The 10 Most Worthless College Majors

5 Jun 2008

Written by Holy Taco

intropic.jpg

College is a great place to learn and have fun. But let’s not kid ourselves, some degrees are as useless as the plot in a Michael Bay film. Here’s a list of 10 degrees that may be interesting, but do jack shit for you in the real world.

10. Art History

arthistory.jpg

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: With an art history degree you could maybe curate an art gallery or work at a museum or….yeah, that’s it. That’s all you can do. And seeing as how every art gallery and museum I’ve ever been to has exactly one dude sitting quietly at a desk reading a New Yorker and eating a food that requires chopsticks, I’m going to go ahead and assume there’s not a lot of positions open in the field. That means you’re going to have to venture out into the corporate world. And let me inform you, when you’re interviewing with Bob from the HR team at Wal-Mart who’s wearing a tie that has the twin towers smoking with writing underneath that says “We Will Never Forget,” your art history degree says to him “I’m a commie a-hole who thinks I’m better than guys with 9/11 ties.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: After your parents boot your ass from your bedroom to make room for anything that’s not your bedroom, you’ll wander towards the nearest coffee shop and get a job there, which will allow you to meet artists who will thank you for allowing them to put fliers by the cash register that inform people of their upcoming show that touts “the combination of art and flute.”

9. Philosophy

philosophy.jpg

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: This isn’t ancient Greece: No one is going to pay you money, or allow you to sodomize their attractive son, in exchange for your knowledge of existence. Never has there been an employer who’s said “Man, we’re having all kinds of problems, I wish we had someone on our team who could reference and draw conclusions from the story of Siddhartha that would pull up our fourth quarter numbers.” I took many philosophy classes and it involved reading and smoking a shit pile of weed. You don’t need to pay 20,000 dollars a year to do that. All you need is twenty dollars and a library card.

What Job You’ll End Up With: Thanks to your extensive knowledge of philosophy, you’re now self-aware enough to know that most jobs out there will make you totally miserable. So most likely you’ll wait tables part time and hope someone starts paying you for the bi-monthly entries on your blog.

8. American Studies

american studies worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: If you’re not named Achmed or Bjork or G’Day Mate this isn’t a degree, it’s the last 18 years of your life. If you really want to study us you don’t need to go to some stupid class, you need only to sit back and watch a two-hour block of Must-See TV to understand The American. After doing my own research, it seems that this mysterious creature is a pot-bellied humanoid with a hot wife and bad credit who has a penchant for low-calorie beer, Chilis, Applebees, TGIFridays, Denny’s, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Dave and Busters, Steak and Shake, Chilis (again) and Red Lobster. Oh and he can totally demolish a White Castle Crave Case in, like, 20 seconds. OK, now give me my degree.

What Job You’ll End Up With: To take your American Studies degree one step further, you will be qualified to do 40-50 years of “graduate work” cleaning tables and taking orders at a Chilis, Applebees, TGIFridays or Red Lobster. Or possibly Denny’s.

7. Music Therapy

music therapy worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: I didn’t even know this was a major until I found it on the Appalachian State website. According to their actual explanation of this major: “Music therapy is the scientific application of the art of music within a therapeutic relationship to meet the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of individuals.” Which is a big, fancy way of saying “We’ll teach you how to make a mix tape.” I guess I, too, am a qualified music therapist because my “Summer Jams ‘95″ tape I made in the 10th grade totally rocked my house party. All my friends told me that kicking it off with Wreckz-N-Effects “Rump Shaker” followed by Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” totally met their physical, mental and spiritual needs to help them get wasted on my dad’s Schnapps and Drambuie.

What Job You’ll End Up With: After realizing that yoga studios and elderly homes don’t pay people just to come in and set mood music, you’re sadly going to end up putting your degree towards burning a fire to keep warm because you are homeless.

6. Communications

communications.jpg

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Go into a communications class on any given day and it’ll smell like dried semen and booze. Reason being, communications is the major for anyone who wants to graduate, but doesn’t want to stop getting totally wasted on weekdays. Here’s the bad news, if an employer is going to hire someone to help decipher how human beings communicate, he’s going to hire someone with the letters “Dr.” before their name, not the person who first checks to see if a class is offered online, then when they find out it’s not, let’s out a “gaaaaay bro.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: You’ll go to several job interviews that turn out to be pyramid schemes, even though at first you won’t realize this and come home and tell your parents, who you still live with, “They said I’ll probably be making six figures in less than a year just by selling these beer cozies.”

5. Dance

dance worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Despite what “Dancing with the Stars” and “High School Musical” may tell you, there aren’t a lot of dancing jobs out there-so you better be good because there aren’t any gigs for mediocre dancers. Outside of New York City or some crap in LA there is absolutely nothing you can do with a dance degree that doesn’t involve actually dancing for money. And since the Des Moines interpretive dance movement hasn’t really taken off yet, you have a better chance landing a job as an 8-Track repairman or a member of the Beatles.

What Job You’ll End Up With: After moving to New York and trying out for Hello Dolly! or Damn Yankees or any of the other seven Broadway plays that want dancers and not landing a single one because you got your dance degree from Ball State, you will find ample opportunity to show off your choreographic skills at one of the city’s many strip clubs. You’ll just need to change your name to Crystal or Bambi and you’ll be able finally live out your dream as a dancer. (Mom and Dad will be so proud!)

4. English Lit

englishlit.jpg

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: If someone can spend a weekend with a box of Cliff’s Notes and have only a slightly less conversational knowledge of what you spent 4 years studying, you probably don’t have the most employer friendly degree. Having an English Lit degree is like being a member of the Kansas City Royals: No one cares and the best you can hope for is every once in a while someone buys you a beer because of it.

What Job You’ll End Up With: You can read and comprehend, so that gives you an advantage over 99.5% of the people that peruse Craig’s list job listings. Therefore, you’ll most likely end up landing an entry level position at a random small company, or showing up to your interview and being raped repeatedly by a group of masked men.

3. Latin

latin worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Not only does no one speak this language anymore, but we already have all the Latin that exists in the world. There’s no new Latin that’s hot off the presses that needs immediate translating. I’m no business major, but majoring in a language that doesn’t exist anymore doesn’t sound so good for job security. And I’m sorry to break the news to you, but the world doesn’t need someone to translate The Bible or the inscription on the side of a Post Office or El Loco Latino’s “Latin House Party.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: Since you majored in something that doesn’t exist, you’re going to have two jobs. Your first one will be as the annoying pretentious guy who gives everyone the Latin etymology of every big word he hears at every dinner party he attends. Your second, and most lucrative job, will be as a Subway Sandwich Artist.

2. Film

film.jpg

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: No one in hollywood gives a shit that you made a short film about an alcoholic albino that discovers the meaning of life through the help of a retarded child. Unless that retarded child was played by the son of Harvey Weinstein, your film or degree will be as pointless as the last three seasons of Lost

What Job You’ll End Up With: If you’re lucky, you’ll have an uncle who can get you a job as a production assistant on CSI Miami, where your time will be spent making coffee runs and finding whores that will let David Caruso pee on them.

1. Religion

religion worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Sorry God, but a major in Religion is about as worthless as St. Brice (The Patron Saint of Stomach Aches.) Even Duke University can’t put a solid sell on this degree: “A major in religion offers intellectual excitement and can be a pathway to a liberal education.” OK, you sold me. So now I get to shell out about a hundred thousand dollars so I can know what to wear to a Shinto ceremony and learn how many virgins Allah will give me if I blow myself up in an Israeli square? If it’s OK with you, I’ll keep my money and stick to my sinning-a-lot-now-and-repenting-on-my-deathbed plan.

What Job You’ll End Up With: This one is tricky. On one hand you’ll probably end up working behind the desk of a Christian Science Reading Room. But on the other, you may end up with everlasting peace and spiritual enlightenment. Let’s call it a draw.

33 Responses to The 10 Most Worthless College Majors

Avatar

The 10 Most Worthless College Majors

June 5th, 2008 at 14:00

[...] Go to the author’s original blog: The 10 Most Worthless College Majors [...]

Avatar

Sarah

June 5th, 2008 at 19:00

I think that you gave a simplistic view of the Communications degree. Yeah, employers may automatically look at it as an easy major, but that just gives you the opportunity to stand out from what they expect of you and push yourself to prove that you are a capable person that they can benefit from by hiring.

Avatar

mmhan

June 5th, 2008 at 22:38

Okay, I totally disagree on the film major and communication major.

I do have lots of friends who’s majored in Film, which also equips them with other media related skills that will help them get employed. I do agree this major has significantly less demand than other. Even though you might have to start up by running chores and cleaning out trash bin, a motivated individual would find a way or another to make his way to the top.

And Communication, companies are hiring PRs these days. I don’t see a reason, why a communication graduated would go jobless.

Avatar

yohan

June 5th, 2008 at 23:23

Roll up, Roll up ! Come defend your bad choice of majors.

Avatar

tres

June 6th, 2008 at 00:05

What I can’t stand are the chaff who think the purpose of college is to get a better job. College is supposed to be about enriching and deepening one’s understanding of and interaction with the world. There’s a big movement to make all education — even college — some sort of job-training course; george w’s standardized tests and ‘no child left behind’ are the symptoms of this misuse of education.

They would propose that we we should be institutionalized as if we were automatons to be wound-up and set upon a course. I think Ben Franklin would think the modern perversion of education into a technical institute is a travesty. The ideal of education that men like Franklin and Emerson believed in has been eviscerated from education — except for these “worthless college majors.”

“Worthless” is a matter of perspective. I’ll call your pragmatic, career-driven degree worthless, simply because you lived through the “days of rife” with only a mind to make money.

And yeah, I got a Comp Sci BS along with my Philosophy BA.

Avatar

Looney

June 6th, 2008 at 09:48

As for philosophy: you’re right that there are no actual jobs for philosophers other than professorship. However, philosophy majors usually don’t end up waiting tables. Most of them go to law school instead.

Avatar

Dana

June 6th, 2008 at 17:46

Yeah i can imagine that most of these majors are pretty useless, the only thing you can do with them is to turn around, go back to school,and teach them.

Avatar

monk

June 7th, 2008 at 13:10

the two DUDES under art history…I’ve never laughed so hard at anything on the internet. HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!

Avatar

herman king

June 7th, 2008 at 16:46

history may get you a teaching job…perpetuating the lies that fill our textbooks.

Avatar

herman king

June 7th, 2008 at 16:46

history may get you a teaching job…perpetuating the lies that fill our textbooks.

Avatar

Jacob

June 8th, 2008 at 01:10

Actually, the music therapy i know is VEEERY different from that description. AND your highly un-knowing mockery is just stupid. the music therapy i know (and that pays for my private school education) is about giving skills, confidence, etc to the mentally retarded or physically handicapped. My mom’s been a music therapist nearly 30 years, and i’m willing to bet she couldn’t make a mix tape to save her life. you’re making a total fool of yourself by making fun of something you clearly know jack shit about. it’s nothing like the dj-esque ‘description’ of it you provide. dumbass

Avatar

Edward Domenick

June 9th, 2008 at 05:31

The dude nailed it. Nice job Nick C.

Avatar

Dilip Muralidaran

June 17th, 2008 at 11:18

“how many virgins Allah will give me if I blow myself up in an Israeli square”…

awesome man!

Avatar

zizou

July 1st, 2008 at 05:46

very naice….. this should be made a must read…

Avatar

Andrea

July 4th, 2008 at 18:23

Ehh. . .dance majors learn to be all cerebral and anatomical about dance. You learn how to be a good teacher. And. . .get lots of non-pay extra-curricular performance opportunities to supplement our foodservice/bank/dumpster-diving jobs? Oh, I’ve got nothin’.
That said. . .mean! We with useless majors are already insecure enough, and now you have to go and make us think about it and get us all defensive and irritated? Damn.
Seriously though, not all of these jobs are as useless as you think they are. They’re just incredibly specific. Not so much with the flexibility. Oh, well. I guess you’re just having fun.

Avatar

Andrea

July 4th, 2008 at 18:26

Oh, yeah – and good point above with the philosophy + law comment! I also hear a lot about uber-successful businesspeople who’ve combined philosophy w/ marketing or economics or, obvs, business. Snap!

Avatar

Vignan

July 7th, 2008 at 18:29

The point isn’t that people can actually make something of these majors. My friend right now in medical school is a film major so it’s not like you can’t do anything out of these worthless majors. But can you really tell me that the average person is going to be able to run with this major to make a life for himself? And Tres, I can understand you want to enrich yourself in college but you do need to learn a skill set to survive in the modern world too eh? Here’s a thought enrich your knowledge of the world by doing the things you love ALONG with the things that are practical maybe if you get lucky what you love can be practical hence philosophy/poly sci going to law school and so on…

Avatar

Vignan

July 7th, 2008 at 18:30

oh yeah, I forgot to say I love the article funny shit=P

Avatar

Rilla

July 13th, 2008 at 19:50

Lol does anyone with a philosophy + law double degree actually make practical use of philosophy in their future career? Sorry no, they practise law instead. Philosophy assists with the logical thinking involved in law, but taking one basic Philosophy paper would do (if you really want to). No need to go as far as an actual philosophy degree. Might as well take something more useful like a commerce + law or science + law where you can actually make use of the other complementary major to law.

Avatar

Crystal

July 14th, 2008 at 02:18

GREAT ARTICLE. Loved it =D

Thank god you didn’t put Business haha

Avatar

100 Terrific Tools and Resources to Find Your Perfect College - Learn-gasm

February 11th, 2009 at 01:24

[...] The 10 Most Worthless College Majors. While this article may not be the most accurate, it certainly gives you something to think about when considering majors. [...]

Avatar

Jared

March 11th, 2009 at 12:48

Tres is a motherfucking dipshit. If you really think that the fucking point of the asshole of institutions (college) is to “enrich and deepen one’s understanding” than you’re stupider than a sorry ass high school dropout. If I wanted a deeper understanding of the world, why the fuck would I shell out thousands of dollars for it? And who gives a motherfucking shit if I have a degree in it? If that was my goal, a degree would mean nothing. Whether or not I felt that my mind was “enlightened,” rather, would be my concern. So, all I’m saying is that you wasted your money going to college. Where I go, Bin Laden himself could sit down and listen to a lecture without anybdy asking if he was paying to be there.

Avatar

Dee

March 12th, 2009 at 22:10

Communications degrees, especially in 2009 is way different than it was years ago. They now incorporate computer graphics, web design and public relations. These positions are in high demand in that field!

Avatar

someguy

March 28th, 2009 at 13:32

if you are concerned with just the money making aspect of earning a degree you’re pretty far off base with philosophy. its rigorous and helps you think well. thats valued anywhere… and in every interview i have sat down for i get alot of respect for having that BA in phil next to my name.

question: is a graduate degree in business or law “useless”? if your answer is yes, ignore me. if not, look at these numbers:

http://www.libarts.wsu.edu/philo/overview/grad-admissions.asp

and i can say my personal experience jibes with these numbers.
i did well on the gmat the first time out with very minimal study.

however, i have to say… the picture of the guy smoking out of the n64 controller is pretty sweet.

Avatar

OJE

May 5th, 2009 at 03:42

I have two BAs, one in communications and another in sociology. And I have a minor in psychology, but I am just going to focus on my BA in comm.

I have to disagree that a communications degree is worthless. I went to a California State University and was required to take classes in mass media, PR, business communications, statistics, etc. Most of my classes were related to business, but from a sociological perspective that teaches students interpersonal communication skills. This is what MANY companies need for sales, marketing, public relations, customer service, etc.

That degree can help someone land a job in many different jobs, including business related fields. It helped me get into human resources so it wasn’t worthless for me!

Avatar

Kirsten

May 14th, 2009 at 15:04

I don’t have time to defend my Art History major/ Philosophy minor, I have a real job (and have for the 11 years since I graduated) and too much work to do.

Avatar

ugagirl

July 9th, 2009 at 00:34

umm… I majored in public relations (communications) and I can say that your opinion of the major is crap. Not only was this a “high demand” major at my college; they did not accept anyone with a GPA lower than a 4.0. It was hard as hell to get into the program, and even harder to stay.

I got a job immediately after college, and now make six figures.

Avatar

Michael

July 16th, 2009 at 13:31

1) BUSINESS

2) PSYCHOLOGY

These are the #1 and #2 most popular major’s in all public and private state University’s today. They are also nearly worthless.

Most business major’s cannot find jobs today. Those that can are lucky to make 30k per year. And in most cases the job has nothing to do with their degree.

Add 80k student loan debt and you will see college is a waste of time and money.

Avatar

eriko

July 25th, 2009 at 11:32

i think as long as your father is rich,there is no point in studying engineering,business,medicine courses unless you die for it..Because i can not imagine MOZART working for SUBWAY or PLATO in a kebab shop.
Therefore,although i read engineering at the university,my great enthusiasm about philosophy never died.But there is a small distinction.The real world never cares what you want to do,if you want money,study something that provides you money,if you want knowledge and have passion of studying,improving your abilities then you should(must) forget about money and do what you want.
so all the courses that have been done solely for money purposes will not serve you guys in the long term.By the way Philosophy is like an ability such as when you listen comedy you have ability to laugh,or you have got shopping ability(you can easily compare products and get your transaction done at ease),or you can love somebody,you can have a baby..,These things are not directly related to your job but there is something more beyond the money and job…?? UNDERSTANDING THE WORLD AND YOURSELF

Avatar

Max

August 6th, 2009 at 11:38

Dude This is soooooo TRUE and the funniest shit ive read so far!!!

Avatar

Jeremiah Walker

August 15th, 2009 at 20:14

People become successful because they have the desire to be successful. No matter what you studied in college (or if you even went at all), you will be able to become successful if you market yourself and can work hard. The true deciders of success are hard work, determination and wisdom–and these things cannot be taught in the class room. A college degree should be there to supplement what you already have. That way, it simply means less competition for you no matter what. The sad thing is that–as someone has said already–people really see college as an extended job-training program and not as the enriching experience that it should be, which has led to colleges like Cal-State San Bernardino, which requires you to take idiotic courses like history of Alcohol, which have nothing to do with your course of study in order to get the degree. Not to mention the amount of professors who have no real-world experience yet teach these “required” courses in order for you to get a degree that supposedly signifies intelligence. It has also led to the proliferation of idiots coming into school and artificially inflating their GPA by taking the easiest courses with the “easy graders”–so called professors who give Bs to everyone no matter what. The administration tells me I have to take courses to satisfy my degree with professors I wouldn’t hire to clean my gutters–eliminating all challenge. It is this factor that–among other things– has led to the “dumbing down” of the education system, which means that a college degree has itself become as useless as your high school diploma. It is hard for everyone with a college degree to get a job nowadays. College life is no longer about becoming more aware or more intelligent, but more about making $5,000 more a year or getting a promotion. Sadder still, in order to get a quality education, you have to pay tiptop dollar to go to schools like Harvard, Yale and Princeton, which is simply out of most Americans’ reach.

As for business being a worthless major, think again. Business majors don’t just learn about how to read spreadsheets and powerpoints. A business major is about the science of decision making, information science and the history of business as a whole. I have a degree in Information Technology, but will be getting an MBA in Finance, (might double in IT) and will go to Law school on top of that. I will be successful not because of my paper collection (IE degrees), but because of my work ethic, my dirve and my desire.

Avatar

Clayton Thomas

August 19th, 2009 at 16:55

@Jeremiah Walker:
Even a degree from Yale or Harvard isn’t a guarantee that you’ll find a good job… nor is it a guarantee that you’ll actually receive a quality education if you attend those schools. I was admitted to Yale, MIT, and Duke… I chose to attend Duke for the science program. I worked my ass off throughout high school to get into these schools, and then spent another 4 years working to maintain an “A-” average in college. Now, I’m three years post-graduation and I’m chronically unemployed. Almost no one seems to care about where I went to college; it’s rarely mentioned by interviewers, and if I mention my academic credentials, I usually get a smile and a nod – nothing more.

The fact is, most employers are concerned with real skills, which Ivy League (and Ivy League equivalent) schools do not provide. As frustrating as it is, I can understand why employers reject Ivy Leaguers on the grounds that they need full training from the ground up, and it’s simply not worth the employer’s time and money to do so.

If you want my advice, community college certificates/associates degrees in practical skills will give you the most bang for your buck. That’s what I’m about to start doing, so that I can offer some real-world skills, rather than being able to say “I got a 1570 on the SAT and got admitted to some Ivy League schools.”

In my opinion, college degrees generally aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on – and that includes degrees from places like Harvard, Stanford, MIT, Duke, etc.

Avatar

Shay

November 19th, 2009 at 04:12

You are a god.

Comment Form

Subscribe Our Feed