On a similar note, I always wonder what blind people (born that way) dream about.

source

Source & Larger version

Bonus:    80s style intro for Firefly

Written by Ashelia

Back in the start of World of Warcraft, several years ago, I knew a guy who knew a guy. He was a forum warrior of sorts. He posted inflammatory stuff all day and night. One day, a group of people decided to reign him in and right the wrongs he’d besieged the community with. Long hours spent with search engines occurred and eventually a real life name was found. A few weeks later, a bouquet of roses and a dildo was sent to his door in care of his mother.

With the tables turned, the forum warrior was discovered to be just a helpless boy. He didn’t have an actual shield or sword like the name forum warrior implied. And his mother wasn’t very happy about the whole situation. The troll became trolled–and the realm of the internet carried over somewhat viciously into the real world.

Blizzard wrote today that with their new Real ID system, they hope to “connect the Blizzard community in ways they haven’t been connected before.” They plan on doing this by tying real life names to all forum posts from here on out.

I, however, posit that the community has been connecting in these ways for years–Blizzard is just naively unaware. And this is a very bad thing.

I remember when World of Warcraft’s mandatory merger with Battle.net was announced nearly a year ago. It was just an e-mail address, a universal login of sorts; it didn’t seem too threatening. There were whispers of big brother, but they sounded dramatic and paranoid. We even got a free in-game vanity pet out of it as a reward–it was hard not to agree with it. It seemed like such an inconsequential thing and the penguin was really cute.

But I suppose that’s how these things start. Not with a bang, but with a whimper–a gradual step here and there until suddenly you look back to realize everything’s changed. In that case, Blizzard certainly has been busy. Months after release, Battle.net IDs have become Real ID and Real ID has become linked not only as an optional feature in games like World of Warcraft or Starcraft 2 but to less optional methods of communication, like the official Blizzard forums where Blizzard takes feedback, lets players mingle, and even answers support tickets.

When Real ID came out a few weeks ago, I threw caution to the wind. Although my name is fairly uncommon, I immediately added everyone in my guild. I did this mostly because I like my guildmates, I trust them, and I’m an officer of our guild; it would be strange for me to not use this service. We killed heroic Lich King together, we make all kinds of obscene jokes, and although I’m one of two females in the entire guild of forty or so people, harassment is never an issue. I’m an equal. I’ve been here for over a year, and as such, giving these players my real life name wasn’t an issue.

This is a privilege I fully recognize. I haven’t always been that lucky and others definitely aren’t. But even in my privilege, there was a smaller problem. The guildmates I’d friended had friends who could see me as well because of this. For some reason, Real ID came with the feature that everyone can view other people’s friends–that is to say if I friend Joe, I can then see Joe’s friends and Joe’s friends can see me. It seemed wholly unnecessary and it was the first step in the Battle.net merger I would disagree with. The problem is, it wasn’t the last. It was, instead, the start of the proverbial slippery slope.

As I’ve alluded to, Blizzard announced today that all posts on their forums will be now using Real ID. This is mandatory–if you want to post, you have to post this way. Luckily it isn’t retroactive, but in the distant future for all Blizzard titles, real life names will be next to those who post. This will affect everyone, even Blizzard employees. They are also adding a karma feature that will be a lot like Reddit or Digg.

This is a horrible idea. Forcing people to sign real life name to a forum post is problematic on a basic level. The internet is largely what it is because of its anonymity–for better and for worse. Many great discussions have been had solely because someone could submit their words without worry of being judged. While it’s unavoidable that some people use anonymity to grief others, they aren’t as large factor on forums as heavily moderated as Blizzard’s. When Blizzard offers that requiring the inclusion of real life names will make gamers more civil and promote polite discussion, I must wonder if they’ve seen most gamers. The ones who played by the rules–who will sign at the dotted x on every forum post–were never the ones who were meant to be civilized. In fact, they are the ones being punished by this new system.

All Blizzard is effectively doing is giving those who fall between the cracks and margins more fodder to mess with people who do continue to use their services. A lot more fodder. Real life names, addresses, and downright terrifying fodder.

Additionally, by using a full name, players are tied to their real life persona and unable to separate themselves from their online one. In this system, it becomes linked forever in search engines. This means potential employers could find out if a player was a World of Warcraft fan and even the characters they have with a simple search. As cool of a story as it would make to be fired because your boss is staunch Horde and you’re Alliance (or more likely, because you play video games and your employer frowns upon MMORPGs in general), realistically there are aspects of one’s private life that don’t look good during an interview process. My boss doesn’t need to necessarily know if I have three level 80s, or if my arena team is about to get Gladiator using a cheap team composition.

There’s other issues, too. Women might find it harsher with new avenues of harassment opened. Transgendered people could be inadvertently outted when someone sees Sally, the friendly Paladin chick, posting under the name Steve. Someone could have a distinctive name and be disregarded solely because their name sounded like a person of a certain background, race, religion, or otherwise. And if someone’s a minor–or even major–celebrity, having their name exposed could be damaging. From Felicia Day to Mila Kunis, I doubt they’d like their alternative identity exposed simply because they decided to post a suggestion on the WoW forums or report a bug to support.

At the time of writing this, I have a friend who works for Blizzard and even she is upset about her name being tied to her video game identity–just a quick Google search with her real life name and you can find her LinkedIn where she mentions her affiliated companies, one of which is Blizzard. She says she simply will stop posting on the forums to avoid any mishaps, but she shouldn’t have to. To some degree, she knows and admits this, but what can she do? It’s her lifeblood. She’s not able to just quit her job because of a bad policy, so instead she’ll just opt out of posting on forums she enjoys.

That’s largely the point. People shouldn’t have to stop posting or stop using a product because of a larger marketing scheme. This should have never been a decision. There should have been another option; I can think of several off the top of my head. Blizzard could have adopted a Steam-like policy of usernames and then nicknames so users can define exactly how personal they would like their encounter to be. Another solution would have been to use a first name and last initial instead. Or maybe unique ID codes could be linked to real life names, but the code could be shown in the public so people don’t know their real life details.

And as for the ability to like posts and promote them to the top, maybe I’m negative, but I can see it quickly getting out of hand. Imagine an entire guild down voting your suggestion to a developer for no reason other than your guild is their rival guild or because you used to know them until you had a falling out of sorts. Of course, by even posting your suggestion out there, you’ve just given hundreds of people who may or may not loathe your existence your full name–let alone the trade chat trolls who will find it.

I mean, you better hope they are mostly all bark and not a lot of bite. And you really better hope they aren’t remotely connected to 4chan or other internet groups. Or at least not good with a phonebook.

When Blizzard first unveiled the Real ID system, I was excited against my better judgment. It brought my WoW guildmates together. We did things like make fun of each other’s names, put updates that were laughing at inside jokes, and enjoy the novelty of seeing formal names instead of character whispers in-game. But the novelty has since worn off with this announcement and now I’m disappointed. Extremely disappointed, actually.

Like I said, there were options. Unfortunately it seems Blizzard executives chose not to look into them and then turned a blind eye. It’s just a shame that this lack of foresight will probably at the very least result in the harassment of many thousands of individuals–if it doesn’t end up causing something worse for a select few.

As for me, I haven’t forgotten about the person from France who spent over six months to track down and attempt murder on a guy who fragged him in Counter-strike (NY Daily News). Call me pessimistic all you want, but I have to wonder if Blizzard’s marketing department even thought about it.

Or if they’ll even listen to us now.

Although it’s been over a year since his death anniversary, Michael Jackson’s legacy will always be with us. His incredible dance moves, his ability go beyond our expectations in entertainment, he’s always been the foreseer of music. Online MBA Programs sent over a pretty sweet infographic this morning so that we can do our part to keep his fame alive. Here are 15 things you might not have known about the man.

Via: Online MBA Programs

Written by Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off. Trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point mincing words.

“There was a…a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup.” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies.” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked.

“Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup.” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.  “What about them?  Will they be alright?”

“That what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination.  To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Some vague authority figure. More of a grammar school teacher then the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine.  Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way.

They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah, so the Hindus were right.”

“All the religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”  You followed along as we strolled in the void.

“Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So whats the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic then you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part or yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been a human for the last 34 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of you immense consciousness. If we hung out here for longer, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. And into lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 A.D.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You pondered.

“Oh sure!” I explained. “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else.  And there’s others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there but you honestly wont understand.”

“Oh.” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, could I have interacted with myself at some point?”

“Sure. Happens all the time.  And with both lives only aware of their own time span you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question.” you persisted.

I looked in your eyes. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No. Just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature, and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you.  And me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now your getting it.” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too.” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” you said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “You were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa.” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said. “It’s just…”

“An egg of sorts.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.” And I sent you on your way.

You can still download it or read it online via  Google Docs.

Written by Fortune BLOG

It’s time for a breather, America. Fire up the grill, ice down the drinks, and pop open that patio umbrella. Health care, the oil spill, Afghanistan, China, Elena Kagan and financial reform will all be waiting on Tuesday, July 6th. We promise. What won’t be, though, is the chance to lean back and remember why we care enough about our country to spar over these things and in the end, remain united.

“Freedom,” Albert Camus pointed out, “is nothing else but a chance to be better.” For 234 years, America has strived, fought, invented, pushed, pulled and dragged itself towards the better. Fortune was keen to enumerate our progress.

There’s no claim to ranking or exclusivity here, so leave the nitpicking aside for another day, though feel free to add to our list in the comments section. Without further ado, and in almost no particular order, we present the Fortune 100 Great Things About America.

1. The Internet

Oh yes, invented in the USA — maybe Al Gore helped.

2. The Constitution and the Bill of Rights

3. Baseball

America’s pastime…steroids or not

4. Mount Rushmore

Home of the original “your face here” gimmick

5. Food in New Orleans

If you can remember it the next morning

6. Rock and roll

Find a Beatles or Stones song uninfluenced by American music. Just try.

7. Hawaii

Mauna Kea, Kaua’i…you gotta see it to believe it.

8. iPod, iPad, and everything Apple

9. Barbecue

Carolina, Mississippi, K.C., Memphis…it’s all good.

10. Ford Mustang

Who needs a German car? We’ll take the classic.

11. Wikipedia

This article that mentions a popular fact site is a stub. You can help us by expanding it.

12. Buffalo

Because this is a real sentence: Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Don’t believe us? Check on #11.

13. Slam dunks

Thanks to Doctor J

14. Broadway

If the Lion King ever closes, Cats will come back.

15. Bluebirds

Listen to mine sing

16. Google

Because no one stands up to China better

17. Mark Twain

The original American bad-ass

18. The national anthem

19. Iced drinks

When will the rest of the world figure this out?

20. Beaches

Cape Cod, Kiawah, Zuma — ours are better.

21. Madison Square Garden

A little threadbare but still the biggest stage in America’s biggest city

22. Delivery pizza

23. The Grateful Dead

Long may the followers of Uncle John’s Band live on.

24. YouTube

We keep clicking on home videos even after Charlie bit our finger — again!

25. The Super Bowl

The parties, the ads — oh and a sports game, too

26. Fishing

China rules the commercial catch, but more people fish for fun here than anywhere else.

27. Monopoly

A game we sometimes play in real life, too.

28. The Big Apple Circus

Where joy and, occasionally, fear comes in clown twelve-packs by tiny car

29. M&M’s

Imitators don’t stand a chance

30. Facebook

Friend us? Just kidding… but seriously. Please friend us.

31. Thanksgiving

Loosen your belt and watch the parade

32. Pickup trucks

Our nation’s first outlet for unfunny bumper stickers

33. The Simpsons

May Bart and Lisa never make it to high school.

34. Oprah Winfrey

But after 2011, no more free cars for the audience

35. Frisbees

Not just for dogs

36. Mad Men

Jon Hamm + Christina Hendricks = cooler than the actual ’60s

37. New York/Boston sports rivalry

For our safety, we decline to comment.

38. MRI machine

Perfect for after that Yanks-Sox game

39. Patagonia

The first to make polyester clothes out of old plastic bottles

40. Archie Comics

Betty or Veronica: 68 years and the debate rages on

41. The Golden Gate Bridge

Dirty Harry meets Full House. Uh oh.

42. Jazz

Even before Ken Burns discovered it

43. Fantasy football

44. S’mores

45. Trader Joe’s

If cheap wine were apples, we present the modern Johnny Appleseed. Amen.

46. The 4^th of July

47. Harley Davidson

The motorcycle company that has survived both the Great Depression and the Hybrid Obsession

48. March Madness

So crazy it spills into April

49. Scrabble

As Facebook proved, it’s Scrabulous

50. Kegs

Even useful when empty, as moorings

51. Slip ‘N Slide

Simple. Genius.

52. Ice cream

Ben and Jerry’s, Breyers, soft serve… ours freezes the competition

53. Yellowstone National Park

54. Oreos

This choice bribed by the secret dairy farmers’ cartel

55. Edward R. Murrow

A journalist who was cool? Sigh.

56. Restaurant week

The one week a year when snooty waiters have to play nice

57. Washington D.C. monuments at night

Lincoln looks good

58. Bugs Bunny

Every parent’s dream: he’s nice to doctors and he eats his veggies

59. Etch A Sketch

Don’t shake away our faith in this one

60. Coca-cola

Hmmm… what does the “coca” stand for again?

61. Flip flops

Not the John Kerry kind, though both can be found on Nantucket

62. Vegas weddings

63. Napa wine

If anyone orders Merlot, we’re leaving

64. Willie Nelson

Trigger

65. eBay

The only place where you can buy a single cornflake

66. Blueberries

Our favorite fruit that can’t check email

67. The Rockettes

E-leg-trifying!

68. Charles Barkley

Hosting Saturday Night Live and pitching for T-Mobile, Sir Charles is now larger than life

69. Blue jeans

Levi Strauss invented the modern version only to see them become boringly ubiquitous

70. County fairs

We recommend you eat your corndog after swinging that sledgehammer at the High Striker game

71. The Oscars

A celebration of everything good and awful about Hollywood

72. Veterans

Thank you

73. Steakhouses

Thankfully, not rare

74. The Tiffany box

The only package more powerful than its contents

75. Sports mascots

The San Diego Chicken vs. the Phillie Phanatic

76. The Great Lakes

77. Salt water taffy

Delicious even though they contain neither salt nor water

78. Roller coasters

Possibly the only 30-second activity worth a three-hour wait

79. HBO

Even if we’re unsold on the vampire craze

80. The Everglades

Where else would you go to get drunk and wrestle an alligator?

81. Bonnie and Clyde

Do you and your honey bunny rob banks? No? Then sit down.

82. Chewing gum

But please, remember that it’s a silent activity

83. The light bulb

And we just keep inventing better ones!

84. Religious freedom

From Pilgrims to scientologists

85. Bagels

If you’ve never tried one, come to New York and make your first one an H&H

86. Judd Apatow films

87. The Billboard 100

Measuring our music since 1958

88. Chipotle

And the guacamole really is worth the extra $2.25

89. Dalmatians on fire trucks

Black and white and red all over

90. Disney movies

Not yours, Nicholas Cage. The old school, animated ones

91. New Year’s Eve

Every country has one, but they all watch Times Square

92. Elvis Presley

A hound-dog and the King

93. Cowboys

94. Turducken

A true American delicacy: a chicken in a duck in a turkey

95. Netflix

The only movie rental survivor

96. Spring Break

We plead the Fifth

97. Escalators

First used commercially in Yonkers, NY in 1899—who knew?

98. Stand-up comedy

Unless you are singled out

99. Redwood trees

The oldest is 2,200 years old

100. Bendy straws

Invented by a Cleveland entrepreneur—and perhaps Ohio’s most significant contribution, though we tip our hats to the Wright Brothers and its 8 U.S. Presidents

101. Charlie Brown

Sorry, Charlie, maybe next time you’ll crack the top 100

Happy Birthday America!

Bonus: The Declaration of Independence

(July 4, 1776)

Just a quick reminder about why we are celebrating today.

(Click image twice to enlarge.)

Since the image is somewhat difficult to read, here is the most famous (and my favorite) section of our Declaration of Independence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Read the full text here.

Happy birthday America. Thank you for my freedom and liberty. May we celebrate your peerless greatness as a nation for many, many, many more happy birthdays in the future. (source)

source

Written by Karen Nichols

OK. So you’ll need to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy this one (it’s a joke, folks!) from David Thorne. But if you are, it’s pretty darned funny. This is a supposed email exchange between co-workers, one of whom (David) is a designer. Shannon is a distraught cat owner who makes the mistake of asking David’s pro bono assistance in creating a Lost Cat flyer.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Poster

Hi

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Bonus:World’s Greatest Homeless Sign Ever!

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THE TRUTH

It hurts, doesn’t it?

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