Written by quigles

Nothing makes a great movie suck like people quoting it day in and day out for months at a time. It’s the go-to route used by individuals who aren’t clever enough to come up with their own material, made worse by them thinking (thanks to the select few that laughed at their referencing) they’ve suddenly become the most hilarious stand-up comedian since George Carlin. Hey dipshit – they were laughing at the actual line, not your “sensational” joke-telling abilities. In fact, you probably butchered it. It was a sympathy laugh. They all secretly hate you. You’re considered one big fucking joke. Even your psychiatrist thinks you should kill yourself. Also, your wife/girlfriend/hand is cheating on you.

And all because you wouldn’t stop quoting movies like these…

10. OFFICE SPACE

These three characters in “Office Space” are hilarious, but lets be honest, they’re also unlikable and annoying. So just when you think there’s nothing more aggravating than people quoting the same fucking movie over and over, this movie becomes popular and now people are quoting three alternatively irritating characters from the same fucking movie over and over. Meanwhile, I just stand back, stare aggressively, and clench my fist, waiting for the right moment to go postal and start shouting, “I’ll show you a fucking O-face, you cocksucking motherfucker!!” I have learned the courtrooms are not fond of this response.

Other overused quotes:

• “If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. ‘Oh… Oh… Oh!’ You know what I’m talkin’ about. ‘Oh!'”
• “Sounds like somebody’s having a case of the Mondays.”
• “So, Peter, what’s happening? Aahh, now, are you going to go ahead and have those TPS reports for us this afternoon?”
• “Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler…”
• “‘PC Load Letter’? What the fuck does that mean?”
• “I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.”
• “Did you get that memo?”

9. MONTY PYTHON (all of them)

Yes, actually, I did expect the Spanish Inquisition. Maybe if you didn’t use the quote so goddamn much, I wouldn’t have.

Other overused quotes:

• “I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”
• “It’s just a flesh wound.”
• “We are the knights who say… NI!”
• “What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

8. WEDDING CRASHERS

I’m going to conduct a test to see whether or not you’re qualified to quote “Wedding Crashers”.

Part 1: Do something that’s as funny as this…

Oh, too bad. You already failed.

Other overused quotes:

• “What’d you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? You motorboatin’ son of a bitch! You old sailor you!”
• “I don’t even know what the fuck a quail is!”
• “Mom! The meat loaf! Fuck!”
• “Are you kidding me? I love crab cakes! They’re phenomenal!”
• “I felt like Jodie Foster in “The Accused” last night.”
• “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!”

7. Anything with SAMUEL L. JACKSON

I think we can all agree, Samuel L. Jackson is the baddest motherfucker alive. His ability of taking an otherwise mundane sentence and injecting it with a level of such ferocity is incredible. And it’s all thanks to two little words. If used incorrectly though, those two little words can be deadly to a movie buff’s ears. They can turn something that was once completely badass into something that is, quite frankly, completely gay. This gayness stems from an inability to capture the awesomeness that is Sam “the mutha fuckin’ man” Jackson. Think you’re up to the task? You’re not. Don’t even bother trying. You’ll just fail at it like you do everything else in life. Motherfucker.

Other overused quotes:

• “Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more goddamn time!”
• “English, MOTHERFUCKER! Do-you-speak it?”
• “I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”
• “AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.”
• “Hey, all brothers don’t know how to use guns, you racist motherfucker.”
• “Oh now that’s low, even for a white motherfucker like you.”

6. THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN

You know how I know you’re gay? Because you won’t stop quoting the same fucking joke over and over again.

Other overused quotes:

• “She was a ho… for sho.”
• “AHHH, Kelly Clarkson!”
• “You know how I know that you’re gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, ‘I love it when balls are in my face’.”
• “I’m starvin’… let’s get some fuckin’ french toast!”
• “You’re puttin’ the pussy on a pedestal.”

5. ANCHORMAN

“Great Poseidon’s trident of racial injustice!”

“By the ball sweat of Hades’ dank nether regions!”

“Holy man-dolphins of the Utah state tax commission!”

See? I can do it too. It’s not that hard to come up with your own variations of Will Ferrell schtick. You just have to be as random as possible and end almost everything with an exclamation point.

For example, if you were at a party and the keg ran out, you could say (in the most Ferrell-like voice you have), “This alcoholic beverage has been a temptress to my taste buds, and now she’s abandoned me for her brother-in-law like the pirate whore she is. Oh cruel irony! Why must you encompass my love in such rainbow-shaped bowls of heartache and frustration!?”

Or, you could choose not to look like a jackass. Just stop imitating him full stop. He may be funny when he does it, but you’re not.

Other overused quotes:

• “I’m in a glass case of emotion!”
• “I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly…”
• “You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.”
• “It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way.”
• “I ate a big red candle!”
• “I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party. The… party. With the… with the pants. Party with the pants.”
• “Loud noises!”
• “I love lamp.”

4. The AUSTIN POWERS Series

This one has been especially painful to endure, because finding ways to contribute “Yeah, baby!” to a conversation is quite possibly the easiest thing in the world. Thus, even the dumbest of the dumb were doing it. The context didn’t even matter. If somebody said something you agreed with, a piss-poor imitation of Mike Myers would follow.

This was made even more popular because it allowed people to narrowly escape looking like a fool by changing an intelligent conversation into a “humorous” one. For example…

Smart Person #1: I find the latest news of this injustice egregiously underdeveloped.

Smart Person #2: Quite right. The esoteric nature of the crimes leads me to believe the government is creating a factually false pretense intended to elude the citizens.

Smart Person #1: How about you, what are your thoughts on the matter?

You: …uhh… Yeah, baby, yeah!

This of course would then lead to outbursts of laughter from everyone around you, as the topic would quickly change into a discussion about your amazing comical prowess and undeniable wit. Success!

(Note: I apologize on behalf on my poorly constructed “smart person” talk. I just strung a bunch of words I looked up in the thesaurus together in hopes of forming something remotely intellectual-sounding. I don’t even know if what I wrote makes any sense.)

Other overused quotes:

• “Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?”
• “I demand the sum of… ONE MILLION DOLLARS.”
• “Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?”
• “Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!”
• “Zip it!”
• “Well, listen up, sonny Jim: I ate a baby. Oh, aye, Baby: the other, other white meat. Baby: it’s what’s for dinner.”
• “I’m dead sexy.”

3. BORAT

Is your name Sacha Baron Cohen? No?

THEN SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.

Other overused quotes:

• “My name-a Borat. I like you. I like sex. Is nice!”
• “I like to make sexy time!”
• “This suit is NOT BLACK!”
• “Do this have a pussy magnet?”
• “What’s up with it, vanilla face?”
• “Gypsy! Give me your tears! If you will not give them to me, I will take them from you!”

2. NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

This movie could’ve earned itself a nice little cult following among respectable movie buffs. Instead, thanks to Hot Topic and douchebag teeny boppers, it will forever be known as the film that led to countless beatings on the playgrounds against bandwagon hopping bitches who wore “Vote for Pedro” shirts and would never shut the fuck up about num-chucks and tater tots. If you were one of those kids, kindly fuck off. You’re not allowed to read my blog anymore.

No seriously, go away.

Other overused quotes:

• “You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.”
• “Do the chickens have large talons?”
• “Don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.”
• “A freakin’ 12-gauge, what do you think?”
• “A liger. It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed.”
• “I caught you a delicious bass.”

1. 300

It was funny when the trailer came out. It was funny when the movie hit theaters. It was still pretty funny about a month after that. But for fuck’s sake, it’s been almost a year!

GIVE IT A REST ALREADY. Honestly, this is MADNESS!

(…Don’t you dare fucking say it… I will kill you.)

Other overused quotes:

• “Tonight, we dine in hell!”
• “Give them nothing! But take from them, everything!”
• “MORE AGGRESSIVE YELLING. RAWR.”