Classic Books Summed Up in 3 Lines (or Less)

Written by BEN JOSEPH


WINSTON: Don’t tell the Party, but sex is way better than totalitarianism.

EVERYONE: Surprise! We’re the Party.

WINSTON: Oh, rats.

The Lion, the Witch

and the Wardrobe

C.S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.

THE WITCH: Hi, I’m a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.

C.S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!

Paradise Lost

ADAM: Paradise has arbitrary dietary restrictions?

DEVIL: They’re really more like guidelines.

GOD: Incorrect.


ISHMAEL: I’m existential.

AHAB: Really? Try vengeance.

ISHMAEL: I dig this dynamic. Can we drag it out for 600 pages?

The Great Gatsby

NICK: I love being rich and white.

GATSBY: Me, too, but I’d kill for the love of a woman.

DAISY: We can work with that.

Oliver Twist

OLIVER: Poverty ain’t so bad, what with all the Cockney accents and charming musical interludes.

ME: Thanks to movies, no books were read in the passing of this class.

PROFESSOR WATERMAN: You’re half right.

13 thoughts on “Classic Books Summed Up in 3 Lines (or Less)

  1. Law

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  3. O P Reddy

    Nice article.

    Book sites such as WebLiterature.Net ( ) and ( ) host these classic books for free reading, which is an additional bonus on reading classics. WebLiterature is my favorite corner.

    And 1984 by George Orwell remains my favorite classic. Great to see you starting off with 1984.

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