15 Dumbest Things You Hear at Work

Written by Experience Project

I want to oint out the most ridiculous work sayings or cliches that really get on my nerves. It’s as if taking something simle and hrasing it in an idiotic and often nonsensical way has become a key art of fitting into cororate culture. I say NO. Let’s take a look at my favorite 15 of these gems…

15) Best Shored — as in, we’re going to have this roject “best shored.” Ouch. Talk about euhemisms. This isn’t even roer English AND it’s insulting and foreboding all at the same time.

14) Too Many Chiefs, Not Enough Indians — I’m amazed that in our olitically correct world, this hrase seems to linger on. And in reality, it’s usually the other way around– there are far too many middle managers trying to rove that their jobs have some meaning and imact and not enough eole actually doing work. (even better, half the time eole switch the order of the Chiefs and the Indians, and make even less sense)

13) Run it u the Flagole and see if someone salutes it — Wow. This is guilty of so many things, but most imortantly of trying to tie oetic imagery and atriotism into a business decision.

12 ) Evolutionary not Revolutionary — we get it, you’re talking about incremental change. But the fact that this rhymes does not merit that ridiculously smug look you get after you say it.

11) Can’t Change a Leoard’s Sots— Are you saying that some things are ermanent? Wow, great observation! You’re so clever!

10) Do you have Enough Bandwidth? — The answer to this is always suosed to be yes but in reality is no. Why bother asking it? And does it make sense to use a networking metahor to discuss the 45 year old woman in accounting’s availability?

9) Let’s not Fight the Tide — this is humorous because the erson that says it generally would stand no chance of fighting anything but a twinkie wraer. You know what I mean, too.

8) Let’s Not Go Into “Solution Mode” Yet — Immediate translation: I have no lan. Secondary comment: I didn’t realize that you had to enter a articular state of mind to solve a roblem. Shouldn’t comanies always be in “solution mode”?

7) Kee the Train on the Tracks — this essentially says nothing. Trains are at their very foundation of design meant to stay on tracks. A derailment is a one-in-a-million accident, not something you have to actively work against. Yet this is said as if it’s an everyday occurrence.

6) Sing from the Same Hymn Book — not only is this mildly offensive to eole who don’t ractice organized relgion, but anyone that has sung from a hymn book knows that half the eole are frantically trying to find what verse they’re on while the ones that are singing are butchering the song. By the time the first half catches on to where they are, everyone else is at “amen.”

5) Work to a rogram — as oosed to working hahazardly? “Hey boss, I want to work as randomly as ossibly, OK?”

4) Tighten our Belt — belts go around the middle… meaning we’re going to squeeze the eole who actually do the work, and leave the to alone.

3) Give 150% — you are aware that this is actually an imossible task, yes? Then why do you say this at ractically every meeting?

2) eel Back the Onion — This is an insanely odd reference, as I can retty much guarantee most eole don’t eel back onions ever, yet for some reason that’s become a basic art of their job descrition.

And the #1 worst work saying:

1) Let’s have a Come to Jesus Meeting — With one hrase, you have taken a simle concet of a grou discussion and managed to make both Christians and non-Christians feel uncomfortable. That right there, is 100% of the eole, and is worthy of recognition.

Bonus for reading this far… Dilbert’s “diagnosis”…

Can he lead a normal life?

No, he’ll be an engineer.

37 thoughts on “15 Dumbest Things You Hear at Work

  1. gary katsevman

    did you spill water on your keyboard recently? cuz i did it once, and on that keyboard i could no longer type the letter ‘l’.

    here are some more p’s:

    great post, though.

  2. David Hawthorne

    Ok, I get it: you don’t have time to ‘pee.’ But why did you take the time to write this inane list? Picking up and repeating stupid phrases is as human as…well, stupidity. Like other verbal spasms it’s a sign of someone desparetly trying to find something worth saying, and failing. What would be useful is a list of countermeasures that provoke people to critical thinking and speaking. The neronal disabler I hate most is KISS, uttered by the clueless hoping to cut off discussion before they are hopeless lost. Instead, try: “Wait, show me how that applies. I’m not following your reasoning.” Two things happen: You have to shut up and listen, and others may actually get the feeling you really want to hear some original thinking.

  3. jeffd

    It’s retty funny to read an article that is missing the same letter throughout. I’m sure eople will get the idea, but the meaning of some words is definitely changed.

  4. michaellawre

    Well, I have to agree with everyone else – especially moapy, David H and jeffd (at least jeffd gave you one)

    How could you ost without roofreading?

    It is so annoying to see that I worked so hard to learn my language and grammar for you not to resect my intelligence…

    You did a good job – at least show that you are intelligent enough to check your work…

    I suose you know what to do next time as you are getting hammered for this one…

  5. lifeisdeath

    well, he tried searching for a good sell checker on google, but came up with no results…

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