I just want you to hold me

From craigslist

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either ….but at least that she knows I’m smarter than her.


7 thoughts on “I just want you to hold me

  1. zydeco1049

    I'd make that “not having sex for a looooooooooooooong time, maybe ever”. But, that's OK, you proved your point. It also proves that you need to chose your battles carefully, because sometimes you win the battle and lose the war. This is a case in point.

  2. Stu

    Um, is the “girlfriend” a paid escort? If not, I don't see how the point was proven. One partner withholds sex, the other withholds money/gifts. How is that not prostitution? What if “Girlfriend” had a job and could buy her own clothes and jewelry? Could she then choose when she was in the mood for sex, or would she still be on the hook to meet his physical wants at his whim?

  3. JP

    You might avoid sexless nights more often if you'd learn something about foreplay. So, you got her angry and had another sexless night – you sure showed her!! Next time you're out shopping, better buy some porn. You're going to need it.

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