A brief and accurate description of World War II

Written by Urban Dictionary

Germany invades Czechoslovakia.
Britain & France tell them to stop that bullshit.
Germany invades Poland.
(Russia also invades Poland from the other side: everybody forgets this.)
Britain & France declare war. This is the ‘official’ kick-off.
Italy, Bulgaria, Hungary, & Romania all join the German side. (Everybody forgets the last three.)
Axis forces go through Europe like vindaloo through a colostomy.
Nazis exterminate Jews, gays, gypsies, & the disabled. (everybody remembers the jews but forgets the rest.)
UK holds out.
Russia & the USA don’t do shit.
Entire divisions of Danish, Belgian, Dutch, Norwegian, French & Serbian volunteers join the Axis armies & SS. (everybody forgets this & to listen to them now, they were all in the fucking resistance, which must have been MASSIVE.)
Axis forces invade Russia. Suddenly the Russians don’t think it’s funny any more.
Japan joins the Axis & bombs Pearl Harbor.
Suddenly the US doesn’t think it’s funny any more.
The USA tools up the world, ’cause it’s got more factories than everybody else put together, & they’re out of bomber range.
Axis runs out of steam in Russia, cause Russia’s enormous & bloody freezing.
Allies invade on D-Day… 5 landings: 2 British, 2 American, 1 Canadian. (everybody forgets the Canadians.)
Hitler ends up smouldering in a ditch. Russians find the body & confirm he only had one ball. Seriously.
The US decides invading stuff is a pain in the ass and invents the atom bomb instead. Drops two buckets ‘o sunshine on Japan.
Russians steal half of Europe.
UK’s spent almost every penny it had.
US starts telling everybody how it was all about them, & 64 years later is still doing so.

“Some of the World War II guys in ‘Call of Duty’ have, like, foreign accents… what’s up with that?”

102 thoughts on “A brief and accurate description of World War II

  1. Orsel

    This is after the “29 saddest pictures” the most unrespectful post I read here ever.
    Please keep posting funny internet-weirdo-geek-stuff without that wrong sense of mission in historic facts. I love your blog, but 2 bad taste posts during one week made me write this.

  2. Alex

    Russia was never a part of WWII- or a country at that time.
    The USSR however was probably the biggest factor in Allied victory. The battle of Kursk was perhaps the most important of the war.

  3. Jazz

    Ha! The allies would have won the war WITHOUT the USA? Right…

    What’s next, a ten reasons Barrak Obama is the king of the world post?

  4. Orsel

    I’m a student of history. And I didn’t say that the facts aren’t accurate. But its horrible to reduce this horrible era in 10 phrases with some funny clauses (buckets of sunshine) or historical correct but absolutely irrelevant Hitler-Ball Information (maybe, an this makes me sad, this will be the fact that will be the best remembered fact by the readers because it is so catchy).

  5. Keith

    This isn’t funny. It’s gross, and clearly the person who wrote it isn’t a student of history, or at least not a “serious” student. For one thing, the Danish certainly never sent any damn “divisions” to the Germans, and in fact the Danish resistance to the Germans (which saved practically the entirety of their Jewish population) is one of the more interesting chapters in WWII history. The person who wrote this is clearly some asshole Brit, showing the crass arrogance that has made them the red-headed step-child of the world.

  6. JustJon

    You guys need to relax. It’s just for fun, and if you feel like making a correction, then you can post your own “respectful” representations of WWII that nobody will read. (By the way, the opposite of respectful is DIS-respectful, not unrespectful).

  7. kunthar

    Burger King XXL meat head mentality applied to World War II :D

    Only the economical reasons started that war as others. US and its UK friends and FED centric sucker politics caused this tragedy. Is this conspiracy theory? Sure you can check it out.
    btw; Don’t forget to add some Buffalo sauce to this sh*t.

  8. Stuart

    Meanwhile EVERY one forgets Australia and New Zealand was there on the front lines fighting and holding back the enemy while everyone retreated. Even when the Japanese came in to the war we continued to fight on both frontlines and we did it proudly.

    If you mention Canada then you must include the ANZAC’s as we all fought under the British banner.

  9. Wolfbaiting

    It’s funny how the world sees the Brits as the ones winding up the Germans about the war (it’s true, we do, but it’s funny because they have no sense of humour and we call them on it, not because we’re all Nazis. And we like a bit of mindless, thoughtless confrontation), but it’s always the Americans that take it so personally.

    Most Germans are deeply embarrassed by that part of their history and quite rightly so.

    For the brief description it reported to be, I thought that was a worthy, light-hearted piece, and it made me chuckle. Job done.

    Thank you, poster.

  10. Historian

    Don’t forget that Latin American countries were forced to provide all the oil, raw materials and food US needed to win the war.
    Sig Heil!

  11. ttownbeast

    That was quite brief, but quite accurate–and let’s not forget that the Germans attempted regional/global domination twice not once but twice within a very short period of time. Why was it called World War 2?……….because apparently Germans make the biggest sequels.

  12. Dom

    hahahaha great stuff, to the L O S E R S who took this to fuckin seriously, get over it, get up and get a life

    nice summary. i would have also included something about the arogant bloody french, who cant win a war but thinks the are superior to everyone

  13. Tim

    Missed out Yugoslavia winning back their independance without any official support from the Alllied countries. Only country to do so using their own army, although undoubtably supplies and equipment would have been borrowed from both sides.

    Also, if there are any Germans here, plese may I have 25 chickens as compensation for the ones you took from my Grandmothers village during the invasion of Yugoslavia. Thanks

  14. Lillith

    As a “real student of history” (thanks for that one, Keith!) I found this absolutely hilarious because… well, you successfully carried out what you had intended, I suppose. Brilliant post.

    As for Keith: Shut the fuck up. For fuck’s sake, gently remove the broomstick or you’re going to be seriously upset by life, if you ever do manage to reach reality. Jesus, it’s a humorous post about WWII, he didn’t sew a kitten into a bag for target practice, people. You’re misplacing your anger.

  15. Peter_in_Denmark

    @Keith:

    “…clearly the person who wrote it isn’t a student of history, or at least not a “serious” student.”

    Neither, apparently, are you.

    “For one thing, the Danish certainly never sent any damn “divisions” to the Germans, and in fact the Danish resistance to the Germans (which saved practically the entirety of their Jewish population) is one of the more interesting chapters in WWII history.”

    Although the mass evacuation of Danish Jewry to neutral Sweden is certainly a moment of pride in Danish history, it can hardly be said to be the work of the resistance, but rather a last-minute effort instigated by, believe it or not, a German civil servant (naval attaché G.F. Duckwitz) who quietly notified the Danish government that the Germans were about to round up the Jews (who had, until then, been unmolested, out of deference to Danish sensibilities).

    As for “not sending divisions”, I am sorry to say that you are completely wrong. Frikorps Danmark and the Schalburg Corps were (in relation to the size of Denmark) a significant military effort on the part of Nazi sympathizers in our country.

    It is not unreasonable to say that Denmark was a collaborator nation, and might easily have been treated as such by the Allies after the end of the war, had it not been for the fact that it was strategically located. Courting Danish membership in a pro-US, anti-USSR grouping (which became NATO) was more important than anything else, so Denmark was given honorary “Allied” status after the fact.

    I write this as a Dane, as an historian, and as a member of a family that took active part in the resistance. Although some Danes did their part, most of them just ducked and tried to stay out of harm’s way — even if this meant collaboration.

    We have nothing to be proud of.

    The person who wrote this is clearly some asshole Brit, showing the crass arrogance that has made them the red-headed step-child of the world.

    On a less serious note, I think this is a hilarious and pretty sharp blogpost, and I enjoyed it very much.

  16. Peter_in_Denmark

    Heh, forgot to put quote marks in there about the “asshole Brit” remarks of Keith’s. I’d meant to tear a few holes in that, but I guess it’s not necessary.

  17. Thomas

    LOL THE INTERNETS ARE SERIOUS. All you people pissing and moaning about this article need to take the sticks out of your asses, just because someone’s opinion is different from yours doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

  18. Thomas

    LOL THE INTERNETS ARE SERIOUS. All you people pissing and moaning about this article need to take the sticks out of your asses, just because someone’s opinion is different from yours doesn’t mean they’re wrong. For what it’s worth, America really didn’t do much in Europe until the end of it.

  19. madcama

    @Author

    you are wrong. Croatians and Muslims from Bosnia and Herzegovenia joined axis, and part of Serbs. Bigger part of Serbia was in Partizan divisions.

  20. Art Dingle

    Loved it!
    John Cleese (before Monty Python, on BBC radio ‘I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again’ did a 40 sec impression of WWII with sound effects.)
    Most participant nations feel slighted because no one recognises all that each contributed, and prejudice and stereotyping persists, so bruising takes place. it is a period we should remember somberly and hope we can end/avoid current conflict.

  21. oiok

    Hitler did not have only one testicle. That is an urban legend of sorts, and it has been proven to be untrue from medical records.

    Mao on the other did actually have only one testicle, at least according to his personal physician.

  22. jmbluechip

    The US doesn’t tell everyone what to do anymore. We have our new Dear Leader bowing to the world so he can be popular. The article was hilarious however.

  23. Neukr

    how could people speak like that about the most awefu think that can ever happen to the country, war?

    Yes, nobody talks about Bulgaria as allian for German. Why should we hat each other? We should nevr let it happen agaib but not remmeber the fact that bulgarians chose the wrong side… piece for everyone. I went through the war , i was just three but i remeber the sound of shooting… gunfire between brothers from both sides of the river Dniester .. and i don’t think that we should remmeber how bad moldavians were by attacking us but we should never let it happen again, forgive and to love… we are all people, brothers and sisters

  24. Neukr

    how could people speak like that about the most awefu think that can ever happen to the country, war?

    Yes, nobody talks about Bulgaria as allian for German. Why should we hate each other? We should never let it happen again but not remmebering the fact that bulgarians chose the wrong side… piece for everyone. I went through the war , i was just three but i remeber the sound of shooting… gunfire between brothers from both sides of the river Dniester .. and i don’t think that we should remmeber how wrong moldavians were to carry out the order of their nationalistic President Snegur by attacking us . However, we should never let it happen again, forgive and to love… we are all people, brothers and sisters

  25. sal

    Just remember that people have to do what people have to do. If that means join an enemy and fight them from within, then you do it. If you don’t join they just kill you on the spot.

  26. Da20

    In 1944, Brazil sent the 25,000-man Brazilian Expeditionary Force (FEB) to fight in Europe, thus becoming the only Latin American nation to send troops overseas.
    World War II was much more complicated than this funny but simplistic and disrespectful view. Here is list of the countries that participated directly in or were affected by the war: http://bit.ly/14A0ru

  27. Teelo

    Im not going to bother looking this up,
    but Im pretty sure I remember learning about how Italy ‘switched sides’
    not only in WW2 but in WW1 as well.

    Lol, I still think they are cool.

  28. skwerrel

    @ Stuart:
    “If you mention Canada then you must include the ANZAC’s as we all fought under the British banner.”

    In the context of this article the author was explaining that there were 5 landings on D-Day, 2 of them were by the US military, 2 by the British military, and 1 of them was done by the Canadian military.

    Please enlighten us as to which landing in Normandy was orchestrated and manned entirely by ANZAC troops? Oh, the answer is none of them? Well, I guess that explains why they weren’t mentioned.

    There were plenty of countries who contributed to the fight – in this context he was only mentioning the 5 landings at Normandy.

    In fact this article doesn’t go into the fighting in the Pacific at ALL, so it’s hardly surprising that the efforts of the ANZAC troops were ignored. Not fair at all, as they certainly did their part (and then some) – but it wouldn’t have made sense to mention them in any of the points made in this piece.

  29. nabster

    this is hilarious.yea eva wasnt hitler’s wife,yet.she was his mistress and they were newlyweds but hitlers twisted thoughts made him commit suicide and his wife didi it too,they drank poison..this is from a history book im looking at,clearly there are a lot of stories of how hitler died XD

  30. Mereu aproape de tine

    omg a number of the comments many people come up with are such stoner remarks, now and then i question whether they actually examine the content pieces and reports prior to posting or if perhaps they generally gloss over the blog titles and submit first thing comes to mind. anyway, it is pleasant to go through ingenious commentary occasionally compared to the identical, outdated post vomit which i usually notice on the web

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