Written by BEN JOSEPH
1984
WINSTON: Don’t tell the Party, but sex is way better than totalitarianism.
EVERYONE: Surprise! We’re the Party.
WINSTON: Oh, rats.
The Lion, the Witch
and the Wardrobe
C.S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.
THE WITCH: Hi, I’m a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.
C.S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!
Paradise Lost
ADAM: Paradise has arbitrary dietary restrictions?
DEVIL: They’re really more like guidelines.
GOD: Incorrect.
Moby-Dick
ISHMAEL: I’m existential.
AHAB: Really? Try vengeance.
ISHMAEL: I dig this dynamic. Can we drag it out for 600 pages?
The Great Gatsby
NICK: I love being rich and white.
GATSBY: Me, too, but I’d kill for the love of a woman.
DAISY: We can work with that.
Oliver Twist
OLIVER: Poverty ain’t so bad, what with all the Cockney accents and charming musical interludes.
ME: Thanks to movies, no books were read in the passing of this class.
PROFESSOR WATERMAN: You’re half right.
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