Things You Can Learn About Women from Sex And The City

Written by Whaledawg

Do you hear that? A vortex of suck that hungers for your soul. It can only be one thing, the new Sex and The City movie is coming and your girlfriend is already making plans for the two of you to go in spite of your pleas that you don’t like it, don’t want to see it and want to keep your last shred of dignity. But let’s not be so close-minded about the whole thing.

Of course, it’s going to be a terrible movie; it’s based on the awful TV show. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t get anything from the experience. Look at it like this: this show is beloved by millions of women. It appeals to their basest nature in a way even they don’t understand. If you’ve ever watched a group of drunk, 20-something year old women falling down in the street screaming at each other ‘no, I’m the Carrie,’ you know what I’m talking about.

Sex and The City

So think of this movie not as 2 hours of material porn for women, but something you can use. A window into a woman’s mind they wouldn’t dare say out loud to us. With that in mind, I present the primer 5 Things You Could Learn About Women from Sex And The City:

1) NYC is a fantasy land for women. It’s like the Playboy Mansion for us. New York is a magical place filled with shopping, art galleries and copious amounts of flavored vodka. A place where women who hate trees and driving, can live in peace.

If you don’t believe me, watch every episode in which they left NY. They go to the Hamptons and one of their friend’s husbands tries to start an affair. They go to the beach and drunks invade their house. Hell, when they go to the woods they’re assaulted by the overwhelming quiet.

But what’s so great about NY? Why does the show demonize life outside it so much? Because the SATC girls are all about name brands and NY is the biggest name in cities. Living in a 1-room box in Brooklyn still has caché. It’s like having a cast off $1000 Prada bag; it’s still a Prada.

2) Women Love Money. Every chick on that show was banking and every guy they dated had even more money. Carrie’s relationships in which the guy didn’t own whole buildings in NY, a place where an apartment is 700-grand, were doomed to failure. Why did these women need so much money? They weren’t taking care of children or saving for retirement.

Because if they saw something they liked, they bought it with the justification “you deserve it.” Alternately, if they couldn’t afford something, they must not deserve it. That means if your boyfriend can’t afford to buy you thousands of dollars in jewelry or fly you to Paris on a whim, you must not deserve it. Scary when you think about it.

Even scarier, which one of them didn’t get a guy with money? The bitch. Men accept that if they don’t go to college and get a good job they’ll end up with a less attractive woman, but how about having to spend the rest of your life strapped to the biggest bitch in the group? If that doesn’t scare high school males into studying, nothing will. Put that message on an SAT prep book cover and you’ll raise scores instantly.

3) Women don’t do stuff together. They talk and they shop, but they don’t do anything. This is why they get so mad when we want to do something with the guys. To women, couples do things and friends talk. Time we spend doing stuff with the guys is time they spend doing nothing – unless they can find a friend to talk with, although, they’re still really doing nothing.

This is also why single women are so blindingly unhappy. It’s not that being alone is so awful. It’s that they’re bored out of their skulls because they need a guy to do something with.

4) Women talk about everything. EVERYTHING! They talk in so much detail that her friends may spend 5 years referring to you by your anatomical distinctions instead of your proper name. If you’re lucky, it’s “Mr. Big.” What’s scary is they talk about more than sex; if you’re mother gives you a bath her friends will hear about it. Yeah, think about that for a second.

How much do you want her friends to know about you? Illegal activities? Money problems? Personal issues? You have to control the flow of information to your girlfriend to control the flow of information to them. All things considered, her friends knowing that you cry when you have an orgasm is relatively minor.

5) Women be crazy. Again this is a no brainer to us, but they actually did a whole lesbian storyline on SATC just to illustrate how crazy women are. That means they know it too.

Use that to your advantage. She knows she’s being irrational, so be the rational one. When she’s freaking out over something small, sit there calmly until she’s done. Tip: Don’t tell her she’s being irrational. That’s not being rational; it’s being superior. Wait for her to let it all out. Women like it when you keep your head in the face of their meltdown. If you’re lucky, anger turns to tears and tears turn to post-traumatic crazy sex. See, you can learn some useful stuff from SATC.

So there you have it. Not reason enough to go see the Sex and the City movie on your own, but reason enough to tolerate it if you’re forced to go. View it all as an experiment, a sacrifice for science, if you will. You can make the best of a bad situation. And man, is that movie going to be a bad situation.

31 thoughts on “Things You Can Learn About Women from Sex And The City

  1. Mr. Right

    Interesting article, though it plays into sexist stereotypes just a bit too much. I personally am interested in women who have much more depth in their interests.

    Oh, and the author misspelled “your” (he used you’re), and misspelled “cachet.”

  2. Kristina B

    Um, yeah, I second that. It’s just so… boring. I mean, if it wasn’t full of pop culture references I’d think it was written in the 50s. I think it says a lot more about the guy who wrote it than the women he’s trying to spout absurd universal “facts” about. Just sayin.

    But this is not the first time that this site has posted sexist bullshit. I was just sitting here contemplating removing it from my feed reader, except sometimes the articles really are pretty cool.

  3. Kate

    I hope this was written as a joke, because if it’s serious, it drastically missed the point of the show. All four women were successful and independent and I think most women can identify with one, if not all four, of them. Aside from that, the article cited very few examples from the show; if you want to convince me of something, you cannot speak in generalities.

    Besides, why should I listen to someone who doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re?

  4. Philomena

    Great article, and dead on. Those (like “Kate”) who object to your observations do so because they refuse to assume a critical distance to the ethos SATC is selling and from which they derive their pleasure.

    SATC presupposes wealth and vapid materialism as a natural and universal condition for all women. In truth,aside from a very narrow demographic, the circumstances, concerns, values and “lifestyles” of the show’s characters are far removed from probably 95% of every woman who lives in the U.S., 99% of every woman on the planet, and 99.999999% of every woman who ever lived.

    Very, very few woman conform to the Vogue aesthetic, are slim, urban-dwelling, fair-skinned, fluffy-coifed, professionally-employed, single, childless, affluent and “independent” (at least in the sense that SATC appears to suggest that concept).

    Why didn’t the produces simply go all the way and name the show “Falcon Breast”?

  5. Louisa

    So, let me get this straight. If a film is rife with derivative, sexist stereotypes, and I point that out, then I am being sexist?

    uh . . . right.

  6. Kristina B

    @Louisa.6 – No, that’s not what I’m saying, and that’s now how I read the other commenter’s statements. Instead, I’m saying that this post did not point out the sexist stereotypes in the movie. The person who wrote it generated more, different sexist stereotypes about women.

    Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t even watch that show nor will I go see the movie. It’s just not my thing. So i can’t really make any statements one way or the other about the show or the movie and any of its shortcomings. But I can say that *this post* is lame, sexist, and boring. The person who wrote it assumes a whole hell of a lot about why the show/movie’s fans like it and more generally who women are as people. I think that universal statements about “women” are never accurate, and certainly not based on their affinity for a particular show or movie.

    I realize that the author’s intention here is somewhat tongue in cheek, but the reality is that there are plenty of people who really think that way. That’s why people think it’s funny. Because they think it’s “true.” Otherwise it would just be gibberish.

  7. Maya

    Ummmm Okay…… Im honestly convinced that the man who wrote this might be gay…. I just wasted 7 min. of my life… Thanx

  8. James

    For goodness sake, people, it’s an amusing article. you’d have to be a fool to think this is intended to be a perfect psychoanalysis of all women. it’s no different to those silly books about ‘why cats are better than men’.

    To people like Kristina B and Kate, grow a brain and stop thinking that any joke at women’s expense means the author is a raging bigoted xenophobic sexist.

  9. Kristina B

    As I said:

    I realize that the author’s intention here is somewhat tongue in cheek, but the reality is that there are plenty of people who really think that way. That’s why people think it’s funny. Because they think it’s “true.” Otherwise it would just be gibberish.

  10. James

    As I said:

    “you’d have to be a fool to think this is intended to be a perfect psychoanalysis of all women.”

  11. jo

    Just saw the movie-May I repeat that this is just a movie….Yes, it plays to our basest aspirational fantasies, but isn’t blind consumerism the American Dream? The plot was predictable, but audiences wouldn’t have been satisfied any other way… I thought the art direction and costume design was very nicely crafted. I enjoyed it, but then again, I don’t look to the movies for my moral compass…

  12. tip

    Just dropping in to let you know you have an interesting site. I hope you’ll continue to work on it. Wishing you all the best.

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