Written by Sean Hall
Thanks to Q and M, Bond had access to a constant supply of gadgets that conveniently saved our hero from whatever jams he got into. Without the gear, James would never have gotten close to Goldfinger, Blofeld, or Dr. No. That being said, not every device introduced was a home run. For every garrote watch, exploding toothpaste, and GPS phone, there was at least one item that made you wonder what really was in the pipes of the team at MI6. Did he really need grappling suspenders or a submarine that looked like an alligator?
Our list of the Eleven Worst Gadgets ever introduced in 007 movies:
Goldeneye – Phone Booth Trap
The telephone booth has an airbag inside that expands, trapping the occupant against the glass. Now, how to get your target to make a call from the booth, wait for Mothers Day?
It only happens when you make calls to France.
Live and Let Die – Brush Communicator
The brush has a hidden morse code transmitter. Paging Maxwell Smart, we have found your luggage.
“No, I said extra anchovies and a side of pomade.”
The Living Daylights – Sofa
The revolving sofa swallows whoever sits in it. This weekend only, free delivery by MI6 commissioned movers with purchase.
“Now, that’s plush.”
The Living Daylights – Ghetto Blaster
A boom box that can fire a rocket. For discriminating audiophiles.
“My name is cool James, I devastate the show. But I couldn’t survive without my radio!”
Goldeneye – Wheelchair and Leg Cast Missile
The leg cast hid a missile that could be fired from the seated position. The recoil on this must have felt like ? oh, being stuck on the front end of a semi traveling at 50 MPH.
“Yowza! You replaced your leg with Chuck Norris’s!”
Diamonds Are Forever – Pocket Snap Trap
A trap hidden inside the pocket that would snap on the fingers of someone conducting a search. Also good for killing body lice.
“Ah, gawd! I only wanted a cigarette.”
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service – Radioactive Lint
The lint is a cleverly disguised homing device so Bond can be located anywhere he may be. This was before we understood cell phone radiation causes brain cancer and kills bees.
“Well, doctor, first I thought it was the Viagra, but now I’m thinking my penis is growing its own penis.”
Diamonds Are Forever – Slot Machine Ring
The ring ensures a jackpot from a slot machine every time. Early retirement?
“Be honest. It’s going to take more than a fancy ring to loosen up your slots, isn’t it?”
Die Another Day – Surfboard
Has a hidden compartment containing weapons, explosives, and communication equipment. And it floats!
“Oh, damn. I locked the keys in the surfboard again.”
The Spy Who Loved Me – Tea Tray
The tray, when thrown, can decapitate an opponent. For the afternoons when you’re sitting down to tea with your deadliest enemies.
It’s the hot tea in the face that really hurts.
The Spy Who Loved Me – Seiko Quartz Watch
This watch had a teletype that printed out messages from MI6. Handy for labeling kitchen spices too.
Nothing says “Top Secret” like a good paper trail.