A Gentleman’s Guide To Strip Club Etiquette

Written by rtcrooks

There are certain rites of passage that boys face along the righteous path to becoming a man. A trip to the strip club is one of them, and found in the category marked; mandatory. It signals the turning point in life where a young boy graduates from glossy magazines, to the real thing–well silicone mostly these days. Young men today learn strip club etiquette from auto-tuned vocals, and rap videos. To really fully understand strip club etiquette, one must grasp that strippers are people too. These ladies are under constant scrutiny every time they lace up their bustiers, hike up their g-strings, and double check their extensions. Their bodies, faces, and personalities are up for review. So set yourself apart from the pack of ravenous perverts, and show the girls you have some class. Whether you are a seasoned veteran of the strip club scene or a newbie, here are some guidelines you should abide by to make your next trip to the strip a success.

Dress Code: Avoid Sweatpants


It is fairly logical to assume that sweatpants, athletic shorts, or thin pants are on the list of dress code “Dont’s” at any strip club. You won’t be the first douche bag to try and pull that trick (or the first guy the dancer has laughed at for being a complete tool). Are you so helplessly lonely that a centimeter less of fabric will make that much of a difference? The problem with this move is that you’re treading in murky waters. Either it’s not that kind of place, and your dancer will stay far, far away from your sweatpants boner. Or it is that kind of place, and you will contract something very unpleasant. Try wearing khakis or Dockers – something “a cut above.” Jeans might chafe when she’s giving you a lap dance.

Remember They Are Dancers, Not Hookers


There are an abundance of popular reasons why men love to frequent strip clubs. Celebrations: you and the boys have some serious partying to do for a birthday or bachelor party. Bonding: you and your buddy haven’t seen each other in a while, and need to blow off some steam to the tune of 30 naked females. Just remember one important thing; PROSTITUTION in most places is 100 percent illegal. Don’t solicit, suggest dinner or ask for a date; these women are working, and by that we mean dancing not hooking.

Ask Permission Before You Touch


In fields such as engineering, architecture, and computer sciences; rules are meant to be broken. Pushing the envelope is how the human species makes progress; how do you think we put a man on the moon? With that said, not all rules are meant to be broken. Especially rules that are strictly enforced by huge, intimidating bouncers. Remember that even during a private lap dance, your hands shouldn’t be anywhere near the dancer; keep them at your side. The girl is already grinding all over you, so you’ve gotten what you paid for. No extra touching is needed – or allowed.

Tip! Tip!! Tip!!!


One of the most important things you need to learn about a strip club is this: you are going to spend some cash. If you’re going to be sitting at one of the seats around the main stage, tip. When dancers are on stage, setting down a couple dollar bills per song is an acknowledgment of a job well done. So show your appreciation for the dancer’s hard work. Try giving her one dollar at a time, she’ll spend more time with you that way. If you give away all your money prematurely, she’ll move on to the next guy. Then you’ll be spending the rest of the night nursing your $8 Coors Light. So remember: Tip! Tip!! Tip!!!

Remember Why You’re There


We have got some wisdom nuggets for you here: remember why you’re there – it’s all about the lap dance. According to Kerr Fuffle, author of Paying for Sex: The Gentlemen’s Guide to Web Porn, Strip Clubs, Prostitutes & Escorts without Humiliation, Job Loss, Bankruptcy, Infection, Bloodshed or Incarceration, “You can go to hang out, but the girls will get you to buy them outrageously priced drinks, so either way you’re going to pay,” says Fuffle, who advises that, even if you don’t buy a lap dance, you should . . . .”

Don’t Buy Her A Drink


If you thought you could hit the strip club and not give any tips, then you weren’t thinking intelligibly. Our favorite strip club guru Kerr Fuffle has more wisdom for us. Buying a drink for a dancer is just giving money to the house. Instead, say, “I appreciate your spending time with me. Can I give you a little money instead of buying you a drink?” “She’ll tell the other dancers,” says Fuffle, “and more will come by.” Soon dancers will be flocking around you like the salmon of Capistrano.

Learn To Say No


Saying no in a strip club is a major contradiction. Girls are sauntering between patrons, topless, dancing onstage in g-stings, stockings, and garter belts. That “Yes” attitude is what powers the fantasy for you, and buys new school clothes for her 7 year old. If you’re sitting with a dancer whose company you enjoy and she has to go reapply body glitter, don’t let another dancer swoop in with the full court press. This other dancer saw you spending cash and wants a piece. Some of the girls are vultures, waiting to pounce on you after you’ve been mesmerized by a mind blowing lap dance. Learn to say no to this intruder, your dancer will love you for it.

Don’t Apologize For Getting “Excited”


If there was ever a better system for which to assess a dancer’s worth, we would like to hear it. You can never go wrong by judging from that fuzzy feeling you get below the waist. She’s trying to get you “excited,” so don’t apologize if she succeeds. For a lot of dancers it’s a point of pride, and the way their bosses assess job performance. Unless it’s the girl’s first night, they know what to expect. They know being a hot girl in lingerie is going to give you an erection. Just try to not cream your jeans.

According To Gucci Mane


Gucci Mane is an Atlanta-based rapper who is known as much for his ridiculous chains as he is for rapping. “So much ice make ya eye sight blurry,” he raps on his 2008 mix-tape Mr. Perfect. Back in May of 2005, Gucci was attacked by a group of men. Gucci and his boys shot back at the group in self defense, killing one of the attackers. He turned himself into Police a week later, and charges were dropped for insufficient evidence. Afterward he went straight to the strip club to celebrate. Here is some lap dance etiquette from Atlanta’s strip club connoisseur. He only has a few but they are gems: “Don’t watch your friend’s dances” and “Don’t take $50 out, and give her a $10.” We concur.

Don’t Act Like “Frank The Tank”


Alcohol is the culprit when it comes to turning a mellow outdoor BBQ into a slip-and-sliding, beer-soaked, hot dog eating contest of a party. Alcohol also has the ability of turning mild-mannered accountants into drooling, wiggling, pants-dropping idiots (who wants to wear bras on their heads and pay a stripper’s cell phone bill for a year?). This bit of advice is pretty obvious. Watch your alcohol intake. If it was any other bar, drink yourself into oblivion. But going to a strip club is a night you want to remember. Going to sleep counting boobies is better than blacking out. Be careful you don’t drink and drive either, you might spill your drink.

Bonus:ย  Best apology ever…

2 thoughts on “A Gentleman’s Guide To Strip Club Etiquette

  1. Shannon

    Gentlemen do not go to strip clubs. Period. Therefore, this article is useless and nonsensical. Stop perpetuating yet another form of glamourized and institutionalized sexism. Also, fyi, guys who go to strip clubs are pathetic losers.

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