The List of Real Life Cheat Codes:Part 3

Collected by AskReddit

55. Always be polite. People will treat you better if you’re both friendly and respectful.

56. Buying a new car is functionally equivalent to buying a used car and then paying an exorbitant sum of money to have it cleaned.

57. If you make eye contact with someone, smile and nod. You never know when you’ll run into them again, and it’s better to seem friendly than socially awkward.

58. Find a genre of novels that interests you and spend some time reading. It will expand your vocabulary and improve your grammar.

59. Be careful when someone asks you about religion. Few ask out of genuine curiosity; most who bring up the subject can’t stand the thought that others disagree with them, and feel the need to confirm that others agree with them and convert anyone who doesn’t. Either way no useful conversation will result. A similar rule applies to politics.

60. Details matter, so pay attention at all times.

61. Never chug anything over 40 proof.

62. Get the good stuff. Expensive beer is more enjoyable than the piss-water most people drink, and less likely to get you drunk enough to do something regrettable. Likewise, cigars you can only afford to buy once a month are more enjoyable and less likely to get you addicted than cigarettes.

63. Always use a turn signal.

64. Talking to someone who agrees with you is as useful as talking to yourself.

65. Talking to yourself is not useless. Never lie to yourself, especially about your motives. Why you do what you do is as important as what you do.

66. Honesty is a virtue. You’ll gain more respect if you’re always honest in your dealings. Don’t waste your own time dealing with dishonest people.

67. The dark tiles are lava.The light ones are stepping stones.TREAD CAREFULLY, MY FRIENDS.I don’t always play games, but when I do, I play “the floor is hot lava.”Plus, the late fees at my local library are $.05 a day.Even if you held on to a book for two months past it’s due date, you still only owe about $3.Just pay the fee, cheap-ass.

68. Fast toilet cleaning, pour 20oz of coke (or sprite) into your toilet, let sit for 10 minutes, flush. The acid will clean your bowl.

69. Corroded ends on a car battery? Same principal. Soak a rag in coke (or sprite), let sit for 10 min, the connections will be cleared.

70. If you’re ever doing anything strange or unusual in public and you’re hassled, but don’t want to give a straight answer, look your questioner straight in the eye and declare with confidence “I’m making art, do you mind not interrupting?” You can get away with just about anything.

71. Match voice volume with someone you’re speaking with, if they speak fast you speak fast, if they speak softly you speak softly. It’s a subtle way to quickly become “in synch” with someone else.

72. (U.S. only) As a general rule (since some people forget to see this), odd numbered highways run North/South and even numbered highways are East/West. Have a hard time remembering? Think of a highway near where you live? Is it even or odd? Does it run North South East or West?

73. P.C. Load Letter means Paper Cassette: Load Letter (as in letter sized paper vs legal sized paper)

74. Never watch another car’s turn signal or the driver, watch the front wheels. If they speed up, slow down, or turn you’ll actually be getting clear information about where the car is going (you can also follow the rise and fall of bumpers the same way regarding breaking). Drivers can be distracted or leave their turn signals on erroneously.

75. IF you need to be sick for something publicly, eat about half a cigarette. You’ll get sweaty dizzy pale clammy and all around you’ll look and feel sick as shit. In about 20 min after eating you’ll aggressively vomit everything you’ve eaten and expel the tobacco that’s making you sick. A dramatic, but efective way to prove sickness (people do not consider this a cheat, but I do since it helped me delay a final I was going to tank by 7 days when I was sick in the middle of the room).

76. If your shoes smell from foot odor, treat your feet, not your shoes.

77. You don’t actually need shampoo. A soapy lather does everything shampoo does.

78. If a war is near breaking out, invest in that nation’s razor blade companies. Many more young men will be shaving on a regular basis.

79. (U.S. only) before college, spend a year living independently and below the poverty line (not hard on a low earning hourly wage). When you apply for financial aid your tax reports will indicate someone that needs more grants than loans. You will be offered better deals.

80. If you were alive in 2006, you are one of the many recipients of Time Magazine’s Person of the Year Award. In 2006 Time Magazine gave “Everyone” the Award while making their cover as close to a mirror as possible. Be sure you mark it on your resume.

81. I poured a bunch of coke in my toilet but the powder just clogged together, now i’m out 40 bucks.Just tried the Coke in the toilet thing.Just tried the Coke in the toilet thing. Didn’t work, then I realized that I was using diet Coke and its probably the sugar that does the trick. SO… I went back to the kitchen and grabbed a Monster energy drink loaded with the sugar. Dumped it in the toilet and took a piss while I was there, came back 10 minutes later to find that my dog drank almost all the toilet water filled with Monster and my piss….. FAIL..

82. If I’ve learned anything from my internet provider about connection issues, its:Step 1.Reset your modem by removing the power cable for at least 30 seconds and then plugging it back in.Step 2.Restart your computer.Step 3.If you’re still having connection issues, repeat steps 1 and 2 above until it works.The thirty seconds is to let thetans out

83. Babywipes for the bathroom.Seriously, your life will be +1.

84. PROTIP: To test a remote, put your cell phone in picture mode and face the remote towards the phone and push a button.Cell phones can see light outside of the visible spectrum and if the remote works you will see the light flash on your camera screen.What about pointing the remote at the TV and seeing if it turns on or off?hey man i can’t afford TVs, i just have the remotes…

85. When studying arts at university, take notes on your prof’s political/philosophical ideologies and worldviews.Regurgitate in essays and on exams for an A grade.Also, margins, font, font size, etc. are incredibly important.Never neglect these.Also, if your paper is just a bit short of the length guidelines, do a find/replace for all your punctuation in 2 font sizes larger.The extra spacing may give you the few lines you need with out changing the letter font size.Also, if you’re losing momentum on an assignment and need to take a quick mental break, do a find-and-replace for all instances of “the” and replace with “the fucking.”Then have your computer read it to you.Just remember to hit undo.As an arts professor, don’t mess with the margins/font size etc. It’s painfully obvious after reading literally thousands of pages of properly formatted papers.I do love how, as an arts professor, you left the ‘regurgitate the profs ideology and worldview’ part of that comment alone.

86. Pull on your hair in the shower, if it squeaks you already shampooed it.Useful when cleaning a lot of bodies.maybe you shouldn’t smoke pot before showering..then you’d remember that you already washed your hair.Maybe you should smoke pot before showering…then you’d know how much fun showering high is.

87. Set your browser’s homepage to a random Wikipedia page .Mysteries await!It’s not so brilliant.I did this for a while and usually just landed on tiny stub wiki pages about tiny villages in Poland.

88. When you have forgotten someones name, simply say : “I’m sorry, but what was your name one more time.”They may act offended, but when they give you their first name you simply reply “No, I meant your last name.”(more socially acceptable to forget).Bingo.First and last names.I’m a shame to the Grammar SS.

89. If you press the street crossing button 400 times, the light will change.

90. I’ve never been able to pull this off because it always changes at 370 or so.I guess I’m just not doing it right.

91. On most elevators, press “close door” and your floor number at the same time for express service.You will skip all floors between even if people are calling the elevator.I hope you were wearing an evil smirk as you passed.

92. If your credit card magnetic stripe starts to get worn from use and being in your wallet, and doesn’t always read in the card reader, you can use the plastic bag trick.Put the card in a plastic grocery bag and then swipe it.Not sure why it works, but it does.Taking it further though, you can simply apply a piece of quality cellophane tape over the mag stripe for a “permanent” plastic bag trick.I worked as cashier and this works.

93. Default installations of Windows XP Home have an unpassworded administrator account.Press Ctrl+Alt+Del twice on the login screen and you’ll be taken to one where you can enter any username – put in “Administrator”, no password, and you’re in.this doesn’t count as real life.

94. Reduce potential maternal chiropractic bills by avoiding the cracks.

95. The code to every single Staples copy machine is “1 1 1 1”.So put in a copying card with $1 on it, then go into admin mode on the machine.From there, turn off its external link to the machine that charges you.Ta-dah!Free copies!ta-dah!free chance of a criminal conviction for theft but probably just free copies.

96. Walk forwards 3 steps, then sidestep right 1 step and jump twice.This unlocks invincibility though you can still take damage, and I haven’t tested dying to see if it works.