How To Not Fail At Life

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105 thoughts on “How To Not Fail At Life

  1. The Major

    So, when did you stop reading this? Mine was the whole ‘buy her a present thing?

    It’s an interesting article to post, but bloody hell…

  2. Jonathan

    I think I am the “winner.” I stopped after the girl taking a dump. Is this the best article that could be found today?

  3. Retarded cult self actualization believer

    Omg i read up until the are you a creationist bit… This is complete shit! What kind of c**t wrote this? I read that far because I’ve been trying to change my life and trying to finish what I start…. But I’m getting TOO angry and my blood is going too fast… It’s bed time people!

    This is the epitomy of “pretentious git trying to be smart and thinking he’s somehow funny”. WTF

  4. Kelly B

    So this is what masquerades as best article of the day, a mindless post that could only be funny to a highschool kid? There is nothing “best” or even remotely “good” in this post. Sorry I suscribed now.

  5. Willard H.

    I have to agree with Kelly B. “So this is what masquerades as best article of the day, a mindless post that could only be funny to a high school kid? There is nothing โ€œbestโ€ or even remotely โ€œgoodโ€ in this post. Sorry I subscribed now.”

    Hey, don’t go knocking Aspergers, unless you grew up with it. Life has enough filth and profanity without Blogger’s “Best Article” (HA!) adding to it. Grade: F minus minus.

    Sorry, I missed the byline credits in all the garbage. Who is the sleazeball we should blame for this puerile nonsense?

  6. g00

    So this is what they meant by best article of the day. Completely mindful and hilarious to all types of people. Everything about it is ‘best’ and extremely ‘good’. So glad I subscribe now.

  7. beaker

    Man that was great!
    You have to read it all, and I recon if you don’t like it, it must be a bit too close to the bone… either that or I’m wrong…

  8. Amatuer

    You guys want best article of the day? Go to where youll get TONS daily. No, im not “with” them, but this site has gone to shit in the last 3 months, so I started going to reddit, havent really looked back. This is the first time I popped in since December, and as I can tell I didnt miss a damn thing.

    Trust me people, this site has gone to hell in a handbag. Reddit is the way to go.

  9. The Major

    BSPCN, don’t take it personally. Although I didn’t like the article, I thought it was an interesting one to post. Keep your chin up dude. You’ll be alright.

  10. That lame guy in the corner

    Well I thought it was entertaining.

    Yes I read it all the way through.

    Yes I’m a creationist.

    I must say I didn’t like the language or some of the examples used, but the idea behind the “crayon-esque” art is still valid. It’s just a matter of looking at it from an unemotional point of view.

  11. farfigneugan

    I’m with beaker. This is superb. I agree, if it offends you, it must be hitting a little too close to home for you.

  12. alpha male

    …and the ones who thought it was TLDR are the “scavenger outsiders”. Great post, you should read the whole thing.

  13. George

    Dude…this was one of the greatest post EVER!! cause unlike other idiots n haters on this site, i actually read the whole thing. It was funny n SOOOO true =D

  14. Jim

    Uh yeah… this is pointless.
    If you’re such an expert on these matters, why aren’t you a life coach?
    And why did you decide to take time out from the free time you have between buying expensive baubles for your ‘bitch’, pretending to be something you’re not (interesting, most likely) and your ‘proper’ job to write a guide for a tiny substrata of internet society that might not even exist.

  15. Ash

    I liked it, it’s the best one of these I’ve ever seen. Also: Why do people stop reading at “What are you, a creationist?” The fact that one sentence mildly offends them immediately invalidates the entire rest of the argument? I think that says a lot more about the commenter than the writer, really.

    The Asperger’s thing isn’t a stab at people who have actually been diagnosed by someone with a real doctorate in psychology who have it, (Though that is in there too.) It’s a stab at all the socially inept mouth-breathers who found the article on Wikipedia and decided they have it as an excuse to keep being socially inept mouth-breathers and now expect everyone else to feel sorry for them.

    To Poster: What you’re seeing here is the problem with taking things from the place we’re not supposed to talk about and disseminating them to the internet at large. Lightning struck once with lolcats, most of the rest of what comes out of that wretched hive of scum and villainy will not be well received by the rest of humanity. Some are too stupid, some are too reactionist, some are simply not capable of accepting that they’re socially inept mouth-breathers, and thus cannot laugh at things that make fun of socially inept mouth-breathers.

    Finally, this is truth. The reason why the writer could never be a successful “life-coach” is that those people make their money lying to people and telling them there are easy routes to getting what they want. Nobody is willing to pay money for a hard look at themselves. (And don’t talk to me about psychs, there are probably a few who really try to make people realize what’s wrong with them, most of the rest are validation-dealers who make their money on the comeback clients who are addicted to having their hand held and being told that lots of little baby steps will eventually let them catch up with the rest of the world.)

  16. Anon

    lol, all lies.

    All bitches want is security. There are 3 types of security:
    1. Physical security
    2. Financial security
    3. Emotional security

    If you want bitches, you must be able to provide at least 1 of those. To show an ability to provide physical security, get muscles. To show an ability to provide financial security, buy expensive shit. To show an ability to provide emotional security, pretend to be sensitive.

    Providing any one of these types of security can get you bitches. More is better. It IS that simple.

    Pro tip: Convince yourself that you always smell terrible. Take steps to remedy this situation before going to places where there might be bitches.

  17. Steve


    My comment piggybacks on Ash’s. The intended audience for this piece both exists and is larger than you might think. The person who owns the website from where this comic originates was recently featured in Time Magazine’s 100 most influential people.

    The flipside is that the “dialect” of this community is vulgar, rude, offensive, harsh, and insulting and discussions that arise there are more often than not driven by breaking taboos–it is not likely to be appreciated (in any sense of the word) by outsiders.

  18. germ

    I’m not sure why so many of you did not enjoy this. Seriously. Your tl;dr comments are bullshit. Read it and learn something before you open your mouth because if you didn’t see it through then it won’t make any sense. For those of you who did read it and didn’t like it I ask you, why? Oh, I think I know. You saw yourselves there. Through and through.

  19. suckmydickfaggot

    GET A LIFE WOW? you probley spent hours on this, honestly you might be the biggest hypocrit ive ever seen or heard of in my life. I bet you have never even been with a woman, leave the house geek.

  20. KG

    If you have the time to create such a pile of shit ‘article’ then you really need to get a life and step away from the pc. I’m willing to bet a geeky virgin wrote this pile of muck.

    Also, learn to fucking draw.

  21. takuan55

    Stop being such a newfag and lurk moar.

    Can we expect to see a picture of you and your bitch? Is your life SO cash?

  22. K.C.

    So… Atheists write tracts promoting their miserable beliefs now?

    Every day they get a little more like religious bigots.

  23. Cliftonwebber

    Hilarious! I love all the garbage eater comments above. Reality hurts don’t it me brothers!

  24. KindaAnonymous

    Quit acting butthurt. OP is right, nubs.

    (In some sick, twisted, internet-centric way.)

  25. Cid

    What does this have to do with atheism?

    Anyway, except for the fact about buying presents to get laid, this comic is spot on for the most part. “Fake it ’till you make it” and all that. The biggest hurdle is getting a ‘real job’, and my that I mean a job that you enjoy/don’t mind doing/doesn’t make you want to shoot yourself. The rest just comes naturally, IF you can get that job. Not a lot of people do, and are miserable for the rest of their lives. Some people just can’t stand the monotony of a 9-5 job but can’t, for lack of finances or balls, look for the job that would suit them. Then again, in today’s economic climate quitting and looking for a ‘nice job’ will probably land you in the gutter. But in 5 years time the economy will have been restored (hopefully) and that will no longer be a valid reason.

  26. Becct

    As a female, wrong way to go about it. Alpha male part? yeah. Having a job? yeah. Paper hat jobs count as real jobs if you’re under 25. The rest of it? pretty much no.

  27. Rob

    If you couldn’t make it through this, then you’ve already failed at life and nothing the article says will be of any help to you.

  28. AJL


    read the whole thing. Even if its a bit off at some parts, I lolled. Good stuff.

    also there are too many btards now. They’re taking over.

  29. ass

    I thought it was brilliant. I never stop and read any of the crap I stumbleupon upon, but I did read this, and fuck me it’s all true. I can’t imagine how anyone who’s been through life (I’m 29 and getting married soon) can’t agree with pretty much everything, or, if not, be worried by how close to the bone it all is. I certainly think that if any of it makes you actually angry, then you should look at yourself a little more closely.

  30. Jeff

    Okay, for all the people bitching at how offensive or stupid this is, you’re not who this was aimed at. I read the whole thing and I admire it, because it’s the EXACT thing that will get through to a /b/tard. They’re all flaming assholes who feel they’re getting screwed by society, and this guide is as good as any a way to show them how not being a little shit might make their lives better.

  31. Katie

    Lots of true stuff there, I’d imagine it hurts if you’re the sort of person who its targetting.

    The only thing I’d add is to be cautious of faking it till you make it. Keep in touch with how you really feel underneath, even if you dont act on it all the time.

  32. real girl w/ an actual vagina

    hi yea…i go on 4chan & if you buy me something expensive i will kick you in the nuts. like im not even kidding…lol

  33. real girl w/ an actual vagina

    hi yea…i go on 4chan & if you buy me something expensive i will kick you in the nuts. like im not even kidding…lol so sexist!!

  34. justAnother

    Great post! You really have to read it all the way through, else yeah it would be trash. Its funny because the principles are so true and even funnier if you can relate.

  35. Kr

    As a disabled person and somone with social problems, I thought the cartoon was very astute in its obervations and conclusions. Wisdom doesnt always arrive in neat & tidy packages, sometimes you have to sift through the chaff.

    Although the cartoon is somewhat distastefull in parts, it was well worth reading until the end, and I think the artist is quite a bit more enlightend than many of his detractors on here.

  36. Bob

    Read the whole damn thing!
    I couldn’t stop, because I have had a lot of the same revelations over the last year or two. This is so fucking true, i’m gonna go become an Alpha Male.
    Game; Blouses.

  37. Pasty

    Great article.

    The only unfortunate part is that it is written in a tone that directly antagonizes those it is trying to “help.” I’m not even sure if the author realizes this. End result is that basic human defensiveness (aka the author’s own Key to Life #1) prevents anyone but those with very open minds and those who have in one way or another already realizes the truths within the article from gaining anything from it.

  38. Monkwren

    Freaking brilliant. Offensive, but more or less spot on. Not sure I agree with the “buy shit to make women like you” bit, but it must work on some level, since I see it on a daily basis. Rest of it – the truth is cold and harsh.

  39. Aman

    Damn, I thought it was a good article. All the negative comments are making me rethink my thinking process…

  40. Katie

    Since I am a girl, I must admit people just buying you things out of nowhere is creepy no matter what it is. I find it even more creepy if the gift is something very expensive. However, nice little gifts (along the lines of something she has mentioned she might possibly be in need of) are generally appreciated and considered more thoughtful.

  41. Katie

    Since I am a girl, I must admit people just buying you things out of nowhere is creepy no matter what it is. I find it even more creepy if the gift is something very expensive. However, nice little gifts (along the lines of something she has mentioned she might possibly be in need of, like a new pencil sharpener or spray cleaner for her laptop) are generally appreciated and considered more thoughtful.

  42. Brian K

    It’s amusing people can’t get past dirty words and obvious sarcasm to actually take anything out of this. It’s pretty pathetic that so many of you are up in arms over a few ‘bad words’ or things that are clearly wrong because you deem them to be (or because you have no sense of humor). Sure it was crude but there were legitimate underlying messages in this that weren’t bad. That is – if you’re not too dumb to see them. Take it for what it is. Satire with some decent underlying messages.

  43. Bob

    A lot of people here are bashing this comic. But take an introspective look. Most of the stuff regarding tribalism is actually quite true.

    The people denouncing it are the same people who say sigmund freud was completely wrong…

  44. chris

    that was totally worth the read. i don’t think the author said anything that most people didn’t know already, but rather the way they said it struck me. most of this could really be summed up in the phrase “stop being a pussy”, but whatever. i liked it

  45. Beardy Weirdy

    ummm if all of this was to get a Real Life GirlFriend then this is a convoluted way to go about it

    Talk to a new woman every day and you will get a girlfriend, it might take a while but it will happen guaranteed no matter how fucked up you think you are

    Fred West managed to find a woman who enjoyed seducing/raping/torturing other young women for fun

    If someone that fucked up found love, there’s hope for everyone

    Just say hello

  46. Ed

    I thought it was quite funny, and most of it made sense.

    It’s relatively well thought out, and offers a satirical (but at the same time real?) look at life.


  47. Fail.Boat


    Anon would disapprove of your fail trolling because you all are pansies pumped with estrogen that takes everything seriously.

    It is always for the lulz. any other argument fails

  48. J

    some was funny, some was stupid. some of it was true or kind of true, and some of it was just plain wrong and/or dumb.

    overall, i felt that the flaws outweighed everything else, thus making it a waste of my time when i could have been looking for a job.

  49. JayDeeWalker

    Anyone who doesn’t appreciate this for the originality and depth of perception it presents is a fucking idiot, and ironically, the kind of person the article speaks most to.


    Well, I did read it all the way through, and I must say, it’s changed my perspective on a lot of things. Kudos.

  50. nolan

    great post
    beaker said it well
    i agree with most of it but some of the points that particularly stand out to me as true are that u need to be a good person on a day to day basis and that it wont just happen all at once, it may take a year or more. also the corollary to steps 1 through 3 is very true. it may b hard to do, but you can control all your emotions. u dont have to be a bitch about everything.
    i personally feel that if you follow the step of taking a year to become a better person, the rest of this will all fall into place

  51. B

    I’ve found that people are generally more comfortable delluding themselves then being challenged. Ever try to change someone’s mind? Doesn’t matter how trivial…people don’t like to change their minds.

    So yeah, I understand the negative response…but it’s still childish. There’s little justification for not exposing yourself to new ideas, if they are bullshit it’ll come out in the wash. It’s fun to learn ‘cuz knowledge is power!

    I most appreciated the whole ‘you’re as much a jackass as everyone around you whom you judge’.

  52. Bill

    Why are you people busting this guy’s balls? It is sense couched in humor.Have you heard of George Carlin?


    It was an overall good article. Obviously was a little too simplified so it couldn’t be 100% correct, but there were some good points in there. The douchebag part was spot on. But it forgets to realize that the internet womb people might just be making a new “tribe.” Those who TLDRed or stopped reading because of offense are the ones who really need this.

  54. Lexy

    Spot on, and absolutely hysterical. Girls do dig alpha males, it’s hard wired into us. Honestly I think the best part of this was about not attaching strings to gifts. I guarantee that the only reason a girl ever feels akward recieving a gift is if you make her feel like she owes you something for it, and not that you’re courting her favour.
    And then she’ll think you’re a jerk who’s trying to buy her with expensive presents.
    At which point you’ll never, ever, ever get anywhere with her ever again.

  55. Anonymous

    Stopped taking this seriously at the “Buy her a present” step, which was ridiculous.

    OP has no clue, and is most likely lying to himself to make the pain go away.

  56. Also anonymous

    Biggest. win. Ever.

    Also, the shit about aspergers is true. I’ve got it, and it doesn’t stop you leading a normal life unless you’re a whiny little bitch who doesn;t even try.

  57. christfag

    Maybe some people should just stay in moms basement. The rest of the world may be a little better off for it.

  58. TheGabe

    I read this all the way through, and I am a creationist, and yes I did find it funny.
    And shut up Willard he’s not dissing asperger’s he’s dissing the innumerable morons who claim that they have asperger’s to excuse the fact that they’re miserable and pathetic yet mentally intact losers with no social skills.
    Oh and 5 posts above me- You’re an idiot. If there’s one thing women appreciate it’s material goods.

  59. Bushido89

    Wow – an article on self-improvement that doesn’t read like pugwash. Sir, I salute you.

  60. c1f3r

    actually, the one who wrote this is actually kinda smart. it’s not about the facts, about the way hes telling people to do it. it’s the goal that’s important. there are way too many people at 4chan or on the internet who have no fucking job and keep on complaining about the same shit everyday. i know it, i’ve seen it. i even know people in ma real-life environment that behave like the “douches”, judging others but not themselves.
    if you can’t appreciate what the author did you are plainly a “douche”. if you looking for expert opinions, go to a professional. this is more like a resumรฉ for all those people who can’t get their mind straight on what to do with their rotten lives.
    if you have a job or at least a working relationship. this is no article for you.
    and about that part with his opinion(about creationist etc.) just leave it be.
    it’s like mine and other comments here. you write a shitload of text but nobody is actually reading it, because there are too many opinions here. and i bet most of the people writing a comment think of their post as an actual approvement of society or whatever.
    it’s not working.
    mine won’t either. but i like to write shit ๐Ÿ™‚

  61. anon111

    hmmmm, i found this article to be pretty stupid. I agree with some of the stuf (shut up about your damn social anxiety disorder) but i disagree with others (interpersonal relations as a steaming pile of shit? i kinda like em…but i guess that makes me an “outsider” or some shit). his point about everyone thinking everyone else is a douchebag yet being a douchebag themselves is very good. however, buying 100$+ gifts for girls who might go out with you? cmon now. keep loving her when she cheats on you, calls you ugly, steals your money? how the fuck sad are you?

    And btw, to all those criticising the critics of this article by saying “oh, i guess it hits too close to the bone for you” or “well, your just one of the outsiders” SHUT UP. You are just trying to make yourselves feel superior by pretending you are part of some super awesome, selective “alpha males” club or some shit. well, you arent. Remember the part of the article where it says you can never realise how much you suck? that applies to you idiots too, perhaps even moreso than usual. get off your fucking high horses.

  62. roro

    huh. i actually read the entire thing.
    and that’s not how life works.
    if you want to fix your sucky life you have to do but one thing:
    get a new outlook on life.
    that is what got you into your socially malformed situation in the first place.
    i found this article to be intensely depressing. :/

  63. Ty

    wow…surprised…i just read the enitre thing and it’s honestly true. after you learn some responsibility, learn to care for someone besides yourself and not frivolously spend your money, you can enter a serious relationship and find happiness. i don’t agree with everything that was said, but honestly if you read it through a filter you can see the bits of truth hidden in there, it just takes a little panning to find the gold.

  64. His Noodly Appendage

    This is the funniest, most spot-on thing I’ve read in years.


  65. Brian

    ya know what? this is fucking beautiful. honestly… call me crazy, but this was the most inspirational shit i’ve read in like pretty much ever. razor sharp and totally on point. loved it. bookmark…

  66. badpath

    first off, Stumble’d.

    Now, to the crux.

    Anyone who feels this is too harsh, uses bad language or takes offense to the religious jab, you are reading this wrong. Understand that this was written by someone who is not a sensitive, hold your hand, whisper gently sort of person. It was written by a jaded, cynical, disillusioned bastard who honestly and earnestly believes that everything in life is utter shit.

    He is writing to his fellow cynics and pessimists, the ones who feel that life treats them unduly poor and cannot understand WHY. He is your mean older brother who beat you up and made fun of you all through school. He’s your dad after the man had one too many beers and turned into a mean drunk.

    The grown up, no-holds-barred, straightshooting “I’m not going to feed you a line of bullshit or sugar-coat this” message is this: No matter how good you think you are, you can always be better. Life will be difficult; soldier on anyway, because nothing worth having comes free. Most importantly:


    Don’t put it off ’til tomorrow, don’t tell yourself you’ll start being a better person in the morning or next week or once you’ve finally got that job you want.


    Life is not going to hand you what you want, you need to work for it and EARN it. So EARN it.




  67. ThatChick

    Dude, there are girls on 4chan.

    Me and a few girls I know like to share links on there. xD

  68. anon 2

    article was awesome had some incorrect bits but overall was brilliant.
    and to those people who said it must hurt to the people its aimed at its aimed at you too you’re just trying to make yourself feel better by pretending its all about someone else.

  69. Alan

    Okay, I agree with a lot of this, but depression IS a disease for some people. Some people do have fucked-up brain chemistry which colors their world with shit-tinted glasses sometimes. Even though their depression doesn’t manifest in cancer-laden testicles combined with superior cross-country bicycling skills, or inability to control when and how they shit combined with superlative ability to do differential equations and understand quantum mechanics, it does manifest in a lifetime colored by feelings of inadequacy or neurosis or feelings of inadequacy or helplessness which combine to form depression.

    So there. Otherwise I found it pretty true to life.

  70. SoHardcoreAndSpecialAmirite

    Oh look, an tough guy with MS Paint trying to be edgy on the internet.

    What else is new?

  71. SoHardcoreAndSpecialAmirite

    Also, tl;dr: to be an ‘Alpha Male’ you need to be a doormat who hates his life.

  72. U all suck / k250

    Far out whoever wrote this is fked in the head, i think he should be shot. xD . I stopped while reading through step 6.

    When ‘making a move’ or showing a girl how much you like or you’re into them, you don’t simply chuck them gifts from what you think they eavesdrop on what they like. They’ll just think “WTF, what a weirdo. Why is he doing this… uhh… i dont even know this guy”.

    Instead act normal, be yourself, be cool, be a man. Seek or make the opportunity when you do have the guts to Say hi, talk to them. Get to know each other more, have fun, be cheeky, be funny, show her who you are and what makes you different from everybody else. But yeah not all at once. if you’re in your basement, on the computer all day get out in the real world and find some other interests, get into physical shape, find a sport you really like to keep yourself motivated.

    Good luck to all the people in this world, most likely will never see this post or come to this site ever again only having to googled this accidently

    Peace, k250

  73. Tyler

    Those saying they didn’t read this post are idiots. If you read it through, you would have realized this wasn’t an immature asshole writing this. Just saying.

  74. Teelo

    This article definitely spoke to people like me.
    I got it.

    But applying what i’ve learned is just so darned hard.

    I mean, you got dreams? Watch American Idol and you realize you may be just as pathetic as the worst auditions. You just have the sense to not try.

  75. Bridget

    This is why I hate reading the comments section on anything. Ash is completely right though, I think this article is great and I’m a girl. I’m pretty sure a large percentage of the people commenting on this could learn from reading all the way through and actually following the advice.

  76. tinyweasel

    Why would you even write a comment on something you haven’t even read all of? How can you expect people to listen to you if you’ve already admitted your ignorance? Getting offended by words is retarded. They are not intrinsically bad. If you don’t want someone to offend you, then don’t get offended. It takes away their power. Creationism is one of the most ridiculous theories ever concocted. Unless aliens did it. Also I’m a girl. Stop saying girls don’t go on the internet. Stop trying to concoct ridiculous techniques to get girls. Just be yourself and someday you will meet a girl you get on with. And if she values personality she’ll like you too. That’s how it works. If a girl doesn’t like you, and you change yourself so she does, and you end up together; will you really be happy going out with such a shallow bitch? You must just be going for girls with looks. And if you are, you’re an idiot, so enjoy your life of watching Everybody Loves Raymond and King of Queens reruns until you both eventually melt into your couch.

  77. Hammich

    For people looking for love. This article makes an EXCELLENT point, if hidden underneath it’s sledgehammer delivery.

    If you get out into the REAL WORLD and do something REAL that you are interested in.. act and do everything like the person you WISH you were, aspiring to be something better and following your interests, you’ll find other people with similar mindsets and interests because that’s what brought them to the same path as you. This will make you friends, create a life worth living because you’re being productive in something you want to do with people you want to be with.

    And guess what?! those people will be both male AND female. And you’ll have shared interests set up and ready to go, different experiences on mutual intrigues to share, they are far.. FAR more likely to see you for your personality if you share something already.

    Whatever it is you want to do, chances are there are other people as crazy as you =p

  78. Jwls

    I stopped at this point and I am a chic LMBootyOff
    But I get tired of reading after about half a page anyway

  79. Jwls

    I stopped at this point and I am a chic LMBootyOff
    But I get tired of reading after about half a page anyway

  80. micro sd card

    I read and reread this thing a dozen times. I think it is embarrassing that a deep and insightful mortgage life was undefeated cruise 4chan. Pretend you, true," I think this is 100 percent accurate. Sure, you pretend to be an astronaut in space, but given the specific features and characteristics which I think is right. I am going to pretend to be kind and unselfish in 2009, so we have a case study to test this hypothesis.

  81. Allthethingsisay

    This was very funny and true. I agree that people need to stop bitching and attacking the poster. And seriously 'learn to draw' ? This was brilliant.

  82. Local SEO

    Creationism is one of the most ridiculous theories ever concocted.Learn to care for someone besides yourself and not frivolously spend your money, you can enter a serious relationship and find happiness.

  83. david

    i have noticed when im nice to ppl they take advantage of me but when they take it too far i become the BIGGEST DICK ON EARTH!!!!!!!

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