Written by Waffles McButter
There has always been a negative association, and for very good reason, with the phrase “no means yes.” It is most prominently, and unfortunately, linked with rape; just this past week, a bunch of idiots in a Yale fraternity caused a campus uproar by chanting “no means yes, yes means anal.” Not funny at all. To be clear, we certainly are of the opinion that rape or sexual assault of any kind is absolutely despicable. When it comes to sex, no always means no, and any Bro who thinks otherwise should just go ask for early admittance into Rikers.
That said, we believe that there are times outside of the bedroom when “no” can certainly mean “yes.” Below are 20 instances when you definitely know that the person answering “no” actually means “yes.” Add more of your own in the comments.
20. When the hot chick you want to fuck asks if you’d mind her bringing her fat friend with her to your party.
19. When your girlfriend asks you if you watch porn.
18. When you ask your girlfriend if she is going to make you late because she is fucking around with her hair and makeup.
17. Anytime Sammie asks Ronnie on the “Jersey Shore” if he did something behind her back.
16. When a hot girl at the bar asks if you have a girlfriend.
15. When someone asks a closet homosexual if he or she is gay.
14. When your parents ask if that weed, stowed neatly away in a shoebox under your bed, belongs to you.
13. When a stranger asks if you just farted.
12. When a dominatrix asks you anything.
11. When a cop pulls you over and asks you if were aware that you just committed vehicular manslaughter (or that you were speeding).
10. When a girl asks if you’re starring at her titwagons.
9. When your girlfriend asks if you hate her mother’s terrible cooking because you barely ate.
8. When anyone asks you if you enjoyed “The Notebook.”
7. When someone asks you if you’d like the final slice of pizza.
6. When your parents ask you if you’ve been drinking (or doing drugs, or building a bomb in the garage).
5. When your girlfriend asks you if you have been cheating on her after she catches you sexting another girl.
4. When someone asks if you’ve ever masturbated using alternative lubricants, such as melted crayons or blueberry jam.
3. When the dean of students asks if you know who threw cups of urine all over Sig Ep at a football game.
2. When your girlfriend asks if she looks fat in those jeans.
1. On opposite day.
Bonus: Got my new plate in. Now maybe people will stop asking me “how was it?”