Located in the city of Dunedin, in southern New Zealand, the Baldwin Street has earned the distinction of being the steepest street in the world. This 350 meters long street begins with a moderate slope and then climbs steeply to reach a maximum slope of 1:2.86 or 19 degrees! The street is so steep that it’s surface had to be laid with concrete instead of asphalt otherwise on a warm day the tar would flow down the slope!
A quick resume of what the most important (IMHO) things users will get with the next Ubuntu release: Intrepid Ibex. If you want to check the whole list please visit Intrepid’s blueprints.
1. faster login The time that ubuntu takes to go from the gdm login prompt to an usuable desktop is too long, it will be faster.
2. better Flash experience Intrepid will ship improved plugin finder wizard experience, better experience for sites that use the flash detection kit and improved user-experience for selection of available alternatives.
Probably we’ll also have the final Flash 10 shipped with Intrepid.
4. guest account It is very common to lend someone else a laptop for a quick email check, or having one’s computer play music and be a surf station on a party.
Instead of requiring people to create guest accounts with widely known or empty passwords, Ubuntu will set up a locked down guest account with a temporary home directory by default, where an existing user must authenticate the start of a guest session. This avoids passwordless accounts, which are a security threat.
5. Clean up cruft from system, especially after upgrades When systems are upgraded from release to release to release, and especially if they are upgraded frequently during development of next release, they gather a lot of cruft: unused packages, old kernels, etc. Intrepid will have a tool to remove cruft, based on what update-manager already does, and extending that.
6. Automatic download of printer drivers through the internet The printer setup tool of Ubuntu 8.10 and later will automatically download LSB-packaged printer drivers from the OpenPrinting database. This way there will be no need to ship all drivers on the CDs, Intrepid will be prepared for printers being launched after our release or being supported only by closed-source drivers which we are not allowed to distribute or driver updates.
7. font selector Fontconfig offers a variety of font related settings, which can currently only be modified by hacking a XML file together. Intrepid will have a GUI for this task, taking common settings like font ordering, antialiasing, hinting and embedded bitmaps into account, as those settings vary greatly depending on different users’ preferences.
8. faster installation from desktop DVD Modifications to ubiquity and apt as well as triggerisation of packages in order to minimize the extra time needed by the installer when dealing with the larger set of packages found on the desktop DVD image.
9. installation from USB stick An application will be developed to convert and write Ubuntu CD images to USB disks. In addition, Ubuntu’s existing tools will be modified to better handle installing from a removable disk.
10. new graphic for the installer The visual design of Ubuntu’s installer has remained largely unchanged since its creation, however there are a number of areas where graphical aids will be beneficial.
What about the new graphic theme? Intrepid alpha releases come with a new graphic theme for the GNOME environment but I couldn’t find a blueprint about that thus it’s not in the list.
UPDATE 1: I’d like to add a task to the wishlist: SOUND!!! In hardy sound it’s a big mess because some softwares (Flash) do not integrate with PulseAudio (this workaround does seem to be stable to me) and I constantly have to close applications to make sound work again 🙁
UPDATE 2: A user told me that I forgot to write an important new feature: support for dmraid from the livecd, he’s completely right, I thought it was not so important to average users but probably I was wrong.
One of Bud Light’s funniest ad campaigns to date, the Real Men of Genius commercials made a somewhat smooth transition from radio to television. ‘Somewhat’ in the sense that our imaginations will always be funnier that what is visually spoon fed to us, and mostly because the singer from the ads is better heard and not seen. The following are 10 of the best Real Men of Genius’ which have been rated based on the following criteria:
1. The levels of sarcasm in Deep Voice Guy’s commentary. 2. The vocal quality and lyrical hilarity provided by the Stephen Tyler wannabe. 3. The value of the service/invention provided by the featured “genius.” 4. The urgency with which some of these genius’ need to get the hint.
While some have not made it to television yet they are still worth listening to.
Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer
Mr. Nudist Colony Activity Coordinator
Mr. Grocery Store Cart Wrangler
Mr. Foot Long Hot Dog Inventor
Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer
Mr. Really Really Really Bad Dancer
Mr. Stinky Breath Breather Outer
Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy
Mr. Edible Underwear Inventor
Mr. Cellphone Holster Wearer
If you enjoyed these, here’s the complete list of mp3s from when the campaign began under the heading Real American Heroes.
Look before you leap before buying the new iPhone. This is the iPhone that all of us have been waiting for. It promised to address the deficiencies of the first generation iPhone, but does it really?
Here are some reasons why not:
1. Too expensive to own.
Apple and AT&T may have shaved a couple of hundred dollars off the price but they will more than make up for it in monthly fees. If you take into account the regular monthly fee, the data fee, the text message fee, which used to be free, and the $99 annual mobileme fee you could end up spending over $1,000 a year to own an iPhone, that’s 200 gallons of $5 gas.
2. Can’t use the GPS like a GPS.
Forget about getting turn-by-turn voice directions in your car from the new iPhone 3G. The iPhone SDK makes it pretty clear it’s not allowed, “Applications may not be designed or marketed for real time guidance.” Yes it will superimpose your position on a Google map, or show you the closest pizzeria but what about getting real-time route guidance? If you read reviews for other GPS devices you never come across a GPS that doesn’t provide some form of guidance. There’s a rumor that TomTom may be developing a guidance application but you have to wonder how they’ll get it past the Apple police.
3. Can’t tether the iPhone to your laptop.
Want to save sixty dollars per month for a 3G card for your laptop and use the iPhone instead? Not going to happen—not allowed. Although there are plenty of phones, including AT&T’s Tilt, that will allow you to use your 3G phone as a high speed modem for your laptop, the iPhone won’t be one of them so you can add the cost of a 3G card for your laptop at $720 a year to your total cost of ownership.
4. Still no cut and paste.
Cut and paste has been around on Apple computers since the earliest Mac Plus computers. What’s the big problem with implementing it on iPhones? Why is cut and paste so important? Suppose you’re browsing a web site and want to capture some text or a URL, or someone sent you an email and you want to grab some text from it and send to someone else. Not possible on an iPhone. Speaking of email, where’s the spell checker? Predictive typing is fine but spell checkers are everywhere else but here.
5. Wimpy 2 MP camera.
In the world of 5 MP Smartphones and 10 MP point and shoot cameras that you can buy for under $200, why is the iPhone still stuck with a measly 2 MP? That’s so 2003. While we’re at it how come we can’t record video, afraid the non-existent SD card might fill up? The iPhone should be able to stream video by now just like many other cell phones can already do right now.
6. No stereo Bluetooth.
We thought the iPhone was supposed to be part iPod. At least they fixed the recessed headphone jack flaw (and called it a new feature) but the A2DP stereo Bluetooth standard has been around for a while and is missing from the iPhone.
7. The list goes on.
Still no Flash player for rich media content (what grudge does Steve Jobs hold against Adobe). Still can’t send pictures in MMS messages, still no native voice dialing, no mobile TV, no replaceable battery, no flash memory card, and on and on.
Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I feel better and what the heck, so it’s not perfect but it’s still the coolest smartphone out there (other smartphones) and I still want one. I look forward to seeing you on the line.
Enjoy your new iPhone (and here are some accessories while you are at it).
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my grill flaming. I’m as red-blooded American as they come, and one of the biggest sports fans you will ever meet. I consider myself a human database of football stats, basketball trades, baseball figures, NASCAR victories, and even the current cricket standings.
There is one sport, however, that has always taken a back burner here in America . . . despite being the most popular game in the world.
Soccer, the beautiful game, futbol, football, or whatever accepted term is used to describe it will never be embraced in America. It’s a sad truth, but it’s a conclusion that’s inevitable and can be completely explained.
Admittedly, my passion for soccer was born my junior year of college while playing FIFA 06 with some roommates. Being junior varsity lacrosse and basketball players, we wanted to test our skills against the best of the best just to find out how tough the game really is. Our competitive intramural team name was FIFA 06 (With Multi-Tap), and we got our asses handed to us in the playoff semi-finals.
So after playing “the beautiful game” on the field, on all gaming consoles, and in arenas, I decided I would take a shot at watching a couple of games on the television. I hate to say it, but I just couldn’t take it. HD didn’t even help.
Although the majority of readers will take offense to this article, just hear me out. There are 7 reasons mainstream America will never embrace this game, and they are absolutely undeniable.
1. Americans don’t have the Attention Spans.
Soccer is a continuous game that is heavily influenced by a team’s endurance and stamina. Unfortunately, Americans do not understand that concept. While one of the most popular sports in the United States involves watching a car go around a track for 600 miles, soccer is players running constantly for 90 minutes. Unlike soccer, however, NASCAR also involves the elements of horrendous crashes, pit stops, and fan favorites. Football also stops after every play, and during the four quarters of the game. The same goes for the innings of baseball, and the quarters of basketball.
Because soccer is such a competitive and trying sport, the scores remain relatively few and far between. Americans like scoring, in all ways, forms, and meanings. Look at every other sport and their average scores, and then compare them to a high scoring soccer affair involving 5 – 6 goals. While scoring a goal is exciting, you have to remember spectators endure 90 minutes of passing balls and running in order to witness the goal.
3.Americans are Fat.
The average weight for American men is 191 pounds, which is 20 pounds heavier than men 40 years ago. The childhood obesity problem doesn’t help either, with nearly 20% of children between the ages of 6 – 12 being overweight. Simple logic will tell you that being overweight means being unhealthy, which probably means you can’t perform well in stamina sports such as soccer. Other sports, however, rely on the big man to take the post, block and tackle, or mash a bomb out of the park. Soccer’s not a big man’s game . . . and a nation’s sports interest that is fixed in an unhealthy lifestyle will likely focus on sports that don’t require healthiness or losing weight.
4.There are no Individuals in Soccer.
Although there are players like Henry, Ronaldinho, and Ronaldo the majority of great players and teams rely on teamwork more than any other sport in existence. Football, baseball, and basketball can all stand to have a weak link during game play. Although the weakest link can be exploited in these sports, the offense does not suffer from their mishaps and great players can more than make up for them. Players like Peyton Manning, Lebron James, and Randy Johnson can single handedly take over the game and produce a win. However, soccer requires extreme teamwork and patience. One weak link could mean a collapse in offense as well as defense. Americans like a hero . . . and it’s hard to be a hero on the soccer field without losing it for the team.
5.The Lack of Stats.
In all athletics, stats are crucial for the sports junkie. Being able to rattle off batting, FG, or QB ratings bring joy to millions of Americans. In soccer, the only real stats are passes, tackles, goals, and saves. Of course there are the occasional corners and cards, but the stats simply aren’t as meaningful nor interesting as other mainstream American sports. I could not tell you the passing percentage of Spain in the UEFA Cup, but I can tell you the ERA of most NL pitchers. The same goes for most of Americans that follow any sport closely.
6.No Rivalries in America.
The MLS boasts an unimpressive 16 teams in 16 cities here in America. There are only 2 conferences, and their marketing has done little to focus on city rivalries. In other sports we have Carolina v. Duke, New York v. Boston, USC v. UCLA, and so on. In the MLS, there is hardly any gut wrenching rivalries to partake in. No, Houston vs. Dallas does not count . . . does the nation stop to watch these two teams battle? I think not. In Europe it is the complete opposite, where hundreds of teams have city rivals, as well as their country rivals. Until there’s some flare, American soccer will remain on the back burner.
7.Americans love exactness.
When a player drops a football, fans scream. They also do the same for dropped baseball, pucks, basketballs, or even when a NASCAR driver misses his line and falls behind. We love perfection and our team never turning the ball over. Which explains why Americans could become very frustrated while watching a game of soccer. Because the soccerball is handled by the feet and can be extremely hard to control, precision is hard to come by during a match.
Are you sold on the fake notion that owning possessions is the touchstone of your self-worth? Have you felt jealous and self-pity when a neighbor bought a new Mercedes or a new Yacht that you always wanted to possess? We all have.
If your paycheck is not keeping up the pace with your cravings for the new iphone, why not learn the secrets of simplicity from the richest man on the earth who still lives without a cell phone? Before you sink your money for the latest gadget what if you were to know that the Oracle of Omaha still has no desk computer in his modest office?
In this world full of the rich and famous, Warren Buffett remains the greatest investor ever born not due to his acumen for the wise investments that he has made during his life but more for exemplifying the greatness with simplicity. He’s full of wit and happiness and this is at the core of everything that he does.
Secret # 1 : Happiness comes from within.
In my adult business life I have never had to make a choice of trading between professional and personal. I tap-dance to work, and when I get there it’s tremendous fun.- Warren Buffett
This is the man who truly does what he loves. The battle between Productivity and anti-productivity blogs stems from their convoluted chains of frequently twisted rational to substantiate their claim that productivity is a force of an external demand – from an employer or a competitor. In reality, productivity comes from within. It comes from doing what we love and loving what we do. When we start trading time between our professional and personal life, we wage war in our own mind to justify our passion in terms of a personal benefit. In my business I have felt more stress and angst when I haven’t given all of my talent, hard work and passion to help others on a given day. The myth of working hard to make more money to buy more things throws us in the vicious circle of hallucination. Our happiness always remains imprisoned when we do work that we abhor yet justify doing it to pay bills for those things that we don’t need. I used to work even after buying my first hotel for many years to justify the fake notion that I needed additional income to pay bills. What I needed was to change my lifestyle to free myself from this never-ending rut chase.
Secret # 2 Find happiness in simple pleasures.
I have simple pleasures. I play bridge online for 12 hours a week. Bill and I play, he’s “chalengr” and I’m “tbone”. – Warren Buffett
If the man richer than God can find happiness in the simple pleasure of playing bridge online with another billionaire, I have to learn to be happy with the simple pleasures of playing cards with friends or playing with my children or taking a walk in the wilderness. All of these simple pleasures do not need extravagant spending. I used to go play golf with other businessmen when the local chamber of commerce sponsored an event. I never found happiness in those events as they were centered on generating more business and exchanging business cards than on truly enjoying the moment. I was allowing myself to be run ragged by trading business cards after hours in a vain hope of making more money whereas that time deserved a dinner with my family.
Secret # 3 Live a simple life.
I just naturally want to do things that make sense. In my personal life too, I don’t care what other rich people are doing. I don’t want a 405 foot boat just because someone else has a 400 foot boat. – Warren Buffett
The sad truth is that our ever-sophisticated advertising industry has conditioned our mind to find happiness from consumption by spending our hard earned money on the possessions that never bring us lasting happiness. We spend our life-energy on those possessions that we seldom use. We worry about making payments for a luxury car that sits in our garage collecting dust only for the right to brag about it in an occasional social gathering. Keeping up with the Joneses is the worst epidemic among those who should never contemplate that notion in the first place. If a man who can possibly buy a nation with his cash never espouses the mantra of “more the better”, I need to learn not to spread my legs beyond the reach of the blanket. We are conditioned to spend money before we earn it. We are sold on the fake happiness of “Buy now, pay later dearly” – It’s nothing more than buying possessions that we cannot afford. I have my share of insanity when it comes to mindless spending, but lately I try to pay for most of my purchases with cash. It creates awareness towards the impulse buy when I pay by cash. I have also started red lining items on the credit card statement that I consider useless spending. All of these efforts have built my awareness towards my impulse purchases. I have been using mantra of – “less is more” to simplify every aspect of my life. It’s a work in progress but the results are astounding.
Secret # 4 Think Simply.
“I want to be able to explain my mistakes. This means I do only the things I completely understand.” – Warren Buffett
There lies one of the greatest secrets of simplicity. Warren Buffett invests only in the businesses that he understands. If you ever read research reports from an accomplished Wall Street guru, you’ll find a plethora of details that make you dizzy. The success of Warren Buffett as the greatest investor ever lies in his ability to think simply.
I used to invest in the stock market in the mid 90’s when everyone wanted to make over night millions in an exuberant market. I used to read “Investor’s Business Daily” only to look at the movers and shakers. These were the stocks that made a significant upward move a day before. A few days before Christmas, I made $52,000 in one stock in a matter of a few days. I knew nothing about the company. I created a new reality for my thoughts that I had figured out how the Wall Street works. I was on my way to the riches. I applied the same thought model on the next several stocks. Needless to say, I lost all that I made and much more. I was lacking in a basic human quality that Warren Buffett has mastered well – common sense. It says a great deal about the character of a man who invested a measly amount in Microsoft despite the fact that Bill Gates is one of his closest friends. I learned a valuable lesson of life from this experience – “Not losing hard earned money is far more important than making more money”.
If I apply this rule in my life, I can develop clarity and sanity in my thoughts. Clarity is the mother of simplicity. Life is not a roulette; life is about simple yet profound choices.
Secret # 5 Invest Simply.
The best way to own common stocks is through an index fund. – Warren Buffett
It is astounding to know that the greatest investor in the world is not bragging about intricate financial maneuvering to impress the rest of the world with his financial genius. Instead, Warren Buffett shows us the most simplistic approach to our financial freedom – “Flow with the market rather than pretending to be smarter than God.”
In this world full of so-called financial experts, Warren stands tall by showing us the simplest way to the riches. The stock market has moved upward for the last hundred years despite numerous setbacks. He is using a long historical view to back his argument rather than making a futile effort to predict how we can make a quick fortune. After losing most of my capital in the late 90’s, I have precisely followed the simple advice of investing in the no-load index funds. I’m happier than ever and while my assets have not skyrocketed, they haven’t dwindled either.
Secret # 6 Have a mentor in life.
I was lucky to have the right heroes. Tell me who your heroes are and I’ll tell you how you’ll turn out to be. The qualities of the one you admire are the traits that you, with a little practice, can make your own, and that, if practiced, will become habit-forming. – Warren Buffett
We are worshipers of celebrity demi-gods. All of us have this acute desire to look and live like these celebrities. However, are they truly the ones with character and moral compass to lead us? Having a mentor is as important as having a purpose in our life but having a wrong mentor is as devastating as having a wrong purpose in our life. The mentor has to be someone whom we can trust and have an unwavering faith in his/her guidance. The mentor has to be the one who has made outstanding strides in advancing the greater and guiding purpose of happiness in his/her own life. You’ll find that person in your inner circle if you think hard enough. Write down why you admire them. Try to emulate their traits and as Warren has shown by his exemplary life, with a little practice, you can form a habit to clone the life that you admire the most.
Secret # 7 Making money isn’t the backbone of our guiding purpose; making money is the by-product of our guiding purpose.
If you’re doing something you love, you’re more likely to put your all into it, and that generally equates to making money. – Warren Buffett
How do you rationalize the richest man on the earth still living in a small 3-bedroom house that he purchased fifty years ago? Warren Buffett never travels in a private jet despite the fact that he owns the largest private jet company. His character and way of life speak volume about his greatness. This is the man who spent his personal time investigating a $4 line item on his tax return to hunt down the specifics of it while giving away billions of dollars to Bill Gates foundation. It is rare to find the richest man on the earth living without luxuries that we want to possess even by mortgaging our future. He has demonstrated that while valuing the worth of money is vital for our ingenuity and success, money shall never become the object and end all of our motivation.
I’m an avid admirer of simplicity, but I’m an even bigger fan of the man who has mastered the greatness by living and breathing simplicity amid an ocean of wealth. Do you agree?
You probably despise them when you bump into one on a night out, but they are a bountiful source of entertainment. Only if you like making fun of other people’s misfortunes, that is. These 10 social trainwrecks ensure your night out is anything but dull. The 10 people you don’t want to meet at the bar make you feel that much better about yourself. Maybe you’re being paid $11 an hour and wrote a bad check to the liquor store so that you have enough Popov for the weekend, but hey, at least you aren’t one of these douchetastic species.
This guy saunters past the line, gives the bouncer a fist bump and makes a beeline to the bar to say a booming hello to his buddy the bartender. He laughs loudly and grabs the remote brazenly to do a “I know the bartender here” channel change. He talks loud enough for everyone in the bar to know that he, is the bartenders friend. He is important. He gets 10% off of draft beers. And he can change the channel himself. Because he’s friends with the bartender.
2. The Guy Who Pretends to Like You to Get Closer to Your Friend
You noticed him checking you out a trip to the restroom to share lip-gloss with your friend ago. He finally approaches your table and asks you the three inevitable questions: 1. Where do you live? 2. What do you do? 3. Is your friend single? You realize that he didn’t care that you are moonlighting, or that you live in a sweet little place in town, which has a gym and a killer pool. He pumped you for information to get closer to your hot friend. “Let me save you some time: She thinks you’re a douche. If you’re not buying a round, get the fuck away.”
“Excuse me”, you say. She looks you up and down, gives a disgusted look and claims, “I have a boyfriend!” Relax bitch, I just asked if you could move your fat ass out of the way because I have to take a shit and you’re blocking the bathroom door.
He got off work four hours ago, but is still in his suit and tie. He looks important. Business Card Guy sits alone at the bar and is constantly looking around for his fake date, who is invisible and thirty minutes late. Scrolling on his Blackberry, he strikes up a friendly conversationwith you, and you make a general remark about the dwindling economy and return to your rousing game of interactive bar trivia. “Give me a call if you’re ever in the market to make some extra green.” You begrudgingly pluck the business card that he is holding between his fingers like a cigarette and glance at it. Douche VonAwful of Pyramid Scheme, Inc. Naturally.
Sure, she has big cans, but she weighs a metric ton and has vascular disease. For some reason, she has unusually high self-esteem for such a Roseanne. She tries to create a persion from her body by wearing oversized necklaces, earrings and bracelets, but this only makes her look like a cellulite ridden version of Mr. T, except with more facial hair and less scowly. In fact, this bitch appears to be happy. Spare me.
6. The Guy Who Bums Your Last Smoke but Doesn’t Inhale
“Bum a smoke?” He’s not really cute, but you haven’t talked to anyone all night. You reach for your Marlboro Lights and light up, then offer the last cigarette in the box to him, so that he knows it is your last one. Any real smoker would know the etiquette of never to bum a smoker’s last cigarette. “Thanks”, he says. It is then that you realize that this asshole is bumming a smoke as an excuse to chat you up. You watch as he raises the ciggie to his never oxygen deprived lips as if he were on Fear Factor. Just as you suspected. After a small suck, guy quickly blows a thick cloud of smoke out. The bitch didn’t inhale. Wasteful fuck.
Possibly the worst offender. You and your girlfriends hit the dancefloor after “California Love” comes on. It is then that you see him. His black hair looks wet, he has Versace sunglasses on, long gold chains resting on his exposed pubey chest. Oh God. He mistakes your look of horror as a look of “Goddamn! That guy is so hot, my mouth just dropped open!” He shimmies on over to you and you almost choke from his Aqua Velva cologne. You turn to leave, but not before he gives you a pinky wave laden with gold and diamonds. 8. The Drunk Guy Who Loves The Jukebox. And Music.
Guy at the jukebox. He loves music so much, he would let it go down on him. He has been generally moving to the beat of each song and rasps out a few “YOU! Shook me all night long!” Generally enjoying himself whilst making a complete asshat of his life. The song changes, you see his eyes light up, he holds his breath, hurridly taps his friends on the shoulders and notifies everyone that this is HIS song. “Who Let The Dogs Out?” Speaks volumes.
He’s 47 and his wife of 18 years just porced him. You would think he’d be looking for some ass, but he just wants to talk. Mostly about his ex-wife. Once he gets the hot 21 year old a Long Island Iced Tea, he knows he has her captivated at least for two long swallows. She seductively sucks on a marchino cherry from the bar but he doesn’t have a clue. After twenty minutes, hot 21 year old is letting this man sob into her extensions and offers a hand job to which he politely declines.
You called in sick to work on a Wednesday to hang out with your buddy and spend the day drinking. Once 6pm rolls around, you guys are nicely toasted and head out to the local bar. After a pitcher and a basket of beer battered fries, you do a barf/burp and high tail it to the john to barf and make room for more beer. Once you stumble back to your bar stool, you hear someone calling your name. You deftly swing your head around and holler, “That’s ME!” After you wipe the spittle from your lips, you narrow your glassy eyes and realize it’s your boss. Shit. He doesn’t look happy. You offer a cough as if you were asking a question and put out your cigarette.
Waiters share insider secrets about restaurant — from what days to avoid dining out to how much to tip.
1. Avoid eating out on holidays and Saturday nights. The sheer volume of customers guarantees that most kitchens will be pushed beyond their ability to produce a high-quality dish.
2. There are almost never any sick days in the restaurant business. A busboy with a kid to support isn’t going to stay home and miss out on $100 because he’s got strep throat. And these are the people handling your food.
3. When customers’ dissatisfaction devolves into personal attacks, adulterating food or drink is a convenient way for servers to exact covert vengeance. Waiters can and do spit in people’s food.
4. Never say “I’m friends with the owner.” Restaurant owners don’t have friends. This marks you as a clueless poseur the moment you walk in the door.
5. Treat others as you want to be treated. (Yes, people need to be reminded of this.)
6. Don’t snap your fingers to get our attention. Remember, we have shears that cut through bone in the kitchen.
7. Don’t order meals that aren’t on the menu. You’re forcing the chef to cook something he doesn’t make on a regular basis. If he makes the same entrée 10,000 times a month, the odds are good that the dish will be a home run every time.
8. Splitting entrées is okay, but don’t ask for water, lemon, and sugar so you can make your own lemonade. What’s next, grapes so you can press your own wine?
9. If you find a waiter you like, always ask to be seated in his or her section. Tell all your friends so they’ll start asking for that server as well. You’ve just made that waiter look indispensable to the owner. The server will be grateful and take good care of you.
10. If you can’t afford to leave a tip, you can’t afford to eat in the restaurant. Servers could be giving 20 to 40 percent to the busboys, bartenders, maître d’, or hostess.
11. Always examine the check. Sometimes large parties are unaware that a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it. Waiters “facilitate” this error. It’s dishonest, it’s wrong-and I did it all the time.
12. If you want to hang out, that’s fine. But increase the tip to make up for money the server would have made if he or she had had another seating at that table.
13. Never, ever come in 15 minutes before closing time. The cooks are tired and will cook your dinner right away. So while you’re chitchatting over salads, your entrées will be languishing under the heat lamp while the dishwasher is spraying industrial-strength, carcinogenic cleaning solvents in their immediate vicinity.
From Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip-Confessions of a Cynical Waiter by The Waiter (Ecco/HarperCollins, $24.95)