{"id":911,"date":"2009-04-07T12:11:13","date_gmt":"2009-04-07T17:11:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/2009\/04\/07\/how-to-tick-people-off\/"},"modified":"2009-04-07T12:15:42","modified_gmt":"2009-04-07T17:15:42","slug":"how-to-tick-people-off","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2009\/04\/07\/how-to-tick-people-off\/","title":{"rendered":"HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written by Joe Crawford<\/a><\/p>\n

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    \n
  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  8. Practice making fax and modem noises.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  18. Honk and wave to strangers.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  21. type only in lowercase.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  22. dont use any punctuation either<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    \n “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
    \n “What?”
    \n “Never mind, it’s gone now.”<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  27. Ask people what gender they are.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  30. Sing along at the opera.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.<\/li>\n

    <\/p>\n

  32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”<\/li>\n

    \n<\/ol>\n

    \/ol> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Written by Joe Crawford Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.” Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.” If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/911"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=911"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/911\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}