The 7 Stages Of Being Fat

Written by Justin Halpern, Brenan Sharp, Cory Jones

America is getting fatter and fatter, so in an effort to help guide you through the fatness, we decided to label each stage.

As America gets fatter and fatter, we thought we’d help us all figure out what stage of obesity we fall in. So put that third slice of cheesecake down and learn how fat you can really get (If you’re not already in Stage 7.)

Stage 1: Potentially Fat

Stage 2: Topanga From “Boy Meets World” Fat

Stage 3: “Party Animal” Fat

Stage 4: Sporty Fat

Stage 5: Double Take Fat

Stage 6: Surrender Fat

Stage 7: Melding-To-Furniture Fat

17 thoughts on “The 7 Stages Of Being Fat

  1. Fliptrx

    Now, that’s funny. I know everyone of those people and I’m somewhere in there myself. Trying to reverse that ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Adrian

    This is insulting and insensitive. Itโ€™s also rather funny, in a gut-shaking repressed belly-laugh sort of way.

    Obesity is hardly ever a healthy thing for a person and less fat usually means more health, a longer life, and a less painful (and less expensive) dying.

    One can laugh at these jokes without ever desiring to dis fat people in person. Paramedics have this kind of gallows humor while they are able to be lifesavers.

  3. Mallory

    Approximately 40% of America is wobbling on the dividing line between 4 and 5.

    If that’s you, word of advice: DIET NOW! Once you hit stage five, it suddenly gets much tougher to loose the weight. Plus, if you work out how overweight you are, you’ll realise that you’re carrying around another whole person worth of fat, which is gross.

    I’ve been there – I know how tough it is to loose weight.

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