Written by flossdaily

Before you read this: Please don’t judge me… I’m just sharing my story because people asked…

Wow… okay, I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it’s late and I’m sleep deprived so i guess I’ll just write it now and regret it in the morning :/

First of all, – just for some background: My mom died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn’t about her. I guess that’s fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad’s family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

I don’t want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn’t make it for me- but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. (My dad’s family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it).

Sooo… I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home.

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it’s pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her… and it wasn’t a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn’t like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn’t sisterly.

After we left, we all went to crash with my Sister’s friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my Sister, and I got a little jealous. He’s a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I’m not saying that I’m proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.

My friend and my sister never hooked up I don’t think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart… and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I’ve ever fucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh.

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can’t say I was surprised.

But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party… my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

Collected by Scotty Trigg

Ronald McDonald has long been an admired figure. Kids the world over brighten up when they see the affable clown, with his unmistakable red hair, yellow jumpsuit and striped shirt. They know upon spotting him that a chicken nuggie Happy Meal (replete with toy) is not too far in the future. But little does anyone know the true and sad story behind the clown. Don’t be fooled by that big bright red smile…there are tears underneath. Wipe away the makeup and you’ll find something not so pretty.

It all started out so innocent. He was quite the gentleman…just lounging in the park.

He was respectful to the police.

He helped the elderly.

But then people started to treat him as an idol. They even knelt before him. This quickly got to his head.

Women began coming on to him…at first in was seemingly innocent. A kiss on the cheek here and there.

Shortly things got out of control. He began drinking.

His health deteriorated and for one stretch he even lost his hair.

He started harassing women.

He began soliciting masseuses that offered “happy endings.”

He quickly realized the power he had over women and how easily he could get what he wanted from them.

His appetite for sex escalated and he quickly became addicted.

He particularity enjoyed receiving “head”.

He was not one to turn down a regular romp…

…but also would venture to the more extreme.

Women were not enough and he was soon spotted with men.

Collected by Scotty Trigg

…and eventually turned to pedophilia.

After all his sexcapades, his mental well-being and general health declined. He was seen homeless at times.

The long arm of the law had to pick him up on occasion. Usually drunk and in a stupor. Sometimes passed out in a park.

His last resort was to turn his internal pain and suffering to rage…but he ended up attacking the wrong person….

…a man with connections. He was held at gun point…his life flashed before his eyes…and for that last moment he realized the mistake in his ways. How far he’d veered from his good ol’ days…

…but it was too late. In a hail of gun fire he was taken out…by none other than Jack himself.

And that is the sad sad tale behind the once respected and loved clown of the Golden Arches. Let this be a lesson to you kids. Don’t take the route that Ronald did. Behave yourself, mind your manners and be a good citizen. In the long run you’ll be better off (even if you have a shitty job).

Written by Alexandra Gekas

When Apple software engineer Gray Powell realized he’d lost a prototype of the super-secret, next-generation iPhone at a bar, he was probably pretty worried. But when he saw that tech site Gizmodo.com had gotten hold of the phone and written a story detailing its every feature, he most likely started searching the want ads. While it appears Apple may have mercy on Powell and spare him the unemployment line, he will always be remembered for making one of the biggest employee blunders of all time. To make Powell feel a little better, we’ve rounded up a list of epic workplace mistakes.

Employee Keeps Journal About Procrastination

Emmalee Bauer of Elkhart, Iowa, was always typing away at her work computer. The problem? She wasn’t doing her work—or anything at all, for that matter. Instead, she was writing a 300-page, single-spaced journal about not working. “This typing thing seems to be doing the trick,” she wrote. “It just looks like I am hard at work on something very important.” Unfortunately, her boss caught on and found the journal. Later, Bauer was even denied unemployment benefits by a judge who said her journal showed a refusal to work and “amusement at getting away with it.” Photo by iStockphoto.

Journalist Fakes Pulitzer Prize–Winning Story

In 1980 Janet Cooke, golden child of The Washington Post, wrote a profile of an 8-year-old heroin addict she called “Jimmy,” for which she won the coveted Pulitzer Prize. After publication, however, the government wanted to know Jimmy’s whereabouts in order to help him. Cooke claimed she couldn’t reveal her sources for fear that drug dealers would endanger her life. Days later, the whole thing fell through when it was revealed that the story was fake. Obviously, Cooke was forced to resign and return the prize. Photo courtesy of FBI.gov.

Intern Skips Work for “Emergency,” Posts Party Pics Online

In 2007 Kevin Colvin was an intern at a North American branch of Anglo Irish Bank. One day Colvin e-mailed his manager, Paul Davis, saying he’d have to miss work due to a “family emergency.” But when suspicious coworkers checked his Facebook page, they found a picture of him at the Halloween party he’d missed work to attend. In response, Davis e-mailed him: “Thanks for letting us know—hope everything is OK in New York. (Cool wand.)” He attached the incriminating photo and copied the whole office on the message. Photo by Shutterstock.

Illinois Governor Tries to Sell Obama’s Senate Seat

Rod Blagojevich served as Illinois governor from 2003 until 2009, when he was impeached for trying to sell the Senate seat Barack Obama left vacant. “Blago,” as he’s known in Illinois, was charged with 16 felonies, including racketeering conspiracy, wire fraud, extortion conspiracy, attempted extortion and making false statements to federal agents. Continuing to claim innocence, he has since written a book and appeared on the reality television show The Apprentice. His trial is set to start on June 3, 2010. Photo by Alexandra Buxbaum / Retna Ltd.

Waitress Complains About Customers on Facebook

Anyone who’s ever been a server knows the holy trinity of customer sins: sitting at the table too long, staying past closing and leaving a bad tip. Well, Ashley Johnson, a waitress at Brixx Pizza in Charlotte, North Carolina, got hit with all three in one night when a couple stayed at her table for three hours—keeping her an hour after closing—and then only tipped her $5. So what did Ashley do? She complained on Facebook, of course! “Thanks for eating at Brixx,” she reportedly wrote on her wall, in addition to calling the patrons “cheap.” A few days later, Johnson got a call from her manager giving her the ax for “violating company policies against speaking ill of customers and depicting the restaurant negatively on social networking sites.” Photo by Shutterstock.

Port Authority Guards Sleep on the Job

Ever since the events that occurred on September 11, 2001, security has been a high priority in the U.S., especially in New York City. Unfortunately, not everyone takes it so seriously. New Jersey photographer Joey Lepore snapped Port Authority guards sleeping on the job at the George Washington Bridge. And it wasn’t the first time, either. Lepore says that before he took the photos, he’d actually spoken to the guards and asked them to stay awake. It wasn’t until the third incident that he decided to record them in the act. The guards were relieved of their duties shortly thereafter. Photo by iStockphoto.

Principal Accidentally Sends Profanity-Laced E-mail to Parent

Most of us have gone through the embarrassing experience of sending the wrong e-mail to the wrong person. But it cost Eva N. Ravelo, an elementary school principal in Miami, her job. She mistakenly sent a crude e-mail to Abigail DuBearn, the parent of a student at her school. Ravelo had intended the message—which was in reference to an earlier e-mail from DuBearn—for her vice principal. DuBearn was so insulted she sent it to the PTA, whose members circulated the message among other parents. Ravelo was subsequently transferred. Photo by iStockphoto.