Written by Cowboy
Men lie to women and women lie to men, but the opposing sexes go about these things in different ways. Women usually tend to lie in order to spare feelings and make people feel better — or to keep the peace. At the center of the male lie is, most commonly, either his ego or his unwillingness to cause drama, or to get in trouble — but both parties are almost always guilty of lying to conceal something. Consistent lying can tear two people apart, no matter the intention, so we’ve gathered 15 examples of lies men tell their girlfriends. Watch out for these, no matter which end of the lie you’re at.
“I can fix it.”
Let’s be honest: Men love to think they can fix anything. It’s practically programmed into their genetics. Even if they don’t know how to fix something, it’s very likely that they won’t admit to it, to save their ego. Remember to question whether or not he really can fix what he says he can, to avoid some ridiculous bathroom flooding disaster. If he doesn’t have the requisite skills, then hire a professional, or let him learn how the proper way before ruining something.
“You look great in anything!”
This lie is a classic example of a man trying to cover his ass, but sadly, it’s one of the “good” lies men tell — he’s just trying to be nice. It’s not even reasonable to think that a woman would look great in every outfit — no matter how hot she is. Some women simply fail at fashion, or at least have some sort of blunder at one time or another. Not to mention, most women don’t have personal stylists like Hollywood celebs do, so failure happens more often than we like to think. It’s just best to be honest about what she’s wearing, to save her — and you — from later embarrassment.
“I wasn’t looking [at that ridiculously hot girl.]“
Another common one, though this is a simple White Lie, it can seriously piss off your girlfriend. She knows you were looking, she saw you looking, and even she was looking at that ridiculously hot girl. If your girlfriend confronts you about looking at another woman, don’t lie, hopefully you’ll remember something about her and make an innocent comment about her cute haircut. Maybe you’ll avoid a blow up. Otherwise, just get better at checking other women out on the sly.
“I tried to call you.”
This is a pretty pathetic lie, but men — and women — still use it. Men will try to blame it all on some technical difficulty, hoping his girlfriend will get confused and stop questioning it, but the lazy men will leave it simply at this excuse. If your boyfriend uses this one on you, then he was probably doing something he shouldn’t have been, like that new girl at work. Or, he simply could have forgotten all about you — but at that point, is there a difference?
“I won’t be able to call you. I won’t have signal.”
Another pathetic lie that both sexes are guilty of using, men will frequently take advantage of this one when: He has plans to go somewhere his girlfriend would disapprove of, he doesn’t want to call her in front of his single friends, or he just plain needs time away from her. Maybe he’s actually out in the mountains camping, and there will be no signal, but that’s not the case very often.
“I only had a couple of beers.”
Men use this one when they don’t want to get in trouble. It’s completely ridiculous, because almost any girlfriend can tell when a guy has downed a whole six-pack and a few shots. We could chalk this one up to being a drunken lie, or maybe only a couple of beers were actually consumed while six shots were taken. Either way, you’re probably in trouble anyway if your girlfriend is drilling you about how much you had to drink, so you may as well ‘fess up to it.
“I’m stuck in traffic.”
So maybe everyone uses this lie at some point, but if a man tells his girlfriend that he’s “stuck in traffic,” he’s probably doing something he shouldn’t — again. At least with this lie, the man had the courtesy to keep in touch with his girlfriend — despite lying. If he says he’s stuck in traffic, then a girlfriend can assume he’ll be home within a couple hours (usually). He might be off at the arcade, grabbing a quick beer with his buds, doing the secretary, or he could really be in traffic were this lie told in a place like LA or Atlanta. Whether it will work or not depends on the girlfriend and how often the lie is used, so if you’re the type of guy to go this route, do so sparingly.
In most cases, women and men are very different about how they express emotion, especially when it comes to something that’s bothering them. Some women will take this route as well, but men are the usual suspects because they like to protect their egos. They like to deal with things — fix things — themselves. We all know that men can’t fix everything, so it goes to say that they can’t fix everything that’s bothering them. So, what happens if a man says this? Usually it’s best for the girlfriend to just leave it alone, and support him in other ways — maybe throw in a sexual favor or two. If it gets bad, then it comes time to crack down on the silly emo business and force him to talk about it.
“I love your cooking.”
This lie is pretty easy to see through, but somehow men still think it works. It may with some women, but others will be able to tell when her boyfriend isn’t enjoying the food. This is another attempt for a man to stroke his girlfriend’s ego in whatever way he can — but if you hate her cooking, just be honest. Maybe offer some constructive criticism, or suggest your favorite dish and a family recipe. Basically, if you do nothing about it you might be stuck with it for a long, long time.
“I make [obscene number]! We’ll be fine.”
Whether or not chivalry is really dead doesn’t matter — most men still feel paternalistic about the women they love. This lie is usually used to rid a girlfriend of worry, but it does way more harm than good. Once she finds out the truth (and she will), then all that trust and comfort you built up will be torn down, while she stresses out about the new financial issues that just “cropped up.” And many women like to hold grudges, so you may or may not be screwed. Being honest about your work situation will do far more good than harm — it’s always nice to have a teammate. If she bolts when she finds out you don’t make enough to satisfy her retail therapy needs, then you win in the long run.
“It doesn’t bother me if you forget to shave your legs.”
Men like to make their girlfriends feel like they love them for more than looks, because it creates a sense of security. Even if a man is completely in love with his girlfriend, and says that he doesn’t mind if she forgets to shave anything, he’s just being nice. Men don’t want to caress their girlfriend’s legs just to be reminded of his own hairy body. In fact, using this lie could be dangerous. Imagine if your girlfriend takes you seriously and just never shaves her legs again? You should support her grooming habits by being honest, and you’ll only benefit in the long term.
“Trust me, I’d never lie to you!”
It’s sad that we had to put this one on the list, but men use it, and women actually believe it. A man’s girlfriend may be so completely enamored that she turns blind to a clearly bullshit-lie like this one. Basically, if anyone has to tell you they’d never lie, they probably are lying. They might as well say, “don’t trust me, I’d definitely lie to you.”
“I love spending time with your mom.”
When a man tells his girlfriend this, it usually means that he’s trying pretty hard to make her fall in love with him — and will say anything to make it happen. Excepting the rare case that a man truly likes his girlfriend’s mom, most men don’t go out of their way spending girl time with her mom anyway. Unfortunately for many women, they’re usually too flattered by the comment to notice that her boyfriend is lying through his teeth. Everything is revealed through body language — so keep an eye out on your boyfriend to see if he’s lying or not.
“I’ll fix the garbage disposal as soon as my back stops hurting.”
This is a perfect example of a lie men use as “hassle prevention.” Men don’t like nagging girlfriends, so they use lies like these to avoid the nagging and hold it off as long as possible. These lies are fine to use every once in a while, and even women — seeing through them anyway — will just let their boyfriends slide, until it becomes a habit. Keep that in mind and use this one when you really need to, or you may find yourself single again.
“I don’t think of other women.”
If you’ve ever tried to not think of something, chances are, you had a hard time. When men tell their girlfriends that they “never think of other women,” they’re lying — simple as that. Really, it’s unreasonable to expect a guy to keep the opposite sex out of his head 24 hours a day. There may come a time when a man thinks of another woman to spice things up, but it doesn’t mean he loves his girlfriend any less — at least, not usually. They just can’t help it, it’s a fact of life — but that doesn’t mean women should be dimwitted enough to believe this one.
Bonus: Have you tried online dating?
Via: Online Schools