How to Lose a Guy in 14 Easy Steps

Written by Jessica Conatser

What not to do when in a relationship…

14 Moves That Will Send Him Running

Sometimes girls can be a little psycho and crazy possessive when it comes to their new boyfriends, and while they might mean to come off as endearing and/or cute, here’s a little NEWSFLASH — most of the time, these attempts at trying to be girlish and adorable end in disaster. You know what we’re talking about; it’s when you decide to do things like make up pet names for your significant other (at week two), or leave a million messages in his inbox in an annoying baby voice. The list goes on.

Warning: just because you’ve finally won your crush over and he’s now your boyfriend doesn’t mean the relationship is set in stone (obviously). Don’t send him running in the opposite direction; read our suggested list of what you shouldn’t be doing when you’re dating a guy.

1. Exposing Too Much History

There are certain things you just don’t talk about when you’re in a new relationship including past lovers, previous sexual escapades, how you think you need to lose weight (you get the picture), and any other negative commentary that might put a bad taste in his mouth. You don’t want to scare the boy off the minute you start dating, do you?

2. Redecorating His Bachelor Pad

So you’re smitten and find yourself spending a lot of time at his place. This does not mean to bring a box (or three) of goodies to add a much-needed feminine touch. Leave the stuffed animals, pink blankets, heart-shaped pillows monogrammed with "I Love You" on them, and the flowery scented candles at [your] home. This is not something a guy wants to see when he gets back from work — trust us on this one.

3. Interrupting His Boys Night

When guys plan an exclusive boys night, they’re probably not leaving you out because they’re embarassed of you. It’s much more probable that he doesn’t want you to see what he and the boys do when it’s just the boys. Most men have a guy’s night that consists of poker, beer, pizza, wings and cigars — and we don’t recommened that you intrude uninvited. He’ll get suffocated and feel like you don’t trust him to have a night to himself.

4. Bringing Him to Chick Flicks

Just because 16 Candles and Serendipity is playing on your local silver screen doesn’t mean you should drag the boyfriend out for popcorn and soda fountain drinks. In fact, we’re almost positive that you’ll score major brownie points if you never do something like this.

5. Buying Him a Matching Outfit

Why anyone would feel the need to do this is beyond us, but if you’re that girl who thought matching outfits might be cute, think again.

6. Crying Post Hook-Up

Yes, we get emotional sometimes, but there is a time and a place for this and that time and place isn’t in the bedroom. Hooking up is supposed to be hot and sexy, so don’t ruin it with tears of any kind.

7. Leaving Tampons in His Bathroom

This should be a no-brainer, but unless you’re married, leave your tampons in your purse and not under his sink. While this is the worst offense, we also recommend holding off on the strategic toothbrush placement in his cabinet. He’ll feel like you’re putting him on lockdown.

8. Early Ultimatums 

Giving your guy ultimatums at an early stage isn’t a good idea. It’s too early to tell if there is an actual future between you two, so give it a break. Don’t be that girl who asks questions that are just plain awkward to answer like, "I’m not sleeping with you until you tell me I’m the one," or something along those lines. It’ll make him uncomfortable and he may even start avoiding you…

9. Calling His Mom

Even if you feel really close to your guy and you want to take the next step, never do it without him prompting the move. Calling his mom, without him knowing, because you’re just so excited to make a connection is not acceptable. Not only will you lose some of his trust, but we’re pretty sure he might think you’re crazy.

10. Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can be a helpful and a positive thing to pursue later on in a relationship, but two months in… NO WAY. If things aren’t working out already, then it’s a safer bet to call it quits and move on.

11. The L Word

The L word is not something to throw around lightly and dropping the L bomb early on in a relationship might cause him to take two gigantic steps backward. Don’t bring this up until you know the feeling is mutual — better yet, let him spring this one on you just to be safe.

12. Pet Names

Hold off on giving him a pet name in order to avoid some major awkward moments in your relationship. Even if your man is the type to be "OK" with this exchange, be wary of where and when you drop these terms of endearment. Chances are he won’t want his friends to jokingly adopt the moniker.

13. Hacking Into His Facebook

Facebook has private user names and passwords for a reason. Hacking attempts are not okay, so we suggest you get this idea out of your mind right now. If he ever found out about your sneaky ways, we guarantee the relationship would be over.

14. Constantly Checking Up On Him

Please do not call your boyfriend every five minutes and leave annoying messages every time he doesn’t answer. We think you’re smart enough to know why you shouldn’t do this, but just in case, re-read the title of this posting: 14 Things That Will Send Him Running. Hence, the reason why you shouldn’t even dream of doing this or any of the aforementioned acts, for that matter.


24 thoughts on “How to Lose a Guy in 14 Easy Steps

  1. Jonjo Powers

    Frankly, if a guy can’t see a chick flick once in awhile to please his woman, or can’t hear “I love you” without convulsing, you probably would do well to find someone who’s a bit more secure.

    But, heed the other dozen tips.

  2. Felix Diamond

    This article definitely hits the nails on the head. It better to take it slow and steady in a relationship. Lets things happen gradually. Coming too fast will make the other person running for the hills.

  3. Radical

    The first tip, supposedly the most important, set in bold in its entirety: don’t tell him how big a slut you are.
    This is the 21st century alright.

  4. Kristi

    Ironically these rules seem to apply best to the kind of early romance featured in a chick flick between stereotypical man (ie – probably Matthew McConaughey, Vince Vaughn if it’s a film that tries to appeal to men) and woman (ie – Sarah Jessica Parker). Some pretty obvious, some ridiculous, most insulting to both parties.

  5. corpower

    Felix Diamond is absolutely correct:

    “Coming too fast will make the other person running (sic) for the hills.”

  6. ECJames

    Does any one actually take this shit seriously? Guys do you LITERALLY think every woman is just waiting to decorate your apartment with pink accent pillows? I am absolutely speechless at the stupidity of the men who actually think all women are like this. Newsflash-some women are intelligent and confident and don’t buy into stereotypical gender roles. And for all the men out there reading this-the reason why you can’t find any of those women is because we want real men. Real men who don’t believe this crap about what women really want. Real men who don’t treat women as hysterical irrational subhumans who just want to trick their partners into saying “I love you”. Real men who aren’t afraid of tampons and who know REAL sex is so much better than what they show in pornos. REAL MEN. If you believe women are actually like what this article describes, then you’re obviously not a real man.

  7. schizuki

    ECJames just brought to mind another good one:

    Don’t be a shrill, hysterical harpie with 20 pounds of attitude in a five-pound bag.

  8. Burn the Witch

    Hey Jonjo, the article talked about dropping the “L” word EARLY in a relationship. Read a little slower next time.

    And ECJames, the article doesn’t say “every woman” does all of this. You should slow down when you read too. For example: the first freakin word of the article. If you think all women don’t do at least one of these things, you’re kidding yourself. The article isn’t even about “what women want”, so perhaps your opinion of your intelligence is a little inflated. And for the love of all that is holy, spare us all from the “real man” schtick.

    And so-called “real” sex might be better for you, but maybe you should try to figure out what he likes for once in your self-absorbed little life. That “real” sex line is usually what a prude says anyway. Try not being so repressed and you might find that not only do you like that “unreal” sex, but you might genuinely please your man instead of listening to him lie to you about it.

    Take it from a “real” woman.

  9. Patrick

    Matching outfits are only OK if your going to some kind of sporting event Like Football jersey’s and Hockey jersey’s.

  10. cthulhu

    Matching outfits only work if they’re complementary, e.g. T-shirts with knuckles from the 1955 film “The Night of the Hunter” — it even doesn’t matter which one of you gets “Love” and which one gets “Hate”….

    N.B. — I had thought it was The Blues Brothers, and I’m glad I checked.

  11. Cory Chia

    You should add the girlfriend who brings over a photo of herself and you, and puts it in a prominent place.

    That kinda spoils the fun of a bachelor pad, if you know what I mean 😉

  12. Bugdog

    The idea of T shirts of the knuckles from Night of the Hunter is too cool, especially for film association meetings or just movie dates. wish I’d thought of it.

  13. ola

    Hey…. I don’t think this actually works cos my bf seems to like most of these things and I don’t get it. And if he doesn’t, he just says “you know I’ll do anything for u”…. Which is weird right? Just read thru again, it has to be cos I haven’t done half of these things and yes, it will be insane to. Isn’t it too early for a guy to drop the “L” word two and half months into a relationship?

    Ok, I’m rambling….. Apologies!

    This is a funny article tho…

  14. Christina

    I did all of these things within two weeks of meeting my boyfriend. Still together after 3 years.

  15. elizabeth

    i tried this and it really worked! i had been with the guy over and over again and i needed him to end it this time. the bad thing is, he regrets it!…

  16. Dumpe

    This is the dumbest article I’ve ever read. I’m a guy and I don’t have a problem with most of these things. Why would I care that my girlfriend tells me about her sexual history, that she leaves her tampons in my bathroom or if she tells me she loves me?

    Idiotic articles like these is what prevents men and women from acting natural around each other.

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