20 Athletes You Would Want with You in a Bar Fight

Written by rtcrooks

Watching sports while drinking can lead to some testosterone-fueled disputes. When one’s favorite player or team gets called into question, it often doesn’t take much more for the situation to escalate to throwing blows across the bar. This situation begs the question, if you had to choose one athlete to join your corner in the scuffle, who would it be? We have a few suggestions of the biggest badasses in sports, past and present.

Nolan Ryan


Towards the end of his Hall of Fame career, Nolan Ryan realized he may have a future in street brawling. After he threw a brush back pitch, batter Robin Ventura charged the mound and quickly found out what it felt like to get his ass beat by a skinny white guy in his 40s. The world was left in awe of Ryan’s ability to man-handle someone nearly half his age. If you’re ever in need of a lesson in how to beat up someone quicker, younger and stronger than you, then take a lesson from this classic display of old-man-strength.

Mike Vallely


For some reason, Mike Vallely has convinced himself that looking like a homeless guy is cool. Whether or not that adds to his intimidation factor, Vallely has been skateboarding professionally since the mid 80s, but may have taken his fighting style from his recreational hockey play. Since busting onto the scene he has been known to finish a fight or two. Most famously, Vallely took on 4 frat guys at one time with his fists; luckily it was caught on video. This video should prove to anyone that if Vallely is on your side, you are damn near invincible.

OJ Simpson


Not only can OJ Simpson bring his superior knife skills to your defense, but he also is known to be able to assemble a crack team of legal professionals to assist in getting you off scot-free. Fortunately, Simpson will have nine years to continue honing his fighting skills while serving time for kidnapping and assault. I guess you can add those skills to his fight resume as well.

Pedro Martinez


There are many angry old men who sit at bars, pick fights, and talk crap on the younger generation. If this is the case at your bar, then you want Pedro Martinez on your side. When the Red Sox faced the Yankees in 2003, tempers flared and benches cleared. 72-year-old bench coach Don Zimmer learned to respect the younger, stronger generation when he went after Martinez and was promptly knocked on his face. Bloodied and humiliated, Zimmer became famous for the solid ass-beating he received. With Pedro on your side, the old shit-talkers won’t have a stubby leg to stand on.

Adam “Pacman” Jones


When your team roster picture looks like a mug shot, there is a good chance you are no stranger to run-ins with the law. And I would also bet that these run-ins were not the result of merely shoplifting Twizzlers from Circle K. Since Adam “Pacman” Jones’ professional career began in the NFL, he seems to have spent more time in court than on the field. As a rule of thumb, I don’t fuck with anyone whose neck-to-head size ratio is anywhere near 1:1. If you are ever at a bar fight in Dallas, make sure this guy is on your side.

Ron Hextall


Hockey Goalies aren’t often known for much more than protecting the goal against pucks. Some do it well, others not as well, but only one consistently kicked ass and took names. This 6’3″ Canadian was like a caged wolverine ready to attack anyone who pissed him off. In his nearly 20 seasons as a professional goalie, Hextall still holds the single season record for PIM (penalties in minutes) by a goalie with 113. Thankfully there are no penalty minutes in real life, therefore nothing could stop Hextall from helping you finish your bar fight.

Latrell Sprewell


Latrell Sprewell has issues. While in the NBA, Sprewell was known for his bad attitude and difficulty with authority. At the height of his career, Sprewell choked out his coach PJ Carlisimo and then made him apologize after practice. Trouble like this continued to plague Sprewell throughout his successful career. Some have questioned Sprewell’s sanity, but no one in their right mind would question this corn-rowed four-time NBA All-Star’s ability to finish someone off in a scrap.

Roger Clemens


Known by many as “The Rocket,” Roger Clemens became one of the greatest pitchers to ever play baseball. His 95 mph fastball struck fear in the hearts of many who opposed him. But what demonstrated his true power to intimidate others was his ability to hurl a splintered wooden bat at 95 mph. Clemens now claims he is able to control the roid-rage that caused that incident. Regardless, that type of rage can prove helpful when you have nothing but a pool cue and are caught between drunk opponents and a Foosball table.

Bob Probert


According to hockeyfights.com, with over 200 recorded career fights, Bob Probert is widely regarded as the best hockey fighter of all time. His single season record for fights was 23. NHL players learned quickly that Probert was not to be messed with, and that he was better to have on your side than to oppose. The same principle proves true in the barroom floor, Probert is a fighter no one wants to mess with.

John Daly


Known for hitting the long ball and not taking any crap from anyone, many wonder if Daly has finally passed his prime. After recently being arrested outside a North Carolina Hooters, distinguished golf fans have seemingly turned their back on him and written him off as a has-been. Regardless of what snobby golf fans think, John Daly always has and always will have a little something that the other pros could not (and would not) ever touch.

Gershon Mosley


Professional Skater Gershon Mosley grew up on the tough streets of Compton, Ca in the 8os and 90s. So when fellow professional skater Andrew Reynolds called Mosley the “N” word, he knew he had a beat down coming. And boy did a beat down come. Mosley isn’t a large guy by any means, but he sure used everything in him to teach Reynolds a lesson. Take this from Mosley, size doesn’t matter but crazy fists sure do.

David Fa’alogo


Americans don’t know much about rugby, other than it seems to be a cross between soccer and football. For the Kiwi David Fa’alogo, rugby is life and that means that he basically kicks ass for a living. In a game against New Zealand’s rivals, Fa’alogo felt his opponent had made an unfair move, and responded by bloodying his face up pretty good. Fa’alogo is known for being inhumanly strong and tenacious, two very good qualities for a bar room brawl. See what Fa’alogo can bring to the table in this video below.

Chan ho Park


Though Chan Ho Park is a pitcher, he has proven he doesn’t fit the stereotype. When an altercation came up between him and the opposing pitcher during an inter-league game. Park answered his opponent with a swift knee to the head. Quick fighters like Park prove to be very useful during bar room scuffles, due to alcohol’s intended effect on the speed of your opponent.

Zinedine Zidane


In the final minutes of the World Cup Final, French footballer Zinedine Zidane laid his head not-so-softly on the chest of his unsuspecting shit-talking Italian opponent. Seemingly taking all his frustrations out on this one player, Zidane will forever be known for taking one of the worst cheap shots in the history of sports. Though cheap shots are frowned upon in the public square, they have proven to be very useful when it comes to winning bar brawls.

Mo Vaughn


In baseball, Mo Vaughn was more than just a long bomber, he was also a bruiser. Having been known for protecting his fellow teammates during many bench-clearing brawls, he acted more like a bouncer than your average baseball player. As a giant among mortal men, Vaughn would use his size and strength to pick players off one by one in these instances. Having someone like Mo Vaughn on your side would most likely end any confrontation before it even started.

Jose Offerman


In late summer of 2007, Jose Offerman was booked on assault charges for using a bat in a minor league fight. To make matters worse, he was banned for life from the Independent League in which he was trying to makes his career comeback. Though hitting someone with a bat is against the law, Offerman has proven that crazy can win fights, even if it lands him in jail.

Izzy Alcantara


Mexican League baseball player Izzy Alcantara demonstrated to the world that he has no problem taking on more than one guy at a time. After repeated brush back pitches by the opposing pitcher, Alcantara karate-kicked the catcher and then charged the mound. Though the opposing team surrounded Alcantara, he continued to fight until it was broken up. A fighter with the tenacity of Alcantara would be a welcome edition to anyone’s fight corner no matter where you are in the world.

Raider Nation


When the Raiders moved from Oakland to Los Angeles and then back to Oakland, the franchise solidified the following of the most badass fans California had to offer. The Raider Nation not only dress the part, but are down to fight whenever and wherever, and have proved this time and again. If you piss these fans off at a game, whether at home or away, they will start and finish a very brutal fight. It has been proven that if the Raider Nation has your back, then you are in a very safe place.

Ray Lewis


Ray Lewis is one of the hardest hitting linebackers to ever play the game of football. He is not only known as a killer on the field, but off the field as well. When Lewis was 24 he was accused, along with two other men, of murdering two people. Luckily, Lewis hired some of the same guys who defended OJ, and was eventually exonerated of all charges. Regardless, this incident, along with his devastating hitting on the field, gave him an intimidating reputation.

Jim Everett


Jim Everett was a decent quarterback in the 1980s and 90s, but toward the end of his career, his game became plagued with frequent interceptions and multiple injuries. After taking a lot of shit from sports Radio/TV personality Jim Rome calling him “Chris Evert”, a reference to the female tennis star, he confronted him in a television interview. Needless to say, Jim Rome learned on national television to never mess with an All-Pro Quarterback again. Having Everett on your side will definitely help you settle the score with the mouthy douchebags at your local bar.

6 thoughts on “20 Athletes You Would Want with You in a Bar Fight

  1. Lia

    You’re an American, aren’t you? Stick to writing what you know about. A little research will tell you that ZIdane will forever be known as one of the most legendary of players. He is still worshipped by the majority of the wordl.The real villain here has always been Materazzi, everyone else has long ago forgiven Zidane and moved beyond that moment. Only self righteous Americans that think they have the moral high ground to cast judgment on something they know nothing about would reduce Zidane’s glorious career to that episode. Shame on you! Someone should headbutt you! idiot.

  2. Alistair Bayley

    Re David Faโ€™alogo. A few factual errors in your description. First, this is a rugby league game, not rugby union (they are similar, but distinct, sports). Second, New Zealand are not playing or involved at all. This is a club competition game between South Sydney Rabbitohs (David Faโ€™alogo’s team, in green and red) and Sydney Roosters, late in the 2007 season.

  3. MG

    OMG !!! this is too funny,..,that is not Mo Vaughn …. if it hard for any1 to tell the dif btween that raper n Mo just look at the ink..

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