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Written by totallyoffbeat

Did you know Chicago has a law that forbids eating in a place that’s on fire? Have you heard about the law in Mississippi that makes it illegal for a man to seduce a woman by lying to her and claiming he will marry her (damn! There goes my pickup line if I’m ever in Mississippi)? In New Jersey, it’s illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder (whether or not the murder is illegal, who knows?).

These are just some of the dumb laws still on the books in America. And those aren’t even the 10 dumbest.

1. Hey sister, wanna get hitched?

In Alabama, incestuous marriages are legal. Section 30-1-3 says: The issue of any incestuous marriage, before the same is annulled, shall not be deemed illegitimate.

2. Are those playing cards I see? You’re going to jail!

In Alabama, you also technically aren’t allowed to play cards and other games on Sunday. Section 13A-12-1 says: Any person who compels his child, apprentice or servant to perform any labor on Sunday, except the customary domestic duties of daily necessity or comfort, or works of charity or who engages in shooting, hunting, gaming, card playing or racing on that day, or who, being a merchant or shopkeeper, druggist excepted, keeps open store on Sunday, shall be fined not less than $10.00 nor more than $100.00, and may also be imprisoned in the county jail, or sentenced to hard labor for the county, for not more than three months.

3. Is that a slingshot in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Haines, Alaska has a law that prohibits citizens from carrying concealed slingshots without a license. The law says: It is unlawful for any person other than a law enforcement officer to carry concealed about his person, in any manner, a revolver, pistol or other firearm or knife (other than an ordinary pocketknife), or a dirk or dagger, slingshot, metal knuckles or an instrument by the use of which injury could be inflicted upon the person or property of another, except that any person in possession of a valid State of Alaska concealed weapon permit may carry a weapon as allowed by that permit.

4. But this is my home!

In Anchorage, Alaska, there’s a law that prevents people from residing inside a house trailer as its being moved through the streets. The law says “Riding in house trailers. No person may occupy a house trailer while it is being moved upon a public street.”

5. Give me a f$!@ing sandwich!

In Little Rock, Arkansas, it’s illegal to honk your car horn at a sandwich shop after 9 pm. Sec. 18-54 says, “Sounding of horns at sandwich shops. No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 p.m.”

6. The rock was F’d up beyond all recognition.

Colorado has a law that says it’s illegal to “mutilate” rocks, trees, and flowers. The law says, “Except as otherwise provided in this article, it is unlawful for any person: To willfully mar, mutilate, deface, disfigure, or injure beyond normal use any rocks, trees, shrubbery, wild flowers, or other features of the natural environment in recreation areas of the state.”

7. The “no fun” law is in full effect.

Rocky Hill, Connecticut has a law that disallows arcades from having more than 4 amusement devices (pinball machines, shuffleboard tables, etc.). The law says, “Notwithstanding the provisions of Subsection A, no person shall have in any place within a permanent structure open to the general public more than four mechanical amusement devices.”

8. Seriously, Connecticut isn’t fun at all.

In Southington, Connecticut, the sale of silly string is banned. Why? Because about 15 years ago, a group of kids sprayed a police officer with silly string. Seriously.

9. Time to reinstall those doors.

There’s a law in Florida that says the doors of public buildings must open outwards. The exact text of the law is as follows: All buildings erected in this state for theatrical, operatic, or other public entertainments of whatsoever kind shall be so constructed that the shutters to all entrances to said building shall open outwardly and be so arranged as to readily allow any person inside said building to escape therefrom in case of fire or other accident.

10. Hand over the dildo right now!

Georgia still has laws that technically ban sex toys.

Are there any dumb laws in your city or state? Share your favorites by leaving a comment.

Bonus: Presidential Prank of the Day

via: The White House [Flickr]

Written by thetoiletpaper

Women come in all shapes and sizes. Just ask Oprah. Nowhere is this more true than a college campus. With that in mind, here is TTP’s breakdown of 12 of the girls you’ll meet in college. Gentlemen, choose wisely and choose often.

1. The Cheerleader – A hot blonde chick that only wants to score scholarship athletes. After coming up short with the big boys of basketball and football, she’ll eventually settle in as “equipment manager” for a niche sports team, like rugby.

2. The Phantom Boyfriend – A fun, good looking, easy-going gal who’s everything you’re looking for in a mate. Unfortunately, before things ever get cookin’ she sneaks in a comment about her boyfriend who’s at home, at another college, or in the military.

3. The Courtney Love – This mess of a broad is a stinky drunk not afraid to do anyone or anything. If you listen close you can almost hear her herpes beckoning you to her loins like the sirens from Greek mythology. Stick with the BJ.

4. The Friedan – You can’t take an English class without running into one of these broads. The Friedan loves Charlotte Bronte, may eschew makeup and form fitting clothes, hates this list, and probably despises The Toilet Paper as a whole.

5. The Chastity Belt – A girl who’s cute as a button, but never lets loose because she’s too busy with Bible Camp and church choir. More than likely a virgin, or at least a born again virgin. She’s worth keeping an eye on for her final semester, “Oh-crap-what-have-I-been-doing-for-three-and-a-half-years breakdown” where she’ll make up for lost time very quickly.

6. The Rhoda – Makes a living upstairs. Kiss her, give her hickeys on her neck, juggle her boobs, all good. Anything below the belt and she either smacks the shit out of you or suggests you “take a break.” Either way run like hell. This broad is either insane or packing a surprise you never want to discover.

7. The Cialis – You haven’t been teased like this since the bus ride home after your classmates caught you eating a booger. Whether she’s inviting herself over for a movie night, or getting Danny Devito drunk and making you walk her home, it always seems like you’re one exit away from pound town. Sorry guys, not happening.

8. The Lesbo Possessive Friend of the Chick You Hook Up With That Hates You – You’ll know this when you see it. May also be a Friedan.

9. The Book Worm – Hobbies include asking questions in class, registering for the GRE, and drinking Diet Cokes at the library. The Book Worm is a close cousin of the Chastity Belt, but for one weekend a semester, right after midterms and before she starts studying for fianls, the Worm leaves the library and lets loose.

10. The Guarantee – Usually good looking enough, but often overloaded with baggage. There’s at least one per dorm, if not one per floor. You try to stay away, but then 2 a.m. rolls around and you got squat. Enjoy, but be sure to wrap your rascal and under no circumstances fall in love with her, get in a fight over her, or let her get in the way of other potential scores.

11. The Non-Conformist – This gal is hip to the nines with a rugged edge. With a wacky hairdo, overstated make-up and tattooed arm sleeves she exudes hip. However, deep down inside she is nothing more than a little girl with a broken heart who was never kissed in high school. Now as she has blossomed she is looking to score and be a hellcat doing it. Don’t date her, but yes by all means take her camping for a weekend.

12. The World Cup – She only comes around once every four years, but one night with her is enough to change your life. There’s no preparing for a W.C., but if you pass her up, she won’t be around again.