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21 Secrets to Save on Travel
Written by Stacy Rapacon
Our insider’s guide to snagging the deepest discounts on hotels, airfare, cruises and more.
The travel industry continues to smart from the recession, so deals abound. You just need to know where to look. Search no further than our 21 tips to save on lodging, airfare, vacation packages and cruises:
Book a bargain stay
1) Check TripAdvisor.com for 25 million property reviews from real travelers and professional critics. For details on cozy and often less-costly venues, go to BedandBreakfast.com.
2) Visit Hotels.com every Thursday for its new last-minute deals. While you’re there, watch for other rate sales and package specials.
3) Book directly through the hotel’s Web site. Many places offer special online-booking and prepaid deals. You can also opt in to hotels’ free rewards programs and receive e-mails about special promotions and discounts.
4) Book blindly for rock-bottom rates. The auction-style booking pushed by William Shatner’s “Priceline Negotiator” in the popular commercials really can cut up to 50% off regular hotel rates (and 40% off airfare and car-rental rates). And Hotwire.com’s “Hot Rates” can knock up to 60% off retail room prices. With either, you specify your length of stay, preferred neighborhood and a guaranteed minimum star class. But you won’t know the exact hotel or location until after you pay – an especially big risk when visiting unfamiliar areas, particularly overseas. (Blind booking is a safer bet for car rentals; a sedan is a sedan is a sedan. But it’s a big gamble for flights because you won’t know exact flight times or airlines.)
5) Call your hotel to confirm an online reservation, especially if you made one at the last minute, and ask about any additional fees you should watch out for. Most hotels are especially willing to waive fees for frequent visitors or rewards-program members. Also, request a copy of your bill the night before you check out so you have time to dispute any extra charges.
6) Consider specialty lodging, such as condos, villas and vacation home rentals, especially when traveling with a big group. These options often offer more space and amenities for prices similar to or less than hotel rates. HomeAway.com offers the biggest selection of rentals, with more than 176,000 listings worldwide.
Fly for less
7) Use Kayak.com to quickly scan hundreds of travel Web sites for the best airfares. And don’t forget to check Southwest.com; Kayak does not include the discount airline’s fares.
8) Sign up with airlines’ free loyalty programs to get the best bargains delivered straight to your in-box. Or visit Airfarewatchdog.com, where the site’s employees join airlines’ rewards programs to snag those promotional codes and special offers to share with you.
9) Plan your purchase at Bing.com/travel, formerly Farecast.com. The site’s “price predictor” forecasts whether fares on major domestic routes will go up or down. Enter your itinerary and it will return a list of airfares with a recommendation to either buy now or wait for a fare drop.
10) Try flying at less-traveled times; flights on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Saturday afternoons typically see the least demand and therefore offer the best rates.
11) Choose your destination based on the cheapest flight. For example, if you’re interested in a Caribbean vacation but don’t have a specific location in mind, you can use Kayak’s Buzz tool to search for flights to anywhere in the Caribbean and then pick the place with the lowest fare.
12) Dodge flying fees. To avoid charges levied for buying tickets in person or by phone, book directly with the airline’s Web site or with one of the big three online travel agencies – Travelocity, Expedia and Orbitz- which recently dropped their flight-booking fees. . And pack lightly to dodge baggage costs. At FlyingFees.com, you can compare the baggage fees carried by 30 major airlines, and other types of fees charged by 20 major airlines.
Save a bundle on vacation packages
13) Online travel agencies Travelocity, Expedia and Orbitz are well known for their bundled bargains. But don’t forget to check packages offered by airlines such as United Vacations and smaller operators such as Apple Vacations for some of the sweetest deals.
14) Check the cost of add-ons, such as rental cars, show tickets, tours and museum passes, when booking packages with online travel agencies. Sometimes the agencies offer those extras at a discount.
15) Get one price on your trips with all-inclusive deals from resorts such as Club Med and Sandals.
16) Add travel insurance to your bundle. With Expedia’s Package Protection Plan, for example, you’re ensured a refund if you need to cancel or change plans. You’ll also be reimbursed for trip delays, baggage losses and medical expenses. The package costs $40 to $89, depending on your destination. If you’re not offered this protection when you book, or if you need more insurance than what you are offered, go to TravelGuard.com.
Cruise to savings
17) The best deals are close to the departure date — just don’t expect the really cheap tickets to get you a stateroom with a view.
18) Understand the different elements of a cruise, including theme, cabin types and ports of call. CruiseMates.com provides useful reviews and advice columns to get you started. But if you’re a first-timer feeling overwhelmed, consider using a travel agent.
19) Visit CruiseCompete.com, where you submit your cruise preferences and more than 300 travel agents compete for your business.
20) Book your flight separately. Using Kayak or Bing.com/travel, you can often find fares that are lower than what a cruise line will package in for you. Make sure you allow enough time to reach the departure port; the ship won’t wait for you if your flight is delayed.
21) Sail into big savings with a repositioning cruise. Ships need to take these one-way voyages in order to relocate for the season. For example, ships that cruise near Alaska in the summer head south once fall arrives, and cruise lines invite passengers aboard for the ride at deeply discounted rates.
15 Essential Differences Between Men and Women
Written by Manolith
The more politically correct individuals will cry foul at any mention of double standards or reinforced stereotypes in the division between men and women. The realists out there will simply nod, and even laugh where appropriate, since it’s just plain truth in most cases that certain significant differences to exist between the sexes. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, these 15 points of contention provide for easy ways to perpetuate the rift been the two disparate halves of humanity.
Urinary Protocol
It’s really quite simple: Men have stringent rules they follow to make using the bathroom a quick, efficient, and silent. It’s business, whereas for women, it’s a social event. Women will go to the restroom as a group, and use the time to discuss a full range of topics. Men go as far as to have rules set in place to ensure standardized utilization of personal space, as well as a code of silence and overall conduct when in the restroom with other men. The two schools of practice couldn’t possibly be any more different.
Hygiene Rituals
Take one look in a woman’s purse, or for that matter, notice the fact that women need purses at all, and this one becomes all too clear. A man’s bathroom sink might have a maximum of five items, including soap and a razor, whereas a woman’s bathroom will contain so many beauty products that the sink cannot possibly hold even a fraction of them. There will be a large cache under the sink, behind the mirror, and ringing the tub. The collection will be so immense, that a portion of it will permanently reside in the woman’s purse. Entire cabinets are usually added to the bathroom to hold more, as her collection expands, and all the while she will swear that each item is necessary.
Bedding Requirements
A man can fall asleep anywhere, under any circumstances, and sleep well. Many men even prefer sleeping on the couch, as opposed to using the expensive mattress in the bedroom. In fact, many men’s mattresses are unused unless he has a woman over to share it with him. Women feel the need for not only the softest mattress on the market, but extravagant and voluminous piles of pillows, pillow-tops, and pillowy comforters, each in groups and layers, covering the bed until it no longer presents any sort of usably flat surface to sleep upon. Men usually admit to finding these beds immediately comfortable, but report aching backs for the rest of their lives because of them.
Humor
Men have the uncanny ability to find nearly anything humorous. Funny is funny, and whether the joke is appropriate or not doesn’t matter to most guys. Women, on the other hand, take offense rather quickly if they feel a subject is taboo, and they’re pretty vocal about it. Any man who’s ever worked in an office environment knows this all too well, and many have suffered repercussions from the nagging cubicle-neighbor that overheard the random off-color joke and went to HR about it. This same problem makes women hate most comedy movies guys count as their favorites.
Food
When men go grocery shopping, they basically stock up on meat, and things that enhance meat, like bread, or cheese, or different types of meat for layering with bread and cheese. Men can be perfectly happy eating the same burger, sausage, or steak every night of the week. Women, on the other hand, would rather eat something that looks pretty than tastes like food. They make eating such an ordeal that it becomes a hassle to even bother, and this is partly the reason they are able to cope with eating so little. The compromise between these two views is always interesting as the kitchen-drama plays out in new relationships.
Aesthetics – Colors, Decoration, Design
We look at a blue swatch and call it what it is; blue. Women look at the same swatch and declare it to be periwinkle blue. They then proceed to harangue us for not knowing our basic colors. This same mentality spans the entire gamut of design and aesthetics on a daily basis. Men quickly give up on any notion that they’ll be involved in decorating the house in any way, and find solace in the garage, where the distinct lack of any visually pleasing surfaces acts as a deterrent to most women on a home-makeover binge.
Fashion
Jeans and a t-shirt – the quintessential male uniform. The truly amazing thing about this robust combination of garments is the innate customizability. A man can create any number of combinations by simply changing his shirt. Women will require no less than three closets to hold their expansive wardrobes, and that’s not including the separate shoe-racks that will hang from doors, and take space under the bed. Men will often compete to see who can actually wear the most relaxed outfit as a display of manly comfort, whereas women are in constant competition with each other over who can appear to be the most glamorous of the bunch. They will do this for no apparent reason.
Children and Animals
To put it simply, women mollycoddle children and animals to a ridiculous extent. Kids are babied to the point that they aren’t allowed to get dirty, and dogs are ripped from their nobility and turned into dolls. Men, on the other hand, treat dogs as friends, cats as worthy adversaries, and children as miniature humans who should be held accountable for their own actions. The difference between the two standpoints is staggering.
Automobiles and Driving
The above footage shows, more or less, what every man is trying to say when he proclaims that women cannot drive. On top of that, every single part or piece of equipment on or about an automobile is known to women as a thingy. As for men, these things come a bit more naturally to them.
Technology
Women, for the most part, seem to have a mental block when it comes to handling anything technological with any sort of finesse or intuition. Men will instinctively begin figuring out how equipment works, what it does, what it can do, and what it’s good for, whereas women tend to require instruction, from a man, who preferably wears a name tag. Most women will gladly pay money to a kid in a Geek Squad outfit just to plug three simple wires into the back of her television, even after her male friends explain to her that the wires and plugs are color-coded.
Emotions and Stress
The ways men and women handle stress are fundamentally different. Men generally handle bad situations by reacting in a proactive manner, feeling compelled to find a solution. Women almost invariably have the well-known panic reaction. Proof of this can be had any of the 13 times a day that women can be found crying, inexplicably.
Memories, both Good and Bad
Men have short memories. This sad fact routinely gets us in trouble as we forget the birthdays of our wives, mothers, sisters, even children. It also allows us to forgive and forget, bury the hatchet, and roll with the punches. Women remember everything, and they will never, ever let an issue die. You may forget what you did wrong, but a woman will remind you of it until the day you die. They will hold grudges, whether it’s with you, or their former bff, for years.
Communication
Men will communicate quickly and efficiently, with as little hassle as possible. If it’s easier to relay a message via third party, email, text message, or courier pigeon, then that’s how a man will communicate. Women feel the need to spend roughly one third of their waking hours talking. Whether they’re talking on the phone, or in person, women just plain talk too much. When she’s not busy yapping, she’ll be texting, or emailing, or both simultaneously. Men simply don’t feel the need to spend so much time communicating what doesn’t need to be expressed right away.
Punctuality and Time Sense
Men tend to be on time to planned events. They get to the theater early enough to get a good seat, and they get to the restaurant on time when invited out. Men don’t like being late, because it makes them look like they’re not in control. Women behave the exact polar opposite – they’re simply always late. They make it a point to be as late as possible, at all times, as though it were some sort of gauge for how much work they put into their appearance.
Multitasking and Focus
Women always harp on men for their supposed lack of multitasking prowess, when in reality it’s just that men aren’t as frivolous in their focus. Women insist on doing 47 things at once, without any consideration for the safety of themselves or others. They will constantly talk about how flustered they are, and how they narrowly averted disaster while not paying attention to their surroundings. Some women are just one diagnosis shy of being clinically ADHD, and some have even died due to their inability to focus on one single task.
It Was Here. I Swear..
10 Things We Miss About Middle School
Written by Max
10 Field Trips
Remember the pleasure of getting to miss a day of school to goof around with your friends while not listening to a weirdo museum tour guide go on about some crap you’re not going to be tested on? I do. Now the closest thing I get to a field trip is forcing myself to eat an extra Taco Bell Chalupa on my lunch break so I can spend the next hour of work taking a shit.
9 You were bigger and better than somebody
The hierarchy that existed within middle schools is the only social system that has ever made sense to me. Whenever life got you down or someone was giving you a hard time, there was an entire grade of kids younger and smaller than you to take it out on. This safety net was enough to make the humdrums and hardships of middle school life tolerable. Now, when your boss yells at you, you turn around and bitch out your intern. The intern calls his dad, who knows your boss and you get yelled at again. Something here is messed up.
8 You could still be anything you wanted
Remember being told that you could grow up and be anything you wanted? The parents of our generation filled our heads with this idealistic propaganda that the world was a place of opportunity. On my block alone there were three astronauts, two rock stars, five presidents of the United States , 12 profession athletes and one tattoo artist (Timmy was a bit odd). The inveterate concept and all likelihood of being able to be anything you want slowly washed away as the tide brought in more practical prospects. Now you’re 24, working at a Chuck E. Cheese and throwing a fit because some little bastard kid beat your high score on Time Crisis III. Your mom, instead of telling you that you can be whatever you want, is telling you to move out of her basement and the closest you get to being an astronaut is getting blazed out of your skull from an eighth of this new hydroponic shit that just came in from Canada sold to you by old neighbor Timmy.
7 Pranks and sexual harassment were still acceptable
In the old days a good, elaborate prank went a long way. Whether it was something like a whoopee cushion or peeping in the girls locker room, it was guaranteed good fun. Try and pull a stunt like that in the office and you’re guaranteed a lawsuit. For example, a colleague of mine, or should I say former colleague of mine, got fired for turning his pockets inside out, whipping out his dick and pretending to be an elephant. It’s just not fair.
6 Girls Weren’t Ruining My Life
In middle school all you had to do was treat a girl like dirt and she would stick to you like mud. If that didn’t work just have your friends do all the talking. They didn’t care how much money you made, because no one made any. Every girl was a virgin, no one had STDs, and shooting blanks was the most effective contraceptive. A girl’s body was still uncharted waters and unexplored territory rather than that neighborhood that used to be nice, but started to wear down a bit; now cops don’t go there and there is a hooker on every block. Those were the days. I don’t know why I wasted them begging my older brother to buy me playboys. there were way better porno mags to be had.
5 You were able to eat anything
Fresh off my latest coronary, I long for the days when ice cream was a meal, candy was a snack and pussy wasn’t too laced with mercury to eat.
4 You didn’t need alcohol to have fun
Remember when you are a kid and you could have fun without the help of drugs and alcohol? Imaginary force-fields, crayons, sticks, spinning around in circles and thumb wars were just a few of the things we used to find thoroughly entertaining. Now, I can’t even imagine sitting down to a family dinner without at least 3 drinks in me. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even go to the movies anymore because by the time the previews are over I am not even high anymore.
3 Summers meant something
The first large chunk of our existence on this planet was spent crossing off calendar days until summer arrives. You used to relentlessly look forward to flipping all your teachers the bird and entering those golden days; the days where it was socially acceptable to play your Alice Cooper CD on repeat and fulfill every human being’s dream of doing absolutely nothing. Now, if anything, summers mean back sweat, swamp ass, getting your ball sack stuck to your leg and dick stuck to your sack. Summers mean weekends at your girlfriend’s parent’s house and getting weird looks from people because you’re an overweight, balding man running after an ice cream truck. No worries, only about 14,479 days left until retirement.
2 People were proud of you for things
There was a time when parents, teachers and friends used to shell out vast amount of praise for even the most pedestrian of accomplishments. Shit, we had it so good people were even proud of us for flat out failing at certain tasks. Whether it was doing some god awful performance at a talent show, striking out 3 times in a row in a little league game or making fun of the foreign kid’s glasses, we were rewarded with applause, ice cream and high fives. Now, no one is proud of you for anything, there’s just different degrees of disappointment.
1 Energy
Remember the days before energy was served exclusively in a can and our bodies just produced it naturally? It’s hard to believe that as a kid we actually had too much energy, so much so that our parents refused to serve us certain foods. Now, regardless of what I am doing, where I am or who I am with, I am pretty sure I could fall asleep on command. I need about three red bulls, two mountain dews and a line of cocaine just to finish a game of Madden.
5 Video Game Facebook Status Updates
Youtube Greatest Hits in 4 Minutes
Top 10 Ways to Get More From a Cameraphone
Written by Kevin Purdy
The best camera, the saying goes, is the one you have with you. Whether that’s an impressive iPhone 3GS or a $20-with-2-year-plan flip model, you can pull off great shots and make life easier with these cameraphone tactics.
10. Get macro-style close-ups
Macro shots aren’t just for passionate foodies with tolerant friends. We’ve shown you how to use an old DVD lens to create a simple, portable cover-up lens to get serious short focus on whatever you’re shooting. Lack an old player to tear apart? You can probably find some cheap add-ons for your makeshift macro shots. Either way, you’ve got a nice little macro package that’s cheap enough to bring everywhere and shoot everything, without worrying too much about it.
9. Capture your car travel
iPhones and other web-capable cellphones can be used as turn-by-turn GPS navigators, so accessory makers have cranked out lots of mounting gadgets for them. That’s very convenient, but not half as fun as directing a low-budget thriller about your drive to work. To give your character his mood-setting opening montage, simply drill a hole in the camera spot and find an app that allows for time lapse photography, or a video recording function that doesn’t require too much fiddling while driving.
8. Find your car in huge parking lots
Remembering where one parked is one of those skills everyone assumes they’re great at until put to the test. The Digital Inspiration blog suggests that, among other creative uses of cameraphones, using it to snap a picture of the exit or elevator you’re closest to in a ramp, or landmark or other marker in an open lot, might save you a lot of hassle upon returning from an epic shopping trip or sports event. It takes less time than texting yourself the coordinates, and you’ll earn instant respect when you’re the only one with a bead on where to find the ride at the end of the night. Photo by Luciano Meirelles. (Original post)
7. Document what you packed
A lot of bags are packed in frantic fashion, but take the 15 seconds to snap a shot or two of what you’re throwing in the case before you close it. If the airline, hotel, or shuttle service loses or damages your luggage, you’ll know exactly what’s in your right to claim inside it. If you want to be absolutely sure you didn’t pack sunglasses before you run out and buy them, you’ll know whether to keep digging. Months or years later, you’ll get a laugh out of how much you thought you needed to do nothing on vacation. Photo by Muffet. (Original post)
6. Create PDFs from document pictures
One hour and many arguments later, the whiteboard at work is filled with actually feasible ideas and team commitments. Now, how will you remember it tomorrow morning? Free cameraphone conversion service Qipit can, depending on your camphone’s quality, accept whiteboard snapshots, printed documents, or handwritten notes with white-ish backgrounds and convert them into plain old PDFs, then email them to your regular address. We just wrote out a potential work-related use for that convenience-let’s assume you can think of many, many more interesting uses than that. And if you ever need to actually fax one of these documents, Qipit has you covered.
5. Punch them up on your Desktop
Some cameraphone shots capture perfect moments, but were taken in not-so-perfect conditions. Whether you like doing it yourself or leaving it to some well-considered software, it’s fairly easy to drag a decent-looking image out of a rough snap. Windows users should grab the Mobile Photo Enhancer for a quick fix that corrects common problems. Got Photoshop, the GIMP, or another photo editing solution handy? Try Jackson West’s tips on punching up a photo in under 60 seconds tested out on a pretty sweet shot of a bulldog taken with the lackluster iPhone (2G) camera. (Original posts: Mobile Photo Enhancer, Punch Up a Photo)
4. Enforce a diet
Back in the day, when the idea of phones with cameras was new to the world (okay, this was only 2005), the MyFoodPhone service offered, for $149/month, then $10/month, to have a dietitian review any photos you send in of your food and ping you back with a quick take or suggestion. As you might imagine, that service doesn’t seem to be around anymore-perhaps because, for many people, the act of simply committing what they’re eating to a camera, and maybe even making it public, is enough to start dropping pounds. It’s akin to the idea of calling a parent every night you hit the town and telling them how much you had to drink or how much you spent-you would, almost certainly, cut back, and you’d also have photo evidence and reinforcement of the times you managed not to kill off that entire Cheesecake Factory plate. Photo by Sebastian Mary.
3. Grab and send photos without fees
Tied to an older phone that won’t let you get pictures out without paying exorbitant MMS/email/"upload" fees? Enter BitPim, a free software tool that connects to your phone over Bluetooth and opens it up in a major way, even if your Bluetooth capabilities seem very limited. We walked through backing up and syncing your phone with BitPim, performed on a very limited clamshell model, the cheapest that came with a Verizon contract. Check to see if BitPim supports your phone. If so, feel free to reach into your little bundle of circuits and free the pictures, videos, and tunes that are rightfully yours. Oh, and throw some custom-made ringtones in there, while you’re at it.
2. Master the form
Even with the high-end 5-8 megapixel models on the edge of being available, shooting with a cameraphone is not the same as with a standard handheld camera. The sensors, lens curvature, capture abilities-it’s all been optimized for a device mostly meant to pass voice and data from twisted antennas. That said, you can learn how to get better shots out of the camera you always have with you, as Gina learned and related:
Plan for shutter delay
Like many consumer digital cameras, there’s most likely a delay between the exact moment you press the shutter button and when your cameraphone captures the image. Plan for this: hit that button half a second in advance to get the exact moment you’re looking for, and keep the phone steady for a few seconds after it’s pressed, too. A little practice will help you perfect this.
1. Make it your second brain
Get a free Flickr account, and add your secret, automatically private, instant-upload email address to your phone’s contacts. You’ve now got a tag-able, high-quality, almost infinite space to stash everything you’re likely to forget or need to pool your thoughts on. Wine you want to buy, the perfect gift you stumble across in June, your new gadget’s serial number-anything not already in this list, in other words. If you’re more likely to actually organize your camera thoughts, Evernote offers a similar free space and private email address, but doesn’t allow for tagging by email, making the otherwise brain-expanding service, oddly enough, a bit less useful for this hack you’ll find convenient at just the right moments. Photo by solson.
What secret superpowers does your cameraphone have, through your own doing or others’ suggestions? We want to hear about them in the comments.
5 Awesome Cases of The Internet Owning The Mainstream Media
Written by Robert Brockway
In case you haven’t seen the ads framing Cracked.com these past few day, Family Guy starts back up tomorrow. Which is kind of strange when you consider that Fox canceled it almost 10 years ago. It’s still on the air because the unwashed masses demanded it. In fact, the little guy has been increasingly making huge media companies his prison-wife thanks to the two most dangerous things in existence: incredible amounts of spare time and knowing how to use the Internet.
#5.
The Internet Programs TV, Greenlights a Movie
Right at this very moment, you most likely have a device in your pocket that can show you your location from space, give you directions and reviews to your favorite restaurant, play a few rounds of virtual golf against a man in South Korea and stream whatever amateur fetish porn is currently floating your boat… and it can do all that within the next five minutes. And yet, most TV decision-making is based on Nielsen Ratings, which apparently consists of a small random sample of evil, inbred Nazis who rejoice in poisoning the zeitgeist with reality shows about fat people dancing for Brett Michaels’ anal virginity (or whatever). But when they canceled Family Guy, the Internet made its presence known and massive online petitions and email campaigns led to the resurrection of the show on two separate occasions. If you’re counting, that’s one more than Jesus Christ.
Then, in 2003, the Fox Network decided to cancel the most exciting new science fiction show in decades, Firefly.
Nerds suddenly felt like the entire world had turned upside down; it was like entering Jaynestown (that’s 14 Nerd Points! We’re going to level up into Geeks any minute now). Bespectacled women in brown trench-coats sobbed hysterically in the corners of darkened rooms, listening to "You Can’t Take the Sky From Me" on endless repeat. And really, nobody else cared. They were just nerds, right? They’re always whining about something. Ignore them, maybe throw them a Star Trek marathon or get a girl to talk to them or something; they’ll go away.
Pictured: Nerd not thinking about how much he misses Firefly.
But thanks to the word of mouth on the web, DVD sales skyrocketed; organized email campaigns flooded the networks and the show leapfrogged the entire medium of television, and became an actual big budget Hollywood movie. That’s like being fired from Burger King and then getting re-hired as official blowjob tester for Ice Cream Island.
#4.
Twitter Vs. Breaking News
Conventional news outlets have always treated the Internet like a foster parent treats their child at the supermarket: With thinly veiled disdain only kept from becoming outright physical abuse because people are watching. But that all changed last year, when Twitter scooped them all on the "Miracle on the Hudson" story with the above picture, two sentences and one fragment (if you wanna be a dick about it): "There’s a plane in the Hudson. I’m on the ferry going to pick up the people. Crazy."
Breaking News! The Internet is making our jobs unnecessary!
Suddenly, it became clear that when bad stuff happens, you don’t always need Anderson Cooper on the scene to tell you about it. Not when every asshole in the world has a camera, a printing press and a worldwide distribution network in their pocket.
Not a big enough story for you? Well, Twitter also scooped every news outlet in the entire world, and broke the history-making story that there is, in fact, water on the moon. That’s right: That thing you use to update family members on the consistency and difficulty of your bowel movements? Yeah, that just broke the biggest story to happen on the moon since Neil Armstrong got flashed by a three breasted woman.
And then his head exploded.
This all happened because Science Magazine, who were responsible for the ground-breaking research, wanted to announce their findings with the appropriate pomp and circumstance. There was to be a worldwide press conference attended by all the major news outlets, and an embargo was placed on reporting the story up until the conference. But as the scientific community went about gathering the trumpeters and confetti for their first major announcement in ages, Twitter was all "lol they found water on the mooooon, whuuuuuuuuuuut?!"
This generation’s Edward R. Murrow.
OK, so in reality it wasn’t some random jerkoff, but a concentrated, amorphous movement. When they announced the press conference, Science Magazine made the mistake of announcing which scientists would be in attendance. The Internet, loving nothing more than to check facts (to the frequent chagrin of Cracked writers), figured out that the common denominator between all of the scientists was water on the moon, and just went ahead and made the announcement themselves.
#3.
Newsweek Vs. The Drudge Report
If you touch this jpeg, it is sticky. Nobody knows how! It is the mystery of The Clinton.
There’s nothing all that special about Twitter; it’s just the latest service that illustrates the point. Before Twitter it was Facebook, before that it was MySpace, before that it was blogs. But the start of this trend is easy to trace. The Internet first started schooling conventional journalism all the way back in 1998, when Newsweek reporter Michael Isikoff got word that special prosecutor Kenneth Starr was investigating political BBW Monica Lewinsky. Isikoff did extensive research. He dug through every lead, did all of his footwork and finally placed what he thought was the story of the year before his editors who promptly shut him down. This was probably because Lewinsky was "not a reliable source," but more likely because they didn’t want to alienate their connections in Washington.
But when the Matt Drudge got hold of this news, he–being big on the Internet in the late 90s–didn’t have to worry about stuff like "destroying relationships" (blogging was still mom’s basement territory back then) and so he freely covered the story with all the understated solemnity he’s famous for:
We should probably just be thankful that he managed to restrain himself to appending it with five exclamation marks and a "1." In the past, if a major publication dropped a story, that was it. It would be swiftly swept under the rug and forgotten about. But thanks to one screaming Internet News Queen and his tenuous grasp of grammar, this story was dragged screaming (and probably still sticky) into the public eye, and became so important it nearly dethroned the leader of the free world.
#2.
Internet Forums vs. Dan Rather
A series of memos known as the Killian documents were released by an "expert" (take note of quotation marks, they’ll become important later) to CBS News officials, who used them to put together a potentially politically devastating story critical of George Bush’s service in the Air National Guard right before the 2004 Presidential Election. CBS thought they had it all. This is the kind of story that takes down careers. This is the kind of story that knocks the reigning power on its ass and changes things forever. And it did exactly that. It just did it to Dan Rather instead of George Bush.
CBS’s problem was that the documents in question were what is politely referred to as "a pack of barely concealed lies." Where previously it could have taken months to discount the validity of said documents, thus allowing the damage to be done for the impending election, Internet forums and bloggers were able to call bullshit within mere hours of its release.
While there were all sorts of problems with the document, the one that played to the Internet’s strengths was the typography: The formatting, which was supposed to have been from an early 70s typewriter, looked suspiciously like the default settings in Mircrosoft Word.
The "original" document compared with the default settings in Microsoft Word. FAAAAAAAAKE!
CBS eventually admitted to shoddy journalism once they realized their only other option was a Bill Gates time travel conspiracy. Several people lost their jobs, and one of the most esteemed news anchors of all time had to live out his remaining days knowing that a bunch of Internet Cowboys derailed his entire career, probably without ever putting on pants.
#1.
The Internet Might Just Force Hollywood to Make … Good Movies
It seems the prevalence of (you guessed it) Twitter is putting pressure on Hollywood’s age-old tradition of green-lighting any script that’s title ends in a number or that can be described using the words "heart-warming" or "Will Smith." It used to be that if a movie sucked, word of mouth would get out in a week or so and your movie would tank… after the public had bought a few million tickets on opening weekend.
Word of mouth, much like herpes in a hot tub, inevitably spread. But it took time. And that buffer zone used to allow even the crappiest of Police Academy sequels to survive through their opening weekend, before everybody met at the water cooler on Monday to talk about how this one didn’t even have Steve Guttenberg. And that was still long enough for the movie to rake in more money than you will ever see in your lifetime.
If you could harvest the fury generated from that statement, you could use it to power a city.
Now, Twitter users are changing all that. Because no matter how omnipresent your ad campaign is, armchair reviewers can now gauge the level of "fail" or "gay" in your movie and have it out to the masses in a matter of hours. Some of them probably have their 140 character reviews up before the opening credits have finished.
As a result, movie studios are seeing a massive drop in box office of crappy movies, not after the first week, but after the first day. The disappointing Jack Black/Michael Cera comedy Year One is a great example. When it hit theaters in June of 2009 critics hated it, but fans lined up on opening night to see it anyway. It’s Jack Black! It’s Michael Cera! How can it not be awesome?
The numbers tell the story: First night, $8.5 million. Second, $6.5. Third, $4.7. It just kept plummeting from there, as vigilant tweeters spread the word Paul Revere-style, to keep their fellow citizens from getting screwed out of eight bucks.
Jesus Christ, has this… has this been an entire article about the Internet being used for good? What is this, Jaynestown?
Sound Familiar? 20 Reasons You’re Still Single
Written by The Manolith Team
There’s nothing wrong with being single, but at some point most people reach the point of wanting a relationship. If you reached that point a while back, but still haven’t had any luck, you might want to check this list to see if anything sounds familiar.
You’re Shallow
If within a few seconds of meeting a woman you have already calculated an estimate of her weight and located any problem areas where cellulite might lurk on her body, you may hereby consider yourself shallow. No matter how hot she is, you’re inevitably going to find her flaws. You will likely remain single until you get over yourself.
You’re Too Independent
Being a bachelor certainly has plenty of perks. You don’t have to wait that extra hour for her to get ready for an outing, and you generally come and go as you please. The thing is, at some point you may actually no longer want to be all alone, and you’re going to have to compromise. Give up a bit of your independence to avoid growing into a lonely old man.
You’re Afraid of Commitment
Tying into your fierce sense of independence is your equally strong fear of commitment. On top of losing your freedom, you don’t want to get married, only to get divorced later and lose half of your stuff. The future is unpredictable, and you can bet that once you settle down, you’ll meet a woman who is hotter, smarter and more successful than the one you’re with. Oh, and she’s going to flirt with you, but too bad – you’re in a committed relationship. Knowing this, you have every right to fear commitment, but getting over that fear is what men do.
You’re a Slob
You need a shave and a haircut. Your dirty laundry is more like a mildew-laced pile of odorous rags, so you wear your t-shirt inside out. There is leftover food on your desk from last week. What’s not to love? Look around, then look at yourself in the mirror. Are you a slob? Chicks don’t really dig slobs.
You’re a Douchebag
Get your collar popped and layer on that spray-tan – let’s talk about why you’re still single. Could you be a douchebag? Some women actually like douchebags, but these ladies are generally not the type you’d take home to meet mom. If you want to meet a nice girl, you’re going to have to tone it down a notch. Or several.
You’re Addicted to Gaming
If by some divine intervention, you actually manage to acquire a girlfriend between day-long bouts of questing, you’re probably in for a let-down since she won’t be around long. You need to cut back, drastically, on your playing habits if you want to maintain a relationship. Just remember, your guild isn’t going to keep you warm at night.
You’re Desperate
Desperation reeks. It’s a fact. Men who are desperate repel women. If you are initially cool enough to get a woman’s phone number, by no means should you ever call her more than twice without her returning your call. She may be busy when you call, but if you call repeatedly, you are ensuring that she will never call you back, and even worse, she’ll hope to never see you again.
You’re the Nice Guy
You’re always helpful, polite, and kind – the type of guy every woman wants, right? Apparently not. Guys that are too nice have a more difficult time moving out of the friend zone than guys who act like complete dicks. Some women even perceive excessive niceness as a weakness of character. You shouldn’t go full douchebag, but don’t be afraid to be a little hard, at times. It just lets her know you’re not a doormat.
You’re a Control Freak
It’s your way, or the highway. There’s no room for compromise in your life. You like things the way you like them, and as long as everything goes according to your plan everything is cool. If you throw a temper tantrum the moment something is out of your control, you may need to lighten up a little.
You’re Too Shy
There comes a time in your life when you have to either man up and deal with your insecurities or face the fact that you’re going to die alone. If you don’t have any confidence when approaching women, enlist some friends to help you out. You may need to serve as a wingman for a while, but pay attention to what the pilot is doing. Observe him and learn how the game is played. And remember this: Alcohol is your friend.
You’re Selfish
Did you fail “Sharing” in kindergarten? If you only ever think of yourself, get used to it because you’re the only person you’ll have to consider as you’ll be single for a while. If you can bring yourself to be a little less self-absorbed and a little more considerate, you may have a shot at a relationship. Try putting others before yourself a little more often.
You’re Broke
If you’re broke all the time, how can you expect to maintain a relationship? You don’t have to buy a girl expensive gifts, but she will like to go out from time to time. If you’re tired of being single, you’ll have to work some dating funds into your budget.
Your Friends Are Assholes
It’s true, you’re judged by the company you keep. If you hang out with jerks, you’re likely a jerk too. Even if you’re not, you can’t stop your friends from acting like assholes and ruining any relationship you might have. Get some better friends.
You’re In Love With Yourself
You’re wonderful and perfect. You don’t need a relationship because everything you do, say and have is so delightful there is really no void to fill. It must be great to be you.
You’re a Workaholic
Being career and goal-oriented isn’t a flaw, but it may take away relationship opportunities. If you’re too busy to have any kind of social life outside of work, you’re already married – to your job.
You’re a Pervert
We all think about sex – a lot. However, if you fail to disengage your eyes and mouth from your perverted thoughts you will repulse women. If you are looking for a relationship, you will need to learn this skill. It’s also a good idea to learn how to clear your cache and browser history.
You’re In Love With Your Ex
Your relationships may never work out if you’re still hung up on the one that got away. It’s best to move forward and let it go, especially if you’re looking for something new. No woman wants to live in the shadow of your ex. It’s also pathetic, so get over it.
You’re Boring
What were you saying? Sorry, I fell asleep. You’re boring. Nobody wants to listen to you tell the same unfunny stories over and over. We’re sure your cat is awesome, but come on. Be interesting if you’re going to talk so much, otherwise just shut up and work the mysterious angle instead.
You’re Obnoxious
You always interrupt when people are speaking, usually to interject a random rude comment. You’re loud and you’re the only person who thinks you’re funny. You’re like nails on a chalkboard to most women, so grow up and try listening to people for once.
You’re a Liar
Telling her that her ass doesn’t look big in those jeans isn’t a lie, it’s self-preservation. Telling her you were at church while you were at the racetrack is a lie. You only have to get caught in one big one to spoil something that could have been nice. Have the balls to tell the truth, just don’t be brutal about it.