The Alot is Better Than You at Everything

Written by Hyperbole and a Half

As a grammatically conscientious person who frequents internet forums and YouTube, I have found it necessary to develop a few coping mechanisms.ย  When someone types out “u” instead of “you,” instead of getting mad, I imagine them having only one finger on each hand and then their actions seem reasonable.ย  If I only had one finger on each hand, I’d leave out unnecessary letters too!

If I come across a person who seems to completely ignore the existence of apostrophes and capital letters and types things like “im an eagle and im typing with my talons, so dont make fun of me cuz this is hard,” I like to imagine that they actually are an eagle typing with their talons.ย  It would be a hassle if you had to hop in the air and use your feet to karate-chop two keys simultaneously every time you wanted to use the shift key to make a capital letter.ย ย  Also, eagles lack manual dexterity, so I can understand why they’d want to leave out apostrophes.ย  Eagles are all about efficiency.

But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering.ย  It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase “a lot” and condense it down into one word, because when someone says “alot,” this is what I imagine:

The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people’s grammar.ย  It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I’d normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.

For example, when I read the sentence “I care about this alot,” this is what I imagine:

Similarly, when someone says “alot of _______”, I picture an Alot made out of whatever they are talking about.

If someone says something like “I feel lonely alot” or “I’m angry alot,” I’m going to imagine them standing there with an emo haircut, sharing their feelings with an Alot.

The Alot is incredibly versatile.

So the next time you are reading along and you see some guy ranting about how he is “alot better at swimming than Michael Phelps,” instead of getting angry, you can be like “You’re right!ย  Alots are known for their superior swimming capabilities.”

38 thoughts on “The Alot is Better Than You at Everything

  1. niki

    Actually laughed out loud at this. Thank you for making my compulsive mental correction of others grammar easier to cope with. ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. Amelie

    This is so true! I get irritated when people use 'u' instead of 'you' and for quite some time I thought I was the only one who felt irritated by it and now I know I am not alone. I like this a lot and I appreciate that you helped me in developing a coping mechanism for such shit. This truly made my day.

    Thanks a lot! ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. me

    first of all, i type like that b/c its like shorthand. i don't think ya needed to go to such lengths to make fun of me. oh.. and btw, Alot is actually a town (just google it) in India…betcha didn't no that, huh, smartypants!

  4. mugs

    I honestly believe that all of U need to seriously tone it down. I mean, after all, this is the internet. I can understand that you do not want to use the shortened versions of words. I do however believe that its not a big deal and to each his own. With all of this in mind i do find this quite amusing.

  5. SaxnFlutman

    Actually, I abhor poor writing skills, whether it's grammar, word usage (“alot” of people use the wrong word for the meaning they're attempting to express), & worse, incoherency, or irrationality instead of logic, in making an argument. However…… there are just those times, and those instances, which I quite adamantly leave open to “artistic license”, certain areas where personal preference, with full awareness of what one is doing, are fine, ok, & reveal a person's personal flavour to the brew. Such as using English spelling, when our US version just looks more drab: color/colour, glamor/glamour, etc.! ๐Ÿ™‚

    And I like to, maybe even LOVE TO, even though I know it's not “correct', use ALOT, ALOT OF THE TIME, cause it makes perfect sense, both in how it looks, & sounds, & even ergonomically speaking, so ALOT of the time, I throw all caution to the wind, and use ALOT!!! I even took the opportunity, since I never have, to look up the dictionary definition of “lot”, and it's pretty damn ambiguous, it can mean almost as many things as “kine” in Hawaiian pidgin, or like how tofu acquires the taste of whatever it's prepared with.

    So, “lot” alone is pretty pointless, and since it's what word or words it's paired up with that give it any real definition, then why not drop that silly rule, (who decided that anyway?), & call it like it is, ALOT! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. CaRys

    I just LMAO at this…haha jokes! This is hilarious, thank you, this will help me keep my patience with the 'wteva' 'nm' 'cba' people of the world. Thank you!

  7. stephanie

    before you start making grammatical remarks from other people, maybe you should fix your own grammar. 'Alot' is not a word! it's two separate words! and you made that error a lot.

  8. GrammarNazi

    I think you mean 'better than you are', as “djchiz” was commenting about the author's grammatical abilities. Whereas you brought up “djchiz”'s grammar; wrongly I must add.

  9. karla

    Visibly you don't have a Blackberry or an iPhone… then … u'll see how difficult is to type on them and then try to be “correct”… The Alot thing, however, is very funny…

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