20 Things I Learned From Tech Support

7 Aug 2007

Written by kludge

As long as the world turns, users will still have problems
Substance abusers and computer operators are the only folks called users. This isn’t by chance
When in doubt. Reboot
Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words “backslash” or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven’t yet, just wait, you will
Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good morning
No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a call
“I didn’t do anything” or “It just happened” Are the users mantra
As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and get the truth
This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue is just a perk
Some people will never learn
This means you will always have a job
Maintain a calm voice, even if you’re screaming on the inside
The hold button is your friend
Whatever you do, don’t panic
The answer to all users questions should be “Trust me, I know what I’m doing” even if this is a bald-faced lie
Users can smell fear. Once you’ve lost control, all is lost
A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is trying “their own thing” is not worth your time. Simulate a telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you’re better off.
Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring out why it was broken
Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you’re not sure just lie. They won’t know anyway. “A stray electron passed through the processor and caused…”
If possible ask to speak to the youngest person present

clickety clickety…