Sooo, my office is letting us dress up today for Halloween (as we are closed on the actual Halloween). Well a few people dressed up, not many. But one guy, a black guy, shows up in black pants and a red polo. I looked at him right as he walks into the office and say, "Dude! Great Tiger Woods!"
He wasn’t in costume. He was just a black dude in a polo shirt.
One year I was an avocado (like one split in half with the pit still intact). Some guy at a party said, "dude, are you the Incredible Hulk’s clit?"
A pregnant Nun.
She wasn’t pregnant.
Back in 04 in high school I dressed up like a hobo once. Got a shitty trench coat, beanie, wore six watches on one arm and a bag on one foot instead of a shoe. To top it off I got a fake beard and an empty root beer bottle. This was some quality hobo-ing.
First house we go trick or treating to, I tell my friends to wait before ringing the door bell, so I can act like I was sleeping on the doorstep. I get in position and they ring the doorbell. The kid that opens the door with his mom yells "OSAMA BIN LADEN" and kicks me in the head.
Cue headache and a slew of "Are you Osama?" questions all night. I guess brown + beard = terrorist.
TL;DR – Osama bin Hobo
Last night my friend had a few too many drinks in him. Just as we’re stepping outside to get some air, a young lady walks into the costume party. He stops and yells to me, "HOLY SHIT. SHE’S HARRY POTTER. THAT’S AWESOME." He then high fives her. She explained to us that she was not in costume. She was a piano teacher coming straight from work. She looked literally nothing like Harry Potter.
I went as a teabag and everybody thought I was a bag of weed. After a while, I just went with it.
In high school everyone would wear costumes to school on halloween. I decided to go with the classic sheet-on-the-head-with-holes-cut-out-of-it ghost costume. Everyone thought I was a klansman.
My best friend is a cute black girl. No matter what her costume is, the majority of guesses are "Beyonce?!".
This wasn’t Halloween, but I once went to work and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was wearing a white short sleeved polo, very blue pants, and black dress shoes with a thick heel. That’s when I realized I was dressed exactly like Homer Simpson.
Me: Oh cool! A slutty vampire!
Her: I’m not dressed up for halloween
Bonus: Best Halloween costume I’ve seen recently