Monthly Archives: November 2007

The 20 Worst Venture Capital Investments of All Time

Written By Inside CRM

Catastrophic collapses and classic crashes in the high-tech business world.

Some things were just never meant to be, but that doesn’t mean that investors won’t pile millions of dollars upon a bad idea – or even a good idea gone bad. Whether they crashed and burned or sucked investors dry, these ventures just didn’t work out. Check out our graveyard of dreams and money to get a look at VC (venture-capital) investments that just weren’t wise.

  1. Amp’d Mobile: Amp’d Mobile takes the crown for money-burning, with $360 million that ended in bankruptcy. The company’s major problem was its customers’ ability to pay. While other mobile providers check for an ability to pay bills within 30 days, Amp’d let it go to 90 days and marketed to these risky customers. It has been reported that 80,000 of the company’s 175,000 customers were unable to pay their bills.
  2. Procket: Networking company Procket was once one of the most highly valued telecom startups in the U.S. It had $272 million in venture-capital funding and a valuation of $1.55 billion but was ultimately sold to industry behemoth Cisco Systems Inc. for a disappointing $89 million.
  3. Webvan: Webvan was a grocery-delivery business that served nine metropolitan areas. Once valued at $1.2 billion with plans to expand to 26 cities, the company went bankrupt in 2001. Despite millions in sales, the company’s demise was brought on by a money-burn that exceeded sales growth. Major purchases included $1 billion for warehouses, enterprise servers and more than 100 Aeron chairs. Additionally, it acquired HomeGrocer just a few months before going under. This fast expansion proved to be too much for Webvan. This company that once had about $800 million in venture capital ended up with $830 million in losses, with about $40 million on hand.
  4. Caspian Networks: Caspian Networks, orgiginally founded as Packetcom Inc., had a number of ups and downs, including a washout in 2002; the company finally shut down in 2006. Caspian Networks fluctuated from more than $300 million in funding and 323 employees to less than 100 employees and closed doors.
  5. This icon of the dot-com bubble died out in November of 2000, going from a listing in NASDAQ to liquidation in just nine short months. The site sold pet supplies and accessories online. Once backed with $50 million by Hummer Winblad Venture Partners, Bowman Capital, and Inc., had promise and even bought out competitor But in the end, its stock bottomed out at 19 cents per share. Remembered for its sock-puppet ads, the expense of its $1.2 million Super Bowl ad, as well as large infrastructure investments, proved to be too much.’s sock puppet lives on as the icon of BarNone Inc.
  6. Optiva: Optiva, a nanotech company that laminated flat-screen TV sets, had to shut down after it failed to continue to raise funding. It initially raised and ran through $41.5 million in venture capital. The problem was that it took too long to release its product, which was obsolete by the time it came to market.
  7.’s small-goods delivery service, while a recipient of around $250 million in investment, and popular with students and young professionals, ultimately met its end and liquidated in 2001. Its business model was criticized as unprofitable because it didn’t charge for deliveries.’s demise is profiled in the documentary film e-Dreams.
  8. CueCat: This much-mocked pen-sized bar-code scanner was designed to make finding information about ads easier. Instead, Digital Convergence Corp., CueCat’s creator, burned through $185 million from investors like The Coca-Cola Co. and General Electric Co. The device simply failed to catch on, and it was plagued with security problems.
  9. DeNovis Inc.: DeNovis software once attempted to change the medical-claims world but ended up shutting down instead. It raised $125 million in venture capital and had 110 employees. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough, and this promising solution simply didn’t have the cash to hang on until the software could be launched.
  10. PointCast Inc.: After tens of millions of dollars in venture capital and a $400 million buy offer, PointCast was finally sold for $7 million. It was originally touted as the next big thing, but failed to live up to its hype when its software and downloads irritated customers.
  11. eToys: Despite being measured as the “benchmark against which all other sites are measured,” eToys ended in bankruptcy. The company was largely edged out by, which formed a partnership with Toys ‘R’ Us, but ultimately, customers just weren’t willing to wait a few days for their Legos. It was backed by VC firms Idealab, Highland Capital Partners LLC and Sequoia Capital Partners.
  12. AllAdvantage: AllAdvantage offered Internet users 50 cents per hour to watch banner ads on a “Viewbar.” Of course, the problem with their business model was that advertisers didn’t see the appeal of the low-pay demographic AllAdvantage offered. This company represents $135 million in venture capital down the drain.
  13. FastForward: FastForward’s software and design took a nosedive due to faltering profits. Investors sunk $54 million into the company, which ended with bankruptcy and a selloff designed to raise funds to pay around $2 million in debts.
  14. Xoma: While many pharmaceutical companies enjoy soaring profits, Xoma isn’t one of them. This 26-year old company has not earned a profit since its inception in 1981. In fact, it has run through more than $700 million. Its stock has gone from highs of $32 per share to $3.04. Of course, this company’s future is much more promising than many of the other companies profiled in this article. There’s still a chance that Xoma will see success, even this far down the road. Perhaps you’ll see Xoma on a future list of VC turnaround stories.
  15. Flooz was a digital currency that could be bought online and used somewhat like a gift certificate for online retailers. The company raised more than $50 million in support but, despite backing from big names like Whoopi Goldberg and J. Crew, went broke in 2001 after revenue slowed down. The company also suffered because thieves charged around $300,000 in Flooz to stolen credit cards.
  16. Vanguarde Media Inc.: Vanguarde Media, publisher of Savoy, Heart & Soul and Honey, couldn’t stay afloat, filing for bankruptcy in 2004. Even after $60 million in VC funding, the company simply wasn’t able to sustain its business model with advertising revenue. Vanguarde Media also had troubles with real estate and Web sites.
  17. Although Pixelon’s money-burn of $16 million isn’t remarkable in comparison to the other all-stars on this list, the way it was burnt certainly is. Pixelon’s founder, “Michael Fenne” was more con man than entrepreneur, spending most of the company’s investment on a Las Vegas launch party peppered with stars like Tony Bennett, Kiss and The Who. Eventually, it came out that Mr. Fenne was actually David Kim Stanley, a man on the run from the law and living in his car, who previously pleaded guilty to swindling $1.5 million from friends and neighbors.
  18. Bolt Media Inc.: Bolt Media survived the dot-com era but finally met its end. This video site, launched in 1999, had more than $60 million in venture backing, and even went through a number of trials like a management buyout in 2004. In the end, Bolt’s lawsuits kept it from being bought out by GoFish Corp., and the company has since shut down.
  19. DigiScents: Would you like to “smell” the Internet? Yeah, we didn’t think so. Neither did potential investors for DigiScents. After $20 million in investment, this smelly company was shut down because it couldn’t come up with additional cash to go on.
  20. Boo is a prime example of dot-com excess, with $120 million burned on apartments, gifts and a huge site that left dial-up modems struggling. The company had Miss Boo, a sales-assistant avatar, and loads of JavaScript and Flash. Essentially, the site lacked usability. The book “Boo Hoo: A Dot Com Story,” chronicles the company’s boom to bust.

20 Alt-Rock Songs You Must Download at Once!

Written By Steve – Seton Hall University

download music

Although much of the music world is in shambles – I’m looking at you gangsta rappers and label reps – the alternative rock scene is very strong.

The following bands may not be getting rich from their art (because of pirating and contracts that rape them of well deserved royalties) but they sure do put out some incredible music.

Here are the 20 songs you should download RIGHT NOW. Mind you I said “Download” because who has $10 laying around to buy an overpriced album from Wal-Mart or Apple, even if the artist really does deserve the money? Not me!

Sure, I’m gonna get heat on the comment board for having two Eddie Vedder songs?blow me! If you can make a better list or disagree with any songs let me hear what you’ve got to say!

All these songs and many more are currently streaming on If you want to find new music in very genre then Slacker is the way to go.

(I linked up the music video for each inpidual song – watch them by clicking the song name)

Jimmy Eat World – Big Casino
The Decemberists – O Valencia!
Cursive – At Conception
Pearl Jam – Betterman (Throwback)
My Morning Jacket – Gideon
Tegan and Sara – Back in Your Head
The Weakerthans – Night Windows
Spoon – The Underdog (Cool Video Warning)
The Starting Line – Island
The White Stripes – You Don’t Know What Love Is
The Kooks – Naive
Silversun Pickups – Well Thought Out Twinkles
Radiohead – Bodysnatchers
Say Anything – Baby Girl, I’m a Blur
Heavens – Patent Pending
Rooney – When Did Your heart Go Missing?
VHS or Beta – Can’t Believe a Single Word
Guster – Satellite
Editors – An End Has a Start
Mark Ronson – Stop Me
Eddie Vedder – Hard Sun
+ 1 for good luck: Rise Against – Prayer Of The Refugee

Top 10 Things Female Gamers Hear on Xbox Live

Written by

As a female gamer, you hear a lot of different comments on Xbox Live from random players. It doesn’t take you long to realize that the majority of jerks on Live are not the most creative of people. You tend to hear the same comments over and over and often times verbatim. Each person thinks they are the first person ever to say that. Yes, you are that smart and original. And by smart and original I mean you are the one millionth dumb ass to say that to me.

To everybody that has said these things to females online in the past and to those of you that will be saying them in the future, please come up with some new material. I say this on behalf of all female gamers that frequent Xbox Live. These comments have been heard time and time again. You are not quite as witty as you think. But we all knew that already.

Top 10 Things Female Gamers Hear on Xbox Live

Are you a girl? You can’t be a girl. Everybody knows girls don’t play video games.*
I don’t expect that you would know much about girls as you obviously don’t interact with any. Ever.

Are you playing on your brother’s/boyfriend’s account?*
Well clearly it’s not my own. Everybody knows girls don’t play video games and thus don’t have their own accounts. I don’t even think Microsoft lets females purchase their own accounts actually. I think I read that in the fine print somewhere.

You must be a fat and ugly since you play video games.*
How did you know? But of course all males that play video games are ridiculously hot. Every last one of them. Including you.

Shouldn’t you be playing Barbie Horse Adventures?*
I’ve already beaten it over 10 times. I rock at that game! Just every once in a while I need a break from it.

Hey sweetheart/beautiful/baby doll. How you doing?*
So much better now that you are here, thanks.

Dude. Dude! Are you a girl? Will you be my friend? Dude, accept my friend request! Let’s hook up!*
Yes please! Because I really am that incredibly desperate for friends. And hook ups as well.

How old are you? Where do you live? Do you have a MySpace page?*
I will share all of that information with you as long as you promise to stalk me. Frequently.

Girls belong in the kitchen. Go make me a sandwich.*
I am in the kitchen making a sandwich. I just beat you playing with one hand.

Are you a boy? When are your balls gonna drop?*
They already did. And your mom tells me I have the manliest voice ever. Every night. At least twice.

You sound hot! I bet you’re hot. Are you hot?*

The 10 Commandments of Facebook

Written by Brandon

10_commandmentsThese 10 commandments were given directly by Mark Zuckerberg to the people of the Internet, after he had set them free from MySpace slavery. And Zuckerberg spake these words, from his celestial kingdom, saying:

?I truly believe I am the Lord thy God. Behold, Facebook is upon thee??

?1. Thou shalt have no other websites before Facebook.?

I used to hate Facebook, but now I find myself there 4 or 5 times a day, most of those times without a real reason for logging in. Facebook is like a delicious beverage that somehow makes youzuck_face thirstier, even as it tastes so good. It plays to the petty Highschooler in all of us, and since it has photos and tons of personal information, it?s that much juicier.

I take it back ? Facebook isn?t a beverage, it?s a steak. A filet mignon of gossip. It rules all.

?2. Thou shalt make for thyself an anti-MySpace profile picture.?

emoI think we can all get behind this decree. No weird poses to make you look less ugly (see Commandment #8). No extreme angles to accentuate your emo bangs. Just straight up, take-it-or-leave-it, Hot-or-Not? kind of photographic honesty .

See, in Facebook, you?re mostly average, which is okay, because at least you aren?t emo. Or a thirteen year-old.

3. ?Thou shalt learn about thy friends? relationships from Facebook, and Facebook alone.?

Seriously ask yourself how many times you?ve heard relationship news from Facebook first. And then you took Facebook at its very-convincing word and passed on the news to other people as if Facebook was Gospel.

What, Timmy?s engaged? Why the hell didn?t Timmy tell me? Oh, that?s right, he put in on Facebook.


Thanks, Timmy.

4. ?Remember the News Feed, and keep it creepy.?

The News Feed is the Internet?s closet approximation to a ?Bored College Student Wish List.? It?s like Santa?s ?Naughty and Nice? list, but meant for people who have the time to lurk online. Which, it seems, is almost everybody. Especially people you wouldn?t expect.

I?m not kidding, my Dad recently joined StumbleUpon. That?s one step too close to Facebook for me. Soon enough, even he?ll be lurking on Facebook and playing the omniscient character with the Bible of Useless Information.

5. ?Thou shalt limited profile thy father and thy mother.?

Intended segues aside, do you really want your parents seeing your whole Facebook profiles? Imom_dad really do try to avoid this upcoming cliche, even modified versions of it: What happens on Facebook, stays on Facebook.

Wow, that?s awful.

I mean it, though. That?s why god invented the limited profile. To help you with those little white lies.

6. ?Thou shalt write inside jokes on thy friend?s Wall, so all can bear witness to thy popularity.?

Please, please avoid the urge to write jokes only you and your one friend in the entire world will understand on that friend?s Wall.

Think of the Wall as a digital tattoo for your friends. I have to see your friend?s Wall. Then I have to see your post. And when I read it, it makes me want to cry, but only because of its inanity.


7. ?Thou shalt poke members of the opposite sex until they finally have sex with thee, or block thee altogether, whichever comes first.?

Everybody?s done this. Well, maybe you didn?t get to the sex part, but I know you wanted to. And if you?re sitting there, shaking your head, saying ?Nooo, that?s not me,? then shame on you. Just admit it. You?ve poked somebody you wanted to have sex with, but maybe you didn?t quite get that far.

It?s alright. As long as you?re trying. Via Facebook. By virtually poking them with invisible data?


8. ?Thou shalt untag all photos that make thee look fugly.?

There are two types of people in this world: people who untag bad pictures of themselves on Facebook and people who are sane enough not to do that. And maybe those anti-Establishment types who don?t use Facebook, although we won?t worry about them.

I actually advocate the ?fugly? untagging process.


Nobody wants to see that. Nobody.

9. ?Thou shalt update thy status regularly, so that thy friends can know thy business at all times.?

Have you recently urinated? Why do I know that disgusting and useless bit of information? Because you told me. On Facebook. Awesome.

10. ?Thou shalt put thy address, screen-name, and phone number on thy profile, so that thou mayst be stalked.?

Raise your hand if you?ve ever been inappropriately contacted by someone who got your number or screen-name from Facebook. Now look at yourself. You?re a grown man or woman sitting at your computer, with one arm raised in the air for no reason at all.


What would your mother say if she saw you right now? She?d probably tell you Facebook is where all the perverts and child molesters ?chat? on the ?Interweb.?

And you know what?

She?d be right.

Facebook hath spoken.

30 Interview Questions You Can’t Ask and 30 Sneaky, Legal Alternatives to Get the Same Info

Written by HR World Editors

In every job interview, the goal is to obtain important information while building a friendly rapport with the candidate. But some questions are just a little too friendly. Protect yourself and your company from legal trouble and embarassment by avoiding the wrong questions while still getting to the root of the concern behind the question. Read on for 30 ways to turn litigious questions into harmless, legal alternatives.


Certainly, you want to be sure that a candidate can legally work for you, but it’s important to be careful how you ask. These questions address citizenship, language and other touchy subjects.

  1. What you can’t ask: Are you a U.S. citizen?

    Although this seems like the simplest and most direct way to find out if an interviewee is legally able to work for your company, it’s hands-off. Rather than inquiring about citizenship, question whether or not the candidate is authorized for work.

    What to ask instead: Are you authorized to work in the U.S.?

  2. What you can’t ask: What is your native tongue?

    Finding out about a candidate’s native language may seem like a good way to find out about their fluency, but you may offend applicants that are sensitive to common assumptions about their language. Additionally, as an employer, it’s not your concern how the applicant attained fluency in a language – just that they are fluent.

    What to ask instead: What languages do you read, speak or write fluently?

  3. What you can’t ask: How long have you lived here?

    Familiarity with local culture may be important to the position, but it’s important not to ask about a candidate’s residency in the country or region directly. Rather, ask about their current situation, and they may volunteer information about their past along the way.

    What to ask instead: What is your current address and phone number? Do you have any alternative locations where you can be reached?


Religion is a subject that should be treaded upon lightly at the office, and even more so in interviews. Protect yourself from overstepping the boundaries but still get the information you need with these questions.

  1. What you can’t ask: What religion do you practice?

    You may want to know about religious practices to find out about weekend work schedules, but it’s imperative that you refrain from asking directly about a candidate’s beliefs. Instead, just ask directly when they’re able to work, and there will be no confusion.

    What to ask instead: What days are you available to work?

  2. What you can’t ask: Which religious holidays do you observe?

    Again, scheduling is important, but don’t risk stepping on toes to find out what you need to know. Simply confirm that your interviewee can work when you need them to.

    What to ask instead: Are you able to work with our required schedule?

  3. What you can’t ask: Do you belong to a club or social organization?

    This question is too revealing of political and religious affiliations that candidates are not required to share such information with potential employers. Additionally, this questions has little to no relation to a candidate’s ability to do a job. For this question, it’s important that the wording focuses on work.

    What to ask instead: Are you a member of a professional or trade group that is relevant to our industry?


Maturity is essential for most positions, but it’s important that you don’t make assumptions about a candidate’s maturity based on age. Alternately, you have to be careful about discrimination towards applicants nearing retirement. These questions will keep you in the clear.

  1. What you can’t ask: How old are you?

    While it seems like a simple question, it’s in fact quite loaded. Knowledge of an applicant’s age can set you up for discrimination troubles down the road. To be safe, just ensure that the candidate is legally old enough to work for your firm.

    What to ask instead: Are you over the age of 18?

  2. What you can’t ask: How much longer do you plan to work before you retire?

    Again, asking this question opens up discrimination troubles. While you may not want to hire an older worker who will retire in a few years, you can’t dismiss an applicant for this reason. Instead, see what the candidate’s plans are for the future; they may plan to work for a number of years.

    What to ask instead: What are your long-term career goals?

Marital and Family Status

These questions primarily concern women with children, but they’re applicable to everyone. Ensure that you don’t make assumptions, and avoid embarrassing candidates by using the following questions.

  1. What you can’t ask: Is this your maiden name?

    This question, like many others, may seem innocent and simple, but it’s off-limits. A woman’s marital status isn’t something that’s required to be shared with employers. Instead, verify whether or not she’s gained experience using any other names.

    What to ask instead: Have you worked or earned a degree under another name?

  2. What you can’t ask: Do you have or plan to have children?

    Clearly, the concern here is that family obligations will get in the way of work hours. Instead of asking about or making assumptions on family situations, get to the root of the issue by asking directly about the candidate’s availability.

    What to ask instead: Are you available to work overtime on occasion? Can you travel?

  3. What you can’t ask: Can you get a babysitter on short notice for overtime or travel?

    Don’t make the mistake of assuming that a candidate has children or that they don’t already have proper child care plans. As with many other questions, the key here is to ask directly about availability.

    What to ask instead: You’ll be required to travel or work overtime on short notice. Is this a problem for you?

  4. What you can’t ask: Do you have kids?

    This one is for positions in which the candidate may work with children. The added experience of children at home may be a bonus for you, but it’s not an employer’s place to ask about this. Rather, inquire about the candidate’s experience, and they may volunteer this information to you anyway.

    What to ask instead: What is your experience with “x” age group?

  5. What you can’t ask: Who is your closest relative to notify in case of an emergency?

    Although not especially offensive, this question makes assumptions about the candidate’s personal life. They may not be close to relatives and instead prefer to list a friend or caretaker.

    What to ask instead: In case of emergency, who should we notify?

  6. What you can’t ask: What do your parents do for a living?

    Asking a candidate about their parents can reveal a lot, but it’s not directly related to their future performance in a position. However, if you are trying to find out if your candidate’s family has traditionally worked in your industry, this question is a good way to find out.

    What to ask instead: Tell me how you became interested in the “x” industry.

  7. What you can’t ask: If you get pregnant, will you continue to work, and will you come back after maternity leave?

    Ultimately, you want to invest your time in a candidate that will stick around, but you can’t ask a woman to share her pregnancy plans, or lack thereof, with you. Discuss her general plans for the future to gauge her commitment level, baby or not.

    What to ask instead: What are your long-term career goals?


Once you’ve reached the interview stage, a candidate’s gender is almost always clear. It is important, however, to ensure that you don’t make assumptions about a person’s abilities based on this information.

  1. What you can’t ask: We’ve always had a man/woman do this job. How do you think you will stack up?

    Leave gender out of this question, and you should be fine. Inquire about th applicant’s ability to handle the job, but don’t ask directly about how being a man or woman could affect it.

    What to ask instead: What do you have to offer our company?

  2. What you can’t ask: How do you feel about supervising men/women?

    This question, although it may seem like a valid concern, is not acceptable. The candidate may not have any issues working with the opposite or same sex, and you’ll seem crass for even bringing it up.

    What to ask instead: Tell me about you previous experience managing teams.

  3. What you can’t ask: What do you think of interoffice dating?

    The practice of interoffice dating can be distracting, break up teams and cause a number of other problems in the workplace. But asking this question makes assumptions about the candidate’s marital status and may even be interpreted as a come-on.

    What to ask instead: Have you ever been disciplined for your behavior at work?

Health and Physical Abilities

Your employees’ health and abilities may be essential to getting the job done, but it’s important to avoid assumptions and discrimination. Stick to these questions in order to avoid embarrassment and legal troubles.

  1. What you can’t ask: Do you smoke or drink?

    As an employer, you probably want to avoid someone who has a drinking problem or will take multiple smoke breaks throughout the day. It’s even a concern for insurance. Instead of asking about this directly, find out if they’ve had trouble with health policies in the past.

    What to ask instead: In the past, have you been disciplined for violating company policies forbidding the use of alcohol or tobacco products?

  2. What you can’t ask: Do you take drugs?

    This question is just a simple confusion of terms. Your interviewee may think you’re asking about prescription drugs, which is off-limits. Make sure you specify that you want to know about illegal drug use instead.

    What to ask instead: Do you use illegal drugs?

  3. What you can’t ask: How tall are you?

    In a labor environment, height may be essential to the job, but this question is too personal. As with many of these questions, it’s best just to ask directly about the candidate’s ability to do what’s required of them.

    What to ask instead: Are you able to reach items on a shelf that’s five feet tall?

  4. What you can’t ask: How much do you weigh?

    This highly personal question is embarrassing for most and is not necessarily relevant to a candidate’s ability to do even a physical-labor job. Avoid making assumptions, and ask about abilities directly.

    What to ask instead: Are you able to lift boxes weighing up to 50 pounds?

  5. What you can’t ask: How many sick days did you take last year?

    No one wants a flaky employee, but even the most dedicated workers get sick every now and then. Take a look at missed days as a whole to measure the candidate’s commitment.

    What to ask instead: How many days of work did you miss last year?

  6. What you can’t ask: Do you have any disabilities?

    Disabilities, whether they’re physical or mental, may affect a candidate’s ability to do the job, but it’s critical that you avoid asking about them. Rather, find out if the applicant can handle doing what’s required.

    What to ask instead: Are you able to perform the specific duties of this position?

  7. What you can’t ask: Have you had any recent or past illnesses or operations?

    Again, gauging commitment is important, but illness isn’t something that most people can help.The answer here is to make sure that the candidate can perform the job while avoiding questions about his or her physical abilities.

    What to ask instead: Are you able to perform the essential functions of this job with or without reasonable accommodations?


Avoid interviewing gaffes by sidestepping these questions about residence, legal troubles and military service.

  1. What you can’t ask: How far is your commute?

    Although hiring employees who live close by may be convenient, you can’t choose candidates based on their location. Find out about their availability instead.

    What to ask instead: Are you able to start work at 8 a.m.?

  2. What you can’t ask: Do you live nearby?

    If your candidate lives outside of the city your company is hiring in, it may be necessary to have them move to your area. But again, you can’t discriminate based on location. Rather, find out if the applicant is willing to move closer to the office.

    What to ask instead: Are you willing to relocate?

  3. What you can’t ask: Have you ever been arrested?

    In sensitive positions, like those that deal with money, you may want to find out about your candidate’s legal fortitude. But ensure that you ask only directly about crimes that relate to your concern.

    What to ask instead: Have you ever been convicted of “x” (fraud, theft and so on)?

  4. What you can’t ask: Were you honorably discharged from the military?

    A bad military record can be illuminating, but you can’t ask about it. Instead, ask about the candidate’s experience, and they may volunteer this information on their own.

    What to ask instead: Tell me how your experience in the military can benefit the company.

  5. What you can’t ask: Are you a member of the National Guard or Reserves?

    Losing an employee to military service can be disrupting, but it’s critical that you don’t discriminate based on assumptions of a candidate’s upcoming military commitments. Find out what their plans are for the short term instead.

    What to ask instead: Do you have any upcoming events that would require extensive time away from work?

9 Words That Don’t Mean What You Think

Written by CRACKED Staff, Tim Cameron

article image

The English language is under assault by stupid people who use words they don’t understand, and is defended by pompous asses who like to correct those people. We’re not sure who to side with.

So, here are some words that you’ll see used incorrectly on a daily basis, and a helpful guide as to just how big of a dick you’d have to be to correct people on it. We have also included many pictures of these words being read by women with large boobs.


People think it means:

Actually means:
Not a damned thing.

This is not a word. Now, we have no problem with making up words (if a particular scent can only be described as “fartalicious,” we reserve the right to call it so). The problem with this one is “regardless” already means something isn’t worth regard (that’s why the “less” is there) so adding the “ir” to it means… it’s worth regarding again? Who knows.

Should you care?
If there’s ever a time to speak up, this is probably it. Mainly because this is one of those words used almost exclusively by people trying to sound smarter than they are. Remind them that when using fake words to at least try to use ones that have some kind of meaning, if they want to avoid unnecessary cockulance when speaking.

Dick Rating:
As in, “How big of a dick are you if you insist people use it the right way?”


People think it means:
To skim over or browse something.

Actually means:
Almost the opposite of that.

Peruse means “to read with thoroughness or care.” If you peruse a book, you leave no page unturned. This makes sense when you consider the Middle English per use, meaning “to wear out or use up.” Unfortunately, if you “consider the Middle English” very often when speaking, you’re probably not exactly the life of the party.

Should you care?
You could make the argument that the way people use it is so far off from the original meaning that it’s worth fighting for, but there is almost no way to do it tactfully:

“What are you doing, Chris?”
“Oh, just perusing the report here before the meeting.”

So, perhaps the best thing is to just lead by example and start using the word correctly yourself. But, this can create its own problems:

“Hey Sharon, What’s Chris doing?”
“Oh, he said he was perusing that new report.”
“Then why is he hunched over it with his tongue out, re-reading the opening page for the ninth time?”
“Gosh, I don’t know. I guess he must be clinically retarded.”

Dick Rating:


People think it means:
Any kind of amusing coincidence.

Actually means:
An outcome that is the opposite of what you’d expect.

So, if a porn star moved to Virgin, Utah, that would be ironic. If the same porn star bought a house in Boner Knob, Montana that would not be ironic.

Should you care?
We realize this is a technical point. But, it’s almost worth taking a stand because the word has been abused to the point that it can mean anything.

“She always said she wanted to marry a dentist! And then she married Bob, who is a dentist! Isn’t that ironic?”

“I went on my cigarette break, but there was a No Smoking sign! Isn’t that ironic?”

“I just pooped in your aquarium! Isn’t that ironic?”

We have to draw the line somewhere, don’t we?

Dick Rating:


People think it means:
“Spotless” or “as good as new.”

Actually means:
“Ancient, primeval; in a state virtually unchanged from the original.”

It’s therefore perfectly possible to have a pristine mountain of fossilized brontosaurus shit, but if you were to buff that mountain to a lustrous shine, it would no longer be pristine.

Should you care?
The meanings are close enough that correcting somebody sounds like grammar Nazi hair-splitting. That’s a shame, because there were lots of words that mean “clean” but none that have the exact same meaning as “pristine.”

If you use pristine correctly yourself, you probably won’t land yourself in too much trouble, unless someone buys your “pristine” house on eBay without realizing that it’s an authentic 14th century dung hovel complete with never-been-used plague rats.

Dick Rating:


People think it means:
Unperturbed, not worried.

Actually means:
Utterly perplexed or confused. It comes from the Latin non plus (a state in which nothing more can be done).

The misunderstanding would seem to stem from people making semi-educated guesses as to the word’s meaning, which kind of sounds like it means “unruffled” or something like that.

Should you care?
If your roommate says:

“The doctor called about your herpes test. He sounded nonplussed.”

Then, yeah, it’s pretty important that you know what he meant. Either the doc wasn’t worried, or the doc was perplexed by the sight of some strand of alien herpes he had never witnessed prior, depending on whether or not your roommate knows how to use the word.

Though, if any of your friends actually start using words like “nonplussed” in conversation, regardless of the meaning, they may deserve a good cock punching anyway.

Dick Rating:


People think it means:
Mildly amused.

Actually means:
Bewildered or confused.

If you were to say “I was bemused by your dead baby joke,” you wouldn’t be saying the joke was funny. You’d be saying that you completely failed to understand it. You were following the story up to and including the bit about the trowel, but you’d lost the thread way before the Ku Klux masturbation climax.

Should you care?
It’s hard to blame people for getting this one wrong, the word just sounds like it means, “sort of amused.” We blame the people who originally invented the word. You should probably let the new meaning take over unless, you know, you’re a dick.

Dick Rating:


People think it means:

Actually means:
Outrageous or heinous on a grand scale.

War crimes are enormities. Extra-big bouncy castles are not.

Should you care?
This is one of those words you really don’t need to be using anyway, unless you’re giving a speech at the U.N. Just remember that if you say to your girl, “I hope you’re prepared for the enormity of my dick,” you’re implying that your penis is responsible for several acts of evil on the scale of ethnic genocide. This may or may not turn her on, depending on the girl.

Dick Rating:


People think it means:
A lot of something.

Actually means:
Too much of something, an over-abundance.

It’s the difference between:

“Dude, I am jonesing to go snort a plethora of medicinal-grade barbiturates right now.”

And …

“Dude, I just snorted a plethora of medicinal-grade barbiturates, and now there are hundreds of terrifying arachnids crawling out of my penis. They all have human lips.”

Should you care?
As with “enormity,” you’re courting a certain amount of dickery by using “plethora” at all; most of the time, you can get the same point across by saying “a big ol’ shitload.” However, the original meaning of over-abundance is worth hanging onto, because it seems as if there’s no direct replacement other than “too many big ol’shitloads,” which doesn’t have quite the same degree of pith.

Interestingly, “plethora” once meant “an over-abundance of bodily fluids” so if you heard your doctor say this back in the 1700s, it meant they were about to stick a bunch of leeches on you.

Dick Rating:


People think it means:
Nobody is sure.

Actually means:
Nobody is sure.

Specifically, we’re talking about when the word is used with some other adjective. Like if somebody says, “The turd pool is deceptively shallow,” does that mean it’s deeper than it appears, or not as deep?

If you’re not sure, don’t feel bad. The American Heritage Dictionary asked their word experts and they said they had no fucking idea, either. So … nobody knows.

Should you care?
So, if you say (to a lady, perhaps), “I possess a deceptively large set of balls,” you could mean that your modest bulge belies the real heft of your testicles, which are actually so pendulous that you’re forced to strap them to your legs. However, you could also mean that you have tiny love eggs, and that your ball-shaped jean protrusions are actually caused by the hideous malformation of your wang. This is obviously something you want to avoid.

If ever there was a case to be made for clarity of language, this is it. If you use it at all, make sure the context makes the meaning totally clear. “My balls are deceptively large,” you could say, “because I have just inflated my genitalia with a bicycle pump.”

What this also means is that technically the usage is never wrong … or right. If you’re the type who just likes to correct people to be a dick, well, this one is a gold mine.

Dick Rating:

10 PS3 tricks Sony doesn’t tell you

Written by Dan Griffiths

The PS3 aint perfect, but there are ways around some of its bad points

Got a PlayStation 3? For those of you that have picked up Sony’s shiny black plaything, we’ve put together a Digital Home top ten of tips that you won’t find in the user manual.

1) Play games from any country

Harbouring a desire to play Super Gaiden Ninja XI? Now you can. In fact, you can handily play any PS3 game from any country. On holiday in the States and spot the latest release at a bargain dollar-to-pound price? Help yourself. So far, at least, PS3 games aren’t being region coded. That said PS2 and PS1 games are so you can’t play a US title on a Euro console.

And let’s not forget that Blu-ray movies are region-coded so the barriers aren’t completely down yet.

2) The secret video reset

One of the most annoying aspects of the PS3 are its video settings. Take it up to the bedroom portable or round to a friend’s house and there’s a good chance that you won’t be able to see anything onscreen because your ‘new’ TV is running at a different resolution or using a different cable connection. And – because you can’t see anything – you can’t change it. Until now. Shut down your PS3 then restart by pressing and holding the power button. This will reset your PS3 to its most basic 480p graphics mode so you’ll be able to see enough to choose RGB SCART, component, HDMI or whatever from here.

3) See how much charge is on your pad

There’s no indication of how much charge is left on the pad itself. Instead it appears on screen during games. Press and hold the PS button on any joypad. An indicator will appear, showing your pad’s charge as a small battery. A full battery pic means a fully-charged pad. Neat.

4) Download game saves

Chances are someone out there has already beaten that boss for you and saved their game afterwards. Why not take advantage of it? Google ‘PS3 game saves’. There are hundreds of finished and half finished game saves scattered all over the internet. Download the save you want – it’ll come in a ‘PS3’ folder that you can lift onto a USB stick and put into your PS3. Go to the Game menu, choose your stick and the game save you downloaded should be right there. Press Triangle to copy it to your hard drive.

5) Make free video phone calls

You will need a USB headset (like the one you use for PS2 Socom) and an EyeToy camera. Plug in both via USB then go to your Friends menu. Choose a friend you’ve signed up earlier and press Triangle. Choose Start New Chat and type a message. Something like ‘Videochat?’ should do the trick. Now, providing they’re in front of their powered-up PS3 (perhaps you could text them to tell them to be in position?) then they’ll see your message and be given the option to accept your videochat.

Now, provided they too have a camera and headset, two windows will open, one showing you (so you can make sure you’re looking your best), the other displaying your mate. Best of all you can hit Triangle again and invite more people to join your chat – up to a maximum of six. And the cost? Not a bean above your usual broadband connection charges.

6) Browse multiple Internet windows

Open the browser (go to Network) and surf to a page you want. Now open up the menu with a press of Triangle and choose ‘Open In New Window’. Enter another URL and then do the same again. Keep going until you’ve got six windows open. Now press L3 (done by clicking down the left stick). You’re now in multi-page mode. Move the left stick to flick through the web pages as though they were bits of paper, then click L3 again to zoom in.

7) Upgrade your hard drive

We took the drive out of our PS3 and found it to be a Seagate Momentus 5400rpm 60Gb 2.5inch SATA drive. We swapped ours out effortlessly for a Seagate Momentus 120Gb 2.5inch SATA drive and it worked perfectly. Remove the cover flap on the bottom of your PS3 with a fingernail. Undo the blue screw and slide the drive over to the right and out of your PS3. Undo the four screws on the ‘caddy’ and remove the old drive.

Put your new drive in the caddy (it should be exactly the same size, of course) and re-do the four screws. Slot it back in and slide to the left to make the connections. Re-do the blue screw, pop the cover back on and restart your PS3. Say ‘yes’ to the message on screen and voila – new super-size hard-drive. (Go to Settings, System Settings, System Information to check).

8) Share your bought downloads

You can download anything you’ve bought from the store to five PlayStation 3’s. This is useful if you’ve got more than one PS3 (of course) and also if you’ve wiped your hard-drive and don’t fancy paying for the same download twice…

However, you can also choose to share your download with your mates. The PlayStation Store logs how many times each download has been downloaded by each user. On your mate’s PS3 Create New User and log onto the store with your ID. You’ll now be able to go to your download and see that you’ve already downloaded whatever it was that you paid for. You can now download it again, using another of your downloads and giving it to your mate for free. Or a small optional charge…

9) Force a PS3 to show your files

Put your photos in a folder called ‘PICTURE’ or your videos in a folder called ‘VIDEO’ or simply *force* your PS3 to look at your files on your stick regardless of what you called them or where you put them. Insert your stick and go to the menu option you want (Photos, Music, whatever). Press Triangle to bring up a menu and choose Display All. This will show every file on the stick. It even works for a plugged-in iPod, though the multi-folder structure you’ll reveal is a bit baffling. Still, your songs are in there if you’ve got the patience to find them.

10) Change your album art

When you import a music CD your PS3 automatically pulls down the album art and stores it with the tracks. Occasionally it gets it wrong, however, or it may simply not be able to find the art of your hipper, less commercial tracks. This is easily fixed however. Download a pic of the art you need as a jpg on your PC and put it onto a stick (in a folder called PICTURE, ideally). Copy it to your Photo menu (press Triangle). Now go to Music and select the album folder with the offending art. Press Triangle and select Information. Go to the Photo menu and select your new picture. Bingo.

PS?Top 10 PS3 Exclusives

10 places to have sex at work

Written by Carly Chynoweth

One in five people claim to have had sex in their office building. I did some asking around (and, of course, some looking on the internet) and discovered exactly where:

1. The boss’s desk. Some surveys suggest that up to 25 per cent of people have bruised their spines – or someone else’s – on their manager’s table.

2. All 25 desks in your office. Don’t think that you have the energy? Follow the example of this Australian woman.

3. Against a filing cabinet. It might be noisy and it’s possible that at least one of you will end up with handle marks imprinted in your buttocks; on the other hand, a naked break-dancing civil servant might jump out of the cabinet mid-way through, making the whole escapade less private but potentially more exciting, if you like that sort of thing.

4. The editing suite. Apparently this is the preferred place for trysting TV types, being warm, dark and well-covered with CCTV cameras.

5. On the rooftop or a balcony. Outside, no one can hear you scream. On the other hand, unless you work in the tallest building in the vicinity, plenty of people can see what you’re getting up to.

6. A sofa. Several people questioned in an informal Snakes & Ladders poll of people we thought might be quite naughty admitted bouncing on their boss’s furniture after hours. One person suggested choosing leather over fabric where possible.

7. Somewhere there’s food. Depending on where you work, this could be the canteen (mmm, gravy); the staffroom (particularly useful if you are dating a colleague although not recommended if you are also married to one); or the office tea-trolley. Really.

8. A disabled lavatory. More room than the average cubicle but still smells like a toilet.

9. The nurse’s room. A lock, an examination table and even some wet wipes.

10. In the middle of an open-plan office. Go on. Be a devil. But do plan ahead; you’ll need to think of something good to tell the recruitment agent the next morning when she wants to know why you left your last job.

Top 10 P2P File Sharing Softwares

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uTorrent is an efficient BitTorrent client, designed for Windows. It needs as little CPU, memory and space as possible and offers good functionality that advanced clients expect. It has most of the features present in other BitTorrent clients. There are various icon, toolbar graphic and status icon replacements available.

StrongDC++ is a free client for sharing in Direct Connect network. It is based on CZDC++ and has partial file sharing, download/upload speed limiter, safe segmented downloading and other interesting features. StrongDC++ is an Open Source so you can download a source code and modify it.

eMule is one of the biggest p2p file sharing clients around the world. It is based on the eDonkey2000 network but offers more features than the standard client. eMule is easy to configure, but also, with many options and controls, good for the advanced user. Thanks to its open source policy many developers are able to contribute to the project, making the network more efficient with each release.

LimeWire is a free file sharing Gnutella client for Windows, Mac, OSX, Linux. It allows you to search for multiple files at the same time and it is compatible with all major platforms and running over the Gnutella network. LimeWire is a fast, easy-to-use and open source code, so is freely available to the public.

Soulseek is an ad-free, spyware-free, just plain free file sharing application. It is good p2p software for finding non-mainstream music. It was created by a former Napster programmer, Nir Arbel. It’s virtual rooms allow you to meet people with the same interests, share information, and chat, so it is a great way to make new friends.

Azureus implements the BitTorrent protocol using java language. It comes with many features for both beginners and advanced users. Multiple torrent downloads, upload and download speed limiting, advanced seeding rules, only uses one port for all the torrents, and others. Azureus has many useful plugins and supported languages.

Shareaza is a multi-network peer-to-peer (p2p) file sharing client supporting Gnutella2, Gnutella, eDonkey2000 (eMule), HTTP, FTP and BitTorrent protocols. It has the ability to simultaneously download parts of the same file from multiple networks. Shareaza is the most sophisticated file sharing system you will find on the network.

Ares is a free open source file sharing program that enables users to share any digital file. It has powerful library organizer, built-in audio/video player, filesharing chat rooms. Ares automatically finds more sources and downloads files from many users at once.

BitComet is a BitTorrent client, which is powerful, fast and very easy-to-use. It supports simultaneous downloads, download queuing, selected downloads inside a torrent package, fast-resume, speed limits, port mapping, peer exchange and IP filtering. BitComet available in 43 different languages and the current preview release comes bundled with the BitComet FLV Player.

KCeasy is a windows p2p free and open source file sharing software which uses giFT. Its plugins allow giFT to support different kinds of file sharing networks. KCeasy is giving you all the files on Gnutella, Ares and OpenFT. KCeasy works only on windows but there are similar programs for other platforms.

The 50 Dumbest Things George W. Bush Has Ever Said

Written by Daniel Kurtzman

The tragicomic presidency of George W. Bush, in his own words

50. “I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t here.” -at the President’s Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

49. “We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.” -Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

48. “You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.” -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

47. “I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.” –Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

46. “Tribal sovereignty means that; it’s sovereign. I mean, you’re a — you’ve been given sovereignty, and you’re viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities.” –Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video clip)

45. “I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.” –at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001 (Listen to audio clip)

44. “You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” –interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

43. “The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th.” –Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

42. “I’m the commander — see, I don’t need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the interesting thing about being president.” –as quoted in Bob Woodward’s Bush at War

41. “F*ck Saddam. We’re taking him out.” –to three U.S. senators in March 2002, one year before the Iraq invasion, as quoted by Time magazine

40. “Oh, no, we’re not going to have any casualties.” –discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson

39. “I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me.” –talking to key Republicans about Iraq, as quoted by Bob Woodward

38. “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” –presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video clip)

37. “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” –Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000 (Listen to audio clip)

36. “Do you have blacks, too?” –to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

35. “This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” –as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

34. “We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.” –Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

33. “My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we’re going to run out of debt to retire.” –radio address, Feb. 24, 2001

32. “I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.” –on “Good Morning America,” Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina

31. “I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.” –on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006

30. “They misunderestimated me.” –Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

29. “Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There’s a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It’s kind of muddled.” –explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005

28. “For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings.


And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.” –Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

27. “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” –Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

26. “This is an impressive crowd — the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite — I call you my base.” ??’?’?รข??’???’?โ€œat the 2000 Al Smith dinner

25. “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” –LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

24. “I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right.” –Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001

23. “See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” –Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 (Listen to audio clip)

22. “People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in’s house and say I love you.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

21. “I wish you’d have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I’m sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn’t yet…I don’t want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I’m confident I have. I just haven’t — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I’m not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one.” –after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004

20. “You forgot Poland.” –to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland’s contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

19. “We’ve got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we’re going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we’re going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is — and it’s hard for some to see it now — that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott’s house — he’s lost his entire house — there’s going to be a fantastic house. And I’m looking forward to sitting on the porch.” (Laughter) –touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

18. “The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.” –State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false

17. “The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

16. “I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.” –Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

15. “Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” –Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000

14. “Can we win? I don’t think you can win it.” –after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, “Today” show interview, Aug. 30, 2004

13. “I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.” –Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

12. “I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn’t do my job.” –to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004

11. “Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed.” –speaking underneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003

10. “We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories … And we’ll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven’t found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they’re wrong, we found them.” –Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003

9. “Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!” –joking about his administration’s failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents’ Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004 (Read more)

8. “If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” –Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000 (Listen to audio clip)

7. “I’m the decider, and I decide what is best.

And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense.” –Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006 (Read more; listen to audio clip; watch video clip)

6. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on –shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” –Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002 (Watch video clip)

5. “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” –Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch video clip)

4. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” –Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch video clip)

3. “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” –to a porced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005 (Listen to audio clip)

2. “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.” –to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005 (Listen to audio clip; watch video clip)

1. “My answer is bring them on.” –on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003