Monthly Archives: May 2010

The 5 Most Overused Expressions On The Internet

Written by Hortense

The 5 Most Overused Expressions On The  Internet

As someone who has been moderating comments for over two years (and using the internet for about 17), I’ve seen a lot of internet slang fads come and go. But there are some phrases, it seems, that just won’t die:

I’m not going to go so far as to say these phrases should be outright banned (mostly because that never works) nor am I going to deny using any of these phrases at one point or another (everyone has at some point, I’m sure), but lately it seems like it’s getting harder and harder not to feel slightly irritated when coming across one of the following phrases, which seem to have overstayed their welcome by at least four years:

5. “DIAF/Die In A Fire.”

This is one of those expressions that people throw out in order to let everyone know just how much they HATE somebody, as dying in a fire is perhaps one of the worst possible ways to die. I really, really hate this expression. I’ve always hated this expression. How did this expression ever get popular? It’s one of those things that is strictly internet-only: if you ever went to some random party and pointed to another human being and said, “That’s Alan. I hope he dies in a fire,” everyone would look at you like you were Patrick Bateman in a dress and then whisper, “That was a bit much, right?” as soon as you hopped off to pet a kitten or talk about American Idol or what have you. And even if you don’t agree with my personal distaste for the phrase (and wish that I, too, would DIAF), you have to at least admit that the phrase is really, really tired. It’s so old and overdone at this point that it’s akin to saying “get bent” or “drop dead” or “stick a rubber hose up your nose” or what have you. I’m not telling you you can’t hate people, internet. God knows I wouldn’t take that away from you. But when your go-to attack phrase is as overused at this one, it probably needs to die, too, in whatever horrible way you can imagine it to.

4. FAIL:

“Fail,” as a concept, can be fun. Look at FailBlog! You can easily laugh at whatever dumb/funny stuff gets thrown up there, because it is, in fact, a failure of sorts, but one that finds success in being awful/unusual, and therefore actually ends up winning in some bizarro Bad News Bears kind of way. But “fail” has replaced “awesome” as the word that everyone needs to pull back on by roughly 9000%. Your inability to finish breakfast at the diner last week was not a “Pancake Fail.” Your mascara getting in your hair is not a “Cosmetics Fail.” Fail is catchy and easy to use, which makes it the -ista of internetisms, attached to everything to make it conversationally trendy. You don’t have to give it up completely, but if you’re using FAIL! to scold the government and FAIL! to mock your cat’s inability to piss in the litter box and FAIL! to recall that time you ate a paper clip, the phrase itself kind of loses a bit of power, doesn’t it?

3. “THIS.”

We have all done THIS. This! THIS THIS THIS! SO MUCH THIS! THIS!!!! THIS THIS! It’s a more enthusiastic way to say, “Yes, I agree, you’ve completely captured my thoughts on this subject and expressed them in a way I couldn’t quite express myself. Thank you, fellow internet user. You are correct, and I appreciate your input.” And that’s fine. I get that. It’s a relief, sometimes, to see that someone has perfectly put together the thoughts that are floating around in your brain. But lately it seems that “THIS” has taken on a life of its own. People tend to get annoyed in forums when people pipe in with “me, too!” or “I totally agree!” but somehow, “THIS” gets a pass, because it’s more definitive, and currently quite popular as an internet tool of expression. But “THIS” can actually be detrimental to a conversation, especially when the THIS! poster only posts that one word, and nothing else. Yeah, you agree, but why? For what reasons? Why is whatever this comment is so very THIS to you? Why can’t it be THAT? It’s one of those things that’s fine in moderation, but used too often, the very emphasis it’s supposed to provide—that whatever comment it follows is a definitive statement or the truth, end of story, thanks for playing, have a nice day—becomes watered down and meaningless.

2. TL; DR/ “Too long; didn’t read.”

People are still doing this! In 2010! (They are also using too many exclamation points! And by they, I mean me! THIS! Epic Fail!) I have no idea why this still exists. If something on the internet is too long for you to read, I’m sorry. Life is hard. Go to Twitter.

1. “Wow…just, wow.”

NO, JUST NO. This is maybe the most annoying phrase in internet history. “Wow…just wow,” is one of the laziest remarks you’ll see in any comment section, because it requires no thought whatsoever while implying that the reader does, in fact, have several thoughts on whatever brought them to the brink of implied speechlessness. It is never “wow, just wow.” That phrase holds a million reactions, all watered down into a cliche, and it’s unfortunate, in that some of the best emotional reactions to seriously weird/insane/disturbing/amazing things on the internet could be written in place of this tired, tired, tired remark, and they aren’t. If something has moved you to the point where you have no words, fine. But don’t throw out three overused words to express it. If you’re able to hit your keys, go beyond “wow, just wow,” and explain why you’re so amazed/horrified/blown away by whatever it is you just read/saw. Either that, or skip to another site and catch the latest trend that’s suddenly bordering on overexposure by posting a picture of someone you want to have sex with alongside the caption “UNF,” which the Urban Dictionary defines as the “Universal Noise of Fucking.”

So there you have it. Like I said earlier, we’ve all done these things. We’ll all, myself included, probably do these things again, millions of times. But I don’t think it would hurt to consider, at the very least, pulling back on a few of these phrases, at least for a little while.

All requests to STFU, DIAF, tell me things are full of win, TL; DR, or a total fail, yell THIS! or paste a picture of a cat saying something funny can be posted in the comments below.

Here’s Christian Bale. UNF, am I right?

The 5 Most Overused Expressions On The  Internet

[Image via Natalie Dee.]

Meet the New Young Millionaires

Written by Geoff Williams

Forget Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. The founders of Facebook, YouTube, and other upstart companies are shaking up the business world — and making millions along the way.

For many, the American dream isn’t just to become a millionaire — it’s to become a young millionaire. There’s something to be said for coming up with a million-dollar idea relatively early in the game of life.

With original whiz kids like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs paving the way, a new generation of entrepreneurs is putting their own spin on success — and making a lot of money along the way. How did they do it? While they may have taken slightly different paths, these young millionaires all found a way to turn unique ideas into lucrative ventures. Here’s a closer look.

Young millionaire: Mark Zuckerberg, 26

His claim to fame: Zuckerberg co-founded Facebook, which this year will bring in anywhere from $710 million to $1 billion in revenue, according to various reports. Zuckerberg’s own wealth is believed to be $4 billion — at least on paper.

His blueprint for success: Zuckerberg started Facebook from his dorm room on February 4, 2004. The Harvard student didn’t intend for his page to go beyond Harvard, but he soon recognized the appeal of being able to connect with college friends. He brought aboard his roommate Dustin Moskovitz and later classmates Eduardo Saverin and Chris Hughes, as they began expanding Facebook to other universities like Stanford, Dartmouth, Columbia and Yale. Facebook took off, first with college kids then high school students, and in June 2006, many corporations were allowed to join. In September 2006, Facebook opened the floodgates to the general public. Today, the site claims more than 400 million active users worldwide.

Young millionaire: Stacey Bendet, 32

Her claim to fame: She founded alice + olivia, a wildly successful women’s clothing line, which brings in a reported $50 million a year.

Her blueprint for success: Bendet started her business with University of Pennsylvania classmate Rebecca Matchett (alice + olivia is named after the founders’ mothers), and the collection is now sold in more than 800 stores around the world. Why the company became successful may simply be traced to Bendet’s creativity. New York once reported that while in college, Bendet Rollerbladed to a job interview dressed in orange pants and a fur bomber jacket. Today, her collections are known for being sophisticated but always adorned in a sense of fun and a little quirkiness. And what happened to Matchett? The two parted ways pretty early in their partnership, but Matchett isn’t doing so badly either — she is the co-founder of another clothing company called Rebecca & Drew.

Young millionaires: Dennis Crowley, 33, and Naveen Selvadurai, 28

Their claim to fame: They founded Foursquare, which has been valued at $80 million.

Their blueprint for success: Foursquare allows users to alert their Facebook friends and Twitter followers where they are at any given time, encouraging everyone to check out cool places they’ve discovered. Selvadurai is a software developer and Crowley knows something about social media (he sold Dodgeball, a location-based social network, to Google in 2005). Foursquare, a combination of software and social networking, is based on a very human desire: to get out and see things and share experiences with people. Selvadurai created it simply because, as he told BusinessWeek, “I live in the East Village, which has so much rich history and so much to do, and I realized that I’d seen maybe 5 percent of it. I was looking for a way to get me and my friends to go out and do more things.”

Young millionaire: Aaron Patzer, 30

His claim to fame: He created, a money-management site. Last year, Intuit bought it for $170 million.

His blueprint for success: Patzer has always been something of an overachiever. As an undergrad at Duke University, he earned degrees in computer science, electrical engineering, and computer engineering. He later started a Ph.D. program, decided that it wasn’t practical, and got his MSEE (Masters Degree in Electrical Engineering) at Princeton instead. So maybe it isn’t a shock that he was only 25 when he created Still, you don’t need to have an advanced degree to understand why Patzer was successful. Everyone has money — or wants it — and Patzer created an easy-to-use site that helps people keep more of it.

Young millionaire: Andrew Mason, 29

His claim to fame: He created Groupon, a coupon site like no other. Revenue is estimated to hit $350 million in 2010, and the company has been valued at $1.2 billion.

His blueprint for success: Mason harnessed the power of collective buying action. Groupon, available in cities nationwide, offers discounts from local businesses — generally significant discounts, like 59 percent off admission to a laser-tag arcade or 67 percent off a week at a daycare center. If enough consumers respond that they’ll take a particular deal, it goes forward. If not enough respond, the business can pull the deal. It’s a win-win situation for everyone, since customers save a ton of money, businesses gets an influx of customers, and Groupon takes up to 50 percent of the cut.

Young millionaire: David Chang, 32

His claim to fame: Back in 2004, he created Momofuku, a noodle bar in New York City, which has since spawned a mini empire of line-out-the-door restaurants across the Big Apple.

His blueprint for success: Since opening his original noodle bar, Chang has expanded to several other locations, including Momofuku Ko, a 12-seat restaurant that takes reservations six days in advance, online only, and on a first-come first-served basis — infuriating some fine-dining folks who want to eat there sooner and more frequently. Nonetheless, the restaurant is always packed. Chang has also authored a cookbook, and for his creative-yet-affordable culinary creations, earned himself a spot on the 2010 Time 100 list.

Young millionaires: Chad Hurley, 34; Steve Chen, 32; Jawed Karim, 31

Their claim to fame: If you’ve ever watched a video of a cat playing the piano or Susan Boyle singing her heart out, you know these guys. Yep, they co-founded YouTube.

Their blueprint for success: Hurley worked at PayPal and talked up the idea of a video-sharing site with two coworkers, Chen and Karim. When they were given a bonus after eBay bought PayPal, they used that — along with some venture capital — to build an office in a garage. It was there, in February 2005, that they started YouTube. While Hurley, Chen, and Karim’s exact net worth is unknown, but you can do the math: Google bought YouTube in November 2006 for $1.65 billion.

Young millionaire: Kevin Rose, 33

His claim to fame: He created Digg, a content-sharing site with estimated revenue of $31 million.

His blueprint for success: Like a lot of these young millionaires, Rose tapped into the wisdom and acceptance of crowds. Rose’s business depends on people from all walks of life around the globe. In a nutshell, Digg asks people to vote on a story, asking them if they “Digg” it. Rose was featured on the cover of BusinessWeek in 2006 with the cover line: “How This Kid Made $60 Million in 18 Months.” Despite plenty of critics who question whether the site has a solid business model, recently suggested that the company could be worth $250 million.

Simba, One Day You Will Be King

The Secret Powers of Time

Found by 3rdeyeview

Time is the most important resource you have. This video is a great example of how your perspective of time can change you.

Professor Philip Zimbardo conveys how our individual perspectives of time affect our work, health and well-being. Time influences who we are as a person, how we view relationships and how we act in the world.

Watch on Youtube

25 Horribly Sexist Vintage Ads

Collected by Oral Adams

Since the 50’s, a lot has changed in way of women’s rights and their duties in and out of the house. I highly doubt any company could get away with phrases like “The Chef [mixer] does everything but cook – that’s what wives are for!” nowadays. Or how about an ad agency pitching a company an idea of a wife bent over her husband’s knee as he prepares to spank her.

I must admit, although these are sexist and not very appropriate (but still funny nonetheless), which would you prefer…these or the horribly racy ads that are prevalent currently?

Bonus: How LOST should’ve ended

Don’t Panic – 42 Awesome Ways to Use a Towel

Written by Tim Daffodil

Don’t Panic – 42 Awesome Ways to Use a Towel

The 25th of May marks Towel Day across the Universe, and as all good hitchhikers will know, “A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.”

Towel Day is in honour of the late great Douglas Adams, who will forever be remembered for creating the greatest tome of space travel ever written: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Please join the great Towel Day celebrations with Facebook shares and tweeting about #towelday.

How useful can a towel really be? I hear you cry. Well the Hitchhiker’s Guide gives us nine top uses for towels (the first nine in this list), but there are many many more. In prime hitchhiker tradition here are the top 42 ways to use a towel.

42 Useful Things to Do With a Towel

1. Wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta.

2. Lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours.

3. Sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon.

4. Use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth.

5. Wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat.

6. Wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes.

7. Avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you).

8. Wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal.

9. Dry yourself off with it.

10. Attach it to a pole to make your very own flag – preferably with the “Don’t Panic” slogan.

11. Stuff your ears with it to block out the sound of Kria poetry (the second worst poetry in the Universe).

12. Set up the perfect foil to cover a towel sized hole to capture enemies.

13. Wear it as a majestic superhero cape.

14. Horde your precious Altairian dollars using your towel as a makeshift moneybag.

15. Wave it around madly like a Matador to confound intergalactic beasts.

16. Cover your modesty.

17. Fold it into a comfy pillow – easier to hold onto than the flying pillows of Squornshellous Delta.

18. Carefully wrap around a stick, dunk in flammable liquid and use as a fire torch.

19. Remove hot dishes from the oven in the absence of oven gloves.

20. Use it to support you weight as you slide down a massive zip line shouting “Cowabunga”.

21. Swat flies and other irritating space gnats that come too close.

22. Cover the solar panel of droid robots, therefore rendering them useless.

23. Catch planetary aquatic life forms in a rudimentary fishing net on Frogstar World C .

24. Roll it into a ball and stuff it down the back of your shirt to imitate a hump.

25. Soak in Algolian Claret or another alcoholic tipple of your choice as a liquid sponge.

26. Blindfold yourself with it to avoid the unimaginable horrors of the Total Perspective Vortex.

27. Use it as a sun shade from the hot rays of Ursa Minor Beta.

28. Knot it together on a stick to make a haversack.

29. Apply to bleeding wounds as a field dressing.

30. Block drafts from the door on cold planets like Epun.

31. Drape it over your porthole on a spaceship as a curtain.

32. Combine with other hitchhikers’ towels to create a giant patchwork towel quilt.

33. Make a furry sack for Christmas presents.

34. Bind particularly weak and effeminate alien prisoners in the absence of handcuffs.

35. Wrap precious cargo such as the highly sought after Antarean parakeet glands for galaxy cocktails.

36. Stuff into the gob of an annoying loudmouth who will not shut up.

37. Whip lazy beasts that travel too slowly for your liking.

38. Open up your towel into a parachute on low-gravity planets.

39. Keep it across your face to ward off the dust and sand blizzards of Dangrabad Beta.

40. A knotted towel can be used as a short but effective climbing rope.

41. Tie neatly around your head to create a towel Turban.

42. Create a grand tent for a travelling Intergalactic Flea Circus.

NASA Earth from Space

The Alot is Better Than You at Everything

Written by Hyperbole and a Half

As a grammatically conscientious person who frequents internet forums and YouTube, I have found it necessary to develop a few coping mechanisms.  When someone types out “u” instead of “you,” instead of getting mad, I imagine them having only one finger on each hand and then their actions seem reasonable.  If I only had one finger on each hand, I’d leave out unnecessary letters too!

If I come across a person who seems to completely ignore the existence of apostrophes and capital letters and types things like “im an eagle and im typing with my talons, so dont make fun of me cuz this is hard,” I like to imagine that they actually are an eagle typing with their talons.  It would be a hassle if you had to hop in the air and use your feet to karate-chop two keys simultaneously every time you wanted to use the shift key to make a capital letter.   Also, eagles lack manual dexterity, so I can understand why they’d want to leave out apostrophes.  Eagles are all about efficiency.

But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering.  It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase “a lot” and condense it down into one word, because when someone says “alot,” this is what I imagine:

The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people’s grammar.  It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I’d normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.

For example, when I read the sentence “I care about this alot,” this is what I imagine:

Similarly, when someone says “alot of _______”, I picture an Alot made out of whatever they are talking about.

If someone says something like “I feel lonely alot” or “I’m angry alot,” I’m going to imagine them standing there with an emo haircut, sharing their feelings with an Alot.

The Alot is incredibly versatile.

So the next time you are reading along and you see some guy ranting about how he is “alot better at swimming than Michael Phelps,” instead of getting angry, you can be like “You’re right!  Alots are known for their superior swimming capabilities.”

Don’t judge him until you read it all…

Written by flossdaily

Before you read this: Please don’t judge me… I’m just sharing my story because people asked…

Wow… okay, I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it’s late and I’m sleep deprived so i guess I’ll just write it now and regret it in the morning :/

First of all, – just for some background: My mom died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn’t about her. I guess that’s fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad’s family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

I don’t want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn’t make it for me- but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. (My dad’s family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it).

Sooo… I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home.

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it’s pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her… and it wasn’t a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn’t like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn’t sisterly.

After we left, we all went to crash with my Sister’s friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my Sister, and I got a little jealous. He’s a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I’m not saying that I’m proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.

My friend and my sister never hooked up I don’t think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart… and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I’ve ever fucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh.

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can’t say I was surprised.

But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party… my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.