Monthly Archives: November 2008

Road Rage 101: How To Piss Off Other Drivers

Written by Suzanne Denbow

Perhaps you’ve only just recently acquired your license to drive, or perhaps you’re a grizzled veteran of the salty tarmac, but either way, you’re interested in perfecting the art of driving as a bloodsport. Believe it or not, angering your fellow motorists to the point of inspiring physical violence isn’t a game of chance, but rather a highly scientific, learned skill. To truly master the art of pissing people off, you need the benefit of years of practice behind the wheel of an extremely obnoxious car (I recommend either a tuned Honda CRX or any type of chromed pickup with a lifted suspension), true greatness can’t be achieved overnight. Everyone needs to start somewhere though, so to get you started on your path towards perfection, I’ve outlined below a few tips that will help nurture and extract your hidden inner douchebag.

1. Do Not Use Turn Signals

Do not under any circumstances ever use your turn signal, period. Turn signals or traffic indicators of any kind are a sign of weakness, and they give your enemy valuable information regarding your battle position.

2. Do Not Yield To Drivers Preparing To Execute A Turn

If the driver in front of you indicates that he is preparing to execute a turn, do not slow down. Instead, maintain your constant speed (75 mph highway, or 55 mph residential) and seconds before your car makes high-speed impact with his rear bumper, turn your steering wheel to the right or left (depending on which direction the vehicle is turning) by a fraction of an inch, barely avoiding a full-speed collision. Remember: under no circumstances should you ever remove your foot from the accelerator. In most cases, the amount of space you will have between the turning driver and the next physical barrier (be it a parked car or an oncoming lane of traffic) will be very, very limited, and the faster you are traveling the less likely you are to make contact with any stationary objects.

3. Treat Construction Zones As An Obstacle Course

Construction zones and the many hurdles they throw at drivers make them the perfect place to hone your skills as an asshole, especially since there’s usually a local cop posted nearby who can serve as an excellent official score keeper. Remember: +1 point for every traffic cone you clip, +2 points for every motorist you cut off when merging, +3 points for every rude hand gesture you receive from the city workers you barely avoid hitting, and +4 points for every additional officer summoned by the aforementioned cop to apprehend your vehicle.

4. Speed Limits Are Relative

It is not important that you observe the posted speed limit, as long as you observe the speed limit posted by the guy in front you. Yes, that kid barreling down the left hand lane at 90 mph in his Acura RSX is an idiot, but he’s also the guiding light to your wayward ocean liner. As long as you’re travelling slower than Speedy Gonzalez is, when he and you finally blow by that police cruiser, that cop is only going to have the man power to pull over one of you and you can bet he isn’t interested in some stoner driving a beat-up Saab, he’s going for the big game.

5. Behave As Though Out-of-State Tags Grant You Diplomatic Immunity

You’re from Ohio, venturing onto the New Jersey turnpike for the first time. You’re not sure what exit to take, so you steadily drive 20 mph under the speed limit lest you miss your turn-off. Or perhaps you’re from Georgia, and during your road trip to the shore, you feel it necessary to bestow a little bit of Southern Hospitality on every driver you meet. So in addition to driving at roughly the same speed as the tourist from Ohio, you also make frequent, sudden stops to yield to other motorists – even when you have the right of way.

Although drivers in both cases would be strictly prohibited from operating heavy machinery in their respective home states, their behavior is perfectly acceptable when travelling outside of their state lines. After all, it doesn’t matter how they do it up/down/over here, you’re from Ohio/Georgia/Florida, dammit, and you are the greatest thing on four wheels since Bobby Labonte.

6. There Is No Predetermined “Passing Lane”

A commonly held myth amongst most motorists is that passing is only permitted/acceptable in the left hand lane. This is simply not true. A “passing lane” is any unobstructed pathway (including grassy medians) through which you can safely navigate your vehicle around slow-moving motorists while only sustaining minor surface damage.

7. Do Not Talk On Your Cell Phone While Driving. Text Instead.

When other drivers see you yakking on your cell phone, they’ll become immediately enraged by your obvious disregard for traffic safety, but they’ll be absolutely livid if they catch you texting while driving. Texting is especially recommend over calling if your phone happens to be equipped with a full QWERTY keyboard, since not only will your attention be completely diverted from the road in front of you, but you’ll also be using your knees to navigate the steering wheel as both hands will be fully occupied texting your bro about the hottie in the Ford Focus next to you.

8. Always Use Halogen Headlights

Halogen bulbs emit a blinding blue light that drivers both in front of and behind you will enjoy immeasurably. If you can’t quite afford a HID upgrade for your car, opt for using your high-beams at all times, especially at night in heavily congested traffic. If you drive a pickup truck or SUV, it is strongly recommend that you accompany the use of Halogens and/or high-beams with very close tailgating. Remember: you aren’t truly a jackass unless your headlights cause permanent retina damage.

9. Speed Through Parking Lots

One secret every driving jerkoff knows is that you can make your best time by laying rubber in the parking lot. Depending on how densely populated the lot is, you should always aim to maintain an average speed of anywhere from 45-65 mph, possibly higher in the event of inclement weather. Not only will this endanger the safety and well being of any pedestrians, if you’re running late for an appointment, you can also shave minutes off your ETT by cutting diagonally across all the empty stalls and ignoring any stop signs.

10. Drive Like A Woman

A good general rule of thumb to follow that encompasses all the basic elements of horrible driving discussed here today is this: before you make any major decision while driving, first ask yourself, “What would a woman do?” If you’re travelling on a four lane highway in the leftmost lane, don’t merge ahead of time into the right-hand lane to avoid a last minute four-lane death race. Instead, maintain a steady 75mph in your current lane and begin to apply a heavy coat of mascara. Then, about 100 yards before your exit, immediately jerk your wheel as hard as you can to the right, smiling sheepishly and giggling girlishly at all the angered motorists behind you.

Or, if you find yourself in the right-hand lane behind a motorist who happens to be travelling too slow for your taste, before you make the logical decision to pass them, try to picture what a woman would do in your situation. Would she pass on the left? No, she wouldn’t. She would tailgate the innocent driver angrily, straining as hard as she could to see over the steering wheel, glaring purposefully at the “total jerk” in front of her. After maintaining about 6 inches of clearance between her and the car in front her for about 10 miles or so, then, and only then, will she pass the driver on the left, making sure to give him the stink eye as she does so.

Remember: most women are born lacking the inherent ability to drive well, so if your ultimate goal is to piss off as many people on the roadway as you can, it would behoove you to duplicate female driving techniques to the best of your ability.

5 Apple Rumors That Never Came True

Written by Edible Apple

Did you hear that Steve Jobs is starting a band and is going to force all iTunes users to download his bands’ songs? I just hope that I can catch them on tour before Steve Jobs is rushed to the hospital for an emergency voice box transplant! Everyone loves a good Apple rumor, but hindsight allows us to look back and see just how ridiculous some rumors actually were. Here’s a list of 5 highly publicized and recent Apple rumors that never came true.

1) Super Bowl commercial to announce The Beatles arrival to iTunes with a special edition iPod

The Beatles have been ‘coming to iTunes’ for quite some time now. This rumor reached its peak during the 2007 Super Bowl when everyone had inside info indicating that Apple would reveal a new commercial advertising a new Yellow Submarine themed iPod loaded up with every Beatles song, and of course, a yellow colored casing. Obviously, things didn’t go as predicted.

The commercial was supposed to highlight The Beatles long awaited arrival to iTunes. In hindsight, this rumor seems even more ludicrous given the fact that you still can’t buy Beatles songs on iTunes. Steve Jobs, though, is a noted Beatles fan, and never misses an opportunity to play one of their songs at Apple events, so you can bet that Apple is working hard to bring the music of one of the worlds most popular bands to the iTunes store as soon as possible.

And what about a yellow iPod pre-loaded with music? Well, should The Beatles ever make their way onto iTunes, it wouldn’t be surprising for Apple to release a Beatles themed iPod much in the same way they did with U2 in 2004. Don’t expect the iPod to come pre-loaded with music, though. Instead, Apple would most likely include coupons that could be used to purchase Beatles songs and videos from the iTunes store, as it did with U2’s special edition iPod. One thing’s for sure, this is one rumor that probably won’t die until The Beatles do, in fact, finally come to iTunes. Until then, you can busy yourself with downloading songs from each individual Beatles member, including a 9 minute bongo solo from Jon Lennon.

2) iPhone Nano

This was a ridiculous rumor that somehow gained mainstream traction in July 2007. The rumor started when a JP Morgan analyst cited anonymous sources in the supply channel indicating that Apple was looking to “launch a cheaper version of the iPhone in the 4th quarter that could be based on its iPod nano music player” and that the phone would have a “circular touch pad control” like the nano. WTF?!

Here’s a good rule of thumb to follow: Analyst + anonymous sources + supply channel = BS. This rumor was obviously bogus for a few reasons. First of all, the odds that Apple would release a phone with a circular touch pad goes against everything Apple tried to accomplish with the iPhone. The whole point of the iPhone is its large display! Second, the iPhone had barely been on the market for a month and analysts were already predicting that Apple would need to offer a variety of models in order to make a significant dent in the phone market. So basically, this was a case of an analyst making an outlandish tech prediction in order to make his business prediction more plausible. Needless to say, Apple hasn’t needed to release a smaller form factor iPhone in order to make any sales.

It’s amusing to consider, though, that when the rumor first came out, it was reported that the iPod nano would retail at around 300 bucks. Now, you can get a full feature 16GB iPhone for that same price.

3) Justin Long to stop doing “I’m a Mac” ads

This rumor stretches back to November 2006, and supposedly had Apple firing Justin Long because consumers thought he was too smug and liked the “PC” more. Adding further ‘proof’ to this rumor was a supposed comment from Justin Long’s rep stating, “Justin’s a movie star, not a commercial guy.” Eventually, Justin Long himself released a note on his website denying the rumor and mentioning that he was getting ready for a new shoot just the next day. Since the rumor, Long has appeared in a ton of “Get a Mac” ads and the campaign still seems to be going strong.

4) Apple to form its own Record Label with Jay Z

Jigga what?! This rumor gained traction in January of ’08 and was supposedly going to be announced at Macworld. Not only was this rumor “confirmed” by a slew of tech sites, but it was also picked up by business heavyweights such as CNN, Business Week and CNBC.

Well, one thing’s for sure, what Apple rumors might lack in credibility, they sure do make up for with creativity. Sure, Apple created the iPod and helped launch the digital music revolution, but there was never a reason to believe that Apple would form its own record label, let alone with Jay-Z (see below). This is another example of a rumor that has Apple doing something where it has nothing to gain, and a lot to lose. First of all, there are already a plethora of record labels out there, and it’s becoming increasingly common these days for artists to record tracks on their own and upload them for sale to iTunes by themselves or through an Indie label. Second, there’s a lot of work that goes into starting up a record label, and there’s no reason why Apple would ever choose to burden itself with such things. There’s scouting of talent, marketing costs, studio costs, and a variety of other necessary activities that Apple simply has no interest or experience in doing. Apple’s a tech company, and while it might market media content as a way to sell its line of consumer products, that’s where it draws the line. This is a perfect example of a rumor where pundits chime in and talk about “intriguing possibilities” without ever mentioning what those possibilities might actually be.

It should also be mentioned that Apple and Jay-Z have not always seen eye. When Jay-Z released his album “American Gangster”, he refused to sell each track individually on iTunes and released a strongly written note criticizing Apple’s distribution model that allows for single track downloads. He might be Big Pimpin’, but he’s clearly not a Mac.

5) 800 dollar MacBook

At Apple’s most recent MacBook event, rumors abounded about an $800 MacBook that Apple was set to release in an effort to garner market share. This rumor sure got people excited, but unusually aggressive price cuts to garner more market share has never been Apple’s style.

Honorable Mention

Steve Jobs has a heart attack – Ah, the joys of citizen journalism. This rumor was started this past October on CNN’s iReport website, which is a forum for ordinary citizens to report the news and give the scoop on breaking stories. Or, to give 18 year olds a chance to just make stuff up. Apple immediately denied the story, and this rumor was thankfully nipped in the bud before it got too widespread.

Apple to buy Disney – This was an interesting rumor that had a lifespan of over 7 years. Sure, Steve Jobs is the largest individual shareholder of Disney stock, and yes, he sits on their board of directors, but there was no reason to ever believe that a merger or acquisition of the two companies ever made much practical or financial business sense.

Apple will release a Tablet Mac / Netbook
– One of the more intriguing and resilient rumors has Apple releasing a touch screen tablet that would theoretically fill the space left between the iPod Touch and the lower end Macbook. Steve Jobs noted in Apple’s most recent earnings conference call that Apple has some interesting ideas with regards to netbooks, but won’t be releasing anything until they see that the market actually takes off.

Apple to buy Universal Music Group – At one point in time this was considered somewhat plausabile, but was put to rest once Apple launched the iTunes store in 2003.

Blu-Ray coming to the Mac – This is another rumor that has been going around for some time, but especially picked up steam following HD-DVD’s demise. At Apple’s most recent earnings conference call, Steve Jobs fielded a question about Blu-Ray and noted that it’s a big bag of hurt, and while Apple might be interested in including it in future Mac models, Apple is gonna wait until licensing and cost issues become less of an issue.

6 Most Soul-Sucking Video Games

Written by Sub-Zero


How many hours did you spend playing Wrath of the Lich King this weekend? 10? 20? More? The latest World of Warcraft expansion is a re-up for players looking for a new quest and leveling fix. There have been many tales of chronic video game addiction in the news the past few years, but I thought it was time now for a look back to see what the most soul-sucking video games really are.

6) Halo



I’d say about 90% of the time, gamers play Halo for casual fun, which is of course, what video games are meant to be. However, there is a contingent who plays it obsessively, and an even smaller percentage that are just completely consumed by it. These are the people who play in tournaments for money, and if you happen to stumble into a game with them, you’ll have more fun sticking your 360 controller in a blender.

My friend used to take my headset and talk to four-star level fifty generals, saying things like, “Do you know what a vagina looks like?” It’s funny, but the thing is, people don’t realize exactly how much time it takes to play 10,000 games of Halo. Let’s say each game is 10 minutes long plus five minutes of in-between match making time. That’s 2,500 hours, or over 100 24-hour days of Halo. That’s probably how turn into this kid (turn the volume down for some super NSFW language):

Vidoes like this kind of work against the whole “video games don’t affect child development” claim.

5) Counterstrike


8 v 1? No problem for a pro.

Counterstrike has about the same level of addiction as Halo, except it’s even harder to play it casually. More often than not you won’t find a safe haven for new players (or noobs as you’ll undoubtedly be called). You have to be really damn good to even start to have fun, whereas in Halo you can just dick around on Vahalla in the Warthog turret if you want.

Not sure if you’re addicted? Well, it’s apparently a condition so widespread they’ve even developed a quiz for it here, with questions like “Does your clan have scrims?” and “Do you think of CS as a sport rather than a game?” Mmhm, and how many members of the cheerleading squad do you think the captain of the Counterstrike team lays in a given week?

4) Diablo


If this screenshot gives you an erection, you may have a problem.

Now we’re getting in deep. No more of this FPS baby stuff, this is some hardcore role-playing addictive shit. Any game with levels is inherently dangerous, especially one like Diablo where it takes as long to get from level 98 to 99 as it did from levels 1 to 98. You don’t want to mess around with something like that.

And now with Diablo III on the horizon, I fear I won’t be able to resist the call, as two months of my life were blacked out of my life from Diablo II, before I uninstalled the game when I realized I was missing out on better things. I came across a sad forum post while looking up info for this article. It reads:

“I’ve been addicted to Diablo 2 for the longest time, pretty much done everything you can do in that game, but I think it’s time to move on.”

I thought this would be followed by something like, “I’ve realized there’s a lot more to live than clicking a mouse 500,000 times,” but alas, it continued:

“Can anyone suggest something similar to Diablo 2 that still has the hacking/slashing and lots of different weapons/armors/etc? Must have free multiplayer.”

Sigh. Another soul lost.

3) Starcraft


It’s more exciting than it looks, I promise.

You might be noticing a pattern here with Blizzard games, a company that might be compared with Phillip Morris soon enough. I also loved Starcraft, but was never dangerously obsessed with it. Unfortunately that can’t be said for those else where, especially overseas.

In Korea, Starcraft is like a religion, and one player, Lee Seung Seop sacrificed everything for it. He sat down at a PC internet café to play Starcraft, fifty hours later, he was dead. During the marathon session he didn’t sleep, barely ate or drank, and his body simply gave out. And so we have our first video game induced death, unfortunately, there are more to come.

2) Everquest


Um, who needs real girls when you can have this? Hello?

Before World of Warcraft, there was Everquest, which became so addictive it was renamed “Evercrack” by the faithful. At it’s peak over 400,000 players were online, numbers that now seem relatively low compared to WoW‘s numbers today. But at the time it was just as dangerous, held responsible for claiming at least two lives.

One is a Tampa, FL case where a father was so obsessed with the game that he neglected his infant and it died. The second is the tragic suicide of 21 year-old Shawn Wooley, who was playing the game up until a few minutes before he shot himself. His mother claimed he was playing twelve hours a day, and because he was epileptic, the game often caused him to suffer seizures. She recognized his addiction to it, and although she sought him help, there was nothing to be done.

“It’s like any other addiction,” Elizabeth Woolley. “Either you die, go insane or you quit. My son died.”

Everquest fully opened up the MMORPG philosophy of “games without an end,” which some argue almost unfairly hooks people to play until their lives are in shambles. Everquest paved the way for the final game on our list, which should be no surprise to anyone:

1) World of Warcraft



Ten million players currently subscribe to World of Warcraft, blowing Everquest‘s old numbers out of the water. The game is currently at the height of its popularity, and the release of its latest Lich King expansion was the inspiration for this post. The game has truly perfected the art of the neverending game, with players sacrificing marriages, jobs and friends in pursuit of …what exactly?

There are many sad tales of WoW addiction spread across the internet. In Korea, a couple was charged with manslaughter after they lost track of time during a marathon WoW session and left their infant alone who accidentally suffocated. Another story involves two gamers who died a few years ago training for a difficult quest for days at a time. An online WoW memorial service was held for them, like they were soldiers fallen in battle. A screenshot of the funeral is below:

online funeral

How about in their memory, go outside.

But many will claim that these deadly incidents are isolated, and it’s true, there aren’t tons of cases where people actually die from playing the game (although the fact that there are even some should be a bit jarring). However, the real results can be seen as more widespread, across average people who have seen their lives consumed by the game. And with 10M players in a game that requires and enormous time commitment, you can bet these cases are much more prevalent. I suggest you read this post called “My Boyfriend Won’t Quite World of Warcraft” if you want to see the kind of thing I’m talking about.

It’s strange to see someone’s behavior change through a game like this. The symptoms of withdrawal are much like those of a drug addict just begging for another hit. Listen to this incredibly disturbing video of a teenager crying and begging his parents to let him keep playing WoW. A lot of people think that it’s funny, but I’ll be honest, it literally sent chills down my spine.

I’ve stayed far away from WoW thus far. Not just because my computer is steam-powered and couldn’t run it if I tried, but because of my brief stint of addiction to an “endless” game like Diablo, I wouldn’t trust myself near it.

I know there are perfectly fun and safe ways to play games like World of Warcraft, but just be careful it doesn’t become more than a game. The same is true for all of these games, including some I’ve undoubtedly missed. Hell, I’m sure Tetris can rule your life if you play it enough. Remember, if you’re doing ANYthing for 10 hours a day, it’s probably not good for you.

Aspirin vs. Marijuana

Written by nunya

This is a repost with a few edits…

When Bayer introduced aspirin in 1899, cannabis was America’s number one painkiller. Until marijuana prohibition began in 1937, the US Pharmacopoeia listed cannabis as the primary medicine for over 100 diseases. Cannabis was such an effective analgesic that the American Medical Association (AMA) argued against prohibition on behalf of medical progress. Since the herb is extremely potent and essentially non-toxic, the AMA considered it a potential wonder drug.

Instead, the invention of aspirin gave birth to the modern pharmaceutical industry and Americans switched away from cannabis in the name of “progress.” But was it really progress? There can be no doubt that aspirin has a long history as the drug of choice for the self-treatment of migraines, arthritis, and other chronic pain. It is cheap and effective. But is it as safe as cannabis?


Marijuana has been used for over 5,000 years.
No one has ever overdosed on marijuana.
Aspirin has been used for 108 years.
Approximately 500 people die every year by taking aspirin
The Law:

Marijuana is a Schedule 1 drug, meaning the US government believes it is extremely dangerous, highly addictive, and of no medical value.
Aspirin is available for pennies and can be purchased by children at any drug, grocery, or convenience store. Often they are just handed out free by people with no medical education.
Marijuana side effects and dangers:

The dangers of marijuana include possible respiratory problems caused by the deposition of burnt plant material on the lungs. This danger can be eliminated with alternate forms of consumption such as eating or vaporizing the medicine.
For two to four hours, marijuana causes short-term memory loss, a slight reduction in reaction time, and a reduction in cognitive ability. (It makes you stupid for a little while.)These conditions DO NOT persist after the herb wears off.

Creative Impulse
Aspirin side effects and dangers:

When taken with alcohol, aspirin can cause stomach bleeding.
Reye Syndrome in children: fat begins to develop around the liver and other organs of the child, eventually putting severe pressure on the brain. Death is common within a few days.
People with hemophilia can die.
People with hyperthyroidism suffer elevated T4 levels.
Stomach problems include dyspepsia, heartburn, upset stomach, stomach ulcers with gross bleeding, and internal bleeding leading to anemia.
Dizziness, ringing in the ears, hearing loss, vertigo, vision disturbances, and headaches.
Heavy sweating
Irreversible liver damage
Inflamation and gradual destruction of the kidneys
Nausea and vomiting
Abdominal pain
Dyspepsia: a gnawing or burning stomach pain accompanied by bloating, heartburn, nausea, vomiting and burping.
Tachypnea: Abnormally fast breathing
Respiratory Alkalosis: a condition where the amount of carbon dioxide found in the blood drops to a level below normal range brought on by abnormally fast breathing.
Cerebral Edema: Water accumulates on the brain. Symptoms include headaches, decreased level of consciousness, loss of eyesight, hallucinations, psychotic behavior, memory loss and coma. If left untreated, it can lead to death.
Hallucinations, confusion, and seizure.
Prolonged bleeding after operations or post-trauma for up to 10 days after last aspirin.
Aspirin can interact with some other drugs, such as diabetes medication. Aspirin changes the way the body handles these drugs and can lead to a drug overdose and death.
If you think that cannabis is actually safer than aspirin, you are not alone. In October 2000, Dr. Leslie Iversen of the Oxford University Department of Pharmacology said the same thing.

In her book, ‘The Science of Marijuana,’ Dr. Iversen presents the scientific evidence that cannabis is, by-and-large, a safe drug. Dr. Iversen found cannabis had “an impressive record” when compared to tobacco, alcohol, or even aspirin.

“Tetrahydrocannabinol is a very safe drug,” she said. “Even such apparently innocuous medicines as aspirin and related steroidal anti-inflammatory compunds are not safe.”

So if safety is your concern, cannabis is clearly a much better choice than aspirin. If you eat it or vaporize it, it just might be the safest painkiller the world has ever known.

References: 1 2

14 Photography Masters

Collected by abduzeedo

Since the very beginning of Abduzeedo, our team has been bringing cool photography inspiration for you. We’ve featured many awesome photographers, from the ones with innovative techniques to oldschool guys, and all that. And today we’ve made a list. We love lists. 🙂

From classic Alberto Korda to hyped Dave Hill, our list actually ins’t that long, but we’ve tried to remember the photographers that inspired us in some way… and at the end, the magic number was 14. Of course there are more photo masters out there, and we wish to hear from you. Do you know a Photography Master we’ve missed? Drop a comment! Hope you all enjoy our selection! Cheers! 😉

Pouya Dianat

Paul Armstrong

Joey Lawrence

Dave Hill

Brett Walker

Jesh de Rox

Alberto Korda

Catherine Nikola

Burçin Esin

Nick Brewer

Michael Grecco

Drew Gardner

Peter Yang

John Paul Arlington

The Essential 007: A Recap of all 22 Bond Movies

Written by Michael DeZubiria

Creator Ian Fleming’s original, early 1950’s image of James Bond.

Before you go out and watch the much-anticipated new James Bond movie Quantum of Solace, here is a quick recap on the evolution of the cinema’s most successful and recognizable stars.

James Bond has been portrayed, so far, by six different actors – Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig – and his movies have undergone even more change and variety than the people portraying him.

Thankfully, the movies are generally unrelated stories so you don’t have to watch each successive sequel in order to really understand and appreciate the newer installments, but it’s always good to know about the history of the series before watching the newest releases.

As you know, Quantum of Solace is the 23rd Bond film (although only the 22nd official one – Never Say Never Again is not recognized as an official 007 film), and I have gone back and reviewed the first 22 movies so you don’t have to spend 50 or so hours catching up. So here they are, starting with the Bonds of Sean Connery. Enjoy!

1. Dr. No (1962), PG, 110 mins.

Sean Connery introduced us to a much calmer and more collected Bond than we would see in later years. Oh and he drinks a lot more. If I didn’t know any better I would assume that the movie was bank-rolled by Smirnoff!

Bond is sent to investigate the killing of one of his fellow agents, and the course of his investigation puts him on the trail of Dr. No, who is not the most imaginative villain, but a suspensefully slow introduction keeps him effective.

Ursula Andress is Honey Ryder, the first Bond girl and arguably the most enduringly famous.

Austin Powers moments – One of the two inspirations for Dr. Evil’s name, outfit, and one of his classic lines – Dr No: “I’m sure the west would welcome a scientist of your…caliber?”

2. From Russia With Love (1963), PG, 115 mins.

Bond is sent to Istanbul, Turkey to acquire a Russian cypher machine called Lektor (as in Hannibal-, you ask? No, because Thomas Harris wouldn’t write Manhunter and introduce Hannibal to the world for another 20 years). Unfortunately, the Russians know nothing about a cypher machine called Lektor because it’s all a ploy by SPECTRE to lure Bond into a trap to avenge their lost agent, Dr. No.

Austin Powers moments – the coke-bottle-spectacled henchwoman #3 is clearly the inspiration for Frau Farbissina, as well as the first appearance of the desk-side death buttons, the probable source of Mr. Bigglesworth, Dr. Evil’s cat, and Dr. Evil’s insistence that he will “not tolerate failure.”

Daniela Bianchi stars as Tatiana Romanova, the second Bond girl. In retrospect (considering the sad fate of the next Bond girl…), it sure seems that she dodged a bullet with that character name, but nonetheless, this is one of the best of the series.

3. Goldfinger (1964), PG, 110 mins.

The Bank of England discovers that someone is stockpiling vast quantities of gold and suspects international bullion dealer Auric Goldfinger of being involved. His name did nothing to suggest his innocence! Bond is sent to investigate, and he soon discovers that Goldfinger plans to contaminate the gold reserve at Fort Knox, causing economic chaos throughout the west while at the same time causing the value of his own gold to skyrocket.

We see Q introducing a whole array of cool Bond gadgets for the first time in Goldfinger, and under new direction, Bond is clumsier and more human than he was before. He makes mistakes and doesn’t always know exactly what’s going on.

Austin Powers moments – British actress Honor Blackman stars as Pussy Galore, the clear inspiration for Alotta Fagina, and Bond tied to a table with a laser beam slowly creeping towards him had a clear influence on the International Man of Mystery. “Do you expect me to talk?” Bond asks. “No,” Goldfinger replies. “I expect you to die!” Austin Powers’ shoe-throwing character Random Task also comes from Goldfinger‘s hat-throwing Odd Job.

Notable trivia – Goldfinger’s laser beam is the first laser beam ever to be used in a film.

4. Thunderball (1965), PG, 130 mins.

The evil SPECTRE organization returns, this time having stolen two warheads and holding the entire world hostage for $100,000,000. Bond is sent along with all of Britain’s other secret agents to recover the warheads before millions of people are killed.

The film’s underwater climax shows its years, but Thunderball might be the best film in the series. Claudine Auger also stars as Domino, who I think is one of the best Bond girls, along with Ursula Andress from Dr. No and Kim Basinger from Never Say Never Again.

Austin Powers moment – “One hundred…BILLION…dollars!”

(Omission notice – in April 1967, about three months before the release of You Only Live Twice, the first version of Casino Royale was released into theaters. It is not included in this list for the same reason that Austin Powers is not included. Both are spoofs of the series and therefore are not 007 films.)

5. You Only Live Twice (1967), PG, 117 mins.

An American space capsule is swallowed by what is thought to be a Russian spaceship, nearly triggering World War III. The British, however, suspect that SPECTRE is once again involved, and they send James Bond to investigate their mysterious motives.

The capsule went down somewhere near Japan, so Bond’s mission is to find out where the capsule is being held as America and Russia hold twitching fingers over the big red buttons that would end humanity as we know it. The situation is complicated when Russia also loses a ship, ultimately leading Bond into a calamitous confrontation with the formidable villain Blofeld.

Japanese actress Mie Hama stars as the curiously named Kissy Suzuki, the first Asian Bond girl, and also notable is the outstanding performance from Donald Pleasance as Blofeld.

Austin Powers moments – Blofeld is more inspiration for Dr. Evil. Definitely the facial scar but also the outfit, the look, and the ever-present cat. Also, Austin Powers takes place in the year that this movie was made…

Interesting Bond trivia – this is one of the only films in which he never introduces himself with the classic “Bond. James Bond.”

6. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969), PG, 142 mins.

Enter George Lazenby in his only outing as James Bond. Strangely, the film opens with Bond saving a woman from “drowning,” I suppose as he frantically grabs her after she wades slowly out into calm water, and then he carries her back to the beach, where she has managed to become unconscious. It’s unclear what exactly happened to her, but nonetheless this goes on to be one of the best opening sequences of the entire series.

Once again, Bond is on the trail of Blofeld, who has a lethal virus that he threatens to unleash upon the world, endangering every living thing in the world.

No Austin Powers moments to speak of, but this installment is unique in more ways than any other Bond film. There is a whole line of Bond girls, Bond at one point impersonates a man who doesn’t like women, and at other points he utters the lines “I love you,” and “Will you marry me?”

Bond trivia – the title of The World is Not Enough originated in this film, and the main Bond girl in this movie looks like Shirley Manson, the singer of the band Garbage, who would do the theme song for that film 30 years later.

7. Diamonds Are Forever (1971), PG, 120 mins.

Sean Connery reprises the role of James Bond as British Intelligence suspects a world-wide diamond smuggling operation and sends Bond to investigate. Bond’s search leads him to a millionaire American casino owner, who turns out to be none other than Ernst Blofeld.

Closer inspection reveals that Blofeld plans to use the diamonds not to corner the jewelry market but for a deadly laser capable of destroying massive targets on land, sea and air. Bond sets out with the beautiful Tiffany Case to stop him, but first he has to deal with a series of other villains.

Diamonds Are Forever is not one of the best Bond films, but it gets interesting almost immediately and has a great story.

No Austin Powers moments, but in this installment are probably the best one-liners of the entire series. In particular, “That’s a nice little nothing you’re wearing, I approve!” And my favorite of all time, when Bond is introduced to the beautiful Plenty O’Toole, he responds without hesitation, “Named after your father, perhaps?”

8. Live and Let Die (1973), PG, 121 mins.

Roger Moore was not off to a good start in Live and Let Die, his first adventure as James Bond. No matter how you look at it, this is an unimpressive black sheep in the 007 family. It’s a good hour into the movie before anything resembling an action sequence appears, which is the movie’s biggest problem. It’s slow moving and plodding, and the story isn’t interesting enough to make up for the lack of excitement. A lot of the movie feels more like a soap opera than a spy movie.

Bond is sent to investigate the mysterious deaths of several secret agents from all over the world, who have all been killed within 24 hours of each other. Bond’s investigation leads him to a Harlem crime boss named Mr. Big who plans to flood America with billions of dollars worth of heroin. What a guy!

Central to the story is the beautiful Solitaire, Mr. Big’s tarot card reader, whose gifts are crucial to him but whose other, ah, gifts are particularly of interest to Mr. Bond.

Austin Powers moment – “Start the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism!”

Best one-liner – Rosie Carver: “But you wouldn’t kill me, not after what we just done…”
Bond: “Well, I certainly wouldn’t have killed you before…”

Get it? Get it?

9. The Man With The Golden Gun (1974), PG, 125 mins.

A contract killer named Scaramanga charges one million dollars for each kill, no doubt because of the trademark golden gun he carries and gold bullets he uses on his victims. Bond is sent to investigate until it turns out that he is Scaramanga’s next target.

M tries to relieve him of his duty until the danger passes, but Bond takes the case into his own hands, feeling that the mission is too important to leave alone. He’s surprised to find that Scaramanga holds him in the highest respect, and that, like himeself, Scaramanga is also seeking a device called the “Solex Agitator,” which is capable of directly harnessing the sun’s energy.

Bond girls Mary Goodnight and Andrea Anders are more central to the plot than in the usual Bond film, as does Scaramanga’s charmingly named and surprisingly dangerous midget sidekick Nick Nack. And there are also plenty of other amusing names, like one of Scaramanga’s associates, Hi Fat, and a naked asian hottie named Chu Me.

Bond trivia – tragically, Herve Villechaize, the midget actor who played Nick Nack, committed suicide in 1993, not because of career trouble, as most people assume, but because he lived in constant pain due to the fact that, while his body was small, his internal organs were normal size. His ashes were scattered off Point Fermin in Los Angeles.

10. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977), PG, 125 mins.

Not only has the British Royal Navy AND the Russiand simultaneously lost track of one of their nuclear submarines (one with sixteen nuclear warheads aboard), but it also seems that someone has developled a technology capable of tracking submerged submarines and is offering it to the highest bidder.

The British send James Bond to find out who is selling the tracking device and locate the missing vessels before any of the warheads are fired.

Karl Stromber, the movie’s villain, bears an astonishing resemblance to Jules Verne’s Captain Nemo, right down to the love of the ocean and the breathtaking underwater lair. He plans to start a war between the Russians and the British, knowing that global destruction will follow and pave the way, get this, for his dream of creating a whole new society under the sea!

Bond has a tense relationship with XXX (the beautiful Russian agent he is obliged to team up with), as he had killed her fiance in the movie’s opening sequence. She declares that she’s going to kill him as soon as their mission is over, and the daunting presence of Jaws, possibly the most recognizable villain of the entire Bond series, doesn’t help matters…

Pop Culture Reference – Homer: “Marge, kids, everything’s gonna be just fine. We’re gonna start a new life, under the sea…”
Marge: “Homer, that’s your solution to everything, to live under the sea. It’s not gonna happen!”
Homer: “Not with that attitude…”

11. Moonraker (1979), PG, 126 mins.

Surprisingly enough, I would argue that this is the best of Roger Moore’s efforts as James Bond. ‘Bond in space’ isn’t exactly a premise that inspires confidence that it will be a good movie, but this one was unexpectedly good.

A spaceship has been hijacked and it’s up to Bond to find out who’s behind it all. He is brought to a man named Drax who has a huge space station undetected by U.S. or Soviet radar, along with a deadly plot involving massive chemical warfare on the unsuspecting populations below.

Jaws is back by popular demand although he has a less than enviable role in the film. His character is constantly shrouded in ridiculousness, but is remarkably watchable as always, and while the naming of Bond girl ‘Dr. Goodhead’ is not quite as straightforward as ‘Pussy Galore,’ it’s no less descriptive…

Austin Powers moment – Austin’s tiny, tiny spy camera.

Bond trivia – the musical code played to get into the Drax laboratory is the tune played back and forth between the humans and aliens in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

12. For Your Eyes Only (1981), PG, 127 mins.

A sunken ship off the coast of Albania sets off a frantic search for ATAC, Britain’s high-tech encryption device which will give it’s owner total control of the Polaris nuclear submarines. The Russians learn of the situation and Bond is soon in a race to find the device before they do, with the help of the beautiful Medena Havelock, whose parents were murdered by a person who is crucial to Bond’s mission to find the ATAC. He has to engage her assistance while at the same time preventing her from avenging her parents before he is able to retrieve the device…

Favorite 007 moments – Bond leaps off a tall fence, using a pool umbrella in true Mary Poppins form to coast safely to the ground below. There is also an underwater scene where he gives Medena what I imagine is supposed to be a heartwarming, romantic look, but unfortunately he looks like E.T. in a wetsuit. Pass the Reese’s Pieces!

Bond trivia – After numerous models falsely claimed ownership, the legs on the poster for the movie were ultimately revealed to belong to 22-year-old New York model Joyce Bartle. Also, it was during the production of For Your Eyes Only that Cassandra Harris, who appears in the film as Countess Lisl von Schlaf, introduced Albert R. Broccoli to her husband, a young, novice actor named Pierce Brosnan.

13. Octopussy (1983), PG, 131 mins.

It must be some kind of sign of the times that a movie could be released in 1983 with a title like Octopussy and still get a PG rating from the unpredictable MPAA. Either Howard Stern has taught me nothing, or that title contains one of the Seven Deadly Words!

At any rate, watching Octopussy gave me the feeling that Bond must get some kind of preferential treatment because, even now, after 23 movies, he has never been put in a position where he runs the risk of dying like one of his fellow agents dies in this movie – in a clown suit clutching a Faberge egg (I’m assuming this doesn’t happen in Quantum of Solace).

Bond’s investigation of his colleague’s death leads him to an elaborate smuggling operation involving counterfeit Faberge eggs and ultimately leading to World War III. Also interesting is that the main villain in the movie is a woman who calls herself “Octopussy” because that was her father’s pet name for her when she was a kid. No wonder she grew to be such a well-balanced adult!

And if that’s not enough, one of the villains in the movie has a buzz-saw yo-yo. You can’t get any more vintage 007 than that!

Bond trivia – in Texas Hold ‘Em, a hand with a pair of eights is called an “octopuss.” A hand with a pair of eights is actually seen in Casino Royale almost 25 years later.

14. Never Say Never Again (1983), PG, 134 mins.

Released less than four months after Octopussy, Never Say Never Again was heavily marketed as the return of Sean Connery in the role of 007 (even the title refers to it), but was less successful than Octopussy.

SPECTRE agent Ernst Blofeld has returned, this time having stolen two Tomahawk cruise missiles with plans to blackmail NATO and hold the world hostage (Dr. Evil: “Oh, hell let’s just do what we always do…). The influence of Thunderball is unmistakable, but Never Say Never Again stands on its own despite having dated badly.

Kim Basinger stars as Domino, arguably one of best Bond girls of the series, and Rowan Atkinson also has a hilarious cameo.

Austin Powers moments – Dr. Evil: “You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads!” inspired by the sharks with implanted guiding mechanisms in this movie, and Largo, the villain, leaves Bond alive with crucial information (“I’ll just leave him there without actually witnessing his death and just assume everything went to plan, what?”).

Bond trivia – Never Say Never Again is not recognized as an official James Bond film because it was really only made because of remake rights owned by producer Kevin McClory relating to Thunderball. Also, a young Steven Seagal worked as a martial arts trainer for Sean Connery in preparation for this film, and during training, Seagal broke Connery’s wrist!

Best one-liner – when asked for a urine sample – “If you could just fill this beaker for me…”
Bond: “From here?”

Note – Sean Connery is now 78 years old. I think it’s probably safe to start saying “never” again…

15. A View To A Kill (1985), PG, 131 mins.

I’m struck by the evolution of the 007 stories from the earlier films to ones like A View To A Kill, in which a classic Bond-style villain Max Zorin (a wonderfully nefarious Christopher Walken, looking like Lucius Malfoy) plans to set off an underground earthquake – get this – to sink the entire Silicon Valley.

You see, if Zorin sinks the Silicon Valley, he’ll have full control of the computer manufacturing market, and Zorin Industries are also in possession of a computer chip that can create a magnetic pulse that would shut down every computer operated machine that uses a similar chip, “from toasters to the most sophisticated computers.”

I didn’t know toasters were computerized in the mid 1980s, but if Zorin were to set off an explosion over England he could completely incapacitate the British national defense network. And on top of that, the entirety of the British population would be completely toast-less. You can understand their concern.

One of the villains is named May Day, played by Jamaican actress Grace Jones (who was dating an unknown Swedish actor named Dolph Lundgren at the time) and she is one of the rare examples of real character development and change in a Bond film.

Bond trivia – on the DVD audio commentary, Roger Moore reveals that this is his least favorite of the seven 007 films that he starred in, because it was too violent and because he felt he was too old for the role.

16. The Living Daylights (1987), PG, 130 mins.

James Bond had been in theaters for 25 years by the time The Living Daylights was released, and this is the first time Bond was played by anyone other than Sean Connery or Roger Moore, other than George Lazenby’s single performance in On Her Majesty’ Secret Service. Needless to say, Timothy Dalton had big shoes to fill in his first Bond outing, so which may explain why he was helped along by a steep increase in the movie’s violence and some much better action.

After a Russian officer named Georgi Koskov defects to the west he is abducted from a secret hiding place, leading Bond on a wild chase that reveals a massive global weapons scheme involving the Russians, the Americans and none other than the Afghan resistance, the Mujahadeen. The airborne climax is also one of the more thrilling of the series.

Bond trivia – the woman in the white negligee on the movie’s poster is an American model named Kathy Stangel. She was supposedly paid $600 for the photo shoot.

17. License To Kill (1989), PG-13, 133 mins.

Bond attends his CIA friend Felix Leiter’s marriage, but then an escaped drug lord named Franz Sanchez tortures Leiter, who had capturd him, and kills his wife. Bond sets out for revenge against Sanchez, turning in his 00 status wen he is prohibited from taking the matter into his own hands.

There is a tense relationship between Bond and his beautiful ally Pam Bouvier because of her suspicious relationship with Sanzchez. The film is noticably more violent than most other 007 movies and, while the story is good, it also has some of the more outlandish action sequences. A semi-truck, for example, does a wheelie in this movie. Nice!

Also watch for a short and unenviable role by a young Benicio del Toro!

Bond trivia – the movie was originally titled License Revoked but the title was changed in part because less than 50% of Americans surveyed knew what “revoked” meant.

18. GoldenEye (1995), PG-13, 130 mins.

After a six year absense (the longest delay in the series), Bond blasts back onto the scene as Pierce Brosnan finally takes on the role (he was actually signed on to perform the role for The Living Daylights but had to back out due to contractual obligations to his other project, the television series “Remington Steele”), and he wastes no time. The movie starts out with one of the best and most exciting opening action sequences of the entire series.

Bond’s mission is to retrieve the stolen access key to the “Goldeneye,” which is a satellite that can shoot a laser to the surface of the earth and disable every electronic device within a radius of about 30 miles. Sounds remarkably similar to A View To A Kill, but things really get interesting when Bond’s search reveals a stunning secret, a 00 agent that was supposedly killed years earlier resurfaces and he turns out to be behind the whole operation. Bond has to fight to stop an old friend, with the help of the cleverly named Xenia Onatopp, before he uses the Goldeneye to destroy London.

Note – This is Judi Dench’s first portrayal of the character M, and in the movie she addresses one of the most common public complaints about the character of James Bond, calling him at one point “a sexist, misogynist dinosaur.” Also, GoldenEye was enormously successful, it had the highest box office draw of any 007 film up to that time (more than $350,000,000 worldwide), despite the tagline “You know the name. You know the number,” which seems to me to be one step away from “You know the drill!”

Bond trivia – numerous changes had to be made to the script during actual production because the plot was almost identical to that of the Arnold Schwarzenegger thriller True Lies, which was released as GoldenEye was filming. A title like True Lies should have been attached to a 007 film anyway though, right?

19. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997), PG-13, 119 mins.

Enormously powerful media mogul Elliot Carver is attached to the disappearance of a British battleship in the South China Sea because of suspicions brought about by his inability to achieve broadcasting rights in mainland China and thus complete his global communications empire. To get past them, he arranges to create a war between them and the British by convincing each that the other is making hostile advances.

Bond’s way into Carver’s world is through his wife, who is Bond’s former lover. He joins forces with a deadly Chinese agent, Wai Lin, to stop Carver from creating worldwide pandemonium for the sake of the big headlines that will make him the most powerful media mogul in the world.

Note – License To Kill was originally meant to take place in China, but the Chinese government made so many restrictive demands, such as full veto rights over the script, that the location was ultimately scrapped. Now, in Tomorrow Never Dies (the first Bond film with absolutely no references to Ian Fleming or any of his stories), we get a story about a media mogul whose only obstacle is restrictive problems created by the Chinese government.

Bond trivia – First Bond film released after Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (sorry, no more Austin Powers moments!), and Teri Hatcher was pregnant during her performance!

20. The World Is Not Enough (1999), PG-13, 128 mins.

This unusually talky 007 outing gives us Denise Richards in the role of the main Bond girl but the movie falters when it asks us to accept her as a nuclear physicist. I’m sorry, but Richards just doesn’t have the acting chops to pull off a role like that. It’s just a little too hard to take her seriously when she’s walking around in her cute little shorts and halter top and talking about plutonium and nuclear physics.

A British oil tycoon is killed in a bombing, leaving his oil empire to his daughter, Elektra King. Her new wealth affords her international attention, but also the attention of her father’s killer, Renard, a brilliantly effective villain portrayed by Robert Carlyle. It seems that Renard has a bullet lodged in his brain making him unable to feel physical pain (and slowly killing him), and revenge is the only thing that he has left to live for. Not a good combination for anyone hoping to stop Renard from destroying a new oil pipeline and destroy Europe with a nuclear bomb.

Note – This was Desmond Llewelyn’s last performance as Q. He died one month after the film was released.

Bond trivia – The opening sequence, the longest in any Bond film ever made at about 15 minutes, was filmed over a peroid of seven weeks, and the filming was broadcast live over the internet. Also, the Latin phrase Orbis non sufficit (“the world is not enough”), is the motto of the Bond family that is given in both the novel and the film On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969).

21. Die Another Day (2002), PG-13, 133 mins.

After being captured and tortured while on a mission in North Korea (and then held prisoner for a substantial period of time), Bond is awarded his freedom in exchange for the release of Zao, a powerful Korean terrorist who knows the identity of the person who betrayed Bond in Korea, leading to his capture and imprisonment.

Bond’s search leads him to a mysterious billionaire, who’s involvement in diamond trading provides him with the means to build a diamond-encrusted satellite, a ‘solar mirror,’ with the power to harness and concentrate the energy of the sun, creating a massive laser cannon powerful enough to destroy anything on earth in its path.

There is also a strange sub-plot about using DNA to transform peoples physical appearance, giving us one of the movie’s bizarre villains, a blue-eyed asian man who looks the way he does because he was interrupted in the middle of his transformation. But it is Toby Stevens’ performance as Gustav Graves, the movie’s main villain, that steals the show. His performance is so shadowy and sinister that he doesn’t need the slightest scrap of make-up or special effects to be an effective villain.

Bond trivia – production of Die Another Day was delayed so that it could have a 2002 release to coincide with the 40-year anniversary of the first Bond film, Dr. No, and the 50-year anniversary of the writing of the first Bond novel. For the true Bond enthusiast, there are references to every preceding Bond film hidden within this one. Happy hunting!

22. Casino Royale (2006),PG-13, 144 mins.

Daniel Craig is given a unique opportunity in his first adventure as James Bond. Casino Royale is a prequel to all of the rest of the Bond films, and Craig gives us a younger and less experienced 007, showing us some of the formative experiences that made him into the character that we have come to know and love.

Craig’s Bond is something totally different than anything we’ve seen before – he’s reckless and unpredictable, he allows his emotions to control him and he makes drastic mistakes. He is embarking on his first mission since being granted 00 status, and his learning experience is not without difficulties.

A man named Le Chiffre makes a living by bankrolling terrorists, and after losing $100 million of his terrorist investors’ money in a botched attempt to destroy a prototype plane that would revolutionize the air travel industry, he has to win back the money in a high-stakes poker game or face their wrath.

Bond is sent to prevent him from winning, reminding him in advance that if he loses, the British government will have directly financed terrorism. It is an astonishingly fast-paced entry in the 007 saga with many of the series’ biggest and most elaborate and exciting action set pieces. The movie shows how Bond became who he is, and while the closing shot in the movie seemed like a perfect place to end the series, the upcoming release of Quantum of Solace indicates that one of the cinema’s most famous characters is not going anywhere anytime soon.

Note – Casino Royale is one of only two 007 movies in which he says the words, “I love you.” The last time he said it was in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969).

Bond trivia – As of 2007, Casino Royale is the most commercially successful Bond film, and it’s a good thing too, because at one point, in a single afternoon of shooting, three Aston Martins (valued at $300,000 each), were destroyed for the car rolling sequence. Also, Daniel Craig is the first actor ever to portray James Bond who is younger than the series itself, and he’s also the first blonde Bond.

Best one-liner: Bond: “Vodka martini.”
Bartender: “Shaken or stirred?”
Bond: “Do I look like I give a damn?”

23. Quantum of Solace (2008), PG-13, 106 mins.

Quantum of Solace begins mere days after the point where Casino Royale left off, which is probably why Daniel Craig is in almost exactly the same position on this movie poster and dressed the same and holding the same gun as he was in the closing shot of the last film.

Bond must struggle to avoid making his newest mission too personal as he investigates Mr. White, who he captured at the end of Casino Royale, and the orgnization that led to what happened with the character of Vesper at the end of that film.

A case of mistaken identity leads Bond to the beautiful Camille, who in turn leads Bond to a ruthless businessman named Dominic Greene and a shady criminal organization called Quantum. He discovers that Greene is developing an elaborate plot to take control of South American’s water supply. Bond must get to the heart of his plan and stop him before he gets his way, all the while trying to find the man responsible for Vesper’s betrayal.

Note – in an interview with GQ Magazine, Daniel Craig mentioned that he was actively involved in selecting the film’s title, and he also revealed that, “in the great tradition of Bond movies, the film’s title is often meaningless.”

Bond trivia – Quantum of Solace will be released on November 14th, 2008.

Check out my recent review of Quantum of Solace here.

10 of the Greatest Phrases to Ever Come Out of a Video Game

Written by Rich Knight

Top 10 Greatest Phrases To Ever Come Out Of A Video Game Character’s Mouth I’ve said it time and time again, video game storylines suck. But that doesn’t mean that the character’s in those horrible storylines can’t come up with pearls of wisdom (Or is it just comic gold?) when they open up their mouths. Below are, in my opinion, the ten greatest phrases to ever come out of a video game character’s mouth. I’m sure I’m missing a few here, but that’s what comment boards are for. So here they are, the top ten phrases ever. See if you can close your eyes and remember just how they sounded the first time you first heard them. Just don’t do it while you’re driving or operating heavy machinery. You should usually keep your eyes open for stuff like that.

10. “Waka Waka Waka, etc.”-Pac-man
Fozzi from the Muppet Babies, is that you? Nope, it’s just everybody’s favorite yellow one-third-of-a-pizza chomping down on pellets while avoiding ghosts, or Ku Klux Klan members, or whatever the hell, Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde happen to be. If you’re good enough to get past the first few rounds, you can even almost forget that Pac-Man is rude enough to talk while he’s eating, as the sound just becomes natural after awhile. Don’t forget the power pellet on your way around the bend!

9. “Aaaaaarrrrriiiiieeeesssss!!!!!”-Kratos, God of War
Shouting at the top of his lungs, Kratos, the pasty anti-hero of the ultra-violent series, God of War, made it clear from the very onset that he was ready to take on the gods. I personally love vendetta stories, and God of War has one of the greatest. This shouted phrase being a testament of a character of insurmountable power. Who knew that Kyle Barker from Living Single had such a killer voice?

8. “I’m sorry, but your princess is in another castle”-Toad, Super Mario Bros.
Whether that’s really Toad or not sitting there, fatter and plumper than he’s ever been, is disputable. But what isn’t disputable is that whoever he is, he’s going to be the bearer of bad news, telling you that you went through all that trouble just for nothing. No wonder Mario bangs his head on so many damn bricks all the time.

7. “Aym Banjo, whoooooa!”-Banjo in Diddy Kong Racing
While Diddy Kong Racing might most be remembered for its multi-vehicle awesomeness and Conker the squirl’s miscasting (He used to be so sweet before that dreadful, Bad Fur Day of his), what I remember most about this game was clicking on Banjo from Banjo-Kazooie fame and hearing his God-awful voice. Seriously, could he BE any more Red-necktified? I never saw him the same way again after that.

6. “Upside down whirlwind !#?whirlwind!”-Q*Bert
And you call yourself a gamer? If you can’t read that phrase up above, then you need to play Q*Bert again and land on one of the many enemies that pervade the playing field. That profane little whatever he is, is swearing up a storm!

5. “Jill, here’s a lockpick. It might be handy if you, the master of unlocking, take it with you.”-Barry Burton, Resident Evil
Okay, what? Wasn’t anybody at Capcom aware that this is one of the worst statements in the history of video game statements ever? First off, who even addresses a person by what they’re good at? It’s not like you’re going to say to me, “Rich, here are some Zubaz pants. It might be handy if you, the master of imitating Joey Buttafuoco, put them on.” That would just be plain silly. And second off, well, there is no second off, this phrase is just plain stupid.

4. “I am error.”-random fat dude in “The Legend of Zelda 2”
It’s been said that this was merely an error in the translation (“I am Errol,” is what some people claim he’s supposed to say), but seriously, can’t anybody check these things out first before they ship them over here? At least it’s not nearly as bad as this next one.

3. “All your base are belong to us.”-CATS, Zero Wing
Whoever this CATS character is seriously needs to brush up on his engrish. If you can actually find the transcripts of what was originally intended for the game, though, you’ll find that it was actually pretty good. At least, good compared to lines like, “Somebody set up us the bomb,” and “You have no chance to survive make your time.” If this is all it takes to become a translator, writing nonsense, then please sign me up immediately.

2. “Do a barrel roll!/Try a somersault!/Use the boost to get through!”-Peppy Hare, Star Fox 64
Oh, Peppy, Peppy, Peppy, bless your heart for being so enthusiastic about your work. I love how every line Peppy says sounds like it has to be louder and more demanding than the last. It makes lines like, “Your father used to do it like that, too!” sound justified. You actually feel proud for following Peppy’s instructions. And heck, half the time, he’s right. I really DO need to do a barrel roll.

1. “Hadouken!”-“Sonic Boom!”-Ryu/Ken, Guile, Street Fighter series
Ah, childhood. You could not walk into an arcade without hearing, “Hadouken!”, “Sonic boom!” volleyed back and forth like a tennis match. Sometimes, I’d stand by the arcade cabinet, waiting for my turn to play and watch whole matches that consisted of nothing but hadoukens and sonic booms, the Ryu’s and Ken’s usually beating out the Guile’s since they didn’t have to hold back for two seconds or anything like that. Whoever thought of the idea of shouting out your attack (Probably DBZ creator, Akira Toriyama) before it was fired, was ingenius, absolutely ingenius. Yoga. Yoga. Yoga. Yoga flame!