really hard to make new friends. Everyone ignores me. If I call or text someone their response is always “who is this?” and when I reply they hang up and don’t respond. This is the same pattern every time. I had a friend named Brad for a while but he stopped talking to me as well. I know I must be doing something to annoy people. I tried asking them what I did wrong so that I can improve but they won’t tell me.PM me, we’ll figure it out.but then you never call him back.Call who back?Low. But I laughed pretty hard.

I know I must be doing something to annoy people. I tried asking them what I did wrong so that I can improve but they won’t tell me.

I’m sure a therapist or life coach type professional could help you with that.

I’m 26 and I’ve never had a romantic relationship. I was 19 when I met my first female friend.I’m 24 and I’ve never had a romantic relationship. But I have no friends.At all.you are me, i am you.I am he as you are he as you are me and we’re all alone :cThis hits awfully close to home for me.

… when I was 12… we got a computer…that was pretty much the end for me.

If you’ve been forever alone your entire life, you can’t really have a worst FA-moment. At least, that’s how it feels to me.

I am a very short person.

I have very high ceilings.

Four of my lightbulbs have burnt out, and I can’t reach high enough to change them. Not even with the highest chair that I have.

Slowly through time, my apartment is becoming darker and darker. Eventually, I will have no light, and will have to sit forever alone in the dark.

EDIT: Thanks to all you sweeties who offered to help change the bulbs but I will be fine….;) Apparently, all I need is a ladder! I know of one that would be absolutely PERFECT, just the right size to get me up there. It’s really big though, and I’m just a weak little tiny thing, so I’ll need someone to help me bring it home…..oh.Forever alone some more.EDIT 2: I swear I am not making this up. Here is a photo for proof.EDIT 3: You guys inspired me to make this comic.Light Bulb Changer PolesIf this is true I will feel so guilty for laughing so much.

“One adult ticket to High School Musical 3, please.”Good God…My friend just did this for Glee 3D. Here’s the kicker: I found out because I invited him to see a free outdoor movie screening of “Cool Hand Luke”. He turned down Cool Hand Luke to watch Glee 3D by himself.Sounds like what you had there was… failure.. to communicate.im sorry but im dying in laughter right now..

Everytime I make eye contact with my reflection whilst jacking off.DON’T LOOK AWAY IT WILL SEE THAT AS WEAKNESS.

I have spent New Years alone for at least the last 6 years. Beat that.oh man, I remember the last straw I had with the girl I used to date in college was when she decided to go to a NYE party and didn’t want me to go so she could hang with her friends. I had nothing to do so I stayed behind. She said she’d call me and we’d meet up at like 11:30 so we could spend the new years together but I got no call until the next day. Conveniently she had forgotten her phone in a cab but somehow tracked it down by 9 am the next morning. That night sucked.21first and 22 second birthday alone, I hear my cat will be available for my 23. Keeping my fingers crossed.For my 18th birthday party, I had arranged to meet a few close friends at a restaurant. I get there early and sit at our fairly large, reserved table. Half an hour later, nobody’s turned up. I call and call (using a pay phone – mine had recently broken), but nobody’s answering their phones.The waiter knew it was my birthday, and felt pretty bad for me, so he gave me a free pop. I end up leaving after another 20 minutes.When I get home, my mum tells me that the group had called about 30 min ago. Apparently they were having trouble finding the place, and had decided to give up. Thanks, guys.I never knew a free pepsi could be so depressing.One year in grade 2 or 3 I invited my entire class to my birthday party. Thats 30 people. All of them said they would come. I got a new jumper and I had a big pin on it that said BIRTHDAY GIRL!. I sat quietly while my mom did my hair. None of them came. My mom (who is the best lady ever and had games and shit set up because she loves me) thought that the best thing to do would be to call my relatives, explain the situation, and have many of my young cousins come to visit and play with me instead. I understand her good intentions and I got along with my cousins but this was actually rather humiliating that she told our local extended family that I’m so lame I don’t even have friends to come to a birthday.That happened to me as well in 3rd grade. We were having the party on a Saturday morning at Burger King I think. No one showed up. I decided then to never throw another party because no one would come. That should never happen to a kid. It’s just humiliating and heart-breaking.I even hand-made the invitations. I’m tearing up now just thinking about it. :(I spent my entire 21st birthday buying other people drinks.

One weekend a few months ago I was in a hotel room out of state waiting on the judge’s verdict about my divorce. I was waiting to hear if I got custody of my daughter or not. My Dad was in town with me for the 2-day trial, but he had go home(12 hours away) on Saturday, so I was by myself.I was beyond broke, so I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything, I just stayed in the hotel room all weekend. Around 11AM Monday my attorney notified me by email that my divorce was finalized, and that I didn’t get my daughter. I was all alone with no friends or family within 12hours, and I didn’t get to see my daughter even though I was in town. I spent most of the day crying and feeling like I was going to puke. I hardly got any sleep that night, and then the 12-hour drive home the next day was brutal. Every now and then when I glanced in the rear-view mirror I’d see part of her carseat and my eyes would start welling up with tears.That weekend and the following drive were by far the most “forever alone” I have ever felt.

A couple months after my GF cheated on me, [edit: I went away to school after we broke up partly because of what happened/needing to get away from my old life] while away at school living in the dorms, I bought a bottle of Old Times whiskey, went into my room, alone, in the dark, and watched wedding videos on YouTube. Like cool proposals and dances at the reception and stuff. I then began to bawl my eyes out for like two or three hours.Anyway, it was actually very cathartic even though it wasn’t until months after that that I really got over it. Being cheated on sucks.edit – or when I spent Christmas alone in Europe without anyone to talk to, getting drunk at a hostel bar while other groups of people were having what I assumed to be awesome conversations, though I couldn’t understand them. Then I drank until I passed out and my mom called to say Merry Christmas but I was sleeping and missed the call. By the time I woke up it was like 5 AM back in the states so I listened to the voice mail… she was like “You’re probably having such a good time that you didn’t even hear your phone go off” and shit. Fuuuck just writing this makes me want to cry.Her voice had like, this proud sadness to it. Even though she couldn’t talk to me on Christmas, she knew I was out, alone, in Europe, and she wanted me to have a good time and be adventurous… but I could just hear in her voice that she wished I’d been bored just so I could talk to her.Without reddit, I would never know stuff like this even happened.Eh. With the Christmas thing, It’s impossible not to get sad at some point when you’re traveling alone. It made me miss my family for the first time since summer camp when I was a kid.It was crushing at the time but showed me a bit of how I’d been taking my family for granted. All in all, a good experience.With the ex-gf… I learned a lot from that relationship and I know now what to avoid in a girl. So even though it felt “forever alone” at the time, it’s helped me a lot. Plus I learned never to drink a whole fifth of Early Times by yourself. Or Early Times at all.

Didn’t have a lot of time for lunch one day while I was out doing errands, but there was a sit-down burger place on the way to the UPS store that I had been craving for a while so I ducked in there. Didn’t try to find anyone to meet up with, but I did take a book in to look at that I happened to have in my car at the time. It was about networking tips.Ten minutes later I had the sudden realization I was very visibly reading Keith Ferrazzi’s “Never Eat Alone” alone while eating at a public restaurant.Maybe you were just trying to be ironic?

A girl I was madly in love with decided to bring along her boyfriend on one of our dates. I had no idea she had a boyfriend. The drive home, which should have taken half an hour, took about two hours -I kept having to pull over because I was crying so hard I couldn’t see.

Been there twice actually, same girl. First time she bumped into her mate (guy) and asked if we could cancel our date halfway through and go to the club with him and his mates (who she all knew). Spent all night dancing and talking with them, whilst I stood alone and eventually stormed out. Wasn’t that upset then.Second time after she’d been through a few more guys, we went out and ended up in a club. Went to the bar and came back with drinks and shes sucking the face off some Spanish dude. Just left her there and walked home, cried all the way.Eventually with some help from friends I realised she was just a big user and keeping me on the hook, and got over her.

I want to be friends with everybody in this thread and I want to talk to them and hug them and I don’t want them to be lonely anymore :'(

I was eating a sandwich at my old apartment at the dinner table on a Saturday night. No one was home and the apartment was silent. My roommate comes home, looks in the dining room and says “Why are you eating by yourself in the dark?” Forever Alone.Forever Alone in the Dark.Are you afraid of Forever Alone in the Dark?I do that all the time. During the summer my apartment gets really hot, so I try to keep the lights off and other things that might generate heat. One night I noticed I was sitting in my dark kitchen listening to sad piano music on my iPod while eating a bowl of cereal. Some of those moments just creep up on you.

Currently in early 20s .3 Since the age of 17 I’ve spent all :Birthdays,Christmases , New Year’s in front of the computer .2 Have not attended any parties or gatherings outside of school-related ones, ever.1 Forever Alone moment :After dropping out of college, spent 8 months without exchanging a single word with anyone except for “No” ,when the cashier at the supermarket asked whether I’d pay trough credit card .Bonus FA : First time I’ve mentioned any of these to anyone

My best girl friend (but not girlfriend) in High School had an extremely over protective father. She wasn’t ever allowed to have boys up in her room.One day, when she thought her father wasn’t home, we went upstairs to get something from her room. Her father walked in just as we were ascending the stairs and said “Amber, what’s the rule?”To which she replied “but daaaaad, it’s just [insert my name here].” He looked me up and down and said “Yeah, you’re right. Go ahead.”You should have looked him in the eye and squeezed her ass.Just because

At some point when I was in college (years ago now), having gotten tired of my mother asking me about who I was dating, to which the inevitable answer was, I wasn’t, I attempted to explain my Forever Alone-ness to her.She thought I was trying to come out of the closet and I got an extremely awkward “I still love you even though you’re gay” speech.If it’s any inspiration to the FA types here, I’m now a successful and happily married adult. At that age? Didn’t seem like it would ever happen.

The worst “forever alone” moments are the unexpected ones. I can handle sleeping alone at night or spending a weekend night by myself. When I find myself driving home alone in the evening and thinking all too much, however, I feel the worst pangs of loneliness. It’s then that I am overcome with both a desperation for love and a desire to find a place I can one day call home.Might just be me though.

Going to movies all by myself. It was pretty relaxing actually.No joke, i prefer going to the cinema solo.

I want to hug everyone in this thread 🙁

Not THAT bad, but in the moment it was pretty soul crushing.So my freshman year of college I had just gone through a really bad break up, I was extremely depressed, I had no friends and I was borderline suicidal.So one night, I was sitting in the living room on my laptop like usual, and my roommate (who I went to high school with) brought home a bunch of people I knew from high school that had come to our college town to visit. They were all going to a party, I knew all of them, but not one of them invited me to come with them. I sat on that couch and cried and watched bad tv for the rest of the evening.

Eating alone in the dining hall right when it opens as fast as possible in the back. The pitying stares are the worst.I’m self conscious about doing things in public alone, but.. have you ever, once, noticed somebody doing something in public alone, and gave a shit? I haven’t, and I can’t imagine anybody else does either.

I have watched “Lars and the Real Girl” alone. Twice.

Tried to hang myself on a tree branch in a beautiful forest. That was sad.I’m very sorry to hear this. Hope you’re doing better now.Yup! There was a time when I thought suicide was a very reasonable and logical thing for me but I’m now of the mindset that there is no hole you can’t crawl out of. Like, rape, drug addiction, suicide attempts, homelessness, physical abuse, it can all be overcome…

Probably those occasional days in high school where none of my friends had the same lunch as me…Fuck that shit.when you’re stuck between acquaintances, and no matter where you sit, you’ll feel slightly awkward. been there.

A couple months ago I went to a wedding with my now ex. He was the best man and I didn’t know another soul at the wedding beside the bride and groom so I knew I would be sitting with complete strangers. I went to the table that had all of the name cards with seating arrangements and there wasn’t one for me. I asked the coordinators if there was an extra seat and they said there were no extra seats.The woman leaves to figure out what is going on and I start bawling, but trying to hide it. I already have social anxiety around large groups, and now I was a total outsider looking in and awkwardly standing in the corner. Turns out there was a spot for me after all.Thank goodness it was next to a little 9 year old boy that I talked to the entire time. The woman on the other side of me turned her back to me, and I think she was embarrassed that someone had already slammed my glass of champagne and eaten my chocolate favor. Without that little boy to talk to, I would have been miserable for hours.Edit: Tying up some loose ends.

What is the correct answer to “what is your greatest weakness” in a job interview?

Collected by AskReddit

Probably the most annoying, yet common question to be asked in a job interview. I’ve encountered this question in job interviews at least twice. In the past I’ve amateurishly tried the old "I work too hard!", but I get the feeling it’s not the answer they’re looking for. It seems like such a troll question. Why would anyone want to admit their own weaknesses, especially in a job interview? How are you supposed to camly and sincerely admit to a weakness, while also impressing the interviewer, all without sounding phony, egotistic or defensive.

The Answer:

Anticipate the question and immediately shout "INTERRUPTING PEOPLE" before they finish. ‘Now, what would be your greate-"INTERUPTING PEOPLE!!!" …greatest… accomplishment?…’Welp, this interview is done.You could just ask them to repeat the question and then interrupt them the second time.Or you could wait a few minutes, think hard, and say "I tend to over think my responses too much."

I would assume that the point of the question is to indicate how well you know yourself and whether you’re mindful enough to manage your weaknesses/know your limitations.Pick a weakness that isn’t a trivial cop-out and make sure you’ve prepared a mitigation strategy, e.g., I tend to X, but I’ve found if I A, B and C, it’s all good.Yes, this is what I’ve heard. Tell them an actual weakness and what you’re doing about it.Lucky for me, no one else is in the office today, else they would wonder what, exactly, is wrong with the sys admin and why he’s laughing hysterically in his office, all by himself, again……LOOK EVERYBODY, THIS GUY HAS AN OFFICE

As someone who interviews others and knows this question well, I think this is the most useful answer.Being funny in a job interview is great, but you have to actually answer or you look like you avoid tough problems. So make your joke, then actually answer the question.I always list a weakness I have overcome first: e.g. "I used to be disorganized and miss deadlines from time to time, but now I make and check a daily to do list and haven’t missed a deadline since."Then go for gold and follow up with a current weakness like Joseph suggests.

"I feel that BMing at work is like stealing company time, so I hold my BMs until I get home."Dammit, Idra.

The trick is to say a problem, but then explain why it’s not an issue. For instance, say you tend to get too focussed on one task so that you don’t get around to the rest when you should, but you get around this by setting yourself deadlines to work to. You can probably phrase that a lot better, but that’s the general idea.I actually asked an interviewer once when I knew I’d flubbed the phone screen. I said, OK, what would YOU want to hear as the answer? This is pretty much exactly what he said — take your "greatest strength" answer and turn it into your greatest weakness.Respectfully: please explain what he meant.Unrepressed excitement: This is my first time seeing another elcor at reddit. Hopeful: Wanna hang out sometime?Annoyed: If she was expecting you, you’d be inside.Playfully: That’s what she said.

Basically: most HR people are morons who repeat every trick in the "HR for dummies" book. There’s probably a good reasoning for this kind of questions, but I assure you that your average HR robot is not aware of it.

Managing moronic "human resources" will eventually turn HR people into morons, if it hasn’t already happend to them at "business school".

Thing is, good employees don’t come with ready-made answers to the most common HR management questions (like "where do you see yourself in three years", "what are you three greatest strengths"); they come with a relaxed but confident attitude and openly share their expectations to the new job, their engagement in the subject matter, and their reason for why their profile fits this job.

The stupid HRM questions are designed to root out wankers, losers and people who are not serious – but if you can’t tell if an applicant is serious or not from his application, curriculum vitae AND a normal conversation about the job requirements, but still need to resort to measuring his ability to rehearse a speech on his three-year life plan in the hope that this might give you some clue as to whether this person can actually show up on time and perform regular work on a regular basis, then chances are you can’t judge a crack addict from a college student, and why the fuck are you presenting yourself as a manager of human resources then. That’s what I would say at an interview.

Unemployment.My greatest weakness is having to buy things in order to survive. Because of it, I have to kiss the asses of total losers like you.That’ll charm ’em. Do it.

I’ve said this before but one more time:Print a business card that says "Sometimes my overpreparedness comes across as arrogance." Hand it to the interviewer when asked.Yes, but set it on the table face down and sliiiiiiiiiiiiide it over to the interviewer slower than necessary.Or you can throw it right at his face.Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!"it’s bone."Patrick?… are you alright?The lettering is something called silian rail.Excuse me… I have to go return some video tapes.

First, charge it up with your mutant powers like gambit, then throw it in his face and blow it up.Firs’ you charge da card then you trow it mon ami. Choot ’em.Do this at the beginning of the interview and tell them not to turn the card until you say so.I’ve had a lot of job interviews (~40 or so) and only been asked this question in a few of them (maybe ~3). Would look awfully stupid in the majority of them.I think it’s a more common in basic, entry level jobs, in which case you’re going to get hired anyway if you showed up in a collared shirt.So you’re saying I didn’t get the job because I wore my Tapout t-shirt?You probably wouldn’t get the job if they found out you even owned a TapOut t-shirt

I’m tempted to do that, but if I was the interviewer I’d slide that card straight back at the first "I don’t know".To which you slide your second card which reads "Thanks for giving me my card back."You have to make sure it even has a watermark.Of the interviewing company’s logo.with your name, title, and salary under it.NICE.Eggshell with Ramalian type? Or bone with Cillian Braille?

I lie at interviews.But… is that a lie itself?A paradox appears.a wild paradox appears.Paradox uses confusion.It’s super effective.

"Public speaking" is a pretty decent answer, since the interviewer will probably be able to relate.As a linguist, I’d rather not go with that.

"Erectile dysfunction, that or giving inappropriate answers to serious questions"

I refuse to get involved in office politics, which tends to get misconstrued as aloofness"Whereas I eagerly jump into office politics, which tends to get misconstrued as Machiavellian.This guy is ready for upper level management.Keep fighting the good fight Mr. Stickers. We’ll prove your innocence someday.

The point of the question isn’t to see if you can say a trick answer, the point is to see whether you can identify your own weakness (which everyone has) and then identify ways to remedy it. The point isn’t the weakness, it’s the remedy.

One problem with questions about job interviews is that it assumes a bunch of people on Reddit are going to tell you what your next boss wants to hear. A lot of people in this thread are saying things like "I work in HR, and I can tell you that…" but that’s bullshit…because they don’t work in the HR department of the next place you interview.

Every boss, every HR employee, every fuckhead who asks this stupid question is looking for a different answer. Some of them want you to be honest and talk about how you’re going to overcome this weakness. Some of them expect you to say you have no weaknesses. Some of them are looking for cheesy dipshit answers like "I’m too dedicated to work".

There is no single manual for being an interviewer, and if there were, they wouldn’t all read it. It’s kind of like being on a first date – some girls expect you to try to kiss them, and some expect you not to, and there’s no way to know until it’s too late. Your choices are either to become psychic or to resign yourself to missing 50% of the opportunities in the world due to morons who think everyone else is playing by the same ruleset that exists in their head.

I’m just gonna repost my answer from the last time this was asked.Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is distinguishing between fact and fiction, reality and fantasy.Interviewer: And your biggest strength?Me: I’m Batman.

We once asked an interview candidate to "describe your biggest strength and biggest weakness with one word each."He thought for a second and casually replied, "smart. ass."Needless to say, we hired him.

I stare off in the distance and whisper "Kryptonite" while squinting my eyes.Relevant."My biggest weakness is probably answering this question."

Bullets

If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it’s possible that I’m a little too awesome.

"I find it very hard to dislike people."That’s what I said and got my job. Then again, it was at a dollar store. 🙁

I can brush aside loaded questions.Thats a strength.You should say "I lack patience with loaded questions"Best result: Interviewer bursts out laughing.Worst result: "MY SON IS EIGHT"Weirdest result: "Mmmh, yes, he is quite delectable, isn’t he?"Worst result: "MY SON IS EIGHT"Well, the question was "what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?" so that erases that problem.

I AM IMMORTAL! toss table over to show strength

(?°?°??? ???

Like this????? ?( ?-??)(?°?°?? ? (?. –.)?

I was asked this dreaded question at my job interview. I boldly stated, "I have no weaknesses" then thought about it for a moment and said, "I guess, overconfidence?" got hired on the spot :)Well then you were hired for another reason, not that overused and lame answer which I’m sure they overlooked.

helpful http://career-doctor.blogspot.com/2006/06/questions-theyll-ask-in-interview-and.html

"What are your Greatest Weaknesses? Yowza! Keep your head about you when you answer this question – this is a terminator question, designed to shorten the candidate list. Any admission of a weakness or fault will earn you ‘A’ for honesty, but an ‘F’ for the interview.

Pseudo-acceptable Answer: disguise strength as a weakness. For example: ‘I sometimes push my people too hard. I like to work with a sense of urgency and not everyone is always on the same page.’ Unfortunately, while this strategy is better than admitting a flaw, it’s so commonly used, it’s transparent to any skilled interviewer.

Best Answer (and another reason it’s so important to get a detailed description of your interviewer’s needs before you answer questions): assure the interviewer you can think of nothing that would stand in the way of your performing in this position with excellence.

Then, quickly highlight you strongest qualifications. For example: ‘Naturally, nobody’s perfect, but based on what I’ve just heard about this post, I believe I’d make an excellent match. I know that when I hire people, I look for two things most of all: Do they have the qualifications… and the motivation to do the job well? Everything in my background shows I have the qualifications and a strong desire to achieve distinction in whatever I take on. So I can say in all honesty that I see nothing that would cause concern about my ability or my strong desire to perform this job well.’

Alternate Strategy (if you don’t yet know enough about the position to talk about such a perfect fit): instead of confessing a weakness, describe what you like most and like least, making sure that what you like most matches up with the most important qualification for success in the position, and what you like least is not essential.

For example: Let’s say you’re applying for a sales position. ‘Of course, given a choice, I like to spend as much time as possible in front of my prospects selling, as opposed to shuffling paperwork back at the office. Of course, I learned long ago the significance of filing paperwork accurately, and I do it conscientiously. But what I really love to do is sell. Hmm… if your interviewer were a sales manager, this should be music to their ears."

My biggest weakness: Not reading 6 paragraph responses.his really is a big weakness. the TLDR culture is going to fuck up a whole generation.

The List of Real Life Cheat Codes:Part 3

Collected by AskReddit

55. Always be polite. People will treat you better if you’re both friendly and respectful.

56. Buying a new car is functionally equivalent to buying a used car and then paying an exorbitant sum of money to have it cleaned.

57. If you make eye contact with someone, smile and nod. You never know when you’ll run into them again, and it’s better to seem friendly than socially awkward.

58. Find a genre of novels that interests you and spend some time reading. It will expand your vocabulary and improve your grammar.

59. Be careful when someone asks you about religion. Few ask out of genuine curiosity; most who bring up the subject can’t stand the thought that others disagree with them, and feel the need to confirm that others agree with them and convert anyone who doesn’t. Either way no useful conversation will result. A similar rule applies to politics.

60. Details matter, so pay attention at all times.

61. Never chug anything over 40 proof.

62. Get the good stuff. Expensive beer is more enjoyable than the piss-water most people drink, and less likely to get you drunk enough to do something regrettable. Likewise, cigars you can only afford to buy once a month are more enjoyable and less likely to get you addicted than cigarettes.

63. Always use a turn signal.

64. Talking to someone who agrees with you is as useful as talking to yourself.

65. Talking to yourself is not useless. Never lie to yourself, especially about your motives. Why you do what you do is as important as what you do.

66. Honesty is a virtue. You’ll gain more respect if you’re always honest in your dealings. Don’t waste your own time dealing with dishonest people.

67. The dark tiles are lava.The light ones are stepping stones.TREAD CAREFULLY, MY FRIENDS.I don’t always play games, but when I do, I play “the floor is hot lava.”Plus, the late fees at my local library are $.05 a day.Even if you held on to a book for two months past it’s due date, you still only owe about $3.Just pay the fee, cheap-ass.

68. Fast toilet cleaning, pour 20oz of coke (or sprite) into your toilet, let sit for 10 minutes, flush. The acid will clean your bowl.

69. Corroded ends on a car battery? Same principal. Soak a rag in coke (or sprite), let sit for 10 min, the connections will be cleared.

70. If you’re ever doing anything strange or unusual in public and you’re hassled, but don’t want to give a straight answer, look your questioner straight in the eye and declare with confidence “I’m making art, do you mind not interrupting?” You can get away with just about anything.

71. Match voice volume with someone you’re speaking with, if they speak fast you speak fast, if they speak softly you speak softly. It’s a subtle way to quickly become “in synch” with someone else.

72. (U.S. only) As a general rule (since some people forget to see this), odd numbered highways run North/South and even numbered highways are East/West. Have a hard time remembering? Think of a highway near where you live? Is it even or odd? Does it run North South East or West?

73. P.C. Load Letter means Paper Cassette: Load Letter (as in letter sized paper vs legal sized paper)

74. Never watch another car’s turn signal or the driver, watch the front wheels. If they speed up, slow down, or turn you’ll actually be getting clear information about where the car is going (you can also follow the rise and fall of bumpers the same way regarding breaking). Drivers can be distracted or leave their turn signals on erroneously.

75. IF you need to be sick for something publicly, eat about half a cigarette. You’ll get sweaty dizzy pale clammy and all around you’ll look and feel sick as shit. In about 20 min after eating you’ll aggressively vomit everything you’ve eaten and expel the tobacco that’s making you sick. A dramatic, but efective way to prove sickness (people do not consider this a cheat, but I do since it helped me delay a final I was going to tank by 7 days when I was sick in the middle of the room).

76. If your shoes smell from foot odor, treat your feet, not your shoes.

77. You don’t actually need shampoo. A soapy lather does everything shampoo does.

78. If a war is near breaking out, invest in that nation’s razor blade companies. Many more young men will be shaving on a regular basis.

79. (U.S. only) before college, spend a year living independently and below the poverty line (not hard on a low earning hourly wage). When you apply for financial aid your tax reports will indicate someone that needs more grants than loans. You will be offered better deals.

80. If you were alive in 2006, you are one of the many recipients of Time Magazine’s Person of the Year Award. In 2006 Time Magazine gave “Everyone” the Award while making their cover as close to a mirror as possible. Be sure you mark it on your resume.

81. I poured a bunch of coke in my toilet but the powder just clogged together, now i’m out 40 bucks.Just tried the Coke in the toilet thing.Just tried the Coke in the toilet thing. Didn’t work, then I realized that I was using diet Coke and its probably the sugar that does the trick. SO… I went back to the kitchen and grabbed a Monster energy drink loaded with the sugar. Dumped it in the toilet and took a piss while I was there, came back 10 minutes later to find that my dog drank almost all the toilet water filled with Monster and my piss….. FAIL..

82. If I’ve learned anything from my internet provider about connection issues, its:Step 1.Reset your modem by removing the power cable for at least 30 seconds and then plugging it back in.Step 2.Restart your computer.Step 3.If you’re still having connection issues, repeat steps 1 and 2 above until it works.The thirty seconds is to let thetans out

83. Babywipes for the bathroom.Seriously, your life will be +1.

84. PROTIP: To test a remote, put your cell phone in picture mode and face the remote towards the phone and push a button.Cell phones can see light outside of the visible spectrum and if the remote works you will see the light flash on your camera screen.What about pointing the remote at the TV and seeing if it turns on or off?hey man i can’t afford TVs, i just have the remotes…

85. When studying arts at university, take notes on your prof’s political/philosophical ideologies and worldviews.Regurgitate in essays and on exams for an A grade.Also, margins, font, font size, etc. are incredibly important.Never neglect these.Also, if your paper is just a bit short of the length guidelines, do a find/replace for all your punctuation in 2 font sizes larger.The extra spacing may give you the few lines you need with out changing the letter font size.Also, if you’re losing momentum on an assignment and need to take a quick mental break, do a find-and-replace for all instances of “the” and replace with “the fucking.”Then have your computer read it to you.Just remember to hit undo.As an arts professor, don’t mess with the margins/font size etc. It’s painfully obvious after reading literally thousands of pages of properly formatted papers.I do love how, as an arts professor, you left the ‘regurgitate the profs ideology and worldview’ part of that comment alone.

86. Pull on your hair in the shower, if it squeaks you already shampooed it.Useful when cleaning a lot of bodies.maybe you shouldn’t smoke pot before showering..then you’d remember that you already washed your hair.Maybe you should smoke pot before showering…then you’d know how much fun showering high is.

87. Set your browser’s homepage to a random Wikipedia page .Mysteries await!It’s not so brilliant.I did this for a while and usually just landed on tiny stub wiki pages about tiny villages in Poland.

88. When you have forgotten someones name, simply say : “I’m sorry, but what was your name one more time.”They may act offended, but when they give you their first name you simply reply “No, I meant your last name.”(more socially acceptable to forget).Bingo.First and last names.I’m a shame to the Grammar SS.

89. If you press the street crossing button 400 times, the light will change.

90. I’ve never been able to pull this off because it always changes at 370 or so.I guess I’m just not doing it right.

91. On most elevators, press “close door” and your floor number at the same time for express service.You will skip all floors between even if people are calling the elevator.I hope you were wearing an evil smirk as you passed.

92. If your credit card magnetic stripe starts to get worn from use and being in your wallet, and doesn’t always read in the card reader, you can use the plastic bag trick.Put the card in a plastic grocery bag and then swipe it.Not sure why it works, but it does.Taking it further though, you can simply apply a piece of quality cellophane tape over the mag stripe for a “permanent” plastic bag trick.I worked as cashier and this works.

93. Default installations of Windows XP Home have an unpassworded administrator account.Press Ctrl+Alt+Del twice on the login screen and you’ll be taken to one where you can enter any username – put in “Administrator”, no password, and you’re in.this doesn’t count as real life.

94. Reduce potential maternal chiropractic bills by avoiding the cracks.

95. The code to every single Staples copy machine is “1 1 1 1”.So put in a copying card with $1 on it, then go into admin mode on the machine.From there, turn off its external link to the machine that charges you.Ta-dah!Free copies!ta-dah!free chance of a criminal conviction for theft but probably just free copies.

96. Walk forwards 3 steps, then sidestep right 1 step and jump twice.This unlocks invincibility though you can still take damage, and I haven’t tested dying to see if it works.

The List of Real Life Cheat Codes:Part 2

Collected by AskReddit

35. If you have crushing chest pain, call 911 first.Then chew some aspirin.I work in cardiology.Then ask someone to help get the anvil off your chest.I work at ACME.If you see someone with an anvil on their chest, don’t help; they want to eat you.Beep at them and run away.I am a roadrunner.

36. Secretaries, tech support and janitors are the true power in office buildings.Make friends, remember birthdays and you can get anything you need or go anywhere you need.Janitor here, I got so many fucking master keys I don’t know how to keep them all straight.So the main boss at work one day starts freaking out and demanding an audit of who has what keys and all key assignments have to be justified, etc. (by Tuesday afternoon) and he starts to give a rash of shit to the guy that been there forever and starts to badger him why he has the keys that he does.These we not masters by any stretch, but keys to parts of the building and remote sites that he needed.So of course the gruff ancient guy comes back with the whole ‘janitors have master keys and they live here and sleep here after hours’ but when that wasn’t getting him anywhere he finally came back with: ‘Listen, I’ve been here for 15+ years now, I already stole everything that needed!’Better advice would be that being nice is only on a by person basis. Also, Purchasing and HR.

37. When receiving a call from a solicitor, simply press 9; the call will be dropped and your phone number is then put on the companies do not call list.95% of companies support this feature.I love it.

38. To get through tech support quickly with an ISP, choose the option for becoming a new customer.Then when you get there ask to transfer to tech support.Usually they won’t put you on hold because they see the number coming from the new customer line.That works just about everywhere.Especially well with airlines.In what situation would you want to call the airline’s tech support?Probably not a situation you want to be in.”hello? Yes…I’m cruising at 32k feet and noticed the left engine fell off…is it possible to change flights?””Hello? Hi. Yes, there appears to be something on the wing. Can I speak to tech support?””Sir, please turn your cell phone off while in flight”

39. I know this works in California, so I call upon you to test it out elsewhere: If you receive a parking ticket and it has been less than an hour since it was administered, immediately call the number on the ticket to contest it. The call will go through a series of automated questions – you want to answer these questions based on the premise that your car had overheated, and that you only parked where you did out of necessity. Then go to either a convenience store of a gas station or an automotive shop of any kind (has to be one of these two) and by a bottle of water. When you submit your formal petition via mail, include the receipt for the water that you bought and explain that your car had overheated. The ticket will be waived. It has worked for me every time.

40. Easy splinter removal: dip the splintered body part in some Elmer’s glue, let it dry, remove glue with splinter.Easy lawn care: Pour “beer” (Bud Light, Coors, etc) on the lawn.Fermented sugars make great fertilizer.Easy broken glass clean up: Get the tiny pieces up with a piece of bread, the consistency and texture picks up even the smallest shard.

41. If you need to briefly turn the light on at night and don’t want to completely lose your night vision, keep one eye closed.Same reason pirates wore an eyepatch!Arrgh.A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!””Arrh – Not at ‘tall.” the pirate replies, “I be fine.” The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.””Arrh!,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg. But the surgeon fixed me up, and I be fine, really.””Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.””Aye,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and me hand was cut off. But the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I be feeling great, really.””Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.” “Arrh,” says the pirate, “One day when I was swabbing me deck, some gulls were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them–arrgh, he, pooped–in me eye.””So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from that!””‘Twas me first day with me hook.”

42. Try to put yourself in as many socially awkward situations as possible.You will be desensitized to it which makes you more outgoing.

43. Sprinkle some salt on your napkin coaster at the bar..your beer won’t stick to it EVERY FUGGIN TIME….Girls hate a guy who can’t keep his napkin coaster shit in order.Waitresses hate a guy who sprinkles salt all over the table.

44. Don’t announce that you are having a kid till the second trimester.This is certainly good advice for friends and acquaintances, but I think it’s perfectly acceptable to share that information with your family and very close friends.If you do happen to lose it, they are going to be the ones to help you get through it.And you always should tell the father, if he’s still around.

45. Probably nobody will see this, but anyway…If you get brain freeze from eating something cold too quickly, press your tongue against the roof of your mouth as hard as you can.Voila, instant brainfreeze relief.

46. rainymood.com and simplynoise.com are the cheatcodes for studying/working without distraction.A friend of mine told me about a better one! Give it a try.I recommend None on the first, Bonfire, Ocean, Rain and Thunder on the others.

47. Have confidence.Chicks dig confidence.And if you have no confidence, fake it.It won’t take long to see that it works and then your fake confidence becomes real.Ah, the magic of bullshit.Best Advice right here.This is exactly how I turned my life around 10 years ago. I woke up one day and decided to pretend to be confident. I looked everyone in the eye and spoke a bit louder and smiled a lot. I stopped breaking eye contact with girls and I promoted my achievements at work. In that first years I met a new woman who became my wife, got a great job that I am still loving, moved from a tiny two room apartment to a 3000 sq foot house. I have great kids and a happy life.I was borderline suicidal when I started the experiment.I don’t even think about it now. I became what I pretended to be. Confident and happy. I don’t have to fake it anymore.This is why I pretend to be a tiger.This is exactly how I turned my life around 10 years ago. I woke up one day and decided to pretend to be a tiger. I walked on all fours and growled and ate a few people. I stopped talking to girls and quit going to work. Now I have a great life on the savannah that I am still loving.I was borderline normal when I started the experiment. I don’t even think about it now. I became what I pretended to be. Also I can type with my paws.

48. Never bring anything in to work.That way, when you leave (ie, earlier than usual) it doesn’t look like you’re leaving for the day.

49. socks are lube for pants.Bunch sock onto thumbs, then pull sock onto feet as women do stockings.

50. never renew your car insurance with the price offered……..call your provider and say you will leave if it is not reduced further.

51. If you rear a bear from birth you can walk through dark alleys without fear in 4-5 years.Then you die from high-fives and hugs.Better than .45s and thugs.This is already sounding like the best rap song I’ve heard.Not because you own a 5-year-old bear, but because after rearing a bear, you won’t be afraid of anything.Or because cleaning up after that goddamn bear for the last five years has made you crave the sweet release of death.

52. In the UK: Dial 0118 999 881 999 119 7253 for emergency services.

53. 1st Date Cheat Code for MEN: Never tell a girl where you’re going or how to dress. Instead, tell her to “dress for a first date with a guy she really likes”. Now, pick three places you’d like to go: someplace fun and active (bowling, pool, mini golf, go-kart racing, ballgame, etc), something romantic and classy (nice restaurant, upscale lounge, art gallery opening) and something in between (nice bar, coffee shop, comedy club). Now, when you pick her up, let the way she’s dressed decide which you’re going to do: If she’s wearing something sexy and revealing (dress, high heels, low cut top, etc.) than she wants to go somewhere classy and romantic. If she’s sporting some jeans, tennis shoes or flip-flops, and a tee, the bowling ally or pool hall may be a good bet. If she’s wearing jeans, high heeled boots, and nice top or blouse, than she’s not really jonesing for the super romance treatment, and she put in more effort than mini golf deserves (eighteen holes of mini golf in heels… seriously?), so a comedy club or some place with live music is a good choice. And never, EVER, do a movie on the first date! EDIT: Men: You’re going to wear a pair of CLEAN, NEAT jeans, a pressed stylish LONG sleeve button down shirt, nice shoes or boots (try to avoid tennis shoes of sneakers). Works for ANY occasion!This might be the best dating advice I’ve ever read.It’s such a creative way to manage figuring out what to do on a first date.Too bad I’m over 550 lbs and can’t use my legs IRL.(Are you really?According to Wolfram Alpha that’s the weight of 3.4 men.)Yeah, really.My friends torture me by getting me blazed and placing 5 large stuffed cheese pizzas just out of reach.I struggle for hours in an attempt to reach it, burning over 500 calories in the process.However, it’s counterbalanced by the 30,000 calories of stuffed pizza I eat when I finally get them.Appendix 1:Old jeans and college sweater – sports bar followed by a house party. Vintage clothing – Faux dive bar and tattoo parlor Miniskirt and leggings – quiet cafe that turns into a wine bar after 4pm Short black wig, man’s white shirt and cocaine in her purse – 1950s theme diner Cocktail dress with a small handgun tucked into her garter – Opening night at a casino, challenge her to playful game of high-stakes baccarat. Blood-stained clown costume – Chuck E Cheese Tank top, sweat pants and tells you to help yourself to some ice tea while she is in the bathroom – Get out of there, Chris Hansen is around the corner.Tank top, sweat pants and tells you to help yourself to some ice tea while she is in the bathroom – Get out of there, Chris Hansen is around the corner…and sheriff’s deputies in the rose bushes outside.You’re screwed already.

54. Dual blind date cheat code:Dad tells a story of he and a buddy taking two nursing students on a dual blind date to a drive-in movie. Eventually the girls say they’re going to go to the bathroom, naturally to compare notes. The guys offer to go first and make sure there aren’t any creeps hanging around the bathroom. The guys go have a look, smoke a cigarette, and head back to the car. “The coast is clear.” The girls then go off to the ladies’ room.The guys then listen to the tape recorder hidden under the seat of the car.Edit: Not everyone understood where the recorder was hidden. (You flunk spy school.)WOW.Both inspiring and creepy at the same time…

The List of Real Life Cheat Codes:Part 1

Collected by AskReddit

1. Stop: Stop: Play. Skip advertisements in movies and go strait to the movie.

2. Dial 0 during most automatic menu phone systems to be taken to operator to route your call. also, mashing buttons may work as well. Whenever you have a voice automated phone system, typically saying “representative” gets you someone right away. Update In regards to Cheat Code # 2 I recommend this site:http://gethuman.com/

3. keep a spare car key in your wallet/purse. If you have a bulky Key that won’t fit in your wallet, get a key made that doesn’t have the electronic chip on it. It will still unlock the car, it just won’t start it. changed by popular request Risk Update: if your wallet is stolen they have your car key. All they need to do is go to your house some time later and take your car out of your driveway.

4. Riding a bicycle will save you lots of money on gas, parking, medical bills, and gym memberships.

5. If you are speeding and suddenly up ahead see a cop that clearly just tagged you, slow down and wave to him/her. Your odds of being pulled over are quite a bit reduced.

6. Don’t be rude, but NEVER answer any cops questions when they call you in for questioning.

7. when getting lectured into voice mail, hit 1, pause momentarily. If you aren’t put through immediately, hit *, pause. Finally, hit # if neither 1 or * worked. It is called the 1-star-pound technique, and it works for all cell carriers.

8. If your credit card magnetic stripe starts to get worn from use and being in your wallet, and doesn’t always read in the card reader, you can use the plastic bag trick. Put the card in a plastic grocery bag and then swipe it. Not sure why it works, but it does.Taking it further though, you can simply apply a piece of quality cellophane tape over the mag stripe for a “permanent” plastic bag trick.

9. At the end of your shower turn the water really (or all the way) cold. This will wake you up and get blood flowing. Update update 9: It also closes your pores to allow for less dirt and bacteria to get in to help reduce acne problems.

10. Macy’s credit cards usually have a 20% discount on purchases. I pay with the Macy’s card, then while still at the register, I immediately pay off the charge with my debit card. I just got 20% off my purchase and I never get a credit card bill. – this also works with JCP and kohl’s cards.

11. im replacing the free movie rental cheat because its unpopular…mostly with movie rental clerks :-/ heres a new one! When you buy something online, you usually get a chance to enter a promo code before you purchase. Google the promo codes. They’re out there – you can get anything from free shipping to 25% off the purchase.

12. Turn it off, then on again.

13. Buy things out of season, this can save you money. Unless its food, then buy it in season.

14. When you have forgotten someones name, simply say : “I’m sorry, but what was your name one more time.” They may act offended, but when they give you there first name you simply reply “No, I meant your last name.” (more socially acceptable to forget). Bingo. First and last names.

15. When eating buffalo wings, the flat portions. You can detach the smaller bone on one end very easily, then twist it a bit and it will just slide out. You’re now left with a big hunk of meat and only 1 bone, you can just bite it off into your mouth in one piece, flintstones-style. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRcOY-PvOC8

16. Gently work an orange in your hands to loosen the peel from the fruit. This makes it easy enough to get the whole peel in one shot.

17. Can’t find your car in a parking lot? hitting the lock button trying to get it to beep? Extend the distance of key-less entry by putting the key under your chin. The signal will resonate in your skull increasing the range dramatically. I swear to god this works, and I’m told it’s safe because the radiation is non-ionizing.verification notice from ddrt via AskReddit sent 20 hours ago 9 is called the scottish shower. Just sayin’ EDIT: I just tried #17 holy shit it works!

18. If you get a ticket on the windshield of your car, you can potentially get away with parking illegally in the same lot for the rest of the day by keeping the ticket on your windshield. edited reduced from a few days for a single day.

19. Most tinfoil and saran wrap boxes have little push-in tabs on the sides. If you push them in, the roll won’t fall out when you try to rip out a sheet of it.

20. Keep a list of all of the credit card phone numbers (1-800) in your cell phone. This way, if your wallet is ever lost, you can call them immediately to have them disabled. It’s also a good idea to place all of the cards in your wallet on a copier and print a page to keep at home. This will give you access to your License #, etc.Update: You should update 20. If you lose your wallet.. as in misplace it.. put a hold on your credit cards. Do NOT cancel. If you cancel it can later show up on your credit report. If you believe you are going to find it later, placing a hold saves you the red mark on your report.

21. If you are driving an unfamiliar car and you don’t know which side the gas tank is on, just look at the little pump icon next to the gas gauge on the dashboard. The pump handle on the icon will be on the side of the tank. Update: saw the gas tank one on an older reddit, turns out the handle thing is not consistant. But there IS usually a little arrow next to the icon. Second Update 99% of the time the gas door is opposite of the tailpipe. So far, I have only found that early-mid 2000 Pontiac Vibes break this trend. Third update if there is no arrow, then it most likely is on the passenger’s side. I’ve yet to see one without an arrow that wasn’t on the passenger’s side

22. this tip was unpopular, so im changing it This one changed my life. If you’re at home/work/party or GOD forbid your girlfriend’s house and the toilet starts to overflow, take the lid off the back reservoir part and lift the long handle as far up as it will go. The water will stop rising and then you can quietly mutter curses at it till it goes back down (which it does, more often than not…) link to a Diagram:http://superhomeideas.com/images/toilet.gif

23. to peel a boiled egg, roll it around on your plate for a while until all of the eggshell is cracked evenly. Then it’s easy to remove the complete shell at once. After you boil eggs immediately place them in ice cold water for a few minutes. No vinegar or salt or oil or whatever people use. Shells slip right off

24. you spill any liquid that will stain on your carpet (red wine, juice, etc), pour some salt on it. Work it into the carpet – just rub it in with your hands. Leave it there for a few hours (for serious stains, up to a day) and vacuum it out. Voila, stain gone.

25. If you park in a large parking garage/shopping centre, get out and take a photo on your cell phone of the nearest parking sign (Area B2, etc). You will never lose your car again.

26. If you drive stick and the battery s dead, get some friends, put the key to the on position, put the car in 2nd and push the clutch down. have your friends push your car. when you get a decent speed going let the clutch up. (this is called “Popping the clutch.” your car with start and you can drive around for a while to recharge your battery(provided nothing is wrong with the battery or the alternator). Update thanks for the input guys, i switched it from 1st geear to 2nd gear.

27. Tapping on the top of a beer or soda can will make it fizz less!

28. Peel a banana from the bottom

29. 4,2,3,1 — Vending machine cheat code. (As in, the vertical buttons machines, like this one ). will grant access to vending machine’s diagnostic menu. most times the fun features are disabled, but i’ve gotten a free powerade and a couple cokes in the past.

30. use this at your own risk Re: #30, I worked as a parking enforcement officer during college and we can tell when it’s fake. The fine for this offense (at the university I worked at) was $250, and usually a ban from parking at the university (i.e., booted or towed on sight). College Parking Cheat Code: Anyone who’s gone to a college or university knows they usually charge a ridiculous amount of money for parking (usually $300+ for a semester pass or $10+ for the daily passes), a service that should fucking be free for students considering the high cost of education. Fuck them. Buy one daily pass at the beginning of the school year (usually a small paper ticket printed out a machine on the lot), take it home and scan it, photoshop the date for tomorrow, and print. Repeat for the next 4 years. Anyone with even the most rudimentary photoshop skills can pull this off convincingly. Even if your printer is shitty, from behind the tint and glare of a car windshield, it might as well be a 7-11 receipt. I did this for 2 years at a UC and saved hundreds of dollars.

31. Walk on the sides of stairs to avoid/reduce creaks.Also works for hallways with wooden floors.Walk without rhythm and you won’t attract the worm. And for God’s sake, learn to recognize drum sand!This belongs in a subsection: ninja hints.

32. Lift yourself a little off the toilet if noise is a concern and you’re having a particularly gaseous bowel movement.The volume will decrease at least 50-60%.I’d like to see the research on that one.”Hey Carl, the db meter says that was 54% quieter than the last one!””Coming up next on Mythbusters…”Just spread your buttcheeks, the volume will reduce to a low whine.Pedophilia pro-tip.

33. pro-tip: Lay a piece or two of toilet paper down before dropping the kids off at the pool and you won’t stain the porcelain.Great for the gf’s place.but keep in mind that if you put too much TP down, you’ll have a poop barge floating under you keeping a constant stink.also, said poop barge is risky to flush because it’s taking down the bulk of the waste, rather than piece by piece.(You sound like a man who knows his shit.)

34. Talk to everyone like you would your best mate, and smile.I thought the smiling thing was bullshit until I actually became happy for real.Everyone is nicer when you’re smiling at them.I was telling my grandmother this one day and she told me, “Honey, the secret is to kill ’em with kindness. Its really hard to be mean to someone that’s really nice to you.”Every time I find myself dealing with someone who’s difficult or rude, I hear my grandmother’s voice in the back of my mind saying “just kill ’em with kindness!”and you know, I’ve never been in a situation where it didn’t work.My ex girlfriend gave me the same advice.Works on everyone but her.The bonus of killing them with kindness, is that it makes certain already mad people absolutely irate, so you’re there being nice and polite and they’re flipping their shit, making you look awesome.That was my favorite part of working retail.

Bonus: Yeah, I know.

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Top 100 little-known sites Everyone should know about

Collected by AskReddit

Tempalias

If you need to enter an e-mail somewhere but don’t want to get spammed, It gives you one that not only lets you receive mail, but temporarily forwards it to your actual e-mail. Way more convenient than something like Mailinator.

w3schools

It is an awful website. http://w3fools.com is a spoof which explains why.

Stereomood

Great for song hunting and taking some rest from your old GrooveShark playlists.

Khan Academy

Free lessons on a variety of useful topics in science, math, econ, history, etc. Doesn’t get nearly the amount of attention it should. Khan even got recognized by Bill Gates

Academic Earth

Never used Khan Academy, but It has some pretty good stuff.

MIT open course

I know a lot of friends that have learned calculus from this site after their teacher…uh…failed to explain it. A+. Would visit again!

The New Boston

In the same league as Khan Academy, It is a hell of a resource for programming tutorials and they’re starting to branch out into other areas as well.

ninite.com

No website has saved me more time than ninite.com.Ninite has been extremely helpful when dealing with family computers. One stop shop for a lot of the things I use.

compassionpit

It is a website i wish more people used. Oh this is cute! I love listening to people. I shall have to try this.

Zamzar

Free online file conversion.

whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com

Tells you what the fuck to make for dinner.from the the people that brought you…http://thefuckingweather.com/But not the people who brought you http://www.whatshouldifuckingdo.comAnd also, http://whatthefuckismysocialmediastrategy.com/

radio3net.ro

Streaming full length versions of 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die.Sinatra to The Monkees to Beck to Miles Davis

downforeveryoneorjustme.com

Its also a great way to see if /b/ is currently being ddos”d, or your internet slowed down.

eztv.it

So convenient for people who like shows.

wallbase.net

Best wallpapers website ever.

steakhouseorgaybar.com

This is deceptively difficult.

simplynoise.com

I use it every night to get to sleep. Different kinds of background noise to relax you and help you concentrate.

SomaFM

Free internet radio out of San Francisco. Tons of stations/genres, and no commercials. It’s the bomb-diggity 🙂

erowid.org

Everyone should know the basics about common drugs. It’s useful information, and very interesting.

slickdeals.net

i don’t buy anything besides food/gas unless i saw it on slickdeals

postsecret

every sunday!

Nerd Boyfriend

A fashion site with pictures of celebrity males AND links to where you can buy what they’re wearing.

Brain Pickings

This, along with BigThink and TED make up my 3 main websites for intellectual stimulation (sorry reddit, you don’t count). Awesome little insights into culture.

Signals vs. Noise

A great blog about web design and design in general, small businesses, entrepreneurship, and many other topics. A great look at newer, more contemporary business design.

Mellow Monk

A blog about tea, but also Asian aesthetics and simplicity/peace in living. I think the writer used to be a redditor, don’t know if he still is.

fearthegaychicken.org

It’s funny because it’s .org

5secondfilms.com

5 second films…. They make my day!!!!!

boxoh.com

Best package tracking website ever

returnmypants.com

Borrow stuff from friends? Do they borrow from you? Keep track

simpledesktops.com

Minimalist desktop site that I love

sleepyti.me

Bedtime calculator (based on length of sleeping cycles, this helps you feel more rested)

library.nu

formerly known as Gigapedia. Literally tens of thousands of books.

Music/Sound

Learn/Education/Tutorials

Tools

Resources

Forums/Discussion

Media/News/Galleries

Other

Bonus: 4chan on Parenting