Collected by Scotty Trigg

Ronald McDonald has long been an admired figure. Kids the world over brighten up when they see the affable clown, with his unmistakable red hair, yellow jumpsuit and striped shirt. They know upon spotting him that a chicken nuggie Happy Meal (replete with toy) is not too far in the future. But little does anyone know the true and sad story behind the clown. Don’t be fooled by that big bright red smile…there are tears underneath. Wipe away the makeup and you’ll find something not so pretty.

It all started out so innocent. He was quite the gentleman…just lounging in the park.

He was respectful to the police.

He helped the elderly.

But then people started to treat him as an idol. They even knelt before him. This quickly got to his head.

Women began coming on to him…at first in was seemingly innocent. A kiss on the cheek here and there.

Shortly things got out of control. He began drinking.

His health deteriorated and for one stretch he even lost his hair.

He started harassing women.

He began soliciting masseuses that offered “happy endings.”

He quickly realized the power he had over women and how easily he could get what he wanted from them.

His appetite for sex escalated and he quickly became addicted.

He particularity enjoyed receiving “head”.

He was not one to turn down a regular romp…

…but also would venture to the more extreme.

Women were not enough and he was soon spotted with men.

Collected by Scotty Trigg

…and eventually turned to pedophilia.

After all his sexcapades, his mental well-being and general health declined. He was seen homeless at times.

The long arm of the law had to pick him up on occasion. Usually drunk and in a stupor. Sometimes passed out in a park.

His last resort was to turn his internal pain and suffering to rage…but he ended up attacking the wrong person….

…a man with connections. He was held at gun point…his life flashed before his eyes…and for that last moment he realized the mistake in his ways. How far he’d veered from his good ol’ days…

…but it was too late. In a hail of gun fire he was taken out…by none other than Jack himself.

And that is the sad sad tale behind the once respected and loved clown of the Golden Arches. Let this be a lesson to you kids. Don’t take the route that Ronald did. Behave yourself, mind your manners and be a good citizen. In the long run you’ll be better off (even if you have a shitty job).

Written by Alexandra Gekas

When Apple software engineer Gray Powell realized he’d lost a prototype of the super-secret, next-generation iPhone at a bar, he was probably pretty worried. But when he saw that tech site Gizmodo.com had gotten hold of the phone and written a story detailing its every feature, he most likely started searching the want ads. While it appears Apple may have mercy on Powell and spare him the unemployment line, he will always be remembered for making one of the biggest employee blunders of all time. To make Powell feel a little better, we’ve rounded up a list of epic workplace mistakes.

Employee Keeps Journal About Procrastination

Emmalee Bauer of Elkhart, Iowa, was always typing away at her work computer. The problem? She wasn’t doing her work—or anything at all, for that matter. Instead, she was writing a 300-page, single-spaced journal about not working. “This typing thing seems to be doing the trick,” she wrote. “It just looks like I am hard at work on something very important.” Unfortunately, her boss caught on and found the journal. Later, Bauer was even denied unemployment benefits by a judge who said her journal showed a refusal to work and “amusement at getting away with it.” Photo by iStockphoto.

Journalist Fakes Pulitzer Prize–Winning Story

In 1980 Janet Cooke, golden child of The Washington Post, wrote a profile of an 8-year-old heroin addict she called “Jimmy,” for which she won the coveted Pulitzer Prize. After publication, however, the government wanted to know Jimmy’s whereabouts in order to help him. Cooke claimed she couldn’t reveal her sources for fear that drug dealers would endanger her life. Days later, the whole thing fell through when it was revealed that the story was fake. Obviously, Cooke was forced to resign and return the prize. Photo courtesy of FBI.gov.

Intern Skips Work for “Emergency,” Posts Party Pics Online

In 2007 Kevin Colvin was an intern at a North American branch of Anglo Irish Bank. One day Colvin e-mailed his manager, Paul Davis, saying he’d have to miss work due to a “family emergency.” But when suspicious coworkers checked his Facebook page, they found a picture of him at the Halloween party he’d missed work to attend. In response, Davis e-mailed him: “Thanks for letting us know—hope everything is OK in New York. (Cool wand.)” He attached the incriminating photo and copied the whole office on the message. Photo by Shutterstock.

Illinois Governor Tries to Sell Obama’s Senate Seat

Rod Blagojevich served as Illinois governor from 2003 until 2009, when he was impeached for trying to sell the Senate seat Barack Obama left vacant. “Blago,” as he’s known in Illinois, was charged with 16 felonies, including racketeering conspiracy, wire fraud, extortion conspiracy, attempted extortion and making false statements to federal agents. Continuing to claim innocence, he has since written a book and appeared on the reality television show The Apprentice. His trial is set to start on June 3, 2010. Photo by Alexandra Buxbaum / Retna Ltd.

Waitress Complains About Customers on Facebook

Anyone who’s ever been a server knows the holy trinity of customer sins: sitting at the table too long, staying past closing and leaving a bad tip. Well, Ashley Johnson, a waitress at Brixx Pizza in Charlotte, North Carolina, got hit with all three in one night when a couple stayed at her table for three hours—keeping her an hour after closing—and then only tipped her $5. So what did Ashley do? She complained on Facebook, of course! “Thanks for eating at Brixx,” she reportedly wrote on her wall, in addition to calling the patrons “cheap.” A few days later, Johnson got a call from her manager giving her the ax for “violating company policies against speaking ill of customers and depicting the restaurant negatively on social networking sites.” Photo by Shutterstock.

Port Authority Guards Sleep on the Job

Ever since the events that occurred on September 11, 2001, security has been a high priority in the U.S., especially in New York City. Unfortunately, not everyone takes it so seriously. New Jersey photographer Joey Lepore snapped Port Authority guards sleeping on the job at the George Washington Bridge. And it wasn’t the first time, either. Lepore says that before he took the photos, he’d actually spoken to the guards and asked them to stay awake. It wasn’t until the third incident that he decided to record them in the act. The guards were relieved of their duties shortly thereafter. Photo by iStockphoto.

Principal Accidentally Sends Profanity-Laced E-mail to Parent

Most of us have gone through the embarrassing experience of sending the wrong e-mail to the wrong person. But it cost Eva N. Ravelo, an elementary school principal in Miami, her job. She mistakenly sent a crude e-mail to Abigail DuBearn, the parent of a student at her school. Ravelo had intended the message—which was in reference to an earlier e-mail from DuBearn—for her vice principal. DuBearn was so insulted she sent it to the PTA, whose members circulated the message among other parents. Ravelo was subsequently transferred. Photo by iStockphoto.

Written by Sam Wow

If I were going to make a list of “Ways To Be Cool” I may include similar things. Motorcycles for one are undoubtedly cool…mohawks as well…and who can deny the coolness of exxxtreme (everything). Now moving to Williamsburg, learning to speak European or psychrock? Not so much. The rest may be debatable but there is one thing not in question, hanging out with Steve will make you cool.

From craigslist

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either ….but at least that she knows I’m smarter than her.

source

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RUN MAN! RUN!

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Written by Lavinia

Expo 2010 is a worldwide event that is currently taking place  in Shanghai, China and started May 1st.  As a reminder, here is more information from the official website: “World Expo 2010 Shanghai China is the occasion for China to bring the world at home, and for the world to feel at home in China. By dedicating a 5.28-square-kilometer area at the core of the city to exhibitions, events and forums on the Expo theme, “Better City, Better Life,” Shanghai hopes to build a powerful and lasting pilot example of sustainable and harmonious urban living.” The event is expected to gather up over 70 million visitors until the end of October and so far it looks like the estimations were good.

In this post we will “exhibit” 15 pavilions, some of which you may have seen and others that didn’t appear so much in the press. This is no countdown, but just a selection, so feel free to add any comments and let us know if you like a pavilion that is not featured here. Without any further ado…

1. The UK Pavilion by Thomas Heatherwick aka “The Seed Cathedral” features 60,000 fiber-optic rods which pierce through the six-level structure. Each rod contains seeds from the Millennium Seed Bank in Great Britain. Here is more information from Thomas Heatherwick: “The Seed Cathedral sits in the center of the UK Pavilion’s site, 20 meters in height, formed from 60,000 slender transparent rods, each 7.5 meters long and each encasing one or more seeds at its tip. During the day, they act as optic fibers and draw daylight inwards to illuminate the interior. At night, light sources inside each rod allow the whole structure to glow. As the wind moves past, the building and its optic “hairs” gently move to create a dynamic effect ” Stunning! You might also want to check out the video featuring the building’s incredible interiors.- via Dezeen

2. The Taiwan Pavilion resembles the “sky lantern” or Kong Ming lantern, a paper-design lamp typical for the Asian people. According to our source, people fly the lanterns in order to pray for happiness, safety and health in Taiwan. During the events in Shanghai, Taiwan will invite people to fly good luck lanterns as well. The pavilion is a  transparent cube housing a huge digital circle in the center-symbolizing the Earth. The main attraction of the structure is its three dimensional theater where movies with the theme “”Mountain, Water, Heart and Lantern” will constantly be projected.- via

3. Despite its look, which one might say is not so serious The Japan Pavilion houses a futuristic city, with the latest technology discoveries. Here is further information: “Japan will highlight the role of advanced ecological technology in helping humans achieve a more comfortable life and confidence in the future with its huge “breathing organism” pavilion at World Expo 2010. The country’s exhibit will feature a theme on the harmony between the human heart and technology. The pavilion will be divided into past, present and future exhibits.” Japan’s pavilion stretches over a 6,000-square-meter and is one of the largest at Expo 2010.-via Chinacities

4. Here’s a less known pavilion that made an impression at Shanghai. The design concept of the Romanian Pavilion belongs to SC M&C Strategy Development and “evolves around the color and environmental implications of “green”, inspired by the apple, the most popular fruit in Romania and representing a “green city”, healthy life and the concept of sustainable development.” “Greenopolis” has five levels, where visitors will be invited to participate at genuine Romanian popular dances, various events and movie projections.-via

5. The Russia Pavilion has been designed “as an ideal city resembling cites in the fairyland, which will give people the impression of a children’s paradise. It features 12 irregularly shaped towers in white, red and gold. A 15-meter-tall central building dubbed the “Civilization Cube” links the towers. With their irregular shapes, these 20-meter towers are located among the natural landscapes of a green lawn and water. Taking a close look, visitors will find that these towers form a circle that takes after the formation of a famous Russian dance. The roofs of the towers are decorated with hollow pictures in colors widely used for traditional Russian garments, symbolizing the integration of various ethnic groups in the country.”-via Expo 2010

6. The Finnish Pavilion also known as “Kirnu” (“Giant’s Kettle”) was esigned by a team from Helsinki-based office JKMM and led by architect Teemu Kurkela.”The Finnish pavilion at Shanghai World Expo 2010 portrays our country in microcosm, presenting both Finland and its society to the world. The pavilion can be seen as a miniature city built by Finns. Its inner space tells stories of Finland and the Finns. The pavilion is an example of how Finns are building better cities according to the principles of sustainable development. Like Finnish society, the pavilion combines creativity, high technology, and culture – a unity that makes for good human life.” Check out the photos and the video for a better view- pictures and information from here.

7. The Swiss Pavilion was designed by Buchner Bründler Architects and Element. The architects say it is “shows the characteristics of modern Switzerland, including the pursuit of excellence, innovation and high-quality life, as well as concepts of future facing, forward looking and sustainable development”. The two main attractions are a roof-top garden where visitors can go by chair lift and the cool, intelligent facade made of LED lights which capture energy and let it out by night. -via Dezeen

8. With its two giant structures hanging on each other, the Israel Pavilion looks like a “seashell.” One side is made of authentic stone while the other is made from transparent glass. According to the organizers, “the design symbolizes Israeli innovation and technology as well as represents the dialogue between humanity and nature, the earth and the sky, as well as the past and the future.” Here is some more information we found via ArchDaily: “The pavilion consists of three areas — Whispering Garden, Hall of Light and Hall of Innovations. The Whispering Garden is a green orchard that greets visitors as they enter the building. Some facilities will be installed to make the trees begin to “whisper” in both English and Chinese when visitors walk close to them”.

9. The Polish Pavilion was designed by architects Wojciech Kakowski, Marcin Mostafa and Natalia Paszkowska.”Their building is inspired by traditional polish folk art paper cut-outs reinterpreted in a

contemporary fashion. The idea was generated when the team sought to create a ‘cultural ideogram’ that would signify the country of origin in an iconic way. the project focuses on exploring the importance of the personal experience between buildings and people. the ramp that is created by the folded exterior enables visitors to climb onto the roof of the building, making the entire building a function exhibition space.” With such an impressive and diverse History, we were expecting some major contradictions in choosing the theme, but it looks like they managed just fine.-via Designboom

10. The design concept for the German Pavilion belongs to architects Schmidhuber + Kaindl, who named the construction “Balancity” and represents “a city in balance between renewal and preservation, innovation and tradition, urbanity and nature, society and its individuals, work and recreation, and finally, between globalisation and national identity”. The metal-looking gray-colored project makes us think of the coldness and of the precise German technique, so perhaps this is indeed what reflects the nation’s personality. More information and photos here.

11. The Pavilion of the Czech Republic’s theme is that of “Fruits of Civilization,” “With adoption of technical fruits to create better cities, visitors will discover different fruits of civilization moving from street to street. To explain the theme, the Czech Pavilion will produce a virtual city with spotlight on the use of new technologies.Combining elements of past and future, the pavilion features sustainable city planning by adopting new century city planning to historical towns. The fusion of historical heritage and modern building will make the pavilion unique which can provide visitors with a pleasant journey.Visitors will experience a fictitious city modeled on the Old Town of Prague, the capital and historical center of the country.”-via Expo 2010

12. The Saudi Arabia Pavilion is actually a joint design effort, as both Chiana and Saudi Arabia participated in creating this structure. “The pavilion has a “moon boat” shape and is surrounded by deserts and seas, just like Saudi Arabia. Along with the 150 date palms that are now planted in the pavilion, it’s main attraction is a huge IMAX screen. The 1,600-square-meter screen is larger than any other cinema screen on earth. Short films will be presented on the screen.” -information from ArchDaily

13. The French Pavilion was designed by Jacques Ferrier Architectures and it is also known as The Sensual City. “The pavilion is clad in a trellis-like structure and features a garden inside with plants growing on the walls, a roof garden and pools of water.The pavilion is designed to showcase the sights, smells, tastes, sounds and feel of France, and visitors will be able to sample French food and watch classic french films.” Check out the video for a better understanding.-via Dezeen

14. The Hungarian Pavilion’s theme is “Architectural and Cultural Diversity of Our Cities” and is decorated with more than 800 wood rods, and visitors will feel they are having a walk in a forest. These wooden rods not only reflect light, but also rise and fall with changing music rhythms to bring visitors both audio and visual impacts. Wood rods are musical instruments themselves and can make sweet sounds when tapped. The sounds even change in the morning, afternoon and evening. The National Pavilion Day will be a chance to showcase a feast of Hungarian culture”- via China Daily

15. The Danish Pavilion was created by BIG in collaboration with Arup and 2+1. “The pavilion is a big loop on which visitors ride around on one of the 1,500 bikes available at the entrance, a chance to experience the Danish urban way. At the center of the pavilion there’s a big pool with fresh water from Copenhagen’s harbor, on which visitors can even swim. At the center of the pool you will find The Little Mermaid, a statue that has become a symbol for Denmark.”- information from ArchDaily

This raps it up, hope you enjoyed the ride. Remember to leave a comment in case you considered we left something out. And for all of you out there visiting the Expo- have a fantastic time!

Collected by smosh

Looking for Love? Try the Personals! Just remember when composing your ad, use a little more thought than these people did

Bonus: This is the coolest way I’ve ever heard to get a job

Written by Blair Mathis

Facebook has matched Myspace and raised it with a dose of not-so-fugly page layout. This has effectively merging a small portion of the real world, henceforth referred to as the RW, with the virtual world. If you are raving mad in the RW you can go online and let everyone you know (and maybe a bunch you don’t) see exactly how mad you are. If you’re happy, why not change your status? Just won an award? Or upload a picture of that baby for everyone to compliment you on.

Is there a downside to this extension of the RW? Of course there bloody is! If you’ve spent any amount of time on Facebook, you’ve hid at least half your ‘friends’. You might tolerate them perfectly fine in the RW, but the moment they get on Facebook you find yourself wanting to punch them in the face(book).

If you want to avoid becoming one of the annoying people that ends up on everyone’s blocked list, we highly recommend that you follow our advice (and maybe share this article on your Facebook page, doing your part to end the madness).

1. Send Stupid Gifts

Unless you’re sending a RW coupon that can be printed out and traded in for gold bricks, stop sending gifts. They are useless. It doesn’t matter if you send a flower or a BMW, they all have the same inherent worth: $0.00! When you send these gifts, it leaves your friend with two options: he/she can ignore it and risk peeving you off (since you might be a little unstable given your penchant for sending imaginary gifts), or return the favor (thusly reinforcing your habit of sending useless pixels).

2. Talk About Your Pet All the Time

Do you want everyone on your friends list to think that the high point of your social life is changing the litter box? If you post about your pet[s] all the time, people will take sympathy on you. If you continue to do it for an extended period of time, they’ll think you’re batshit crazy and unfriend you, effectively leaving you alone to fall further into the chaos that is your pet-store-esque apartment.

3. Tag Indiscriminately

That tagging feature? It is powerful. When you set it up so that tagged photos show up for friends of friends (or God forbid everyone), you better think real hard about what you post and who you tag. Think about tagging an embarrassing photo the same way you’d think of sending out a Christmas card to all of your friend’s friends. Would you send your friend’s friends a Christmas card with a photo of your mutual buddy picking his nose? No? Then don’t tag those photos on Facebook or you’ll find yourself unfriended faster than you can Tweet an apology.

4. Complain About Every Ache and Bump

Seriously, if all you ever list as a status is the latest time you’ve stubbed your toe, gotten a headache, or spent all night trying to push a golf ball-sized kidney stone out your happy zone, people aren’t going to want to be near you. Not only are your friends going to assume that you’re a walking freak-bolt-of-lightning-to-the-head-on-a-blue-sky kind of person, but they’ll also figure that the only thing you’ll talk about all night is your inflamed pancreas.

5. Authorize Every App

All those applications you play really add up when the rest of us are forced to see them lined up on our walls. No one really cares if you just saved a duck, extended your farm, broke a mob boss’s neck, or had a beloved gold fish die. What we do care about is having to spend ten minutes every morning hiding the latest app you found. After awhile, we just stop caring and hide YOU. Do you want your last impression on someone to be a series of app notices posted over the course of many hours of every single day, making people think you’re the most lonely and/or pathetic person on their list?

6. Friend Coworkers and Employers

The coworker thing is variable. If you’ve been working with them for awhile and you’re buddy-buddy, then go ahead and do it. The thing about friending coworkers is that, no matter how close you might be, the game of work politics never ends. If it is you or a friended coworker on the chopping block, don’t surprised when they pull out a ream of Facebook screenshots showing all your bad habits and “we frown on that” statuses.

While we’re on the topic of coworkers, never, no matter how familiar you are, friend your boss. This is a just a bad problem waiting to be bigger. It only takes one drunken poke binge, enraged status, or a friend with poor tagging etiquette to bring an unhappy tidbit of reality to the limelight. Do you really want to hinge your career on your Facebook page? Better yet, do you want to have to police everything you post just because you worry about what your boss will think?

7. Friend Non-Friends

The thing about a friends list is that it’s for friends. Of course family members can fall into this group, but rarely do strangers qualify. When you friend a stranger, you could falling for any number of traps: family members posing as friends to hear the crude things you say in secret, a spouse/partner pretending to be a stranger and hitting on you to see what you will do, a serial killer neighbor who is watching you update your status via telescope in his bedroom. You just never know.

8. Rant and Rave

Facebook is a place where you congregate your friends and family and post messages that they can all read. Think of it as a dinner party with everyone over—would you climb up on the nearest table and start ranting and raving about the latest political or social problem? No? Well, when you do that on Facebook, it is essentially the same thing, except that no one is around to shut you up. It is doubtful that everyone on your page is going to feel the same about everything that you do. If you want to peeve people off and lose a bunch of friends, go crazy all the time.

9. Request Stuff

If you send someone a request for a cow, and they subsequently send you a picture of a hamburger, they probably aren’t interested in swapping imaginary gifts. If you keep sending requests and they never send anything back, get a clue: they’re ignoring your requests and soon they’ll be ignoring you (and note that that last sentence rhymes, ‘cuz we’re awesome like that).

10. TYPE IN ALL CAPS

THE THING ABOUT TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS THAT IT IS ANNOYING. REALLY, REALLY ANNOYING. SO ANNOYING, IN FACT, THAT YOUR FRIENDS WILL BEGIN TO FEEL THE RAGE THAT YOUR ALL-CAPS SEEMS TO INDICATE THAT YOU FEEL. AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T THROUGH IN SOME EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!