{"id":3776,"date":"2011-03-25T23:59:07","date_gmt":"2011-03-26T06:59:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/?p=3776"},"modified":"2011-03-26T01:41:27","modified_gmt":"2011-03-26T08:41:27","slug":"10-things-you-can-do-to-prepare-for-economic-collapse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2011\/03\/25\/10-things-you-can-do-to-prepare-for-economic-collapse\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Things You Can Do to Prepare for Economic Collapse"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written by GERRI<\/a><\/p>\n

The End is Nigh, and we\u2019re not just talking about Glenn Beck\u2019s ratings. Some economists are saying that the US has passed the point of no return with its economy, which means economic collapse is as inevitable as Charlie Sheen\u2019s future apologies. There\u2019s lots you\u2019ll need to do before hunkering down in your zombie-proof bunker to prepare for the end. Get a jump on this now before society breaks down and look on the bright side: at least you won\u2019t have to go to work anymore.<\/p>\n

Buy Guns<\/h4>\n

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You can\u2019t fight zombies or your neighbors for those last Twinkies at the 7-11 without good weapons. Remember that handguns maybe easy to carry, but if you really want to put down a looter or that rotten neighbor of yours, a handgun should only be used for the trip upstairs to get your rifle or shotgun. And speaking of shotguns, bullets will be quite the commodity when the end comes, so make sure you also have a shotgun shell press. But remember, don\u2019t start shooting people until after the apocalypse. If you get a bed holster,<\/a> make sure your sheets don\u2019t tangle or you could blow off your own foot.<\/p>\n

Hoard Water<\/h4>\n

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Oh, sure water comes right out of your sink\u2026now. But is it really paranoid to think that government might shut off the flow and try to control our brains with rap music? Whether the economic end comes due to natural disaster, the next World War or Goldman Sachs betting that it will happen, the human body can survive weeks without food<\/a>, but only days without water. Do like Viggo in The Road, when you see the flash, turn on the faucet<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Hoard Food<\/h4>\n

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Until you figure out how to grow your own food or enslave the rest of the survivors, you\u2019ll need a well-stocked pantry<\/a>. Commodities, especially food, will skyrocket during the coming World Wide Depression, so extra food will also be handy to barter with. Remember that girl in high school who turned you down for the prom? You\u2019ll be amazed what she\u2019ll do for a can of peaches in the coming economic collapse.<\/p>\n

Buy Land You Can Farm On<\/h4>\n

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Having a well-protected chunk of real estate that you can grow food on is going to be very important. Make sure it has a fence to keep out the riff-raff<\/a>, C.H.U.D.S.<\/a> and wasteland mutants<\/a>you\u2019ll probably have to fight. The good news is, after the government collapses, you won\u2019t have to pay property taxes on it.<\/p>\n

Convert Your Car to Vegetable Oil<\/h4>\n

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You think gas is high now? Wait until the seas dry up and the US strategic reserves are diverted to keep the limos running that shuttle Barack Obama and the Congress around. By converting your car to run on vegetable oil<\/a>, not only will your car\u2019s exhaust smell like French Fries, you\u2019ll be guaranteed fuel. In America, we fatties<\/a> never run out of greasy things to cook our food in!<\/p>\n

Buy Gold<\/h4>\n

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Gold has been steadily rising as the dollar has continued to plummet. In the dark days ahead, a shiny gold bar<\/a> could make you the only financially solvent warlord on your block. Gold always holds its value, unless it\u2019s molded in the shape of tacky jewelry<\/a> worn by the cast of the Jersey Shore. Sadly, anything that touches Snooki must be thrown away.<\/p>\n

Learn to Hunt<\/h4>\n

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After the first few months of the collapse, store shelves are likely to be empty or choked with the shambling corpses of the living dead<\/a>. Meat is going to be at a premium and you\u2019re going to have to learn to shoot. The deer aren\u2019t just going to stand there<\/a> while you drizzle barbecue sauce on them. And remember, if your neighbor says you look \u201cjuicy\u201d, be careful. He may be sizing you up for a casserole.<\/p>\n

Keep a Low Profile<\/h4>\n

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Bragging to your neighbors about your secret stash of gold, guns, ammo and Survival Seeds<\/a>sends one clear message to your neighbor: Kill you and he\u2019s set for the apocalypse. You\u2019ll last a lot longer in the coming Hellscape if the locals think you\u2019re just as screwed as them. Conserve your food, don\u2019t put on any weight and don\u2019t attend any town militia meetings reeking of chocolate<\/a> and cheese. Orange Doritos hands are a dead giveaway too.<\/p>\n

Make and Keep Lots of Friends<\/h4>\n

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You are going to need allies when the world goes back to bartering. If you\u2019re known as the \u201ctown jerk\u201d, change your attitude now before the meteor hits. Your neighbors will have skills that you can all use. The local stoner knows how to grow plants<\/a>, even inside with hydroponics. Your friend the cop probably has plenty of extra ammo. And your overweight friend that ran the pizza shop? He\u2019ll make an excellent zombie decoy<\/a> while you run away.<\/p>\n

Start Your Own Religion<\/h4>\n

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If you want Godlike power, make yourself one! There\u2019s no easier way to motivate your minions<\/a>than to promise them something after they\u2019re dead. Who needs money? When you got this kind of power, you can decide what money is! And, when people use faith over logic<\/a>, you can pretty much tell them to do anything.<\/p>\n

Bonus:Will Hunting had it right 14 years ago<\/h3>\n