10 places to have sex at work

Written by Carly Chynoweth

One in five people claim to have had sex in their office building. I did some asking around (and, of course, some looking on the internet) and discovered exactly where:

1. The boss’s desk. Some surveys suggest that up to 25 per cent of people have bruised their spines – or someone else’s – on their manager’s table.

2. All 25 desks in your office. Don’t think that you have the energy? Follow the example of this Australian woman.

3. Against a filing cabinet. It might be noisy and it’s possible that at least one of you will end up with handle marks imprinted in your buttocks; on the other hand, a naked break-dancing civil servant might jump out of the cabinet mid-way through, making the whole escapade less private but potentially more exciting, if you like that sort of thing.

4. The editing suite. Apparently this is the preferred place for trysting TV types, being warm, dark and well-covered with CCTV cameras.

5. On the rooftop or a balcony. Outside, no one can hear you scream. On the other hand, unless you work in the tallest building in the vicinity, plenty of people can see what you’re getting up to.

6. A sofa. Several people questioned in an informal Snakes & Ladders poll of people we thought might be quite naughty admitted bouncing on their boss’s furniture after hours. One person suggested choosing leather over fabric where possible.

7. Somewhere there’s food. Depending on where you work, this could be the canteen (mmm, gravy); the staffroom (particularly useful if you are dating a colleague although not recommended if you are also married to one); or the office tea-trolley. Really.

8. A disabled lavatory. More room than the average cubicle but still smells like a toilet.

9. The nurse’s room. A lock, an examination table and even some wet wipes.

10. In the middle of an open-plan office. Go on. Be a devil. But do plan ahead; you’ll need to think of something good to tell the recruitment agent the next morning when she wants to know why you left your last job.